Party Animalz (2004) is a direct to vid low budget Chicano American Pie wannabe. Two house painters end up inside a posh Beverly Hills home with the knowledge that they will be undisturbed by the real estate firm all day and all night. Perfect chance for a big party. One of them has been trying to lose his virginity with his virgin girlfriend Maria, and sees the party as a good chance. The other is after Lola (Radha Nilia), the girlfriend of the meanest gangster in the hood. The assortment of party guests includes a girl who made an infamous film with a burro, some Cheech and Chong style dopers, any over the top Mexican Cabillero character, a real fat chick, a next door neighbor, etc.

Much of the humor has to do with bodily fluids. Before the movie is over, somebody will get hit in the face with male ejaculate, pus, and amniotic fluids. It also includes S&M and homosexual bestiality. When all is said and done, however, it is about a bunch of homies trying to get laid.

Radha Nilia shows breasts and partial buns in a sex scene, and several unknowns show breasts, mainly in a Jacuzzi. IMDb rates it 6.3, but it is a little suspicious. 5 of the 11 votes are 10, and four of them are 1. I expect it will settle into the low 5 neighborhood once enough votes are cast to overcome the film maker's votes. There are no reviews or comments yet at IMDb. I did find moments of humor, but not enough for me to put up with the fart jokes, taco fucking, and gross-out jokes. There is nothing technically wrong with the production. Some knowledge of Chicano culture will help with enjoying the film. This is a low C-.

OTHER CRAP:

• Wes Craven to make romantic comedies? Say it ain't so, Joe.
• Catwoman trailers pulled (??) I'm not sure this story is reliable. I don't remember seeing any trailers except the (mostly) animated mock-up, which looked kinda OK - after I watched, I thought, "maybe it's not as bad as I thought". If this article is correct, everyone finds it an embarrassment.
• Here's the trailer and official site for Mandy Moore's latest, Saved!
• The Filthy Critic reviews Supersize Me.
• The trailer and several clips from Twist. "'Twist' is a calmly lucid re-telling of Charles Dickens' classic Oliver Twist, updated to current times and moved out of the poor house and onto the streets of Toronto. Told from the point of view of The Artful Dodger (Dodge), 'Twist' is no longer a tale of the misfortunes of boys, but rather about the prosaically beautiful Oliver who falls into the hands of down-and-out young men. Dodge takes the young man under his wing and instructs him in the unforgiving arts of drug abuse and prostitution. As Oliver`s innocence dissolves, both young men confront inner and outer demons and, strangely, it is Dodge who finds he cannot escape his past. Faithful to the tragedy on which it is based, 'Twist' is about the creation of evil and the cyclical nature of violence that can keep even the bravest among us tangled in its web."
• Explicit photos featuring Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have been stolen from the couple.
• Clemens is brilliant again, but fails in bid to go 8-0. The Rocket allowed only two hits over seven shutout innings, but Dotel blew the save with one pitch to go, when Mike Piazza hit a two out, two strike pitch over the fence in the 9th.
• John Kerry's daughter wears a see-through dress at Cannes.
• Washington Wack-a-Mole. White House attacks New Yorker story, while more incriminating Newsweek story emerges. Within months of the Sept. 11 attacks, White House counsel Alberto Gonzales reportedly wrote Bush a memo about the terrorism fight and prisoners’ rights under the Geneva Conventions. “In my judgment, this new paradigm renders obsolete Geneva’s strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions”. Newsweek reports the story in its May 24 issue, allegedly quoting directly from the Gonzales memo.
• Pentagon Seeks to Quash Iraq Abuse Report "Assertions apparently being made in the latest New Yorker article on Abu Ghraib and the abuse of Iraqi detainees are outlandish, conspiratorial, and filled with error and anonymous conjecture."
• Here is the controversial New Yorker article: Rumsfeld approved radical interrogation methods.
• VH1 counts down the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs...Ever. You may click on most of them to hear the recording.
• Very silly movie trivia from JoBlo. (Entertaining stuff!)
• The Movie House takes a look at the new sword-and-sandals epic, Troy
• URL says it all: GeekCruises.com .
• Weekend Box Office Estimates
• Pope creates six new saints, including anti-abortion figure and, oddly enough, Colin Farrell.
• Smart states vote against Bush? Many hundreds of blogs, and even the famous Economist of Britain, have fallen for the IQ by State hoax
• In honor of the Mirror's fake photos, here's a recap of: More hoaxes that fooled the worldly wise British media.
• Mouseketeer picks up chick in lesbian bar.
• bin Laden supports terror by selling fake sports gear. Damn. I'll bet he's responsible for house brand cling peaches as well. From now on, it's Libby's for me.
• 'Opera boot camp' sets up in Montreal: When I say, "sing", I expect you ladies to say "yes, sir, how loud, sir?"
• Here's a play I have missed so far: "This is Rush Limbaugh... This is Rush Limbaugh on drugs..."
• Production will begin shortly on Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3 and they will be released six months apart in 2006. Looks like Keith Richards will play Jack Sparrow's dad, as Depp had hoped.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

UPDATES

• Updated volumes: Monica Bellucci, Maria Bello, Manuela Arcuri, Sylvia Abascal

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Jolie

• In Gia. (.avi, .wmv)

• In Gia. (.avi, .wmv)

• In Gia. (.avi, .wmv). This is GREAT, because it is from the full 35mm negative, and that creates a laughable continuity error. When the camera is behind Jolie, she's naked. When the camera is in front of her, she's wearing panties. In the widescreen DVD, the bottom 10% or so of the image is cut off, so there is no continuity problem.

