Calendar Girls (2003) has been covered more than once by Scoopy, and I finally got the chance to screen it. By the end of act two, it was headed for my top 100 of all time list, and then they ran out of conflict to drive act three, so they manufactured some, changing the tone of the film, and not in a good way. To refresh your memory, it is the true story of a group of middle aged women from the Ladies Institute in a small village in Yorkshire, who decide to make a nude calendar to raise money for a sofa for the family waiting room at their local hospital. One of their husbands died that year of Leukemia, and they noticed how deplorable the sofa was.

While they focused on getting the calendar shot, and produced, and then becoming a far larger success than any of them could have imagined, the film was dead brilliant, but the climax of the story, being flown to LA for the Leno show, came about 30 minutes before they wanted to end it. To create some dramatic tension, they manufactured trouble at home and a strained relationship with her best friend for Helen Miren's character, and I liked it much better as a feel good comedy about believable people that could easily be my neighbors.

The ladies are, as of this writing, well on their way to earning one million pounds, and have not only paid for the new sofa, but an entire new wing dedicated to Leukemia. Scoopy has already written the nudity summary, and audience and critical response. Even with the flawed last act, this is a very enjoyable film, and one that I will watch again. C+.

Dogville (1986)

There isn't any nudity in Dogville (except for Stellan Skarsgaard's middle-aged bum), so the long debate about it doesn't really belong on this page, but in the Movie House. Go here to read what JK, a long-time reader, and I had to say, point and counterpoint.

OTHER CRAP:

• The advance demand for Shrek 2 is so "ogre-whelming" that the release date has been pushed back two days to a Wednesday. I guess they are expecting it to achieve mega-blockbuster status.
• Greg Rucka, the writer of the new WONDER WOMAN movie, says that Charisma Carpenter has lost the chance to appear as the lead character because she posed for Playboy Huh?? So T&A and a buff body will be a liability for the role? Is Katharine Hepburn still alive?
• The Daily Show looks at the military abuses in Iraq
• A Lunar Eclipse Mosaic - impressive
• Here's the first trailer for Catwoman. It looks better than I expected, although the costime is High Cheese.
• The last man is no longer standing. American Idol is now between four women.
• Mac OS X riddled with security holes. Secunia has given the five - yes, five - new patches a "highly critical" rating and warned that they may allow hijacking, security bypass, data manipulation, privilege escalation, denial of service and system access.
• The Sasser worm took down the computers of the UK Coast Guard.
• Who composed the score for the old Flash Gordon serial?
• Borowitz Report: SADDAM CALLS PRISONER ABUSE 'TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE' "The Work of Amateurs", Madman Says
• The complete transcript of President Bush's interview on Al Arabiya
• Super Secret Celebrity Secrets Vol. 1
• The Mailinator - very useful temporary e-mail address system. .
• Fundie Christian far-right nutburger Judge Moore is acting like a candidate for the Presidency.
• WELCOME TO EXIT MUNDI: A COLLECTION OF END-OF-WORLD SCENARIOS
• Here is the trailer for I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
• The trailer for Undertaking Betty - a black comedy which features Walken as an undertaker who wants to put the fun back in "fun"erals. The great cast includes Brenda Blethyn, Alfred Molina, and Naomi Watts.
• Here's a behind the scenes featurette about King Arthur.
• The international trailer from - The Day After Tomorrow
• Pro Volleyball Player and Model Gabrielle Reese Signs on to Cloud Nine: "Reece will play a professional volleyball player named Christina who doesn't approve of a team of volleyball-playing strippers "
• The Smoking Gun offers a complete copy of the military investigative report into abuses perpetrated by soldiers working at the Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad.
• A 44-year-old woman told police she robbed a string of banks to raise money to pay for surgery for her cancerous cat. A STRING of banks? How much does cat surgery cost?
• Man shoots six giant nails into his own skull - and he's doing fine. "I've had worse!"
• The first accurate biography of the poet, Walt "Big Wally" Whitman. Sounds like it comes out of Wikipedia! Note the teacher's comment on the bottom.
• Buried Iraqi Jets
• Now THIS is a cool golf cart.
• Mythical Serpents are an endangered species in Sweden
• The Yeti and the Penguin - the internet's equivalent of Mickey Mouse
• ADIRONDACK HOCKEY TEAM ANNOUNCES FINALISTS IN NAME THE TEAM SWEEPSTAKES - 'MULLETEERS' AMONG THE FINAL SIX.
• The woman who was assigned Chris Rock's old cell phone number. Very entertaining stuff. ... Comment (0)
• USATODAY.com - 25 hottest under 25.
• Images of American GIs supposedly raping and sexually abusing Iraqi women were actually taken by Arabic websites from Hungarian porno sites! The URLs of the sites are found within.
• Lindsay Lohan almost falling out of her dress.
• Lindsay Lohan really falling out of her dress.
• A giant squid will fuck anything that moves. This movie rights for this book have already been optioned, with Colin Farrell pencilled in as the giant squid.
• This week, Wisconsin is full of monkey shit. Well, fullER.
• Kate Beckinsale: brainy, funny, and ... oh, yeah ... one hot tootsie.
• Barbie-shaped women are more fertile.
• Well, Michael Moore is in teh news again, so here's POINT COUNTERPOINT ... POINT: 'Bowling For Truth' ---- a line-by-line breakdown of Bowling for Columbine , and COUNTERPOINT: Wacko Attacko, Moore's response.
• I searched Amazon.com for "Bertolt Brecht", and it took me directly to the page for "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama". Apparently Brecht did some slumming when he wasn't working on Mother Courage and The Threepenny Opera.
• Actor/model Tyrese is up for the lead role in LUKE CAGE and it seems that news may be confirmed in the coming weeks. ..
• Gwyneth Paltrow may quit acting until her kids are grown.
• Today's big news in Norway: New embassy fence built in downtown Oslo. Construction expected to take a year. It is supposed to be designed to prevent terrorist attacks. That seems like an implausible justification, given that time frame, unless they figure the terrorists are entitled to a year of free access!
• Steven Seagal grows in stature - by about 70 pounds. He'll be wearing Brando's second-hand muu-muus before long.
• MichaelMoore.com givers the expected reaction to Disney's decision to block Miramax distribution of Michael's new film. This is only the beginning of the story.
  • Moore ends up the big winner on this. I'm sure he will find some way to distribute the film eventually, if not theatrically, then on DVD, and when he does, all this "censorship" publicity will drive additional sales! In effect, Moore is letting Disney and the mainstream media do his promotional campaign for free, while also getting the opportunity to scream "censorship" and push his agenda. (Remember how Bill O'Reilly and his pals drove Al Franken's incredibly crappy book toward the top of the charts?)
  • Having said that, I don't know what else Disney could have done. They are into bland entertainment and they avoid controversy whenever possible. They didn't want to piss off either one of the Bushes, especially Florida Bush - Florida is essential to their profit structure. The situation forced them to make a good faith effort to show that they were not supporting Miramax on this project.
  • If you don't know the politics involved, Disney and its Miramax division have been fighting over this from Day 1. Disney just didn't want the kind of attention that this kind of project generates. Miramax's Harvey Weinstein, however, mixes up his profit motive with Democratic politics, and has consistently encouraged Moore on this project.
  • Overseas rights have apparently been secured, so North America is the remaining battleground.
• Defamer.com. Here is a site that might be worth bookmarking if you are into celebrity gossip.
• Presidente Bush gives interviews to Arab TV stations today to mitigate the damage caused by the Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal.
• Celeb gossip: The Department of Hair Plugs
• The Top 125 Mopst Visited Political Websites On The Net
• Sylvio Berlusconi is now the longest serving Italian Prime Minister - more than two weeks without a recall!. Seriously, Italy has had 59 prime ministers since WW2 ended. The USA has had 11 Presidents in that time.
• Guard commander disciplined for nude photos of female soldiers in Iraq
• Four short films of Playboy Big Breast Babes!
• Playmate Gallery of Kym Malin (May 1982) Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Here is a scene from Toy Story that you may have missed.
• Disney Forbidding Distribution of new Michael Moore Film That Criticizes the Prez: "The Walt Disney Company is blocking its Miramax division from distributing a new documentary by Michael Moore that harshly criticizes President Bush, executives at both Disney and Miramax said Tuesday."
• Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda, together at last
• 7 clips from Off the Lip : "Kat, a brand new journalism grad, has landed her first big job. It's in Hawaii and she couldn't be more excited. All it requires is an upbeat personality, good instincts and a lot of perseverance. But Kat is finding the work harder than she ever imagined. For one thing, her prey - an elusive big wave surfer named 'The Monk' - doesn't intend to be found, and the friendly locals are being somewhat less than helpful. Her uninvited boyfriend is driving her crazy, her ex-surfer guide has been on the losing end of too many waves, the geek she's reporting to is falling in love with her, and she's wanted by the FBI. What's a girl to do?! Kat realizes too late that finding 'The Monk' will cost her more than she could ever afford. But can she foresee that she'll wind up finding herself?"
• Big Bright Bug Nebula: Astronomy Picture of the Day
• Longhorn to Steal Limelight at WinHEC: "Microsoft is expected to recommend that the 'average' Longhorn PC feature a dual-core CPU running at 4 to 6GHz; a minimum of 2 gigs of RAM; up to a terabyte of storage; a 1 Gbit, built-in, Ethernet-wired port and an 802.11g wireless link; and a graphics processor that runs three times faster than those on the market today. "

