Prince of Bel Air (1986) is a pretty ordinary romantic comedy about a bright pool cleaner, a ladies man with a rich patron, who falls in love with the niece of his patron (Kirstie Allie). He is also tutoring the son of his patron in the fine art of bedding everything in skirts, along with his similar minded buddies. It is the standard boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl plot line. There was humor to be mined in the way this group of predatory males went after women, but they didn't even bother with that.

Barbara Crampton and Leslie Winston show breasts as wiling female sex partners. IMDb readers have this at 6.6 of 10. I can't imagine what anyone saw in it to cause that high a score. It is a C-, with a similar plot line to Hard Bodies, but not nearly as well done.

Updates:

A few hundred new pics were added in volumes M through R

... and God Spoke (1993)

This is the mockumentary about two third-rate filmmakers who somehow persuaded a studio to give them ten million dollars to make a film of the entire Bible. (The first draft came in at 2000 pages - "which was more of a mini-series length")

I didn't love the film from beginning to end the way Tuna did, but I thought they had some really funny ideas. For me it was sixty minutes of solid material spread out over eighty minutes. It would have been great as a one hour comedy special on HBO or Comedy Central. Even as it is, it is not so bad at all!

Some examples of their funny concepts:

• At one point the director thought there might be a realism problem with eight disciples, but he didn't know how many disciples Jesus actually had, and nobody on the set knew. Worse yet, nobody on the set had a copy of The Bible. Somebody in the crew was pretty sure it was ten disciples, so the director insisted on having two more. The producer said there was no money for two more disciples, but the director was a stickler for historical accuracy and would not continue without the full ten! At that point the only remaining problem was the "walk on water" scene, because the boat wouldn't hold ten disciples plus Jesus.

• They cut all the depressing stuff out of the Bible, but their script was still far too long, so they had the ultimate practical solution to shorten it  - cut Jesus!

• Ya gotta love a film in which Incredible Hulk (Lou Ferrigno) plays Cain and Andy Dick is Abel.

• Their film ended up as the worst film ever made, and they were broke. A year later, however, college kids discovered it and turned it into a cult item like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kids would go to the midnight showings dressed as their favorite cheesy characters and recite all the dialogue. You'd see the kids in line, and several would be dressed as Moses, complete with stone tablets and six packs of Coke!

And, of course, you have to love the film clips from their earlier films, Nude Ninjas and Dial S for Sex. ("Dial S did remarkably well in Third World Countries, especially Bangladesh, because they were just getting their first phones when the film played there.")

These nudes are from one of their earlier faux-films, the 1983 classic Nude Ninjas which, as the director explained, was a sensitive and social-conscious drama about women trying to succeed in a traditionally male profession.

• Monique Parent
• Ashlie Rhea
• Lisa Comshaw

Other Crap:

• Does Voting Technology Affect Election Outcomes? Touch-screen Voting and the 2004 Presidential Election. Interesting article. The answer to the question is: "Yes, but not for the reasons you think, and the effect is small." Two economists did a serious study of this question. They basically offered these conclusions:
  1. The adoption of touch-screen technology did seem to produce a higher percentage of votes for President Bush, but ...
  2. "the impact of non-random adoption patterns on vote shares is small, " and ...
  3. The results had nothing to do with fraud. "We find no evidence that touch-screen voting had a larger effect in swing states, or in states with a Republican Secretary of State."
  4. Then how did it help Bush? "The adoption of touch-screen voting has a negative effect on estimated turnout rates." It happens that the effect is greatest in areas with highly concentrated amounts of Hispanic and Black voters. The net impact: a sight tendency to keep likely pro-Democratic voters away from the voting booths.

  Was this anticipated by Republicans? Probably not. Could it have had an impact on the overall statewide total in close races, like Ohio? Yes, certainly some impact, but there is no certainty that the vote count suppression effect was great enough to affect any state's electoral votes.

