The Hunted (1995) is a Japanese/American co-production. An American businessman, after a successful meeting, he meets a gorgeous woman, Joan Chen, in the hotel bar, takes her out to a drum concert, and is then invited into her room. He leaves, but returns when he discovers that he took her key, not his. She is about to be decapitated by the most evil and skillful of all ninjas. At her request, he reveals his face. Our hero sees it after she has been decapitated, making him the only man who can identify the evil ninja. His two henchmen slit his throat and use a poison dagger on him, but he somehow survives. His doctor brings in the greatest Samurai warrior and teacher to help him. What follows in a predictable series of bloody battles and ninja training, all leading to the final showdown.

Joan Chen shows a breast in a hot bath sex scene, and an unknown gives a three B performance. This is an entertainment film which relies on action to hold your interest, and, at least for me, it did that. Additionally, the swordplay seemed believable. You do not want to think too much about the plot. In fact, if you do, the film has failed in its goals. IMDb readers have it at 5.3 of 10. This is a C, a no depth actioner with martial arts ninjas with bad attitudes. A drunk sword maker effectively provides some comic relief.

Other Crap:

• Suit filed against GPL as "price fixing scam". Is it a still a scam if the price is fixed at zero?
• Beleaguered Paula Abdul in happier times. A little see-through and a bizarre, unladylike upskirt.
• More of Conan in Widescreen Hi-Def
• Immoral Tales - more covers of old pulp novels
• Mission Irresponsible (Flash movie parody)
• Welcome to the home page of Kim Jong Il (Satire. Sort of.)
• Cher finally wraps up her farewell tour, after ... well, freankly, we don't know how long it ran. There is nobody alive who can remember that. Let's just say that she started working with dancing elephants because of her friendship with Hannibal.
• How to Suck Your Own Dick
• SPIEGEL Interview with Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg. Actor Tom Cruise Opens Up about his Beliefs in the Church of Scientology.
• The Boston Globe: "Rob Corddry, a correspondent for The Daily Show, will mock anything and anybody." Corddry: "To tell you the truth, the war's been very good to us, the election's been very good to us. Hopefully, we'll invade Iran and North Korea, so I can buy a house."
• Fascinating time waster. Polish movie posters for American films
  • Almost all 100% original artwork. Some of them are outrageously cheesy, and some others are brilliant!
  • Polish is such an economical language. Can you guess the meaning of "Przystanek autobusowy"? In English, it's two syllables - Bus Stop
• The international trailer for Kings and Queen
  • "Nora (Emmanuelle Devos) is a 35-year-old art gallery director and single mother struggling to rise above tragic circumstances -a late husband, a failed second marriage and a lover's suicide - through her successful career and marriage to a wealthy businessman.

    Ismael (Mathieu Amalric), her ex-husband, is a disheveled, neurotic musician who descends into a comic nightmare when he is mistakenly committed to a mental hospital. He faces off against the steely clinic psychiatrist (Catherine Deneuve, in a scene-stealing cameo), but his eccentric antics - including an in-house pharmacy raid with his drug-addicted lawyer - earn a ten-day stay that may leave him worse off than when he entered.

    On discovering that her father is terminally ill and fearing for the future of her young son, Nora tracks down Ismael at the institution to enlist his help. A series of intimate revelations and reversals further connects these disparate lives, offering several enigmas, as well as a rich examination of love, memory, mental health, and family responsibility."

