Jennifer Rubin

Herr Haut did a few caps from Saints and Sinners, and it reminded me of something that I have meant to write about and never did. We have joked about a lot of people whose presence in a movie guarantees that it will be crap. I've pointed out that Juergen Prochnow's picture on a DVD box has the same meaning as a cow skull next to a water hole, and I've written often of the curse of Bryan Brown.

But, excepting the performers of softcore, nobody compares to Jennifer Rubin.

Prochnow has been in 23 films or TV movies rated 5.0 or lower at IMDB, including House of the Dead, 16th worst of all time. But it took him 36 years in the business to accumulate so many credits in bad movies, and he was also in some good ones like The English Patient and The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum, and even starred in one brilliant one (Das Boot).  Even Bryan Brown was in one great movie, Breaker Morant, which is often considered a masterpiece.

But Jennifer Rubin retired with a perfect record. She never had a major role in a good movie. Although the former model is certainly attractive, and some of her performances are a-ight, her name or picture on the DVD box really is an absolute guarantee that the movie will stink! She was in 29 movies and an incredible total of 22 of them are rated 5.1 or lower, approximately matching in her short career an achievement that took 64-year-old Juergen Prochnow an entire lifetime of acting in bad movies and television shows.  TEN of her movies score in the threes at IMDb. That is a truly astounding statistic, because Gerard Depardieu has 113 films with an IMDB rating, and only TWO of them are in the threes.  None of her movies are above 7. She was in one movie rated above 6.5 - Oliver Stone's The Doors, which could fairly be called a good movie - but she had such a tiny role that I don't even remember if she had a line, so you won't find her name or pic on the DVD box, thus maintaining her record.

There isn't much chance she can break her streak, since she pulled a Sandy Koufax and quit while she was ... er ...  on top. She retired from films in 2001 while still in her thirties, and is now working as a hostess in a New York restaurant.

Here is the roll of shame:

1. (6.69) - The Doors (1991)
2. (6.13) - Road Kill (1999)
3. (6.12) - Permanent Record (1988)
4. (5.95) - Delusion (1991)
5. (5.89) - A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
6. (5.68) - Screamers (1995)
7. (5.27) - The Fear Inside (1992) (TV)
8. (5.13) - Full Eclipse (1993) (TV)
9. (5.09) - The Crush (1993)
10. (4.89) - Drop Dead Gorgeous (1991) (TV)
11. (4.85) - Twists of Terror (1996) (TV)
12. (4.80) - A Woman, Her Men, and Her Futon (1992)
13. (4.66) - Playmaker (1994)
14. (4.50) - Loved (1997)
15. (4.41) - Bad Dreams (1988)
16. (4.36) - Falcon Down (2000)
17. (4.34) - Deal of a Lifetime (1999)
18. (4.25) - Bitter Harvest (1993)
19. (4.05) - The Coriolis Effect (1994)
20. (3.99) - Amazons and Gladiators (2001)
21. (3.82) - Blueberry Hill (1988)
22. (3.75) - Last Lives (1997)
23. (3.64) - Plump Fiction (1997)
24. (3.59) - Red Scorpion 2 (1994)
25. (3.49) - Too Much Sun (1991)
26. (3.43) - The Wasp Woman (1995) (TV)
27. (3.43) - Sanctimony (2000) (TV)
28. (3.42) - Little Witches (1996)
29. (3.29) - Fatal Conflict (2000)

Jennifer Rubin in Saints and Sinners

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

In a new sex survey of American students in grades 7 to 12,  thirteen thousand teens were surveyed twice, a year apart, and asked if they'd
had sex and if they'd signed a pledge to keep their virginity.  In the second survey, those who had sex for the first time in the year since were three times more likely to change their stories and deny they'd signed a virginity pledge.  And those who'd previously admitted having sex and had signed a virginity pledge since were four times more likely to deny they'd ever had sex.  The study's author, a Harvard doctoral student, said it shows teenagers might only recall memories that are consistent with their current beliefs.

*  Or it could mean teenagers lie about their sex lives... but that's just crazy.



Home-schoolers no longer have to graduate alone and without hoopla.  The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that last week, 35 home-schooling parents rented the convention center for a graduation ceremony with 800 guests.  And more and more parents are paying for class rings, announcements and even yearbooks for home-schooled kids. 

*  Very, very thin yearbooks...Actually, just a school photo in a three-ring binder.