• In Gia. (.avi, .wmv)

• In Mojave Moon (.avi, .wmv)

The Cooler

• Maria Bello in The Cooler.. (.avi, .wmv) . Tuna and I really liked this modernized version of a Jimmy Stewart movie, where the gentle loser gets some backbone. It stars William Macy in the Jimmy Stewart role and Alec Baldwin doing a great job in the good/bad James Cagney part. The sex scenes include Bello with that high-powered love machine, the Brad Pitt of his own generation, William Macy his own self.

• Bello. (.avi, .wmv)

• Bello. (.avi, .wmv)

• Bello. (.avi, .wmv)

• Bello. (.avi, .wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

JK's comments in yellow:

Bow down all you reviewers, from sea to shining sea, to Johnny Web.  We have just witnessed what is easily the best review of ““Troy”” that has been written.  Read them all, faithful readers, and you won’t find one review as comprehensive and as entertaining as Johnny Web’s.  Granted, the other reviewers have limited space and more reviews to write.  But, if they could write reviews in more depth, would they?  Listen to me.  Johnny Web could be writing for the L.A. Times, N.Y. Times or maybe the Austin – American Statesman if he pursued it.  But I think he would rather write what he likes, in his own forum, and I think he has already told the others to go to hell. 

Having said that, the following is incidental, but I have a few axes to grind. 

Continuity.  1) As Scoop pointed out the duel between Achilles and Hector was well filmed and very physical.  The two start out with spears and shields.  Neither combatant shows a sign of other weapons.  When the spears are broken, suddenly, magically, swords are drawn.  The fighting continues without sign of the scabbards, which held the swords.  I know the duel scene took days to film, but this detail is pretty obvious.  2) Achilles’ hair is shorter in one scene, longer in another, then shorter again.  There are ways to prevent this error.  For one, still pictures are taken so the look can be continued when the shooting begins once again.  “Troy” was allotted enough money to afford this procedure. 

Foley.  It’s really hard to make a marching sound in sand.  But Foley did it.  I was in the Foley room at Warner Brothers a few years ago watching them make automobile tires screech on dirt.  I asked them why they were making such a ridiculous sound and they replied, “Because that’s the way it’s done”.  Similarly, in “Troy” we have the hard sounds of soft sandals in deep sand. 

Arrows.  This one deserves a category of its own.  Any archer knows that an arrow is effective for only a few yards.  A twenty pound bow is good for only a few feet, a thirty pound bow farther and so forth.  Even the block and tackle bows of today have some  limitation.  Archers of yore were deployed at much closer range than shown in the movies.  Yet the skinny little bows of “Troy” were deadly for a hundred yards or more.  Further, if an archer were to lean back and let an arrow fly, its velocity would end at the apex of the arch of the arrow.  It would then float to earth as gravity would dictate and its velocity would be far too weak to penetrate body armor or shield or slam three inches into anyone’s neck.  We were presented with this same floating arrow phenomenon in the wonderful movies, “Braveheart” and “Gladiator” among many others.  It’s a director’s ploy that probably will never fade.  It is even doubtful that a gravity floating arrow would stick upright into the sand.  Although, to preserve the impressive scene of the rolling fire balls in “Troy”, the flaming arrows could lie upon the sand and still ignite the rolling balls. 

Pronunciation.  All names in “Troy” were carefully pronounced the Greek way – except Perseus.  Perseus was pronounced the Latin way.  That’s annoying. 

Some of the lines will be remembered.  Helen says, “I’m not afraid of death.  I fear tomorrow”.  Or how about, “We fight bravely and we love fiercely.”  The characters were human and they were intensely introspective, as they should be. 

The movie is good.  I enjoyed it.  I didn’t mind the two and a half hours.  Maybe because I hadn’t seen Achilles, Hector and the others party before.  If you like the genre, you’ll like it too.

• Claudia Jennings, the former Heffer of year (1970) and co-star of drive-in classics like "'Gator Bait" and "The Great Texas Dynamite Chase". Here we see her going topless and full frontal. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Claudia Jennings .wmvs (1, 2)

• Valerie Rae Clark, topless and also going full frontal playing the character known only as "Dancer". (brass pole included in these 'caps).
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Valerie Rae Clark .wmv

Next up from the Ghost...the final installment in the Deathstalker series..."Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans" (1990). This is not our favorite in the series...that honor is reserved for the ultra low budget and very fun (in the 'so-bad-and-everyone-making-the movie-knows-it-so-they-have-alot-of-fun-during-filming-it's good' way) "Deathstalker" II (1987). Directed and co-written by B-movie hero Jim Wynorski.

"Deathstalker IV"...returns to the formula (and original actor) from the first film and serves up the traditional 80's style sword and sorcery fantasy flick.

• Anya Pencheva, brief toplessness in a cat-fight scene with Maria Ford. (1, 2, 3)
• Anya Pencheva and Maria Ford

• Maria Ford, the former Vegas showgirl and long time B-movie regular goes topless (pre-implants) and shows a little bit of bum (in #1).
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Maria Ford .wmvs (1, 2)

• Michelle Moffett some nice breast expoure. You might recognize the dude she's with (Brett Baxter Clark) as "Nick the Dick" from the 80's comedy classic "Bachelor Party". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
• Michelle Moffett .wmvs (1, 2)

• A couple of topless Unknowns. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• .wmvs of the Unknowns (1, 2)

If you're looking to catch this one on cable...here is the link for the next showtimes according to hbo.com.