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Monday
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Chaplin
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Chaplin
showed that Robert Downey Jr might have
had the potential to be the greatest
actor of his generation. How many actors
can assay the role of a certified genius
and not look like a complete schmuck?
Remember Paul Shenar as Orson Welles?
James Brolin as Clark Gable? Ray Liotta
as Sinatra? Michael Chiklis as Belushi?
In order to portray such a magical comic,
Downey had to have the magic himself, and
he did. Unfortunately, because of the ups
and downs of his personal life, Downey
has spent the rest of his career messing
up his opportunities, or working for
anybody with a few bucks who would take a
chance on hiring him. More thoughts on
actors playing entertainment legends:
here are some who have done well, in my
opinion: Dan Travanti as Edward R Murrow,
Mira Sorvino as Marilyn, Don Cheadle as
Sammy Davis, Dustin Hoffman as Carl
Bernstein and Lenny Bruce, Martin Landau
as Lugosi. I read somewhere that JLH will
play Audrey Hepburn in an upcoming flick.
That will be not be easy, but it'll be a
good chance for us to find out whether
JLH really has any talent. The one I'm
looking forward to is Jim Carrey as Andy
Kaufmann. The advance word, even from
Kaufmann's family and friends, is that he
is brilliant. Here The Realist takes a
look at the Chaplin movie. here's Moira
Kelly.
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Moira Kelly
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Moira Kelly
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Moira Kelly
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Diane Lane
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Diane Lane
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Milla
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Milla. No
nudity, but it's Milla.
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some
anonymous extra
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Crow
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide". This movie is an erotic
entertainment which stopped short of
porn, but not by much. McComas is cute,
and has a great body although the chest
is pneumatic.
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide"
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide"
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide"
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide"
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Lorissa
McComas in "When Passions
Collide"
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Melissa Joan
Hart in "Sabrina ..." I don't
think I have to tell you that there is no
nudity. Bikini shots.
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Melissa Joan
Hart in "Sabrina ..."
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Melissa Joan
Hart in "Sabrina ..."
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Melissa Joan
Hart in "Sabrina ..."
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More
of Bobbie Phillips from Publisher
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Do you think
Publisher likes Bobbie? Here's another
bunch of frames of her in Showgirls.
Reminder: these are pretty similar, and
we include all of them for the collectors
among us.
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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Bobbie
Phillips
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More
from Cave Dweller
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Cave picked
one of the same subjects as Crow this
week, the cute Lorissa McComas.
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Lorissa
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Lorissa
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He also sent
in a few of Lorissa's colleague from the
world of "C" movies, Lisa
Comshaw.
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Lisa
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Lisa
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Lisa
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Heather
Pariso
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Julie Ann
Stolfa
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CaveDweller
"outs" another actress with a
second career in explicit movies. This
time: Jill Sharp
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Britney
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Britney
Spears on the Kids' Choice Awards. This
one from RJL
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more. I guess
this is her reportedly augmented chest. I
don't know. Or care. Most people whose
livelihood depends on their appearance do
"artificial" things to maintain
or alter it. Collagen, implants, wigs,
facelifts, liposuction. Let's face it,
make-up is artificial as well (and was
just as controversial when people started
using it). If I had to make a living in
the public eye, and my appearance was
critical to my earning power, I'd do the
same. Very few people wouldn't. I like
natural, but I sympathize with these
people completely.
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more
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more
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| Sunday |
Top 10
Signs you have joined the wrong HMO
- 10.
Staff doctors Who, Loveless,
Kavorkian, and Demento
- 9.
annual breast exam conducted at
Hooters
- 8.
tongue depressors still taste of
Fudgesicle
- 7.
staff proctologist wears
"roto-rooter" shirt
- 6.
only one item in preventive care
booklet, an apple a day
- 5.
your kidney transplant is delayed
for the surgeon's grave-robbing
trial
- 4.
"Patient responsible for
200% of out-of-network
charges"
- 3.
only expense covered 100% is
embalming
- 2.
all pills come in multiple
colors, with little
"M's" on them
- 1.