• The trailer for The Man. Samuel L. Jackson and Eugene Levy, together at last. Predictable mismatched buddy flick, but it actually looks pretty funny!
• A music video based on footage from Unleashed. Jet Li and Morgan Freeman, together at last, but without Eugene Levy. Apparently Levy was occupied, so they hired Bob Hoskins to be their funny-lookin' guy.
• Check out the very intense new international trailer for House of Wax. "Je commence à flipper" (Does that mean "I'm starting to flip out"?) - that was the French subtitle for "This is getting creepy"
• Modern Living / Neurotica series
  • Submitter wrote: "Weirdly fascinating, thought provoking, socially aware (and artistically vocal) time sink. No other way to really describe it, really. I've only gone through about half of it in the past hour, and there's still more than an hour of stuff left."
• Urban Legend: "Photograph shows a Kern County Sheriff's car with an unusual decal" Verdict: partially true, partially "shopped"
• "WILL PAULA BE BOUNCED FROM 'IDOL': ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE TO BE AIRED BY ABC "
• The trailer for Pure
  • "Ten-year-old Paul (Harry Eden) lives on an estate with his mother Mel (Molly Parker) and his younger brother Lee (Vinni Hunter). Paul slowly begins to realise that Mel is addicted to heroin. With the help of local waitress Louise (Keira Knightley), Paul tries to rescue his mother from the attentions of local pimp and dealer Lenny (David Wenham), who is all too keen for Mel to continue with her habit."
• "How to organize a modern sex orgy" This is a serious article. Examples:
  • "You should try to make the modern sex orgy an aesthetic event, to avoid the porn feeling. Have a concept. What is this orgy? Is it esthetic and sensual? Or is it a cool party? Or the worshipping of some ancient god? Or a magical ritual? When you invite people, build the place, make the dress code and plan the activities, bear the concept in mind. How is it reflected in the way you plan the event? Any particular colors? What kind of music does this demand? Does the concept suggest any particular type of food? What is suitable to say and do? The concept may change after the event has started."
  • I certainly agree with the last sentence.
• The latest fashion in Japan is Ganguro, and if it's Japanese pop culture, you KNOW it's awesome.
  • "It's a huge trend in urban Japan. These girls (and a few guys) coat themselves in skin bronzer, apply huge amounts of eye make up, bleach their hair, and cover themselves in bracelets and bright colors. Supposedly this is an attempt to emulate the look of California girls.The reality looks less like Venice Beach and more like one of the layers of Dante's Inferno. "
• Empire Square Simulated Sex Game.. It's two minutes before closing - can you pop a 'tute in the back alley fast enough to make "last call"
• Titles of Sermons to Which Congregants Might Actually Pay Attention.
• MovieJuice! - XXX: State of the Union - Pimp My Action Movie
• Sex toy company seeks a "penis model" for their new dildo. You don't need to fly there for the competition. Just make a copy of your manhood with the popular Clone-a-Willy kit, and send it to them. This is all true. This kit should save President Clinton a fortune in Christmas gifts.
• "A CONDOM that keeps men aroused in bed - just like the sex pill Viagra - could soon go on sale in Britain."
• "Paris Hilton has vowed NEVER to go naked on screen again."
• All Girl Nude Twister. If I get on the Olympic committee, this sport's goin' in.
• Oops, sorry. It turns out 666 is not the number of the beast. We misread it. It should be 616. "a team of expert classicists, using new photographic techniques, are finally deciphering the original writing" in the ancient documents.
• A Korean company is building a golf hole where the ball will careen into the cup as long as the golfer lands his shot anywhere on the green. The same course also features a 1004 yard par seven.
• There was IMDb, now RSDb ... The Racial Slur Database
• 'Lucy In The Sky With Shatner'
  • "This is the video that should have been made for the song that should never have been recorded. Paul Heriot's vision of William Shatner's rendition of the Beatles' classic is, well, you tell us."
• Niagara Falls Daredevils: a history
• Casting news for I'm Not There: Bob Dylan will be played by Adrien Brody, Colin Farrell, Richard Gere, Julianne Moore, Cate Blanchett and Charlotte Gainsbourg. And the director is still looking for more Dylans, particularly a young black woman. What, no role for Abe Vigoda?
• Scientists watch for calamari that bites back
