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"Scandalous Behavior" (1998)
We have now identified the Ed Wood of softcore -- James Hong. Scandalous Behavior (1998) actually has better acting than some softcores, but has a very lame plot, and not that much sex or passion. It also has numerous credibility gaps. The title has nothing to do with the plot, although the
original title, Singapore Sling, did. I guess they changed the name so they could be consistently bad. We start in Singapore, where Rena Riffel, in exchange for marrying a rich crook, has been granted parole, provided she not leave Singapore. If she leaves, he has to serve her sentence.
In a rather muddled and poorly explained development, two of her friends, Tiffany Bolton and her boyfriend, who also want to leave but can't (we don't know why, but they work for the same crook) agree to help her, if she helps them escape. The couple are tortured then blown up for their effort.
Rena arrives in LA, calls her boyfriend's office in Dallas, and is told by his current lover, Shannon Tweed, that she will deliver the message. Of course, she doesn't. Said boyfriend is in the oil business with his brother, and doing badly at it.
The brother meets Lisa Comshaw at the strip club she manages, and after enjoying lapdances from two strippers (Wendy Taylor, and/or Heidi Brink, and/or Stephanie Smith), takes her home where they share a hot tub fully dressed, then strip and go to it. The crook from Singapore shows up on the
pretext of investing in the oil company. He offers to invest $20m, but only if Rena goes back with him, and returns the priceless emerald she stole from him. Shannon, who is bitter at the lack of a marriage proposal, hatches a scheme to save Rena and get rich (and even) in the process. Honest, I am not making this up. Rena tells the crook that she will go back if he deposits $2m in her bank account. Meanwhile, Lisa has been brought in on the plot, and has a birthday party for the richest, cleverest and most ruthless crook in all of Singapore, gets him drunk, has him snort coke,
then gets him arrested and deported.
Rena and Shannon leave together, happy with the $2m, which they scatter part of out their convertible. Remember the priceless emerald? Well, then you are smarter than the cast, director and writers, because there is no mention of it. Brother one loses everything, and for some reason we never learn, Lisa and the other brother are now rich, and seem destined to remain a couple. Whewwwwwww.
Everyone shows their breasts and buns, most show pubes, and Shannon may actually be engaging in scandalous behavior (see link #1 of her). The DVD was dark, but not grainy, so we have some pretty good images. If you have this on your list of things to rent, move it to the bottom, even below the
Bonanza out-take compilation of Hoss's moon shots. No real critic will admit to having seen it, and 27 IMDB readers say 4.2/10, which is the dry cow patty range, but not quite the fresh pigeon droppings on the nose level. I give it a D.
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Rene Riffel
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Shannon Tweed
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Lisa Comshaw
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Tiffany Bolton
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Strippers
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| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
| |
I looked at these three new releases:
Just Looking. The Wonder Years, told for adults, directed by Seinfeld's Jason Alexander. A good flick that nobody has ever seen, and few people ever will. I don't know about you guys, but I'll watch a bad movie to see Gretchen Mol naked, so imagine my delight to find some Mol exposure in a watchable film. These are VHS caps, but I liked the movie enough to order the DVD, so I'll have better ones in a week or so. By the way, Mol surprised me, although maybe it's just because I'm dumb. For some reason, I pictured her as just a beautiful model-turned-actress type of woman, but she is a very competent actress, and just as easy on the eyes as you might hope for..
Phantom of the Opera. A movie completely incompetent in every way except the set design, and the film is so dark that you can't really see the sets anyway. A technical failure. An artistic failure. Lip-synching way off. Obese people naked. Fantasies and contraptions right out of Terry Gilliam. English lines delivered by people who don't seem to know what they mean.
Dario Argento has been making films for three decades, but any freshman film student at NYU could have done this better, except they would have had good enough sense not to try.
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Asia Argento (there are two more in yesterday's edition)
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Kitty Keri
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Other (mostly fat people)
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| | Oz
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"Waitress!"
We've been having a bit of a Troma festival down under and we're getting the full range of their movies. Waitress! is funny, and corny at the same time. Pick any 'Waiter' joke you've ever heard and it'll be in there somewhere. The basic plot is Carol Drake plays a waitress who wants to be an actress (don't they all?). However, most of the movie is set in a restaurant with a mad cook and over-sexed staff. Unfortunately, I couldn't read the credits, the quality was too poor and the writing too small. The IMDb and even the Troma web site weren't any use.
Carol's boyfriend is a gynecologist which explains what he is doing in the first collage. Babs (small) and Bunny (large) are supposed to be twins, and he is explaining the effect of the menstrual cycle on the size of breasts - lucky devil!
Lots of boobs and pokies.
Carol Drake
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Carol Bever
Renata Majer
Assorted Nekkid Babes
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"The First Turn-on!!"
Another Troma movie is The First Turn-on! It's not as funny but has a lot more boobs,! It's similar to most of the 80s teenager movies. It's set in a summer camp (sound familiar?) and the majority of the movie is taken up with five young people talking about their 'first time'.