You ask for Viagra. You get a
popsicle stick and duct tape
new
from RDO
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The
internet's one-man in-house celebrity
nudity research department turns his
attention this week to Sirens, another
treasure-trove of nudity. (Did I set the
record for most hyphenated words in a
sentence?) Here are the girls, mostly
Elle, in water up to their waists. Elle
gained something like 10 kilos for this
role.
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Elle and Kate
Fischer posing stark naked
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more in the
artist's studio
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all four
girls in the artist's studio
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Pamela Rabe
starkers
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Tara
Fitzgerald's running scene
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enlargement
of the running
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Tara naked in
church, and an all-important Hugh Grant
sighting.
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more Anglican
nudity, and zillions of little Hugh Grant
pictures
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Tara gets
felt up. Or, as Winston Churchill would
have said. "Up Tara gets felt".
(According to the common legend, Winnie
was once told he should not end a
sentence with a preposition, to which he
responded "That is a rule up with
which I will not put")
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the nighttime
water scene. Elle
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the nighttime
water scene. Kate
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the nighttime
water scene. Portia de Rossi
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new
from The Realist
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The Realist
must be sick of orange and gold. I know I
was after watching "Dangerous
Beauty", and I didn't have to make
caps. This is a good movie, by the way,
although a chick-flick. It's based on a
true story of a Venetian courtesan whose
zenith was a hero's reputation, and whose
nadir was imprisonment by the
inquisition. There were, I think, three
things that kept it from being a great
movie 1) A syrupy, cliched musical score
which rose on cue every time romantic
activity involved the leads. 2) Some
truly strange casting, especially Fred
Ward, who is a competent actor, but whose
gruff urban-American accent in
Elizabethan era Venice was reminiscent of
Tony Curtis' famous "yonda lies da
castle of my brudda" 3) A bit of
intellectual dishonesty. The movie is
supposed to be focused on the unfair
plight of women in that society.
Unfortunately, events in its own script
bely the point. Oliver Platt's character
is seen as the perfect match for
McCormack's, yet she ends up rich and
beloved, while he ends up embittered. The
only difference between them? McCormack's
life options included getting rich and
powerful by being beautiful and loose.
Platt's did not. Although they were born
into the same social class, with similar
talents, the woman actually had more
opportunity, not less. Anyway, here's
McCormack.
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Catherine
McCormack. Once upon a time, actors could
be both attractive and talented. Olivier
and Francesca Annis come to mind. In this
era of the specialist, beautiful people
all seem to have the acting depth of Matt
Le Blanc and Cameron Diaz. Don't get me
wrong. I like Cameron and Le Blanc a lot,
but I don't want to see them as Lear and
Cordelia. Anyway, this woman seems to
combine beauty and depth in equal
measure. I like that.
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McCormack
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McCormack
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McCormack
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The
miscellaneous courtesans
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new
from Master Bagger
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The bagger is
working on Cat People. here's a preview
featuring Annette O'Toole (lots of
redheads today)
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another Red
Shoe Diary. More Amber Smith. The three
things known by stone-age people: food
good, fire bad, Amber hot. Make that four
things. They also knew, even then, that
Jason Priestly was too old to play a
teenager.
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new from Mergascan
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Mergascan is
new to this. Be patient, now. These
aren't up there with Hugo in technical
excellence, yet, but we get to see Carol
Shaya nekkid in "Silent Prey"
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Shaya
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Shaya
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Shaya
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Shaya
from
some of the Grand Masters
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Graphic
Response collage of Gillian Anderson in
"The Turning"
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GR collage of
Valerie Kaprisky in "Year of the
Jellyfish"
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GR collage of
Jessica Harper in "Inserts"
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GR collage of
Veronica Cartwright in
"Inserts"
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R?ddler's
'caps of Shannon Tweed in Naked Lies.
Shannon's face is like a real-life
Portrait of Dorian Gray. Check out the
facial shot on the top right. Her body
never seems to age, but the face is
revealing the secret.