• Y'know sometimes you can get away with a crime because the police will close the case after a certain time, but I think this is probably not such an example. Man steals doughnut truck.
• Nice little video clip of Teri Hatcher in The Cool Surface (1994)
• Spicy romance? Geri Halliwell's love of sex toys
• Nickerblog: Shane Nickerson responds to the rumors that he's Cameron Diaz's new lover. Basically, his answer is "I wish!"
• DAVE CHAPPELLE tells TIME he's not in a mental hospital or drug rehab, debunking earlier reports in ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY and elsewhere. "She-it, if I was takin' drugs and actin' nuts, why would I want to stop, bitch?"
• Paris Hilton burger ad "couldn't be more pornographic".
• Here's a video of Sophie Marceau falling out of her dress at Cannes. By the strangest and most improbable coincidence, the grey-haired guy standing next to her was the only man on earth who had not already seen Sophie naked.
• Griffey hits major slump. He can't explain how he has gone so many consecutive games without an injury. "I've tried everything, even leaping from the upper deck," said the fragile former star, "but I can't even manage to break some small bones. It looks like I may have to play well another month or so before I let the team down, and that means I'm missing a lot of tee times."
• The Time Travel Fund - your ticket to the future
• The Straight Dope: Were there Nike missile sites on the Chicago lakefront?
• Another faux-reality show - will people volunteer to deflower a virgin on national TV? Will they discuss it with the girl's parents? FirstTime
• What will people do to be on a reality TV show? Would they agree to pull the switch and electrocute a killer? See the auditions for Come Fry With Me
• Jacko's Bed of Unconditional Love was propped up against Phil Spector's Wall of Sound and resting upon Uncle Scoopy's Floor of Eternal Hangovers.
• A new TV spot for WAR OF THE WORLDS
• Some of the articles you may have missed at Arianna Huffington's blog: Charles Manson's article at the The Huffingandpuffington Post
• Gumby: Making a Comeback at 50, dammit. Based on historical parallels, he should be starting his farewell tour in three years, and ending it in 2043.
• A new trailer for Bewitched
• Pics of Salma and Cruz in Bandidas
• New pics from War of the Worlds (Spielberg, Cruise)
• I'm sorry, but I don't get this web site at all. Is it a bad joke? A legit porn site for white supremicists? Either way, it is some seriously demented stuff.
• The Original Whizzinator! has a penis color to suit you. For reasons not completely clear to me, "The Latino" is their best selling model.
• Uncle Scoopy's Guest House presents Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss
• Despite abysmal reviews, J-Lo and J-Fo take the #1 spot at the Friday box office. Will Ferrell was a tepid second. (Jet Li was actually second in average revenues per screen, but was on fewer screens.)
• Wendy's chili update: "The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday."
• Cannes Tackles American Box-Office Issues .
  • The tough reality of European cinema is that about 70 percent of ticket sales are for American movies. Politicians at the Cannes Film Festival are now focusing on one small-scale idea of to remedy the situation: promoting the Internet distribution of homegrown films.
  • Hey, call me crazy, but here's my suggestion: start making films people want to see. Just a thought.
• Letterman's "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Prom Date"
• the five worst Sylvester Stallone movies. What, Cobra didn't make the list? That shows you how tough the competition is. I have to admit that I kind of like Rhinestone, although possibly not for the same reasons the filmmakers were intending.
• The Ten Ugliest Animals in the World. I guess one can always quibble with these rankings, but it seems to me Rosie O'Donnell should have finished above the almiqui, possibly even above the warthog.
• Free Online Graph Paper
• Google Maps Sightseeing
• Google Satellite Photo of the Mysterious Area 51
• Cartman's favorite web page: Anti-Hippie Action League: Gallery of Hippie Horrors
• Religious Inflatables
• The trailer for March of the Penguins, a nature documentary
• Five new clips from Jet Li's Unleashed
• The trailer from November, a new Psychological thriller starring Courteney Cox
• Box Office Mon-Thursday. I don't usually talk about this, but this week was interesting. On Friday and Saturday, Crash was running fourth. By Thursday, it had ascended to second place, leaving Hitchhiker's Guide and House of Wax in the dust. On Thursday, its average per screen was more than Wax and Hitchhiker added together! We have not seen anything like that happen in a long time.
• Sword Swallowing X-rays
• What Age Do You Act?
• Some new textbooks for Texas.
• Paris Hilton in Skimpy Suit Touts Spicy Burger in TV Ad .
• Madonna was offered a role on the Cannes Film Festival jury, but turned it down because she didn't want to miss her Kabbalah meetings in London.
  • Festival head Thierry Fremaux said: "We talked about her being on the jury, but her religion meant this could not happen. It is a regret because she has valuable knowledge."
  • I'm pretty sure they could find other people with that same knowledge. Is Linda Lovelace still alive?
• Paris wants menus read to her. "Last time I met her we were in a restaurant together - she slammed the menu down and screamed: 'I hate reading! Someone tell me what's on the menu!'"
• Paris Hilton: champion of the common man. I suppose she is planning to give up all the worldly luxury and the vain material trappings to become the John Steinbeck of the new millennium. She really feels that the whole writing career will fall right into place for her - just as soon as she masters that pesky reading thing.
• The Daily Show: A Florida provision allows anyone who feels threatened in public to immediately open fire.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

