Thursday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Innocents (2000) is a Canadian thriller which sports a French Cellist/music professor on a road trip, two deranged sisters (Mia Kirshner and Connie Nielsen), an alcoholic mother, and abusive father, a perverted judge, two highway serial killers, and lots of shooting. You might wonder how they could combine all of this into a movie worth watching. Well, my opinion is that they couldn't. Nielsen was not really her fathers child, but the product of one of her mother's flings. Her father had the hots for her, so the mother left. Little sister (Kirshner) say him abusing her, which pretty much screwed her up for life. All of this happens before the movie starts. The music professor has an accident and meets Nielsen, who is a nurse at the hospital. The two end up in bed, then Connie and Mia kill their father, and go with the professor on a road trip.

Well, that is the set-up. The only possible reason to watch this is breasts and buns from Nielsen. They were, however, in a nearly black scene, and a brief one at that. For some reason I can't fathom, the current IMDB score is 7.2 based on 12 votes. The film did have atmosphere, but the 4/3 transfer was poor, which detracted from the mood. The original film probably looked better based on the Widescreen trailer. A comment at IMDB reads "About halfway through the movie, we're trying to decide what's more ridiculous: the over-the-top emoting over deep, dark family secrets; Dominique's personality; the cello-and-fiddle jam session at a country-western bar; Gerard's big, dumb puppy-dog eyes; or the fact that we're still watching." This is a C- at best.

Movies:

Mountain of the Cannibal God, one of the most shocking of the Italian jungle pictures, actually has one of the best DVD's I've seen for older movies.

1) It is an excellent 2.35 widescreen anamorphic transfer

2) It is a fully restored version of the film. It isn't much of a movie unless you're really into Italian jungle pictures, but it looks super. I had an earlier DVD of this film which was a bare-bones DVD of a censored version with a non-anamorphic transfer. This uncensored version has several graphic sex and violence scenes - a woman masturbating in front of the gyno cam, a guy screwing a giant hog, people ripping the intestines out of a victim in order to enjoy a cannibal feast. Good stuff.

3) It has one of the coolest features I've ever seen on a DVD. they have an interview with the director where he talks about the famous close-up scene of a python eating a monkey. In the interview he says "oh, no, it wasn't planned. It was just a chance thing. The snake just snapped up all of a sudden, and we left the cameras rolling. I feel so bad that we did nothing for the monkey".

Then, the documentary makers interrupt the interview to demonstrate that he is lying. A frame-by-frame dissection of the film shows that the python did not snap at the monkey. In fact, they had the monkey attached to a device which was camouflaged as a tree branch - and they waited until the snake was teased into showing its fangs, then shoved the monkey into his mouth!!!! You have to love a director's interview where they pause to show you that he is bullshitting you. I think this should be made mandatory with every DVD!

But you have to live any film where they can claim "many animals were harmed in the making of this film".  And you have to love any movie with Ursula Andress naked. I didn't do too many collages since I've done it before, and Tuna also covered it extensively, but they are pretty good ones. The first one is a two-frame composite.

Ursula (1, 2, 3, 4)

Other crap:

Deleted Spiderman footage hits the internet. Sorry, it's not a breast thing. Includes scenes with the WTC towers. (full story)

Fox News takes a wicked dump on the new Star Wars movie. Something about how the hatemongering right-wing old guys are always evil in this series, not noble like on Fox News. Seriously, the article contains spoilers.

Nude ballet. Link sent in by a visitor. This site includes a ballet clip from a London production of Rite of Spring. The clip is in three different formats. One woman is stark naked. If any of you would care to do some vidcapping, maybe even find out who she is .....

Oracle of Bacon. The original 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon game, in case you've forgotten it, or never played it. Addictive!

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Elizabeth Peña, brief breast exposure in "Across the Moon".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Back to the original "Barbarian Queen " movie for another Babe in Bondage, Dawn Dunlap as she is attacked, tied up and topless.

• Dawn Dunlap, topless (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Here's a clip from the band Apathy, the appropriately-named group of that fine young man who was going around putting pipe bombs in little old ladies' mailboxes. He sounds like Paul Williams with an advanced case of constipation. At least this proves there are worse things than bombs he could've left in people's mailboxes. His CD, for example...

Here's an interesting garden design. I believe Ron Jeremy was the landscape architect.