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more R?ddler
'caps of Shannon Tweed in Naked Lies
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Sing's caps
of Mira Sorvino in "At First
Sight". Just a wee bit of nudity.
from
Helcrom
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"Bikini
Carwash Company 2", the masterful
Felliniesque film which resolves all the
unanswered questions from the first film,
as well as all the unanswered questions
in life in general. Everything from why
man exists to why Russians always wear
such tall hats.
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"Bikini
Carwash Company 2, the Wrath of
Khan"
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"Bikini
Carwash Company 2". Many years ago,
Bergman had originally been pencilled in
to direct the original "BCC".
His introduction of "Death" as
a car wash attendant was rejected by the
producers, and they also got a little
queasy when they saw the first scene.
Three girls in bikinis stare out of the
window of a small wooden hut. They see a
landscape bleak and wintry, the trees
bare. One girl says "now is it
winter and the wheat is gone, but father
said we would have wheat again".
Another replies: "Yes, just before
he killed himself and Bjorn". This
is followed by 12 minutes without
dialogue or action, punctuated only by
the echoed and magnified ticking of a
clock, as they stare together into
winter's gloom, until a customer arrives
for a wash and wax, and we understand
that the girls must use these familiar
and tactile experiences to take refuge
from the imponderable and the numinous.
The customer is a dwarf. He actually has
no car, but still insists on detailing.
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Neriah Nepaul
in "BCC2"
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Sara Suzanne
Browne in "BCC2"
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Athena Massey
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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Athena Massey
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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Jaime Pressly
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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Jaime Pressly
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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Jaime Pressly
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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Jaime Pressly
in "Poison Ivy, the New
Seduction"
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and
a few miscellaneous
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Helen Slater
did a brief breast exposure way back in
1988's "Happy Together".
Unfortunately, she had a very goofy
facial expression.
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Romina Power
exposed by Eva Tremila Express.
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Sylvie Testud
topless in a preview from "In
Heaven"
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Yesterday's Stuff
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A couple of
guys recently sent me a copy of their
book. They didn't ask for a plug or
anything, but I read every word of the
book, and they're going to get one
anyway. (They knew I would love it, those
scalawags). As you know, this page has
many facets. We do discuss beauty and
truth and language and artistic
achievement and the brighter angels of
our souls, but what we really love is
making fun of celebrities who do and say
bonehead things. Tarkovsky movies are
nice and all, but they can't compare to a
Shatner song, a Quayle press conference,
or any public activity from Hugh Grant.
The authors of this book are our kind of
guys. They have assembled a book called
"Hollywood Hi-Fi", in which
they discuss in detail the dumbest
celebrity albums they have ever
encountered. Sure Shatner is bad (they do
feature "The Transformed Man"),
but we can't allow his substantial
shadow, however dark, to hide Fabio,
Jerry Mather, Mister T, Rex Reed, Jack
Webb's love ballads, Bette Davis'
Broadway album, Burt Ward, Herve
Villechaize, George "Goober"
Lindsay and others. I rate the book 98
out of a hundred. Had to take off two
points for failure to find any albums
from Hugh Grant or Joe Don Baker. The
authors' prose is as funny as the
material they describe. Go here, read
some samples, buy the book, send them
irritating e-mail, listen to their radio
show, whatever.
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From
the mailbox: "a Marco Ferreri movie
is new to video in the USA. It is a film
from the late 70's called "Bye Bye
Monkey", in which the beautiful lead
actress has a number of completely nude
scenes ....". Yup. I haven't seen
it, but "Ciao maschio" is a
film featuring Gerard Depardieu, Marcello
Mastroianni, and a chimp. No comment.
That's too easy, so you get to insert
your own joke here. (Trivia:
"Bye-bye Monkey" is actually an
incorrect translation, since a chimpanzee
is not a monkey. "Adios, Ape"
might have done it. Some languages do not
distinguish apes from monkeys in everyday
speech, but English does). I believe the
lead actress must be Gail Lawrence, who
also performed in porn as Abigail
Clayton, although I'm not sure. It has
been released now on DVD as well.
Anything out there?
