Veronica 2030 (1999) day two. Last night, we introduced the characters, now lets put names to them. The two models who work for the lingerie fetish shop are played by Wendy Dudson and Sandy Wasko. Wasko has several credits for acting and stunt work. Dudson is a one-time wonder. The female scientist is played by Stephanee LaFleur, who has modeled for Bayliner Boats, worked with Playboy, and is again making films. And last is Veronica, played by Julia.

The two scientists must come back in time to retrieve Veronica, veronica sees her boss, whom she has a crush on, having sex with the two models, and goes to work for Nikki Fritz for a while, but everything turns out fine in the end. Meanwhile, all of the women show everything, and most of them have numerous sex scenes with both men and women, and model exotic lingerie the rest of the time.

IMDb readers have this scored at 2.2, but based on comments, they are reviewing a heavily edited and censored version. I am giving it a C+ as a soft-core. What it lacks in plot complexity, it makes up for in nudity and simulated sex.

A quick refresher to get you up to speed. In 1993-1994, there were two major Wyatt Earp movies, both of which have now become two disk DVD sets. The first was Tombstone, with Val Kilmer and Kurt Russell as Doc Holliday and Earp, respectively. That one received some critical kudos and garnered $56 million at the box office.  This film, Wyatt Earp, was in the "me too" position, featured two far less charismatic actors (Kevin Costner and Dennis Quaid), was three hours long, and did a disappointing $25 million at the box, despite a lavish $63 million budget.

Summary chart:

That chart leads you to believe that Wyatt Earp is Tombstone's retarded cousin, but that impression is not precisely accurate.

It is true that Tombstone is far more iconographic, more flamboyant, and a much better yarn. On the other hand, I spent some time looking up what really happened in the lives of the people involved, and where the two movies differed, Wyatt Earp had the more accurate version.

A couple of examples:

• Shortly after the death of Morgan Earp, Wyatt and some of his posse killed Frank Stillwell (presumed to be one of the men who ambushed Morgan and Virgil) at the Tucson train station. Tombstone showed Wyatt bravely facing Stillwell down, then letting Ike Clanton go when he begged for mercy. The other movie showed the truth - a revenge-bent mad dog Wyatt Earp unloading bullet after bullet into Stillwell after he fell.

• The death of Johnny Ringo was portrayed in the Russell version in a legendary manner. Ringo was set to fight Wyatt Earp, who he expected to kill in a fair fight, because he was a great gunfighter and Earp wasn't. Somehow, Doc Holliday, the greatest of all the gunfighters, crawled out of his death bed and got to Ringo before his friend Earp could arrive, thus changing the gun battle to one which Ringo could expect to lose, and did lose. Not only does this version have no basis in fact, or even in legend, but it doesn't even make sense in the script. Earp had to go to point A, where he got a message to meet Ringo at point B - a place Holliday did not know about. So even if Holliday could have crawled out of bed, dressed, saddled his horse, and raced past his friend to get to Ringo first, despite his friend's massive head start and good health, he could not have known where to go in the first place! There is simply no way he could have been there to battle Ringo, yet there he was.

Even the actors in Wyatt Earp, being down-to-earth "regular Joe" kinds of guys, seemed much more believable than the ones in Tombstone. Kevin Costner portrayed Earp as a decent guy with a cold, hard streak and sometimes a viper's tongue, but Kurt Russell's Earp seems more like a movie hero than a real man (although Russell looked more like Earp, and managed to grow the correct moustache). Dennis Quaid gave an excellent performance, and probably represented Doc Holliday as he really was, while Val Kilmer was completely unbelievable and sometimes downright silly - he seemed like he was playing that histrionic actor character in The Fantastiks.

But compared to Quaid, Kilmer was far more entertaining.

Oh-oh. There's the real point. Look at the last three words of the preceding paragraph. Wyatt Earp is three hours and ten minutes of credibility (with another twenty minutes of deleted scenes). Tombstone is two hours of entertainment. Which one do you want to watch?

