Red Shoes Diaries: Some Things Never Change (Feb 13, 1995) is not one of the better episodes of this couples oriented Soft core for couples Zalman King series. It is part of the soon to be released Red Shoe Diaries 10 DVD about to be released, and is the only episode of the three marginally worth capping.

Marina Giulia Cavalli is an ad exec, and hires an ex lover to direct a shoe commercial. Just as before, they can't resist each other in bed, but fight constantly as soon as they leave the bedroom.

Cavalli also appeared in the popular Auto Erotica Segment. Here, we get numerous views of her ample breasts, and not much else. As usual, the camera angles and special effects are distracting. This episode is a D. You Make Me want to Wear Dresses had no exposure from the lead, and Alphabet Girl, which rounds out the DVD, is a lame model poses 26 times for an Alphabet series shoot. This is probably the weakest Red Shoes collection so far.

Croupier (1998)

"I'm a Gemini, and Geminis don't believe in astrology"

Very cool quote, although it think it would be more accurate to say that Geminis disbelieve in astrology half of the time.

"The world breaks everyone. And afterwards, many are strong at the broken places. Those that will not break, it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave, impartially. If you are none of these things it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry."

If I tell you that it's a movie about an aspiring author who takes a croupier job, you probably already know that it's one of those "loners with integrity" movies. Authors, after all, practice to be detached objective observers, and croupiers can't get involved either with bettors or with other members of the casino staff. Of course, despite his practiced lonership and alleged integrity, Croupy manages to get involved with everyone. He's got more women undressing in front of him than Warren Beatty, a harem which includes both staff and bettors. He not only dates bettors, but conspires with one to participate in a scam to rob the casino. Or does he?

There are several interesting background elements behind The Croupier

• Director Mike Hodges is the guy who directed the original Get Carter way back about twelve minutes after the Big Bang. I guess that isn't so completely absorbing unless you realize that he pretty much did nothing noteworthy in the thirty years between these two good movies. He is now close to seventy years old.
• The film was a critical darling (97% positive reviews), but was disqualified from Oscar consideration because it first appeared on Dutch TV. (This is essentially the same reason they disqualified Linda Fiorentino for her performance in The Last Seduction.)
• Clive Owen is now being mentioned as the leading candidate to replace Pierce Brosnan as Bond, James Bond.

This film is tres cool. In fact, it's beyond cool, and all the way to cold. And the atmosphere is maintained quite well. It has other characteristics of the "honest loner" genre, most notably the dreaded voice-over narration. But, frankly, this is really just another narration-over-saxophone movie, except with British accents. It looks low-budget and it is low-budget. It is even sloppy in spots. There is a ham-fisted editing error at about 58:40, and they just left it in!

SPOILER COMING

Now, I'm going to completely ruin the surprise ending for you, so you may not want to keep reading if you want to see it. The croupier's role in the casino robbery was irrelevant. His father only set him up to prove that his integrity was not inviolate - that he could be bought. Obviously there is a history we are not completely aware of, but can imagine - the corrupt father and the oh-so-pure holier-than-a-mofo son, with the father getting in one last swing from thousands of miles away. OK, fair enough, but Croupy should have seen that coming.

After all, Alex Kingston offered him 10,000 pounds to do something that he would have done anyway. All he had to do was behave like himself, as she pointed out. So if he didn't have to do anything, why should they give him ten thousand pounds for that purpose?  If they had never made the offer, the distraction would have gone off exactly the same, and Croupy would have done the exact same thing. Even if he had refused the tenner, the distraction would have gone off exactly the same, and Croupy would have done the exact same thing. So why didn't he know that something stunk when people were giving him a bunch of money to do what he would have done anyway? Wasn't it obvious to him that the entire purpose of the ten grand was to corrupt him personally, and not to facilitate the robbery?

Then, Croupy sees that Alex Kingston's bruises have inexplicably disappeared when he visits her, but he goes ahead with his part in the plan anyway. Since it is obvious that he knows he has been scammed, are we supposed to believe that he simply doesn't care? Maybe one of you can tell me why he agreed to go along after he deduced that she was scamming him. (I guess the fact that he doesn't care is a plausible explanation. He tells his girlfriend that he took the money because he needed a car.)