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Various

• Shelley Duvall in the seldom-seen Robert Altman film, Thieves Like Us. (.avi, .wmv). I haven't seen this in 30 years, and would like to see it again, but they have been in no hurry to get it on DVD.

• Suzanna Hamilton in 1984 (.avi, .wmv)

• Gabrielle Anwar in the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (.avi, .wmv)

• Mary-Louise Parker in Sugartime. I can't tell if there is anything to see in terms of nudity, but it's certainly a raunchy scene. (.avi, .wmv)

BONUS: here's some Mary-Louise Parker nudity (maybe) that I've never seen before, from Master Spy, the Robert Hanssen Story. (I said "maybe" because I never trust "photos within a movie".

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Diane Keaton, topless and mostly full frontal in scenes from her Oscar nominated role in "Something's Gotta Give" (2003).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Let's see if I have this straight. A hard-looking redhead walks into a police station to report her boyfriend's murder. She weaves a tale of the rich and powerful, banding together to see their every desire fulfilled. And the cops don't believe there is such a group?! It's called the Republican Party, nimrods.

So, okay, this is another sort of organization, one in which members of a network... The Passion Network... can order up some sex any time of the day or night. The redhead and her erstwhile boyfriend were forced into it, as those who would be called up when the urge struck one member, or sometimes two. And now he's dead.

The tale unfolds as Janna, the redhead, played by Stephanie Beaton, says some stuff to the skeptical cops, punctuated by some phrase such as, "This you'll never believe" and off we go to a filmed version of the incredible occurence. The only thing incredible about most of her stories, however, is that the guys leave their pants on while humping away. And we're not talkin' about no briefs that might permit lil' Willy out to play, no siree. We're talkin' about some of Levi Strauss' finest garb... denim y'all. Guys. Wearing them. While they are supposed to be boffing some chick. No wonder the cops don't believe her.

Ends up boyfriend is still alive.. for a while longer.. and that leads to an ending so shamelessly ridiculous, so inane... no make that asinine... as to destroy what little good will the movie had built up to that point. Slid this puppy right off the C range and into the D-- bin. Honest to goodness, they'd have been better off just letting the penultimate scene fade to black, leaving us with the vague impression the writer-director was a complete fuck-up, rather than spelling out an ending that removed all the doubt. Paul S. Parco, writer and director of this wretched mess, you suck. Even in a genre where all writers and directors sorta suck anyway, you stand out for just how long and how hard you suck.

Lots of babes give up major goodies. for while the guys hump with genitals covered, the babes do not.

Devin Devasquez, Heffer of the month for June 1985, plays an heiress who hires the boyfriend for a romp in bed and in the bath. Boobs in all, a little bush in collages 3 and 6.

In collage 7, Devin and her hired guy are joined by the major babe of this movie. Her name is Nichole McAuley. Despite the robohooters and the blonde hair this woman is a serious hottie. So I looked her up on IMDb. Lots of movies, some of them major productions, but she is most often listed as "uncredited." I figured a serious fan must have following her career and wrote it all down, which I could understand fully. But then I read ber mini-bio and saw a sentence saying, "Nichole wants to thank her parents for supporting her career." Sheesh, the woman wrote this stuff herself.

