Power of Attorney (1995) is an action/crime/drama filmed mostly in British Columbia. Elias Koteas is a hotshot deputy district attorney. As the film opens, he loses a case of a mobster accused of murder. We learn that he failed to call one of the witnesses that the state bought and paid for. His boss is unhappy, and decides to handle the prosecution of the big crime boss, Dannie Aiello, that Koteas has been after for years. Koteas, of course, goes private, and agrees to defend Aiello, after Aeillo promises that he is not guilty. Of course, we all know a crime boss would never tell a fib. Koteas is engaged to a woman who speaks in nothing but perfect cliches, but has a fling with Rae Dawn Chong, a junior partner in his new lay firm. He also has a brother who is in the business of breaking laws, not enforcing them, and has a history with Aiello.

Rae Dawn Chong shows breasts having sex in a big chair in a long, but dark scene. IMDb readers say 5.6. This seems a little generous to me, as the story is predictable, but full of plot holes, the characters are all stereotypes, and the dialogue is really trite. This is a low C-. Crime addicts may not mind it.

Ragtime (1981):

I want to write volumes about Ragtime, but I am way past my deadline, so the words will have to wait until tomorrow. The pictures alone are pretty nifty.

First of all, the film was rated PG in the time before PG was split into two ratings. Although a 1981 PG is not the same as a 2005 PG,  because the former encompassed both today's PG and today's PG-13, it is still quite an unexpected pleasure to find a PG film in which the beautiful lead actress (Elizabeth McGovern) is topless in clear light for four straight minutes of screen time, during which she briefly shows us the rest of her body as well!

Second, McGovern did another long topless scene which was deleted. I would not have deleted that scene for three reasons:

(1) the film is much too long and rambling, even after the cut. Cutting the running time from 2:41 to 2:35 was not significant enough to warrant losing good material.

(2) the scene would have plugged up a gigantic hole in the film's narrative

(3) the scene has merit in many other ways besides the flow of the plot.

• It was essential to the character development of Younger Brother.
• It's both erotic and amusing to see Elizabeth McGovern undressed by another women with Younger Brother watching from the closet.

I'm not sure why, but the DVD shows the deleted footage in black and white, with McGovern's nudity digitally blurred. Fortunately for us, it was not quite blurred well enough, and we can pick up a pretty good look in the occasional frame.

• McGovern in the film (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• McGovern in the deleted scene (1, 2)
• The entire nude scene. (Massive download - 18 meg-  but a great scene and well worth a look. I got the sound off by a hair, but the visuals are beautiful, and the sound synch isn't completely irritating.)
• The entire nude portion of the deleted scene. (Large file, 10 meg, and this one is just for the completist, because the blurring is irritating. If you want to see the nudity, view the collages.)

Other Crap:

• NEW STUDY SHOWS SOME STAR WARS FANS HAVE HAD SEX ... New Data Confounds Conventional Wisdom
• The Daily Show takes a look at what happens when Laura Bush interrupts her husband in a well-rehearsed fashion.
• Astronomy pic o' the day - Solar System Rising Over Fire Island
• Big Critters - giant animals used in roadside advertising.
• Remembering Pearl Harbor - time line and map with voice narration. Impressive site.
• Analysis of the Personality of Adolph Hitler with predictions of his future behavior and suggestions for dealing with him now and after Germany's surrender [Written in 1943; OSS Archives]
• The Big Page of Homographs, although Rick Santorum prefers to call them "heteronyms."
• Video: Dude brings a bucket of KFC to an anti-KFC Protest
• David Duchovny's House of D, as reviewed by the greatest of all movie critics, Filthy. Oh, yeah, I know Ebert has a Pulitzer, and he's damned good, but Filthy should by-pass the Pulitzer and get a Nobel. In fact, he should be the next Pope, because he already has the most important qualification: infallibility.
  • " ... House of D thing is so fucking awful, amateurish and incomprehensible that it shouldn't even be in junior college film festivals, let alone commercial theaters. It's a lead balloon dragging the mawkish corpse of Robin Williams over the glass shards of contrived poignance."
  • "Duchovny shows about as strong a grip on the real world as an autistic boy living alone in a bomb shelter"
  • The Filthmeister also turned in a bonus review of "CBS's unwatchable Riding the Bus with my Sister." According to the Unwashed One: "O'Donnell plays a loud, large retarded woman who likes to ride the bus all day and make friends with drivers and other passengers. My only question is, what took her so long? I mean, what else is she qualified to play? She looks at home in a bad perm and "Strawberry Shortcake" T-shirts. Actually, she's never looked better."
  • This paragraph had me howling out loud: "I liked Riding the Bus with my Sister a hell of a lot better than House of D because it was a more straightforward and traditional misrepresentation of the mentally disabled. It didn't try to get fancy or pretentious. It just said that retards are adorable, cuddly and as stuffed with wisdom as a John Kenneth Galbraith pinata. House of D was so damn busy trying to find itself that it lost focus of its central point: that retards are as magical as pixies, fairies and naked cheerleaders."
• This could be the highlight of your day, if not your life. Somebody made a highlight clip of Rosie O'Donnell in Riding The Bus With My Sister.
• PFC Lynndie England's defense? She's a 'tard.
  • President Bush is really hoping that this defense is legally valid for all military ranks, especially commander-in-chief.
  • I smell a biopic for Rosie O'Donnell!
• Crack reporter and manwhore Jeff Gannon "volunteers that his story is more complex than described, involving secret work for which he needed security clearance."
• Steven Spielberg reviews 'Revenge of the Sith' on British radio ... "You'll cry at the end."
• A National Lampoon classic: Dick in Jane
• No Shakespeare for the Royal Shakespeare Company. They are planning to change their name to the REC, based on their new plan to perform only the scripts of Joe Eszterhas. This Winter season will include stage adaptations of F.I.S.T., Showgirls, and Burn Hollywood Burn.
• Priapic Irish actor Colin Farrell offered the ol' love-shillelegh to a 70 year old actress, Dame Eileen Atkins.
• Cool images from an alternate universe: the New York that might have been.
• Hey, Paris! Apostrophes are, like, totally hot!
• ABC News: An Illicit Affair on 'American Idol'? His case is based on far more than his word. His friends and family have met or talked to Abdul, and he saved at least one of her recorded phone messages.
• An incredible optical illusion
• Weekly World News picks the WORLD'S 20 GREATEST PICKUP LINES, none of which have even the remotest prayer of working.
• Laura Bush Stand-Up: Transcript of First Lady's Pee-Your-Pants Funny Remarks at the 2005 White House Correspondents Dinner.
• For those of you who really miss the drive-ins.Inflatable - Outdoor Theater System.
• Sometimes it isn't that easy to read a simple clock.
• eBay item - The Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bride Wedding Kit!
• Oscar Meyer mourns the death of Little Oscar in a funeral procession led by the Wienermobile. I didn't make up one word of that, and the picture is priceless.
• URL says it all: nakedprotesters.com
• The World Religions, Philosophies Etc. - Complete Shit List
• eBay item: "Up for bid is an extremely rare 18th century tea chest that is reputed to have been thrown into Boston Harbor during the famous Boston Tea Party." You have to belly up to the bar with about a million bucks if you want a drink of this .
• Diane Ducruet - self portraits
• Which wise guy in the Ministry of Culture gave Ben Affleck permission to reproduce?
• Paris has reportedly lost her laptop computer containing personal photos and videos. BFD. Is there anything left that we haven't already seen?
• For the first time since his recent release from rehab, Pat O'Brien will speak out in an exclusive one-on-one interview with Dr. Phil.
• OVERCONFIDENT LAURA BUSH BOMBS WITH TASTELESS YO MAMA JOKES ... Rose Garden Performance Greeted With Stunned Silence
• "A six-mile cab ride from Central Baghdad to Baghdad International Airport costs $35,000."
  • Wow, if it goes up another 10% it'll be as much as a ride from Narita airport to the Shinjuku section of Tokyo!
  • Back when I was traveling the world, I actually used to keep track of stuff like this. It's important to know the cost of a ride to the airport, because on the day you leave their stinking cesspool of a country, you have to know how many of their silly pastel simoleons you need to get to the airport and escape. The ride in Tokyo requires so many bills that you have to carry an extra suitcase full of Yen, as well as a small shovel. It was really "only" about $275, but of course, that was several years ago, so maybe it's up to $35,000 by now.
• (former) Wrestling babes Missy Hyatt and Sunny
• The Top 99 Video Games of all time
• Horrified University P.C. Police shut down student satire.
  • Because going to college is all about learning to agree with the standard platitudes, dammit!
  • "College administrators have been enthusiastic supporters of The Vagina Monologues and schools across the nation celebrate Vagina Day every year. But when students at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island rained on the celebrations of V-Day by inaugurating Penis Day and staging a satire called The Penis Monologues, the official reaction was horror! Two participating students, Monique Stuart and Andy Mainiero, have just received sharp letters of reprimand and have been placed on probation by the Office of Judicial Affairs. The costume of the P-Day mascot - a friendly looking penis named Testaclese, has been confiscated and is under lock and key in the office of the assistant dean of student affairs."
  • The Dean declared, "It's great to use imagination and enterprise and think for yourselves, kids, as long as I agree with those thoughts! If not, yer fuckin' outta here."
  • If Voltaire had gone to that college, he'd have been expelled. Or, as a very wise man once said, "Voltaire can suck on my balls"
• Politics hits a new low. (I wish I had made this stuff up, but it is real.) Republicans: "Jesus did not filibuster." Dems: "But Jimmy Stewart did!!"
• Workers in Norway have been given a legal right to look at internet porn during company time.
• Federal judges are a more serious threat to America than Al Qaeda, according to Pat Robertson. In fact, the Lord appeared to Robertson with the precise hierarchy of threats to America, as follows:
  1. Oprah Book Club
  2. Homosexuals
  3. Federal Judges
  4. Obesity
  5. Martin Short
  6. Al Qaeda