  • "A Humboldt squid can grow to the size and weight of a hockey player. So, imagine Todd Bertuzzi with bulging eyes, eight arms, two tentacles, three hearts, a beak for a mouth, a brain wrapped around his esophagus and gullet with a willingness -- nay, eagerness -- to dine on his own kind every other meal, and you get a sense of how the squid has earned such a fearsome reputation."
• "Kirsten Dunst on the set of writer/director Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette"
• Urban Legends Reference Pages - it's a Chupacabra! (Yeah, right!)
• Study says Hollywood's movie rating system flawed
  • The study also concluded that there was a high probablility of water being wet.
  • The study is actually concentrating on violence. "One in five films rated PG actually have more violent actions than the average for those listed as PG-13. One in 10 PG films had more violent acts than the average for those in the study that were rated R."
• Mark Cuban Taps Soderbergh to Direct Six HD Movies; Simultaneous Release Planned in Theaters, DVD, Cable.
  • Steven Soderbergh recently signed a deal with Mark Cuban's 2929 Entertainment to shoot his next six movies in high-definition and release them simultaneously in theaters, on DVD, and on subscriber television.
  • Ballsy move: unique, creative, and groundbreaking. Smart? Maybe. Only time will tell. Cuban is putting some serious bucks on the line, and Soderbergh is agreeing to devote a big chunk of his life. A possible limitation is that they are planning to give Landmark Theaters temporary exclusivity, and I think that chain has fewer than 250 screens, so initial distribution will be miniscule by blockbuster standards. (Major releases hit 3000+ screens.) On the other hand, Landmark is in all the biggest markets, so if the movies are hot tickets, the chain could clean up on market exclusivity by running up some massive sales per screen. If they can't meet consumer demand for tickets, then the distributor could possibly command a premium price to Landmark's hungry competitors in the major cities and/or theater chains that have presence in smaller markets. In my opinion, the entire project completely hinges on the ability of their marketing people to create a demand for the films - and that means they need to acquire name performers and avoid airy-fairy Birkenstock movies.
  • I'm guessing that Soderbergh, an ethical, thoughtful man respected by actors, will call in as many favors as he can, hoping to round up some star power without paying the megabucks normally needed to get it. That's his thing. In the past, he has convinced people like Julia Roberts and George Clooney to work on his projects for paychecks smaller than they are used to.
• The World's Favorite Currency Conversion Site - with several major currencies valued in real time! Did you know one Sri Lankan Rupee is almost exactly equal to an American penny? Good, because if you did you're badly in need of a life.
• 101 Big Dick Jokes. It's missing my favorite - "my dick is so big it won't take Spielberg's calls." Now THAT'S big.
• FilmJerk's Early Report for May 1
• Here is the trailer for Brothers.
  • The lives of two very different brothers become simultaneously intertwined and thrust apart in this intense and powerful drama directed by Susanne Bier. Jannik is released from prison and embraced by his brother Michael, an upright soldier and family man being deployed to Afghanistan. The family tension is palpable as Jannik re-assumes his role of alcoholic deviant while his loving brother prepares for impending deployment. Shortly after commencing his tour of duty, Michael's helicopter crashes and he is presumed dead. Jannik summons previously untapped maturity, aiding and comforting Michael's two daughters and wife Sarah (Connie Nielsen). As Sarah and Jannik grow closer, their dependence and admiration intensify. A world away Michael is alive, enduring the unimaginable in hopes of surviving to return home.
• New "webisodes" for The Longest Yard (May 27 release)
• Damn, it ticks me off that Mars looks so much cooler and more habitable than West Texas.
• "All confidential information in the (U.S. government) report is available to the public, just by copying 'hidden' text from the PDF and pasting it in a word processor." Man, they have some awesome security! I hope the North Koreans haven't figured out the nuclear delivery system documents yet.
• Oprah goes to a hairdresser every day.
  • The woman has a big heart. She's just doing her part to give hairdressers back what they are losing on Hugh Grant (see below)
  • I love the photo caption "Oprah Winfrey attends the honoring of Oprah Winfrey by The United Nations Association for The... "