• Devin Devasquez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

What she left out is that Nicole McAuley is the model for an online explicit comic called Dakota Drake. Tis a pay site so I don't know how explicit it might be but the few pics I found on the web suggests Nichole gets nekkid a lot online. In this movie, too. Seven collages, robohooters throughout, some bush in 4, bum in 5 and 6. The best up-close exposure is found in #'s 5-7. Collage 6 is my favorite, constructed as it was from two series of slow pans across Nichole's bod.

• Nichole McAuley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Four other women are named and uncovered (an orgy scene and a three-way girl-girl scene fill up some more time and space with anonymous babes).

Jane Smith has a well-lighted sport-humpin scene. Jane is not exactly drop-dead gorgeous and she has more than a bit of a paunch on her waistline, but her upper goodies are a product of natural development. Impressive. BTW, The Gimp informs me that Jane is a former adult film star who used the name, Tina Tyler whilst doing the nasty for real.

• Jane Smith aka Tina Tyler (1, 2, 3)

Stephanie Beaton has, I don't know four, maybe five, sport-humping scenes. And I just wanted them to stop. I grabbed only the most attractive frames and then put together only the best of those to make four collages. Otherwise, Stephanie's chunky, silicon-enhanced frame is, to put things politely, not my cup of tea.

• Stephanie Beaton (1, 2, 3, 4)

Tracy Turner plays a siliconized employee of the Passion Network. She boffs one guy in a men's room and another guy in a bedroom. Triple B performance with a close-up of a clean-shaven nether region in collage 2.

• Tracy Turner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Last woman is something of a mystery. She has a few lines and the best, most convincing scene of boy meets girl. That the boy keeps his shorts on does not detract from her performance. The actress is a cute little strawberry blonde with a small, natural frame... and that, ladies and gentlemen, IS my cup of tea. But I'm unsure about the name. The only listed actress I could not match to a character is Maggie Louie, so I put two and two together. May have gotten five. For you see, Maggie Louie is supposed to play Maggie Louie, which sorta implies she is famous or something (as in Jennifer Lopez as Jennifer Lopez). But, the only Maggie Louie I know is a West Coast singer. So I'm labeling the collages as being of Maggie Louie but boy am I ever willing to hear what anyone else has to say about it.

• Maggie Louie (1, 2, 3)

That's it, then. Lots of nekkid women, not all of them worth looking at, in a story that defines the word, "sucks" for this genre. Gotta tell ya, I spent way too much time on this for what I got out of it.

"My Little Eye"
The good news about this 2002 thriller/horror flick is that Jennifer Sky gets naked. The bad news is they made a movie out of it.

Five loser-types enter a contest to live in a remote (and secret) house for six months, big-brother style. Their every move is captured by webcams, and if any of the five leave, they all lose the million dollar prize. Naturally, bad things start to happen as the participants don't leave, they just start dying.

I sense that better acting, decent picture quality and production might have made this a pretty good movie; unfortunately it wasn't.

• Jennifer Sky

• Sandy Brooke goes topless in two scenes....love that 80's perm. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Sandy Brooke, .wmvs of her toplessness. (1, 2)

Links 1-3...fully nude underwater poses with breast a bum views (plus a subltle hint of pubes)
Links 4 and 5...see thur bum views. #5 also has a side breast view (with nipple)
Link #6...legs that go on forever.
Link #7...lying on the beach in a swimsuit. No nudity, but this woman is so incredibly sexy that you'll enjoy the pose anyway.

"PUNK'D" PRANK BACKFIRES
But Rappers Are Famous For Their Sense Of Humor! - The National Enquirer reports that one of Ashton Kutcher's pranks for his MTV show "Punk'd" backfired when he tried to stage a mock arrest of the hip-hop group, The Black Eyed Peas. They were invited to a party at a Beverly Hills mansion, only to find it was a mock brothel. When actors dressed as cops rushed in to "raid" the party, members of the rappers' entourage slugged one and tackled another and shoved him into the pool. The "Punk'd" crew rushed out to reveal it was a joke, but the band wasn't laughing.