In the meantime...Email Scoopy Jr. if suggestions for future polls.

Here are the results of our previous polls:
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
Best Lesbian Love Scenes

A quickie from the Ghost today...here is Skinemax legend and former Pet (January '92) Shauna O'Brien gettin' it on in scenes from an episode of "Beverly Hills Bordello". By the way, these clips feature her pre-roobo-hooters.

• Shauna O'Brien, zipped .wmvs. (1, 2, 3)

"Assault on Precinct 13"
The story has been updated, but all the excitement and action have been preserved in this 2005 remake of John Carpenter's 1976 action/thriller. Carpenter wrote and directed the earlier version, and the new version follows his plot closely.

It's New Year's Eve in the middle of a blinding snowstorm. A police sergeant, now in uniform after being involved in a tragic incident while under cover, is presiding over the closing of a police station. After midnight, the station is closed, and only a secretary, a uniformed cop, and the sergeant remain.

A bus transporting prisoners is forced to stop at the precinct because of the storm. The prisoners are placed in holding cells until the storm subsides. Among them is Bishop, a major criminal and cop killer who runs a gang of thugs.

When the precinct suddenly comes under attack from heavily armed men in ski masks, the assumption (which is wrong) is that its Bishop's men trying to free him. Phone lines have been cut, and radio communications jammed. The cops and prison guards are forced to defend the precinct, because they know the invaders won't leave anyone alive.

Lots of excitement and a few twists make this a riveting movie that never gets boring.

• Maria Bello

"Love Don't Cost a Thing"
No nudity in the teen flick Love Don't Cost a Thing but a lots of sexy ladies including cleavage, minor pokies, bikini shots and cheerleader action. The views are provided by Christina Milian, Melissa Schuman, Nichole Robinson, Gay Thomas Wilson and Reagan Gomez-Preston.

• Christina Milian (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Melissa Schuman (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Nichole Robinson (1, 2, 3)
• Gay Thomas Wilson
• Reagan Gomez-Preston

"One Special Victory"
More sexy caps, but this time of Dawn Mangrum in One Special Victory.

• Dawn Mangrum

"Fools Rush In"
Fools Rush In features Salma Hayek and she just oozes sex appeal.

• Salma Hayek (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Ride With the Devil"
The nudity in Ride With the Devil comes from an unnamed victim of a devil-worshipping cult. Unfortunately, the frontal nudity has been blurred. Some nice caps of Loretta Switt and Lara Parker.

• Loretta Switt
• Lara Parker
• Unknown (1, 2)

"Singles"
No visible nudity in this Cameron Crowe movie, but there are some nice caps of Bridget Fonda, Kyra Sedgwick and Sheila Kelley.

• Bridget Fonda
• Kyra Sedgwick (1, 2)
• Sheila Kelley (1, 2)

"Dog Gone Love"
Just a bit of cleavage by Lindsay Sloane in Dog Gone Love.

• Lindsay Sloane

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