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

This week's poll....

Email Scoopy Jr. if you'd like to add nominees or offer suggestions for future polls.

Here are the results of our previous polls:
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
Best Lesbian Love Scenes

Linda Park
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Cyia Batten
(1, 2, 3)

"The Lost Angel"
Good actors don't really save this mediocre 2004 crime thriller from Canada, because the story line's been done a million times before, and there are few surprises.

Female Police Inspector Billie Palmer is chasing a serial killer while running from allegations of brutality and using excessive force for shooting a suspect. He lived, and he's not a happy camper.

The killings seem to be patterned after an ancient devil worshipper ritual where every day for 20 days a victim is killed and displayed as if hung on a cross. After 20 days, the killer will be elevated to the devil's right hand in hell.

On top of chasing the killer, Billie is obsessed with protecting her sister, who lives with her after the brutal killing of their mother when they were younger. The sister was raped after the killing, while Billie was tied up and helpless to assist her sister.

The problem with all this is it just doesn't work well. Predictable storyline, uninspired script, good actors who really aren't convincing in their parts, just leaves you feeling that you sat down to eat a feast, and wound up with hamburger.

• Alison Eastwood
• Andrea Runge
• Unidentified

GIANT BURGERS AND OTHER FAT NEWS
Want Giant Buns? - Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania, lost its claim on the world's biggest hamburger (11 pounds) when another restaurant introduced a 12.5-pound burger. But Denny's has reclaimed the throne with the Belly Buster, a 15-pound burger. It has 10.5 pounds of beef, 25 cheese slices, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, and 1-1/2 cups each of catsup, mustard, mayo, relish and banana peppers. It costs $30, and they say it can feed a family of ten, but if you finish one in three hours, it's free. Four men tried over the weekend, and failed. One said it was like trying to eat half a cow.

If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!