I don't know about all of you, but when it comes to movies, I find that the truth is highly overrated.

• Joanna Going (1, 2)

• Annabeth Gish (1, 2)

OTHER CRAP:

• The first rule of Patriot Club - don't talk about Patriot Club.
• The Sun picks the best cleavage ever
• 25 famous (or semi-famous) first lines.
• Great tool - Textalyser - analyze any passage or website for lots of different things, with many modifiable parameters.
• Environmental protection, water systems - lots of videos from the Cousteau Society
• Saddam files war crimes suit!: "VETERAN French lawyer Jacques Verges will today file a war crimes suit against Britain at the International Criminal Court in The Hague. Mr Verges, who says he has been asked to act for former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, said the suit would be on behalf of 'the families of prisoners of the coalition in which Britain participates'."
• Pacino's latest project.
• Some nice pics from Spider-Man 2
• The first trailer for Constantine: Based on the DC/Vertigo comic book Hellblazer, starring Keanu.
• Kurt Vonnegut on war and power.
• The Daily Show looks at the prison abuse scandal.
• The Citizen Kane of XXX dinosaur porn
• Courtney Love is lookin' good!
• Brooklyn Historical Society opens beer exhibit.
• American Idol update. Clips, judges' comments, votes.
• Archaeologists have found what they believe to be the site of the Library of Alexandria, often described as the world's first major seat of learning.
• Party Set for Andy Kaufman this Sunday, Just in Case He Was Faking
• Pi to 1,000,000 places
• Gnaughty gnomes gnot gnude gnow.
• URL says it all: FakeOrNot.com
• Sexual Positions Free - Learn Some New Sexual Positions
• Does your penis look like Jesus'? Circumcise yourself in four E-Z at home steps "For this procedure you will need: A kitchen knife, a can of Crisco, a roll of paper towels, and your penis."
• Boston Globe publishes bogus GI rape pictures. Remember when we busted those fake prisoner abuse pictures from the Hungarian porno site? Several days ago? Well, although they were laughably obvious fakes, the Boston Globe bought them hook, line,and sinker.
• A Southern California city known as 'Little Saigon' has become the first U.S. city to declare itself a 'no Communist' zone. Of course, our city has always been a "No Depardieu" zone.
• The Iraqi national soccer team qualifies for the Olympics!
• The Calgary Flames must have the best naked fans in all of sports.
• You wan cher fuckin' Flying Car? We got cher fuckin' Flying Car right chere (grabs crotch).: "Moller International has developed the first and only feasible, personally affordable, personal vertical takeoff and landing (VTOL) vehicle the world has ever seen. "
• George Costanza spotted in Florida: "A short, dumpy man has been going around town faking choking episodes, apparently to get attention from women"
• ESPN - Writing down the 'Unwritten Rules' of Sport .
• URL probably says it all, although I don't know exactly what "all" entails: PussyPuckerPots.com
• A sexually excited stallion bit a Polish man to death when he tried to calm the beast. Wait, that was no horse. It was Colin Farrell!
• Have 17 years passed already? Trillions of cicadas to hit eastern, southern states. All they do is mate frantically until their next hibernation begins. They're also a lot like Colin Farrell.
• Ollie North on Torturegate: "the kind of thing that you might find on any college campus nowadays" Gosh. That makes me want to be young again.
• Complete recap of the HIV outbreak in the porn industry.
• The teaser poster for Ocean's 12
• Film stars staying at the ritzy Carlton hotel during the Cannes festival risk finding their beds unmade and mini-bars empty. Oh, my God. What will they do? Isn't this, like, in the Geneva Convention or something?
• Colorado braces for 16 inches of snow: Hey, December called, they want their headline back.
• John Waters's 'Dirty Shame' Gets NC-17 Tag. It is only the third such film of the year (Young Adam and The Dreamers are the other two.)
• Shocking shots of sexcapades involving Pfc. Lynndie England were among the hundreds of X-rated photos and videos from the Abu Ghraib prison scandal
• Roadside Architecture. 300 pages of roadside kitsch, memorabilia, art deco, nostalgia, and just plain crap.
• This week's movies: Coffee and Cigarettes - 54% positive reviews. This film is expected to be seen by anywhere from 0 to 2 people, depending on how many of the director's parents are still alive.
• This week's movies: Breakin' All the Rules - 29% positive reviews.
• This week's movies: Troy - 45% positive reviews.
• Quiz: which Homeric hero are you?
• Presidential Rochambeau: Quentin Tarantino, secret bastard son of John Kerry and/or Vince McMahon, shows dad how to throw a proper "rock"
• John Kerry's "short list" for a way to define himself to the American public.
• My Life - The Memoirs of Bill Clinton - optioned for a movie, starring Ron Jeremy.
• The Hot MILFs of Network TV
• You got an ice cream cone in my Pizza! No, you got pizza in my ice cream cone? Mmmmm ... it's the konopizza! "The Konopizza is the biggest fast-food invention since the hamburger." (Actual quote from the company) And there's already Konopizza the TV series, with Zulupizza as Konopizza. .
• Asians have their own Inflatable Love Dolls. (And they all look like the chicks on Speed Racer)
• New CD: The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld and Other Fresh American Songs
• JoBlo.com takes a sneak peek at Resident Evil 2
• A completely hilarious little clip from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story . Highly recommended!
• Gangs used Internet to plan street fight. "The Jets are gonna get more RAM tonight". "I've just met a girl named Maria. Unfortunately, I met her in a chat room, and she's a 42 year old vice cop"
• House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, said he thought 'some people are overreacting' to the gruesome new abuse photos. 'The people who are against the war are using this to their political ends,' said the former pest control specialist.
• The President's approval ratings fall again, amid Iraq woes. His overall rating is at its lowest ebb, as is the approval for his handling of the economy.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Classics

