Shandra: The Jungle Girl (1999) is a titty flick straight to vid. Shandra (played by Lisa Throw) is a jungle queen who lives forever, and has sexual power over men. A research institute wants to capture her to find her secrets, and a government agency wants to take her apart with the idea of developing a super biological weapon. The institute hires Lisa Comshaw, a big game hunter, to capture her. Mia (AKA Mia Zottoli, Ava Lake) and her scientist partner go along. Vanessa Taylor, as a stripper, rounds out the female members of the cast, and the exposure.

They manage to capture Shandra, and everybody has sex with her at least once. Everyone is interested in exploiting her except Mia and her partner. All four women show breasts. This is an awful film, and an equally bad transfer. There is little nudity, the sex is tepid and mainly implied, and I think all of the dialogue was improvised, based on the illiterate English it was peppered with. IMDb readers weren't fooled, and have it at 2.1. This is a clear F.

The King's Whore (1990)

I wrote last week that this is not available on DVD, and two alert readers wrote to tell me that it is, albeit on an incredibly crappy DVD, one of those that comes in the hard plastic see-through case and sells for four bucks at Best Buy.

So here it is.

The transfer is abysmal, but at least it allowed us to cap a large, fairly clear representation of the famous Valeria Golino open beaver shot. (Collage number three).

• Valeria Golino. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) There was quite a bit more, but the poor transfer didn't permit any worthwhile images.

La Mentale (2002)

I'll be damned if I can figure out how people decide which French films to distribute in America. I can see the logic in distributing great movies, movies that are uniquely French, or movies that provide something fresh and creative that can't be seen in American films.

What I can't follow is the logic in distributing a grade B French copy of an American genre film which consists mainly of grade B films to begin with! If we wanted to see a film like La Mentale, there are about 10 Hollywood movies and 10 indies with this exact same premise every year, and they have the extra benefit of being in English.

What's it about?

I'll give you the start of the premise. Let me see if you can guess the rest.

A criminal is released from jail. He is determined to work a regular job and make a decent life with his beautiful straight-arrow girlfriend, but his old criminal buddies want him to come back for ____________.

Is your answer locked in?

If you guessed anything else besides "one last big job", shame on you. This has now been the premise of about every third film since the Lumieres screened their first film. In fact, this very plot was probably in the Lumieres' second film.

Our ex-con gets drawn in deeper. Yadda yadda. Gang wars. Yadda Yadda. Turf battle. Yadda yadda. Ex-girlfriends. Innocent people killed. Yadda yadda. Bloody shoot out. Tragedy. Yak yak. And so forth.

This film has absolutely no American audience. It has no appeal to the intellectual Francophiles who adore French cinema, and it has no appeal to mainstream audiences who would go to see a French film if it were truly special, ala Amelie. The type of Americans who want to see this kind of film are not the same type that go to movies with subtitles, especially when the film covers no new ground at all.

If this really appeals to you, you should be able to find a few hundred American movies with the same plot, better production values, and no subtitles.

Even the nudity is a cheap rip-off. Pretty Marie Guillard flashes a nipple in the opening credits - pretty promising, right? That was it for the entire film.

Even Clotilde Courau, who makes a living by being "the slutty-lookin' chick who gets naked", played against type in this film as "the slutty-lookin' chick who stays dressed".

• Marie Guillard
• Unknowns

.wmv files

• Before Owen Wilson, there was Ryan O'Neal. Wilson's 2004 film, The Big Bounce, was a remake of a 35 year old Ryan O'Neal film, or more precisely, the second unsuccessful effort to translate the Elmore Leonard novel to a screenplay. The earlier film sucks just as bad, but has much better nudity. Here's Leigh Taylor-Young. (1, 2, 3, 4)

MAILBOX

Hi Scoop,

Could you ask your readers if anyone has these shots?

- TV legend Jaye P. Morgan apparently bared her breasts in "The Gong Show Movie." I've had the hots for her since I watched this show as a kid.

- Actress Lisa Edelstein played Rob Lowe's hooker girlfriend in the first season of "The West Wing." In the pilot episode, in a scene in bed with Lowe, she rolls over on her knees and gives a glorious pantied, posterior  view of her nether regions. No nudity, but the shot is quite sexy, as you can still see a lot. It's a quick but clear frame on the DVD.

thanks for a great page,
K.

Scoop's response:

Here is the Jaye P Morgan picture, courtesy of Celebrity Sleuth Volume 3, Number 3.

One of you guys will have to help out with the other request. I drew a blank.