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Here is a
picture of Depardieu and the chimp. I
believe Depardieu is the larger one.
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Ben and
Jerry's Top 10 Presidential Ice Cream
Flavors
- 10.
Impeach-mint
- 9.
Candy Pants
- 8.
Lickable Nuts
- 7.
Chilly Hillbilly Vanilly
- 6.
Love Lollipop
- 5.
Subpoena Colada
- 4.
Horny Bubba Crunch
- 3.
Peppermint Fattie
- 2.
Captain Cream
- 1.
Draft-dodging pot-smoking
intern-nailing raspberry swirl
new
from Aesthete
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Aesthete,
with this group of Carolyn Lowery from
"Vicious Circles", must have
shattered the old record for most files
from one capper from one movie,
previously held either by
"Castaway" or "Another 9
1/2 Weeks". Here's Carolyn Lowery
undressing in front of a mirror
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continued
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even more of
the same
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performing in
front of multiple mirrors
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more of the
same
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undresssing
for a physical
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getting a
physical
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continued
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getting a
massage
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taking a
sauna
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a strange
bathtub
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continued
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a weird
S&M thing
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more of the
same
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Here's
something you don't see here every day,
Chauncey. Sepia-hued pictures of Ben
Gazzara
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I actually
subscribe to the all Sepia Ben Gazzara
cable network. This picture provides what
I and my fellow subscribers have been
asking for. More sepia, less Gazzara.
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sexual tease
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more of the
same
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still more of
the same
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and still
more of the same
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fun house
mirror distortions
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some unusual
sexual practices involving insects and
green easter-egg grass
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more green
pubes. I have to remember this for next
St Patrick's Day
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a sexy
close-up
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new
from AP
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The weather
in Europe kinda sucks. Luckily, some
Europeans are clever people who try to
soften the inevitable bad weather report
by having the latest deluge or avalanche
reported by lovely women in various
stages of undress. Here's
"Nicole" reporting the
German-Swiss-Austrian weather in a style
ala Frederick's of Hollywood
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the chat-show
hosts come up with some interesting
costumes as well. here's Mo Asumang ...
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... and Jenny
Elvers, host of a more mature show
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Page Three
girl Karen White
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more Karen
White
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Page Three
girl Teresa May
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more Teresa
May
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Misty Rain
shows off her pierced nipples
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Catherine
McCormack topless in "Dangerous
Beauty"
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the Catherine
McCormack character nude in
"Dangerous Beauty", but face
not visible.
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Denise
Virieux in "Dangerous Lust"
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Marianne
Saegebrecht in "Out of
Rosenheim"
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Marianne
Saegebrecht in "Out of
Rosenheim"
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Sandra
Leonhard in SK Babies. In this action
sequence, the camera nearly found its way
up her privates
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more of
Sandra
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Lisa Crawford
in some x-rated material
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more Lisa
Crawford
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more Lisa
Crawford
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Denise Crosby
in a "Red Shoe Diaries". Denise
kept her clothes on this time, but wore a
revealing bra
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Demetra
Hampton in "Red Shoe Diaries"
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Demetra
Hampton in "Red Shoe Diaries"
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This is
Houston, the woman who set the all-time
gang-bang record with 620 men. Her
parents must be proud.
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porn star
Jill Kelly on a chat show. No nudity.
(Huh?)
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catching
up with the other Germans
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Mr President
from Slartibartfast. No nudity, but sexy
and a great job by Slartibartfast.
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Saskia
Valencia in "Heiss und kalt".
from Dildo Porn.
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Agnieska
Wagner in "Honigfalle"
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Agnieska
Wagner in "Hotel Shanghai",from
Dawk Zero
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Barbara Auer
in "Willkommen in Weimar",from
Slartibartfast
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Cornelia Wege
in "Die Wache", from
Slartibartfast
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Andrea
Sawatzki in "Polizeiruf 110",
from Dildo Porn
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Ann-Kathrin
Kramer in "Heiss und kalt",
from Dildo Porn.
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Julia Richter
in "Polizeiruf 110", from
Slartibartfast
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