And then his improbable book became a best seller in hardback, even though he sent it anonymously to an agent - unsolicited!

Give me a break.

END SPOILER

I'm not saying that this is a bad movie. It is not. I liked it. It is cool and dripping with atmosphere, and sexy, and the dialogue is interesting and witty and eminently quotable, but don't expect a taut and tense thriller. In a sense, it was widely overpraised by the critics, and its primary value is as a moody atmospheric piece with a unique take on noir, in which the moral tables get turned on the clichéd lonely guy with integrity.

"Hold on tightly, let go lightly"

Although the movie is cool, don't even think about getting this DVD, which may be the worst ever. They haven't cut a DVD of this film in the States yet. The only one available in Region 1 is a Canadian DVD which is about the same video quality as those bootlegs they film from the screen in Singapore. Not only that, but there are no features, and there's no widescreen version.

• Alex Kingston (1, 2)

More from the French Box collection:

• Manon springs from her dress - lots of cleavage from Emmanuelle Beart (1, 2, 3)
• strange non-nude of Juliette Binoche
• two of Mariah Carey, including a see-through in #2 (1, 2)
• three see-throughs of Madonna (1, 2, 3)
• Strange see-through of Sigourney Weaver
• a very brief peek at Uma Thurmon's behind

Updates:

• Updated volumes: Alex Kingston, Nastassja Kinski, Valerie Kaprisky, Sally Kirkland, Mia Kirshner, Sonja Kirchberger, Sheryl Lee, Diane Lane, Beverly Lynne, Juliette Lewis

Other crap:

• A mother of three has stolen the show at the British Female Inventor of the Year Awards, with a gadget that provides satisfaction for women with sexual difficulties.
• getting naked on escalators is art
• the U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency printed about 200 decks of those "Iraqi most wanted" playing cards, but entrepreneurs are selling hundreds of thousands (possibly millions - one company alone has printed 700,000) via the internet
• smoking is to be banned in all Irish pubs - wow! I thought that would have been the last refuge for smokers.
• judge rules against RIAA and MPAA, "If this decision is upheld on appeal, then any clever technology company can build a global business on stolen entertainment materials, and you can kiss the music and film industries goodbye"
• Steven Wright jokes
• New Zealand debates a law making it illegal to sell hamburgers to children
• what would it be like if leftist intellectual Noam Chomsky does commentary for the Lord of the Rings DVD
• The guy who invented cappucino has been made a saint. St. Arbucks?
• TV jungle babe Catalina Guirado has revealed she wants a new bum — because she thinks hers is too big. I don't know about that, but I know there is a topless picture of her

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

"Xchange" (2000)

Medium-budget Canadian sci-fi which is something like The Matrix but with sex and nudity very close to an NC-17 rating.

• Pascale Bussières: topless love scene.
• Janet Kidder: nude above-the-sheets love scene.
• Lisa Bronwyn Moore: nice topless love scene.
• Amy Sloan: nude above-the-sheets love scene. (1, 2, 3)

"Dead Awake" (2001)

Canadian action-thriller kept afloat by Michael Ironside and a bunch of contrived lesbians only a madman can dream up (one a co-worker played by Janet Kidder). No nudity with the exception of a porn movie shown on a movie screen.

• Janet Kidder: pokies in tight spandex top.
• Macha Grenon: cleavage.
• Maxim Roy: mild cleavage.
• Michelle Lipper: tight sweater.
• Gillian Ferrabee: cleavage.
• Lesbian 1: Michelle Lipper and Gillian Ferrabee gettin it on in urinal. (black bras and panties)
• Lesbian 2: Janet Kidder and Gillian Ferrabee packing heat as evil lesbians. (spandex/cleavage)
• Unknown: porn actress topless in nude love scene.

"The Calling" (2000)

Another Canadian/UK horror starring Laura Harris and Alice Krige. Both keep their clothes on this time but if you keep your eyes open you'll see UK actress Rachel Shelley topless in the hottub.

• Laura Harris: dreaded fully-clothed sex scene.
• Rachel Shelley: topless in hottub.
• Unknown: topless at orgy.

Today we return to 1971's "Straw Dogs", and of course it's the classic rape scene with the beautiful Susan George.

More to come...

• Susan George (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)