Candy Goes to Hollywood (1979) - tonight, we go back to the classic age of porn, and the second film in the Candy series starring Thora Birch's mom, Carol Connors in the title role. Candy comes to Hollywood to make it is the movies, and is instantly discovered by sleazy agent Johnny Dooropener (John Leslie), who first books her on The Dong Show. The act before her's features none other than the lead singer for the Plasmatics, Wendy O. WIlliams, not singing, but shooting ping pong balls from her pussy which host Chuck Bareass tries to catch in his mouth. After Candy sings, and wins, Chuck screws her from behind while she peaks through the curtains at the audience. She is next booked on the Last Night Show, and ends up the pre-show entertainment for host Johnny Farson. She is also taken advantage of by a woman who gives her a ride, played by Barbara Bill.

The second half of the film would not play on my computer, so there will be no images of her casting couch experience, or the grand Hollywood orgy that the film ends with, but it is the first half of the film that is more interesting anyway. It is worth noting that Connors actually appeared on the Gong Show. This is a hard core, but with a sense of humor, a lot of parody, and some attention to plot. John Leslie also gave a credible performance as the sleazy agent. All of the women show everything. The DVD was clearly mastered from a VHS tape, and is very poor quality, but the subject matter makes it worth seeing anyway, and for fans of the classic age of porn, it is probably a must own. For fans of modern porn, with minimal plot and silicone sculpted women, this is not going to be a crowd pleaser. C.

The People vs Larry Flynt (1979)

Very entertaining flick,

There must have been a great temptation, in writing a biographical script about a man who is still living, and in doing so with his co-operation in the filming and writing of the project, to sand and varnish some of the rougher edges of his life. And when you are talking about Larry Flynt's life, those edges are very rough indeed.

But this film, to its credit, doesn't do that. It depicts the years wasted, the addictions, the foolish dalliance with religion, the immature courtroom behavior, the sleaze, the poor taste, the mistakes, the nutty theories about his own shooting, the tasteless nouveau riche lifestyle he adopted, pretty much every wart Flynt and his brother and his wife and his friends ever had. One can only assume that Flynt himself must want to expose his rough edges intentionally, in a form of reverse snobbery.

I like that. I like the fact that he didn't make any effort to sugar coat his life, because it makes the point of the movie much stronger. That point being, of course, that even the lowest scumbag is protected by the First Amendment, and that a constitution which shelters such a man under the same roof as Thomas Paine is a document which should be celebrated for that fact, not reviled.

I also like the fact that Flynt's strongest redeeming virtue - his iconoclastic sense of humor - was featured prominently in a movie that could otherwise have disintegrated into a boring polemic on free speech.

And I liked Milos Forman's eye for style and offbeat humor. It is amazing that he managed to bring similar approaches to the lives of men so diverse as Mozart and Flynt.

And I enjoyed the leads as well as some of the off-beat casting. Brett Harrelson, Woody's real brother, played his brother in the film. Larry Flynt himself played one of the most irritating judges along his path, and noted left-wing nutbag James Carville played the role of a right-wing nutbag. To the credit of those two men, neither portrayal deteriorated into shameless caricature. On the other hand, I don't think either should quit his day job. Assuming Carville still has a day job.

The biggest disappointment of the film is the scene that showed Courtney Love recreating Althea Flynt's famous Hustler pictorial. It is disappointing because it was performed with panties on.

Don't misunderstand. This is not disappointing because I expected to see Courtney's naughty bits laid out Hustler-style, but because it was so damned dishonest.

It strikes me that this scene should have been shot in one of two ways:

either

1. Have Courtney show her stuff.

or

2. Have the camera set up in such a way that Courtney seems to be recreating the pose accurately, but we can't actually see the goodies.

Either way would have been fine, but to do it with panties on is - well, it's un-Hustler. It suggests that the incident was shot in good taste, and that's the last thing we'd ever think of Flynt.

The Hustler publisher who spent so much time in court on obscenity charges finally made it to the Supreme Court on a completely different matter. His supreme court appearance wasn't about his porno, but rather about his right to make fun of celebrities. In my book, this places him slightly above Paine, Jefferson, Voltaire, and Lincoln in the defense of mankind's most important freedoms.

Flynt's victory was so essential to the interpretation of the First Amendment, that a ruling against him would have affected any form of scathing satire of public figures. Flynt's contention that Jerry Falwell lost his virginity to his mother is in principle no different from Garry Trudeau's contention that Reagan had no brain, or Rush Limbaugh's ongoing ridicule of Clinton's lesbian mafia, or ultimately my ongoing rants and lampoons about such diverse public figures as Gary Oldman, Bill Shatner, James Carville, Dan Quayle, and the entire population of Nova Scotia.

If the world war made the world safe for democracy, Larry Flynt made it safe for making fun of celebrities. And which, I ask, is more important?

