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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Body Armor
Body Armor (1998), AKA The Protector or Conway is an action film starring
stunt man Matt McColm. He plays a personal protection expert, supposedly the
best there is. As the film opens, someone tries to attack the man he is
protecting. He catches the intruder easily, but his boss kills him. McColm, it
seems, has a conscience, and quits. During that scene, we see the only nudity
in the film from Shauna O'Brien, who shows her breasts.
McColm's accountant (Clint Howard) advises him that he needs to take another
job, as he needs the money. He agrees to help his old girlfriend find a
missing scientist. This pits him against Ron Perlman, the owner of a hugely
profitable pharmaceutical company, who always seems to be the first to market
with vaccine for a new virus. Ron has a trick. He develops the virus and the
vaccine together, releases the virus, then markets the vaccine when the demand
is high enough. Taking down Perlman and his hundreds of guards wouldn't be
enough of a challenge, so he gets infected with the latest virus, thus giving him 48
hours to live unless he gets the vaccine.
McColm should stick to
stunt work, as his character was lame when not doing stunts. The supporting
cast could act, but director/writer/producer Jack Gill didn't make the best
use of them. The film was technically competent, but the story was somewhat
lacking. I never believed for a second that they would kill McColm, so I never
felt any real suspense, and a little suspense would have helped the film. Still, it is
a passable actioner, and hence a low C-.
IMDb readers say 4.1 based on only 100 votes. The reason this has so few
votes is likely because it went straight to video, then was soon discontinued.
Amazon marketplace currently has two copies for around $50.00. Rare Licensed
DVDs again to the rescue. They have a foreign version in English with optional
Scandinavian subtitles for a very affordable price. Click on the image below
for the full scoop.
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Epic Movie
If you hate someone, tell them to watch this movie. They won't talk to
you ever again.
I can't believe a piece of trash like this was made, I don't even think a 12 year old would like this.
In fact, I don't even think a 12 year old could write something as bad as this.
Stay away at all costs.
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Audra Lynn
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Carmen Electra
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Heather Storm
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Notes and collages
"Hotline: Hannah's Surprise"
This is an incredibly sensual scene as a woman strips out of sexy lingerie
for a bubble bath. The camera continuously pans up and down her body.
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Deja Vu
First, I need to explain that I'm a sucker for time travel stories; I
love 'em, so my review may well be colored by that fact. I thought 2006's
Deja Vu was a really cool time-travel Sci-Fi thriller, while most
professional reviewers thought it was just plain dumb. Either way, one
thing most will agree is that it's full of action, and very exciting.
During Mardi Gras, a ferry carrying crewmen from the USS Nimitz and
their families blows up, resulting in over 500 deaths. ATF agent Doug
Carlin (Denzel Washington) is brought into the investigation, and as his
expertise becomes apparent, he is enlisted to work with a special FBI
surveillance unit that uses a spacefolding technology to look back 4.2
days into the past. Because of limitations to the technology, they can not
vary the time differential; they only see the time stream exactly 4.2 days
ago.
Using the technology and his knowledge, Carlin is able to figure out
who the bomber is after only two days. This means they have more than two
days before they reach the point where the actual bombing will be viewed
by the spacefolding device. Then Carlin wonders: can the device allow him
to travel back in time to prevent the tragedy?
The ending has some nice twists and the movie maintains excitement
throughout. It's really not as far fetched as it sounds, and I don't think
the average viewer of this kind of movie expects exact science; only a
plausible storyline. In this movie, I think they get a lot more.
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Paula Patton |
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From the oldie "The snows of Kilimanjaro," Ava
Gardner
From the Jackie Chan film "Operation Condor,"
Carol Cheung , but it could be a body double
From the Resnais & Robbe-Grillet film "L ' Annee
derniere a Marienbad," Delphine Seyrig
From the made-for-TV "Corruption Empire," Julia
Roberts
From the Latin soap opera "Rebeldeway," Luisana
Lopilato
From the period family-oriented adventure "The
Prince and the Pauper," Raquel Welch
  
and Sybil Danning
From the Tarantino-style crime comedy "Very Mean
Men," Lana Parilla
and Idalis De Leon
 
From the Michael Caine spy-actioner "Bullet to
Beijing," various
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Rather than letting Paris Hilton out of her 45-day jail term due to
overcrowding, "America's Toughest Sheriff," Joe Arpaio, has reportedly offered
to let her serve the full time in his Arizona tent city jail with America's
first female chain gang. L.A. officials are said to be considering the offer.
* Paris would go for it. She thinks ankle chains are
HOT.
The Sun reports that the British intelligence service MI6 is seeking real-life
Bond Girls. But their website (www.sis.gov.uk)
claims that real female spies are not like movie spies. The agency touts the
job as family friendly, saying that while women do have to go undercover, they
are "absolutely not" expected to work as "honey traps" and seduce male targets.
In fact, they say, "With few exceptions, partners and children can accompany
officers on postings."
* And for those rare occasions when you're parachuting
into someone's secret volcano hideout, they have a day care center.
With the final "Harry Potter" novel just three months away, author J.K. Rowling
pleaded Monday for anyone with inside info about the plot not to leak it. She's
already revealed that two major characters will die. A spokeswoman for a top
fansite, The-Leaky-Cauldron.org, warned that they have a staff of 200 who've
waited 10 years to find out if Harry dies, and anyone who ruins the surprise
will feel their wrath. She said, "We own pitchforks, hot wax and feathers. And
we're not afraid to use them."
* Feathers and hot wax? Apparently, the big surprise is
that Harry Potter is gay.
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