    ... Honoring of People Named Oprah?

• Hugh Grant always had him some pow'rful silly-lookin' hair, but he has now apparently decided to eschew combs forever.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

This week's poll....

The Most Overrated movie.

Here's a short list to kick things off...

Napoleon Dynamite
Eyes Wide Shut
The English Patient
Titanic
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Blair Witch Project
Chariots of Fire
Sideways
The Piano
Dances Wiith Wolves
The Empire Strikes Back
Forrest Gump
Swingers
The Phantom Menace
Out of Africa
American Beauty
Life is Beautiful
Requiem for a Dream
Donny Darko
Gone With The Wind
2001
The Perfect Storm
Mystic River
The Matrix
Citizen Kane
The Godfather
Lost in Translation
Singin’ in the Rain
Fahrenheit 9/11

Email Scoopy Jr. if you'd like to add nominees.

Here are the results of our previous polls:
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
Best Lesbian Love Scenes

Today from the Ghost...several vids (zipped .wmvs) from the Skinemax movie "Hollywood Sex Fantasy" (2001).

• Catalina Larranaga...the beautiful brunette is topless in all of these. Plus we also get some brief bum (4 and 5) and pube views (#5). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Kelli McCarty...the former Miss USA (1991) going topless and showing some thong views while riding a dude.

• Tracy Ryan, the naturally busty adult star shows off her wonderful toplessness as well as some thong views while stripping for and then gettin' it on with a dude.

• Flower Edwards, the adult film actress turned "legit" softcore actress. Here she is topless and also in undies. (1, 2, 3)

• Adult stars Teanna Kai and Ava Vincent doing some nekkid swimming (#1) and then having some pool sex in #2. (1, 2)

• Teanna Kai and Keri Windsor both bare all while havin a little lesbo and 3-way fun. (1, 2, 3)

"Bikini Squad" (1993)
Baywatch spoof with a generous amount of nudity although it's evident the actresses shaved their clams.

• Maureen Flaherty: boobs ahoy in nude sex scene. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Donna Baltron: boobs and coochie-cam in dental floss cutoff shorts. (1, 2, 3)
• Julie Strain: robohooters reading for part on casting couch. (1, 2)
• Rebecca Rocherford: brassiere only.
• Cornellia Johnson: nice bikini cleavage but face covered in bandages. Hey, at least she can do some body double roles.

"Street Angels" (1993)
Grade-Z action from the Kill or Be Killed DVD collection.

• Dee Hengstler: nice cleavage in black brassiere.
• Julianne Christie: cleavage in the only other good scene.

"Flight to Danger" (1995)
Another grade-Z action from the same collection. Written, directed and produced by b-movie babes Sara Matthews and Gina Jourard.

• Barbara Minardi: partial breast from behind.
• Sara Matthews: buns in dark sex scene.
• Gina Jourard: sexy.

However....during the dark sex scene with Captain Archer and his consort (Linda Park), I could swear that I saw a very good silhouette of her nipple. Did anyone get any 'caps of that scene?

-M.

Subject: Lita on Raw!
Scoops,
Did anyone get 'caps of Lita and her "shirt" on Monday night's Raw?

-T

CD GUARANTEED TO ANNOY NEIGHBORS
If Your Neighbor Is Playing 50 Cent, He Wins - A new CD called "The Revenge CD" is the first CD that comes with a pair of ear plugs for the buyer. It contains 20 sounds just to annoy neighbors you can't stand, including a bowling alley, loud drill, high heels pacing on a hardwood floor, freight train and screaming orgasm. NYU Prof. Tom Meyvis used it on his psychology class and said he found that the best way to use it is to play a bit, then stop, then start again, and it becomes unbearable. If you play it constantly, people get used to it and ignore it.

If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!