• Courtney Love (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Other crap:

• A pornographic version of Family Circus is a strange and disquieting concept. Or, to word it another way - that is some fucked up shit right there.
• How does Steve Martin come up with such great topical material at the Oscars? He has a team of writers backstage with him. Dave Barry was one of them, and lived to tell about it.
• Hackers got into madonna.com, Saturday in the early A.M., wrote "this is what the fuck I think I'm doing", and made all of her songs available for a free download. The guys who took credit on the re-written Madonna site were from http://www.phrack-dont-give-a-shit-about-dmca.org/
• rare "girlie mag" covers from the 50s and 60s
• nude dancing club recruits at high school job fair
• Juliette Lewis is now single

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we returned to 1983's "My Tutor" and a second look at Caren Kaye.

Caren gives us pokies in a bathing suit, back in the water topless, a steamy love scene (tho it was shot in the dark), looking cute in a pink dress with some cleavage and finally back in the water, this time in a hot tub.

• Caren Kaye (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Then we give you a real mess of a movie "Bog Creatures". Now this is how you get fooled in the video store. I had seen the trailer for this and it had topless babes being pursued. So I figure it probably has tons of nudity. Not. All the nudity is in the first 2 minutes and they are moving so fast you can hardly cap it. But for what it's worth 2 caps of topless unknowns on the run.

We did salvage a "Babe in Bondage" out of it Courtney Henggeler all tied up, sadly fully clothed.

• Courtney Henggeler (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Unknown (1, 2)

"Mountaintop Motel Massacre" (1983)
Grade-D horror with almost no nudity. With a newlywed hillbilly couple plus two stranded females in wet t-shirts picked up by a lecherous traveling salesman, there should have been something better than that.

• Virginia Loridans: see-through pokies in wet t-shirt, bare back and partial breast from behind. He only other movie credit.
• Amy Hill: see-through pokies in wet t-shirt. This being her first movie, she still is acting today and has around 60 acting and guest-starring credits.
• Marian Jones: downblouse, bare back and partial breast from behind by this no-name actress with big boobs.

Unseen Evil (1999)
Is another grade-D horror this time starring Battlestar Galactica's Richard Hatch (not the big fat gay guy from Survivor). The only nudity is provided by a no-name actress playing a human sacrifice.

• Daryl Berg: all three B's.

L'Humanité (1999)
L'Humanité has already been reviewed by Tuna. Newcomer Séverine Caneele bares all in several well-lit love scenes. Her second movie released last year is a chicks in prison arthouse flick "Une part du ciel" (aka A Piece of Sky).

• Severine Caneele: all three B's, the third pic being extreme gyno-cam. (1, 2, 3)

More Canadian DVDs:

"Better Than Chocolate" (1999)
Lesbian romance directed by Anne Wheeler. Plenty of exposure by Christina Cox and Karyn Dwyer who play the lesbian couple, particular the body painting scene where they wear nothing but a coat of paint.
Mmm... the land of chocolate.

• Christina Cox: nude in body painting session.

  Karyn Dwyer:

• in underwear.
• nude in body painting session.
• full frontal.
• wearing nothing but protest signs.

  Christina Cox & Karyn Dwyer:

• tight tops, kissy, kissy.
• nude in body painting session.
• kissing in shower, Christina shows breasts.
• making out in underwear, Karyn shows partial breast.
• now nude making out nude, showing partial breasts.
• making out in bathroom stall, Christina shows breasts.
• both in underwear waking up and getting dressed.

  Marya Delver:

• sexy wearing see-through shirt.
• dark love scene, she's loud but nothing visible.

• Wendy Crewson: sexy masturbating with sex toys.

"Dangerous Attraction" (1999)
A straight-to-video erotic thriller spoiled by the fact that the lead actress Andrea Roth uses a body double for her frequent nude scenes. The only saving grace is a well-lit topless scene by a supporting actress (a then unknown Marya Delver). However Andrea is still shown in very skimpy clothing.

• Andrea Roth: cleavage and bra-less pokies. (1, 2, 3)
• Marya Delver: nice topless. (1, 2)

"Last Wedding" (2001)
Comedy-drama with limited theatrical release and DVD released only domestically (but will be later released in the USA July 22, 2003).

Frida Betrani:
• bra-less pokies, preparing to give oral sex.
• topless getting fit into wedding gown.

  Marya Delver:

• bra-less pokies, giving hand job to professor. (like what Eric Cartman's Jennifer Lopez handpuppet did to Ben Affleck in last week's South Park)
• breast flash making love by dumpster. Ugh.

On last Wednesday night’s "American Idol" Simon Cowell et al threw the young blonde thing Kimberly Clark off the island. She was wearing a very see-through blouse as a vote getter (that failed) and I was hoping someone 'capped it.