• Holly Marie Combs in A Reason to Believe (.avi, .wmv)

• Mia Sara in Undertow (.avi, .wmv)

• Nicolette Sheridan in Raw Nerve  (.avi, .wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

Can it Be Love (1992) is also known as "Spring Break Sorority Babes." That's about all you need to know about this one.

Plot goes something like this: two Midwestern nerds travel to Southern California, lose their money and car in short order but are adopted by a female private investigator. She wants them to find one of fifty sorority sisters with a distinctive birthmark, for ya see: 1) the sorority gal is an heiress; 2) the inheritance has an "acquire-by" date that is just about to expire. The birthmark is no place readily apparent, even on the beach, so our boys, the detective and a second woman work out ways to view each of the sisters in some state of undress. Shee-it, that there is plenty of plot. All the durn plot you need to make yourself a right-nice movie.

Simple procedure. Hire a bunch of great-looking young women, get them undressed and film them as the boys look at them.

And to a first approximation that is what the makers of this movie have done. But somewhere along the way they lost their nerve. The problem is found in the very different groups of women who make an appearance. There are those who are named and who appear singly. Only one of them, Lorissa McComas, gets sincerely naked.

Then there are the groups of gals who appear collectively in three scenes, a fantasy sequence, a wet t-shirt contest and a cheerleader lockerroom and shower. These gals do give up major goodies and many of the same women appear in all three scenes, but they are named as a group and in only one case was I able to figure out which name went with which babe.

A third group, unnamed babes at the beach, make appearances throughout the movie. These women tend to wear thongs, which makes 'Can It Be..." a real treat for guys with the appreciation for bums as little ol' me.

So, ya sure, for breezy entertainment with lots to look at, this is just a fine and dandy little movie. But it could have been so much more if its makers had followed the sage advice of the wise Uncle Scoopy. Once you've shown boobies, the R rating is a given, so why not show a lot more. It's the Scoopy tits-are-free principle, which rivals the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle for its elegance and power. But the logic eludes those who made this opus magnum. And so the director has many women get to the threshold of exposure and pull back.

The exposed and identified women include:

• 1) Lorissa McComas, who shows off her robohooters and her carbo-buns.