Donna Barnes and Heidi Miller are campers, Georgia Harrell is one of the camp counselors. Donna Winter, Kristina Marie Wetzel, Lara Grills and Sheila Kennedy are all figments of some of the boys'
over-active imaginations. The first collage shows the attempt by Arts and Crafts counselor to liven up the sculpture class by introducing a live model. The second collage is just some nice looking women.
Donna Barnes
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Heidi Miller
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Georgia Harrell
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Donna Winter
Kristina Marie Wetzel
Sheila Kennedy
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Lara Grills
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Assorted Babes
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"The Big Town"
The suggestion was made recently that all well-known actresses should do a striptease and, also, that there can't be too much of Diane Lane. These two thoughts go together in The Big Town where Diane Lane plays a burlesque dancer. Lots of flesh visible by Diane. Suzy Amis plays the 'straight' woman in the movie and gives the briefest of flashes during her bedroom scene. The other collage shows another dancer who wasn't identified. The caps of Diane have appeared before but I don't think the others have.
Diane Lane
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Suzi Amis
Unknown Stripper
"Treacherous Beauties"
Treacherous Beauties is one of those made-for-TV movies that hasn't a lot going for it. Emma Samms always looks lovely (no nudity) and Catherine Oxenberg must have been going through a modesty phase as it is clearly a body double when she takes a shower.
Emma Samms
Catherine Oxenberg
"Junkmail"
Junkmail or Budbringeren xtermiis a Norwegian movie about a postman with a perving eye. He starts spying on Andrine Sćther who, in the good European tradition, gets her clothes off. She's no beauty but she is naked. Not a particularly enjoyable movie.
Andrine Sćther
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"The Idea of Sex"
With a movie called The idea of Sex you'd hope for a lot of nudity. Unfortunately, this talkfest about relationships only has Ria Snyder taking her top off in a darkened room.
Ria Snyder
"Sparkler"
When you look at Sheila Toussey's collage you are looking at her total contribution to Sparkler - some topless nudity whilst she is having sex. The movie is another one of those made-for-TV bores.
Sheila Toussey
"Critters II"
The character played by Roxane Kernohan starts Critters II as an alien without form. She has come to Earth to exterminate the critters. Roxane sees the centre spread of the bunny magazine and takes its form, right down to the staple. She then displays her ample silicone-filled breasts. The 'funny' breast in the first collage is the prosthetic breast used to burst through her clothes when she
transforms herself.
Roxane Kernohan
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"Bedrooms and Hallways"
Julie Graham just prances around in her underwear in the Bedrooms and Hallways and displays her ample cleavage.
Julie Graham
"City Loop"
Jessica Napier is another woman in her underwear, this time in City
Loop. This is an Aussie movie set in a pizza shop where there seem to
be more workers than pizzas.
Jessica Napier
| Uco
| Penélope Cruz
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The gorgeous Spanish actress going topless is a sight I never grow tired of. Today Uco has a nice treat for us...vidcaps with Penélope showing some skin from "Jamón, jamón" (1992).
Link #4 is the scene we've seen several captures from. To borrow from Sleuth's comments, it's the scene with that 'lucky bastard Javier Bardem nibbling the nipples of pulchritudinous Penélope'. But the real treat are the other three which offer a few new "new to me" topless views from "Jamón, jamón". Some without Javier being so damn lucky.
Link #1: Very dark, but there is a nice view of Penélope's breasts as someone (Javier I presume) buries his head under her dress. Seriously, I want his job!
Link #2: Soaking wet in a see-thru white dress, plus a bit of a nip slip.
Link #3: Nice bra shot, plus a dark topless nude scene on the beach, and one more scene with Penélope being groped.
By the way gang...Cameron Crowe is remaking one of her Spanish films, "Abre los Ojos." The Americanized version due to be released in October is called "Vanilla Sky", and co-stars Tom Cruise, Kurt Russell, Cameron Diaz, and Jason Lee. The big question is will Crowe leave in the great topless love scene from the 1997 Spanish version?
| Anna Galiena |
A Non-Penélope nip slip from "Jamón, jamón".
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Lorissa McComas Thumbnails
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Brandy and Gaelle Thumbnails
Lorissa McComas
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Brandy Davies
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Gaelle Compart
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If robo-hooters and Skinemax are more your speed, fear not...Uco has that covered too. More boobs (factory and after market), bums, frontal nudity, lesbo lovin' and simulated sex than you can shake two sticks at!
By the way, please let me know what you think about the Tuna-style thumbnails. Do they help? Would folks rather read a nudity breakdown or view a thumbs page?
Any feedback is appreciated. Click here to email me.
| | Blackshine
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Part Two of Blackshine's fashion scans.
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Janet Jackson
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Jaquetta Wheeler
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Kristen McMenamy
Vibe Sorensen
Manon von Gerkan
Samantha Ronson
Elettra Rossellini
Talisa Soto
Vera Rarmiga
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