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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Madam Savant
Madam Savant (1997), is an erotic thriller centered around Kira Reed. As the
film opens, Kira's trailer trash husband catches her with the local stud, and
blows him away, but misses her. The husband is jailed, and Kira hops a bus to LA.
En
route, she does a male passenger, who gives her the phone number of a
cousin in LA, who he claims will help her get settled.
The "cousin" turns out to be a black woman much older than the white man
who referred her. She is also the a madam of a whorehouse that every
important police officer and public official in the world frequents. They
are having a big party, when the cops raid, the madam is shot, and Kira
hides with a valise the madam gave her. It is full of money, and the little
black client book. The rest of the film concerns crooked and honest cops and
worried politicians all trying to get the book back.
The plot involved too many people to keep straight, but the film at least
had a plot to follow. I suppose it was a whodunnit, but I never really cared.
Since the film is a soft-core sex film, the most important element of the
plot is that Kira takes over the business, and everyone gets naked
constantly. The weakness of that side of the film is that nearly all the
nude scenes are marred by constant cross-fading, and this distracted from
the eroticism.
-
The film includes full frontal and rear nudity from Kira Reed, Nichole
McAuley, LoriDawn Messuri, Bianca Rocilili and others I was unable to
identify. I suspect the two unknowns are Lorissa McComas and Samantha Mills.
Scoop's note: Yes, the dark-haired one is almost
surely Lorissa!
With that many naked women and a plot, it meets all genre
requirements, and is a must-have for Kira Reed fans. It would be
a solid C if not for the cross-fading.
IMDb: 1.8 with fewer than two dozen votes.
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Night Game
Detective Mike (Roy Scheider) is a big Astros fan out to catch a killer. The notes from the killer seem to point to someone with a penchant for revenge and that's exactly what Mike needs to look into. He's getting political pressure from his boss, other cops and even the FBI,
but nothing seems to get him any closer to the killer until he realizes that there
is a connection between the women. They all attended a certain baseball player's wedding. Mike starts to stalk the team and soon finds one very bitter killer.
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Notes and collages
Carnal Knowledge, Part 8 of 8
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Stinger
Occasionally, I'll do a collage and clips of a movie simply to get a
chance to write a review warning people how bad the movie is. 2005's
Stinger is an example of this, although it doesn't hurt that Daniella
Vesterland is attractive, and did nudity. What she didn't do is acting,
but that's fine, because neither did anyone else in this mess.
Among other things, Stinger features some of the most gawdawful CGI
you'll see. Indeed, the Saturday morning cartoons are much better done.
Add a storyline that can easily be predicted just from the title, a script
that would make a junior high drama class blush from embarrassment, and
acting that isn't even as good as that junior high group would do, and
about the only thing left to complement is hot Daniella and her boobies.
Oh, yes, and even those appear to be fake.
An American sub is lost at sea for two months. It had been carrying an
experimental top-secret cargo, and the scientists that were working on the
cargo. When its location is discovered, the military sends a salvage team
of marines headed by two women scientists who had worked on the original
project. Only after people start dying do the marines learn what the
project was. (Hint: the title of this dreck is Stinger, remember?)
Sure, they make this kind of crap by the boatload, and no one really
expect it to be much. Most are satisfied to enjoy the fun and laugh at the
stupidity, but this one will only produce groans. Supposedly, they spent a
million dollars making this ruptured turkey, and why the producers didn't
ask for a nine hundred thousand dollar refund, I don't know. Watching the
play-marines shoot off thousands of rounds of automatic rifle ammo in a
closed submarine (and with nary a ricochet) won't even make you laugh;
it'll make you cry. It's just SO stupid. I normally love creature
features, but in this case, the only thing to love is Daniella.
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Daniella Vesterland |
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The Comedy Wire
Los Angeles prosecutors have filed papers on Paris Hilton for driving on a
suspended license while on probation for DUI. The unamused prosecutors want her
license suspended for another four months, her car impounded for 30 days, and
for Hilton to spend 45 days in the county jail and another 90 banned from
consuming any alcohol while wearing a 'round-the-clock remote monitoring
device. To save her from jail, her attorneys will have to convince a judge that
it was either a driving emergency or that Hilton wasn't aware she was on
probation with a suspended license.
* It should be easy enough to prove that Paris Hilton
wasn't aware of anything.
Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, who resigned after admitting to a gay
sexual affair with an unqualified government appointee, announced that he's
entering the seminary to become a priest. A friend said, "Despite what some
people think, he's a very spiritual person."
* He loves his fellow man.
* He gets down on his knees at least once a day.
Today is "No Pants Day," when people are encouraged to show their
creativity and unconventionality by showing up somewhere in public without
pants.
On this day in 1973, in the PBS play "Steambath," Valerie Perrine became the
first actress to appear nude on US network TV.
On this day in 1968, McDonald's introduced the Big Mac.
* I'm amazed Bill Clinton didn't make this a national
holiday.
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