• 2) Shelly Jones, who peels off her top in the entirely gratuitous but so very welcome wet T-shirt contest. Shelly is at least semi-famous. IMDb says she was once an Orange Bowl Queen but has lately rurned to movies of a decidedly adult flavor. She appeared in the Hefmag a while ago and from the pics I was able to identify her.

• 3) Stephanie Finley, who like Lorissa, strips before a two-way mirror. Her scene, however, is marred by the obtrusive reflection of a nerd-hero as he gazes upon her loveliness. Stephanie is a veteran bikini model.

• 4) Jennifer Langdon, a tall skinny blonde, who kind of shows off her mini's and her bum in a shower.
• 5) Lesa Steene, patriotic bikini girl with a killer bum. (1, 2)

• 1) Blake Pickett. She plays the private investigator and looks fantastic. The movie was made in the short period between Blake's job as a gameshow hostess on The Nashville Network and her most recent incarnation as a blonde B-movie bim. Here you see the side of a breast and her shapely but covered bum in a bikini (collage 1) and not much in lingerie (collage 2).

• 2) Julie Clarke, Heffer of the month for March 1991. Julie poses in lingerie that reveals a bit of her bum and what looks to be the darkness of her furry bits.

• 3) Karen Trella. (1, 2, 3) This woman is the best thing about the movie. Karen makes her appearance in the movie wearing a bikini that is skimpy over a body that is yummy. First collage is a composite of frames in a slow pan across her body, whereas the second shows off her el primo bum.

  Later in the movie Karen plays a cheerleader who wears a thong under her uniform, instead of those granny pants these girls usually wear. Great friggin idea! I say we make this mandatory for all cheerleaders outside of Nebraska (where throwing some oil and vinegar on a lawn is called "salad.") Karen, for those who are interested, appeared in the 1994 SI Swimsuit Calendar.

• 5) Maryann Mixon was the main female character. You see her in a bra late in the movie. Nuthin else, nuthin more. First movie she ever made... and the last. Let that be an object lesson to you Hollywood newbies: give up the goodies or you'll never work in that town.

• assorted unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I liked this movie, watched it through to the end not because of the way it lifted the human spirit but because of the babes in and out of bikinis. If that's what motivates y'all, then by all means pick up this disk.

• The new, improved Anna Nicole Smith stopping by the Tonight Show. I don't think she's ever looked better. (1, 2)

• From Monday night's episode of "Las Vegas"
  Vanessa Marcil, excellent cleavage and pokies
  Nikki Cox, her usual cleavage.
  Jessica Rey, no skin, but the former Power Ranger looks very cute.

• Pam Anderson on Leno. As Pat mention in the Comedy Wire section yesterday, Pam was wearing a sheer dress that revealed her nipples under the studio lights during her interview.

• Jewel doing a Loreal ad.

• Joie Lenz, showing some pokies on an episode of "One Tree Hill".

• Sandra Bullock, making a guest appearance on "George Lopez".

"The Curse of the Komodo"
B-movies have their own responsibility. They gotta be bad, of course, but they also need decent acting, a plot that isn't totally ridiculous, some good looking monsters (if they're monster movies like this one), some reasonable production quality, and some gratuitous nudity. 2003's The Curse of the Komodo got most of it right.

A group of genetically altered Komodo Dragons turn against their creators on a remote tropical island. Will the scientists that created them wind up as dinner? You betcha. Oh, and for kicks, let's turn a couple of the guys into zombies after touching the slime exuded by the Komodos. Lame enough to be bad, and good enough to watch, this is a fun B-movie, which has already shown up on Sci-Fi channel (minus most of the nude bathing scene).

• Glori-Anne Gilbert, showing off her mega-robo-hooters.

• Melissa Brasselle, cleavage and some serious pokies.

PORN INDUSTRY BACK IN BUSINESS
Porn Again! - Wednesday, the Southern California porn industry ended its self-imposed moratorium a month earlier than expected. They said batteries of HIV tests have been complete, so performers not on the quarantine list can safely return to work. The porn stars had been out of work for 30 days.