OTHER CRAP:

• Networks ready to unveil Fall plans, and they ... well, they'll suck, as always. But at least they'll include some NEW sucky stuff. Well, not new really. More like rehashed.
• Guitar Jam Machine. Pretty cool site. Create guitar chords, learn the fingering, listen to playback.
• Whitney Houston Rehabbed, ready for more drugs getting high on life.
• KNEEL! You have reached GeneralZod.net. Very entertaining site!
• Yogi Bear busted! Pic-a-nic basket kingpin crushed by SWAT raid.
• The Smoking Gun finds NBC's preliminary 1994 evaluation of "Friends".
• David Fincher's new project is ...
• Mark your calendars and pour yourself a White Russian: June 18-20, Louisville, LebowskiFest '04!
• JoBlo.com's Hottie Update!
• The Weinsteins to buy Moore's film from Miramax with their own money, then seek a new distributor.
• Actress Pamela Anderson becomes a US citizen
• The Daily Show looks at the goldfish-swallowing of the new millennium - Nader-voting.
• The Daily Show shows the impact of democracy on suede.
• The Daily Show evaluates Donald Rumsfeld's latest woes.
• The Daily Show's Jon Stewart interviews Janeane Garofalo.
• Fascinating report from the Daily Show - the South Carolina Constitution requires alcohol in taverns to be dispensed from mini-bottles.
• U.S. TO COURT-MARTIAL DISPOSABLE CAMERA. A disposable camera that allegedly took humiliating photos at Abu Ghraib prison will be court-martialed in Baghdad next week, the Pentagon confirmed today.
• The Great American Author, Peter Nguyen, weighs in on the suffering of Jesus.
• Beyonce seems to be wearing Madonna's old clothes.
• 'Smallville's' Kristin Kreuk Is Doing It for Herself
• The second installment of 'The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman,' called 'Hindsight', will come online on May 20.
• Sony debuts eagerly-awaited Playstation Portable.
• We all know what a "Dear John letter" is, but how did that phrase originate?
• Tampa Bay Lightning Offers Free Beer To Season Ticket Buyers
• Headline of the day: Bathers warned of kick-boxing shrimp.
• Playboy plans "The Women of Home Depot".
• A MURDERED woman's devastated parents are accusing Ashton Kutcher of hindering the investigation into the death of their 22-year-old daughter
• Peeping Toms with cell phone cameras targeted by Congress
• A couple has been ordered not to conceive any more children. Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are said to be mortified by the decision.
• Louisiana lawmakers debate resolution making plumber's crack illegal.
• Olsen twins gossip - booze, sex, bukkake ... OK, maybe not bukkake, but an occasional Double Dirty Sanchez.
• This is an excellent little humorous film, played straight. Who cries for the Pinata?
• Ralph Klein shared a five-minute chat with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday, talking hockey wagers and energy only to find out a day later that it was all a hoax staged by an Edmonton radio station.
• World-class violinist? World-class arm-wrestler?
• Turns out there WAS some stoppin' him now. R&B's John Whitehead shot to death in Philly at 55.
• The best pitcher in 2004? Same guy who was the best pitcher in 1986.
• MR SPOCK has taken photos of God - and she is a naked woman.
• The ones to watch at Cannes 2004
• Why Cannes sucks.
• "Tarantino loves crappy Hollywood genre films, so Cannes can find room for zombie thriller remake Dawn of the Dead and big-budget behemoth Troy."
• Mariah Carey flashes fan, fan turns and leaves.
• Six clips from A Day Without a Mexican
• The 46 Best-ever Freeware Utilities
• Brazil's justice ministry announced the expulsion of New York Times correspondent Larry Rohter two days after the newspaper published a story about President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva's drinking.
• Pittsfield, Mass finds a 1791 law outlawing baseball! (Most people say the origin of baseball was between 1823 and 1846)
• Syracuse teams change nickname to simply "Orange" "We are the only school in the country that has orange as its official color. We want to accentuate that fact", said some Syracuse dude, as I sit here, a former U Texas student with my various orange memorabilia including shirts, book covers, etc!

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Classics

• Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in January Man (.avi, .wmv)

• since Clotilde Courau didn't get nekkid in La Mentale (above), Shiloh got together a perfect clip of her -  stark naked, full frontal, in great light in Le Poulpe. Simply a great scene, kind of a serious version of Amanda Peet's famous scene in The Whole Nine Yards (.avi, .wmv)

• Julia Ormond always seemed to me like one of those actresses who never became as big a star as she deserved to be. This film, The Prime Gig, came and went without anyone noticing.  (.avi, .wmv)

• Joanna Going, a nudity hall of famer, in Lola  (.avi, .wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Josie Maran, the model and current "Van Helsing" babe showing a little cleavage.

• Leslie Bibb

• Mandy Moore, the young singer and actress also showing a tiny bit of cleavage.

• Rachel Boston, the "American Dreams" co-star wearing a lo-cut dress.

• Karin Mani bares breasts and bum in two shower scenes. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

• Karin Mani .wmvs of her shower scenes. (1, 2, 3)

PAM'S NIPPLES ALL OVER NBC
Jackpot! - Last night, Pamela Anderson appeared on Jay Leno's "Tonight Show" from Las Vegas. Leno showed a nude photo of her from Playboy with only her nipples pixilated. Apparently, neither Leno nor Pam realized that under the bright TV lights, her stretched-tight, black spandex top became semi-transparent, and her nipples were plainly visible throughout the entire show.