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A note from Graphic Response.
"Hope things are going well for you. I still check in to read your site
once in while and enjoy it. I recently purchased a copy of "Just Tell Me What
You Want" an out-of-print VHS that had lots of wear from previous rentals for
a friend that is an Alan King fan. There is a clip on it of Ali Macgraw that
was not in my collection. I see you have stills from it on your site but I
could not find any clips so I thought you might want one. Not great quality
but it's the best I could find."
For Milla fans:
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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The Madam
The Madam (1969) is a grindhouse film which is notable only for an early
appearance by Uschi Digard. As the film opens, Uschi has car trouble, and a
young man on a chopper gives her a ride home. Home, it turns out, is a bawdy
house run by her mother. She asks if the young man can stay, and mommy hires
him as a barkeep. He goes to his room and ends up having hot sex with Judy
Medford, one of the employees. He makes his way through several women, and
Judy Medford puts on a girl/girl for a client, then Uschi seduces him
Mommy catches them, and fires him. Uschi leaves with him.
The quality of the source material is abysmal, probably coming from a print
in a grindhouse basement or something. It is part of a Secret Key release
called Skin in the 60s, which includes two other short films of the same
caliber. Because this was thought to be lost forever, I would call it a C- if
the transfer were adequate, but as it is it is only for Uschi and grindhouse
completists, and even they will not enjoy it much.
D+.
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Uschi Digard |
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Judy Medford |
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Unknowns |
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Deadly Instinct
Undercover cop J.C. Ryan (Michael J. Moore) is ordered to investigate
reports of illegal labor racketeering at a remote Texas farm. Posing as a
down-on-his-luck drifter, Ryan gets a job as a crop picker and begins his
investigation.
Ryan is quickly branded a troublemaker. Attracted to his dark good looks
and unscrupulous reputation, the farm owner's mistress (Darlanne Fluegel),
invites him to her secluded hideaway to solicit his help in stealing
illegal union dues. Ryan eagerly accepts, knowing that the information he
needs can be had through her. Their bloody ambush goes as planned, until
the tables are turned and they become the hunted, forced to fight for
their lives against a gang of ruthless men.
Michael J. Moore has to be the worst actor I've ever seen. I can't
explain how he got the lead on a movie, even in a cheap one like this
one, but it was his first and last movie, that's a good thing, believe
me. Darlanne looks very hot, her acting is not much better than Moore's
but she had the looks to do more than 20 movies. The last one was more
than a decade ago, so I don't think she is coming back ...
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Notes and collages
H.O.T.S., Part 3
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National Lampoon's Pucked
First, I need to be sure you understand that very little of the nudity
shown in the collage from National Lampoon's Pucked came from the movie
itself; most of it came from two DVD extras, Dirty Old Man, and PooNanny.
In fact, the movie had less than 30 seconds of nudity (top row of the
collage). One other thing they left out of the 2006 comedy: humor. It's
mildly amusing at best, or bordering on boring at worst. Recent National
Lampoon movies have not lived up to their earlier efforts, and this one is
no exception.
One minor surprise was that Jon Bon Jovi did a nice job, despite a lame
script, as Frank Hopper, a former lawyer and dreamer who keeps coming up
with unsellable ideas such as Mall Mud Wrestling. When his latest
brainstorm, the World-Wide Women's Hockey League, is presented to
potential investors, it's greeted with deafening silence, and no backing.
Suddenly, Frank receives a credit card in the mail, and then another,
and then another, so he runs up over $300,000 in credit card bills to
finance his dream. Needless to say, he winds up in court, charged with
fraudulent use of credit cards.
The idea is cute enough, but the script isn't funny, and the main
attraction is the DVD special features. You'll get your boob quota from
those, but from the movie, you won't get much.
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Sheryl Crow has become such an environmental crusader, she's started thinking up
her own easy ways to save the Earth. For instance, she proposed putting a limit
on how much toilet paper you can use in one sitting: "Only one square per
restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three
could be required."
* For my pesky occasions, two to three rolls are
required.
* And when you TP a house on Halloween, use no more than five squares.
BEST RESPONSE! Rosie O'Donnell replied, "Sheryl, have you seen my ass?!"
In an embarrassing coincidence, also on Monday, The Smoking Gun published Sheryl
Crow's concert rider. It shows that she tours in three tractor-trailers, four
buses and six cars. Also, at every show, she requires 12 bottles of Grolsch
Beer, 6 bottles of local beer, one bottle each of "good Merlot" and "good
Australian Cabernet," and a different hard liquor depending on what day it is:
Monday, Maker's Mark bourbon; Tuesday, Bombay Gin; Wednesday, Courvoisier
brandy, etc.
* That Much Beer And She Only Needs One Square?
Dr. Aric Sigman of the British Psychological Society called on the government to
take action to restrict TV watching by children. He said studies show that kids
who watch TV more than 90 minutes a day have an increased risk of health and
learning problems later on, and the average British
child watches three to five times that. He believes
new mothers should be warned of the side effects of
TV, TV sets should be banned from children's rooms,
and children under three should see no TV at all.
* Not even shows that teach them the alphabet, like
"The L Word"?
Kenneth Lee Wollen of
Raleigh, North Carolina, was arrested for indecent
exposure after he allegedly went through a dry
cleaner's drive-through lane with no pants on. He
said he was there to pick up clothing.
* Hey, the cleaner's sign SAID, "Drop pants here!"
Philadelphia Inquirer TV reporter Gail Shister
claims that there's a growing feeling at CBS News that
Katie Couric is "an expensive, unfixable mistake," but
they'll still keep her there until at least 2008.
* And
these are the people who blast Bush for not knowing
when to give up on Iraq!
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