Wednesday

Mira Sorvino on Martha Stewart (There's a quick sample below from the Gent, but the video quality is a bit better because I found an upgraded video as deadline time approached.) I'm not sure what we can see, but it is suspicious that Sorvino puts her hand down there to block the view. I have my fingers crossed, but I don't suppose we'll get this in 1080p. Even Hank doesn't TIVO Martha Stewart. Hell, we're lucky anybody noticed it in the first place!

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Blase Runner

1982

Today the Time Machine is still parked in 1982. Here's Joanna Cassidy in Blade Runner

 

 

 

 

I Spit on Your Grave

1978

One of the most controversial films of the seventies, this brutal rape/revenge film is still transgressive even by today's standards of heightened tolerance for screen brutality. It's not a good film in any normal sense of the world, but it's an unforgettable one, and a surprisingly powerful (if totally unpleasant) experience.

Here is Roger Ebert's complete zero-star review.

"A vile bag of garbage named "I Spit on Your Grave" is playing in Chicago theaters this week. It is a movie so sick, reprehensible and contemptible that I can hardly believe it's playing in respectable theaters, such as Plitt's United Artists. But it is. Attending it was one of the most depressing experiences of, my life.

This is a film without a shred of artistic distinction. It lacks even simple craftsmanship. There is no possible motive for exhibiting it, other than the totally cynical hope that it might make money. Perhaps it will make money: When I saw it at 11:20 a.m. on Monday, the theater contained a larger crowd than usual.

It was not just a large crowd, it was a profoundly disturbing one. I do not often attribute motives to audience members, nor do I try to read their minds, but the people who were sitting around me on Monday morning made it easy for me to know what they were thinking. They talked out loud. And if they seriously believed the things they were saying, they were vicarious sex criminals.

The story of ''I Spit on Your Grave" is told with moronic simplicity. A girl goes for a vacation in the woods. She sunbathes by a river. Two men speed by in a powerboat. They harass her. Later, they tow her boat to a rendezvous with two of their buddies. They strip the girl, beat her and rape her. She escapes into the woods. They find her, beat her, and rape her again. She crawls home. They are already there, beat her some more, and rape her again.

Two weeks later, somewhat recovered the girl lures one of the men out to her house, pretends to seduce him, and hangs him. She lures out another man and castrates him, leaving him to bleed to death in a bathtub. She kills the third man With an axe and disembowels the fourth with an outboard engine. End of movie.

These horrible events are shown with an absolute minimum of dialogue, which is so poorly recorded that it often cannot be heard. There is no attempt to develop the personalities of the characters - they are, simply, a girl and four men, one of them mentally retarded. The movie is nothing more or less than a series of attacks on the girl and then her attacks on the men, interrupted only by an unbelievably grotesque and inappropriate scene in which she enters a church And asks forgiveness for the murders she plans to commit.

How did the audience react to all of this? Those who were vocal seemed to be eating it up. The middle-aged, white-haired man two seats down from me, for example, talked aloud, After the first rape: "That was a good one!" After the second: "That'll show her!" After the third: "I've seen some good ones, but this is the best." When the tables turned and the woman started her killing spree, a woman in the back row shouted: "Cut him up, sister!" In several scenes, the other three men tried to force the retarded man to attack the girl. This inspired a lot of laughter and encouragement from the audience.

I wanted to turn to the man next to me and tell him his remarks were disgusting, but I did not. To hold his opinions at his age, he must already have suffered a fundamental loss of decent human feelings. I would have liked to talk with the woman in the back row, the one with the feminist solidarity for the movie's heroine. I wanted to ask If she'd been appalled by the movie's hour of rape scenes. As it was, at the film's end I walked out of the theater quickly, feeling unclean, ashamed and depressed.

This movie is an expression of the most diseased and perverted darker human natures, Because it is made artlessly, It flaunts its motives: There is no reason to see this movie except to be entertained by the sight of sadism and suffering. As a critic, I have never condemned the use of violence in films if I felt the filmmakers had an artistic reason for employing it. "I Spit on Your Grave" does not. It is a geek show. I wonder if its exhibitors saw it before they decided to play it, and if they felt as unclean afterward as I did.

Camille Keaton film clips

Sample captures below.

 

"Bloodmoon"

1990

In the death throes of the initial 10BA funding scheme, around the late 80s, a whole heap of shitty films got made in Australia as people became desperate to get the tax offset. Two such films were amongst the last of the initial scheme, Dead Sleep and Bloodmoon, both horror films, which were made in Queensland by the same producers and director and starred similar casts. Both are also considered amongst the worst Australian films ever made.

Bloodmoon has the extra special distinction of ripping off an idea from the 'great' horror producer William Castle. When released in the cinema (unlikely as that seems), the producers borrowed his idea of the 'chicken walk', in which before the ending of the film, a title card came up telling the audience that if the are scared, they can take the chicken walk to an actual coop. I'm wondering whether anybody turned up to the film in the first place.

Anyway, in a small coastal town, there are two Catholic boarding schools, one for the boys, one for the girls. When a boy and girl from each school, who are lovers, go missing, it starts a chain of events which affect the entire town. First, another couple are murdered and are presumed missing by the rest of the town. The science teacher at the girls school starts to act strangely, while his wife, the headmistress of the girls school continues her Sunday afternoon philandering, much to the science teacher's chagrin. And of course, the science teacher is the killer, that's not really a spoiler as it's revealed before the halfway mark.

Bloodmoon is a film that actually attempts to have loftier intentions than the usual teen slasher, but is betrayed by a completely rambling script, some utterly appalling acting, some of the most terrible kills ever committed to the screen (the one where the killer bashes the head of the girl on the table is clearly a dummy...) and how entire story arcs go missing for a long time or are completely abandoned.

Thankfully, the film has quite a number of naked ladies, most of which is just gratuitous. Sadly, the Christine Amor scene seems to be better in fullscreen than in 2:35 widescreen, ah well, maybe if I can find a cheap fullscreen version...

Personally, I would say that Dead Sleep is actually a worse film than Bloodmoon, even if I haven't seen Dead Sleep in over a decade, but I would need to see that film again to make a definite answer. But, Bloodmoon is definitely in the top 20 worst Australian films ever. Have I told you about Cut... (oh, and by the way, Houseboat Horror, highly recommended!)

Christine Amor film clip. (collage below)

Samantha Rittson film clip.  (collage below)

Suzie McKenzie (and Samantha Rittson) film clip. McKenzie collages below

Tess Pike film clip.

Karen Miers film clip.

 

 

 

PICS

Helena Mattson areola-slip at the Iron Man 2 premiere

Gillian Jacobs in Choke (HD)

Mary Louise Weller in Animal House (HD)

Kate Winslet in Hamlet (non-nude)

 

Film Clips

Letice Bredice, Maribel Verdu and Sofia Castiglione in Coppola's Tetro, this time in 720p

Natasha Blasick in Death of Evil (sample below)