Goodbye Emmanuelle (1977) is the third and last of the real Emmanuelle films. Although Sylvia Kristel appeared briefly in number 4, it was only for a paycheck. The releasing company couldn't bear to see the franchise die, and so continued it, but with none of the original cast or crew. Hubby is the same, and is an architect. The two live in the Seychelles, where they frolic with any number of like-minded friends, until a director comes scouting locations, and Emmanuelle becomes interested, then captivated by him. The first two films were directed by men who were primarily photographers, which accounts for the great visuals. This time, they hired a film director, who also write, and he made a French love story, which is to say, it was very slow paced, and was all about the relationship growing between Emmanuelle and the movie director.

Emmanuelle is a very different person in this film. In number one, she was wide-eyed, eager and rather innocent. In number two, se was a self-assured hedonist. For this one, she is somewhat world-weary, and admits that living for love only works if you have a great imagination. There is also a feminist flavor to this film. There was some criticism of number two as misogynistic, and some of it came from Kristel. The director, still fighting to get number two released in France as an 18+, decided to tame number three down a little, hoping that would win him points. Although there was still plenty of nudity, the simulated sex was even less explicit than in the first two, and there was much less girl/girl. Also, a downside to open marriage was presented.

Sylvia Kristel again shows everything, as does Charlotte Alexandra. Radiah Frye shows breasts and buns, and Caroline Laurence shows breasts only. IMDB readers have this at 3.2 of 10, and frankly, I also thought it the worst of the three, by far. It is true that I have always been near an ocean, and don't think of the coast as exotic, but the location was a real step down from Thailand and Hong Kong for me. I also didn't like the shift from eroticism and imagery to Emmanuelle's rather ordinary search for love, commitment and fulfillment. For me, they lost the entire point of the series. It does look good, however, and the transfer is at least as good as was number two. Anchor Bay deserves kudos for a great job on this three DVD set. This film is a very low C-, and mostly for fans of Kristel, and Emmanuelle completists.

White Boy (2002):

The hero of this film is a white trash street hustler who makes do by selling drugs and pulling off insurance scams, but he's also something of an idealist who envisions a better life. When he meets and falls in love with a sweet young girl who is pregnant by her ex-boyfriend, his world gets really complicated. Her neo-Nazi ex-boyfriend finds out about the romance and swears to kill them both, so he has to cut a deal with some black guys to help him out.

It is an ultra-cheapie made for less than $100,000, which features a few familiar faces from the past playing tiny roles, notably Allan Garfield and Jan-Michael Vincent. In this case, the lack of a budget didn't really hurt the film, and may even have helped by giving it some street cred, more accurately recreating the feel of the low-rent lives it portrays.  

Based on this description, this film is a C- by our rating system. Genre: gritty street drama with a cinema verite look and unknowns in the leads, creating a faux documentary feel. 

• Faith Michaels
• Kimberly Joy Burton

Ishtar (1987):

If you know anything at all about the history of film, you probably know that Ishtar is considered to be right up there with Heaven's Gate on the list of all-time Hollywood flops. Whenever major flops come along, Hollywood pundits and punsters try to equate them to those two movies. Kevin Costner's Waterworld was dubbed "Fishtar" by some Hollywood wags, "Kevin's Gate" by others.

Made for forty million (a lot more in 1987 than it sounds like today), Ishtar grossed only $14 million at the box.  Actually, it is more of a "great disappointment" than a bomb. Personally, I always thought it was a pretty entertaining junk film, kind of a cheerfully stupid way to pass the time, when you're in the mood for that sort of thing. And let's face it, those numbers aren't that bad, and it took in another few million in rental income. In comparison, Stallone's D-Tox had a production cost of $55 million and did something like eighty thousand at the box office.

Anyway, the damned thing isn't available on DVD, and is out-of-print on tape, so our Encyclopedia didn't even have Isabelle Adjani's topless scene.

Until now.

Graphic Response made a spiffy Tivo-DIVX film clip. First he shows you the scene with sound in real time, then repeats it in slo-mo! I also took his clip, fucked with it a little, enlarged it, and made a little collage which, while not DVD quality, is not so bad at all.

• Here's my collage.
• Here's GR's film clip
• Here's the DIVX home page, in case you don't have the latest codec

Mississippi Masala (1991):

Cultural "Fish out of water" stories don't really make up my favorite kind of movies. Not only that, but I generally detest all corny "lovers from warring cultures" stories written since Shakespeare died. This film has both of those characteristics, but I enjoyed it anyway. It is the story of an Indian family who fled the Idi Amin regime in Uganda, only to end up in Mississippi. The father dreams of returning to Africa, but his headstrong daughter just wants to try to make some kind of normal life for herself as an American. She falls in love with an American black guy. Her family disapproves. It goes on from there.

It is more than just another bullshit re-telling of Romeo and Juliet. It's a good movie, and I'd say it has some real strengths:

1. It is genuine. It feels like there are real people talking, and it seems like there are real things happening to them. It is refreshingly honest and uncontrived. The characters do make progress in their lives, but only the small changes possible within realistic parameters for the time covered by the plot. It was written by an Indian, directed by another, and the saga of the Indian-Ugandans, and their exodus to the American South, is based on what really happened during the time of Amin.

2. It is thoughtful. Stranded among some people who are called African-Americans, yet who have no psychological or emotional bond to Africa of any kind, we find our Indian protagonist who is not considered an African by the black people, yet who truly loves Africa and lives within his memories of the sights and sounds and smells of Uganda.

3. One of the stars of this 1991 film is a great actor who would eventually become a very famous and powerful star. I am speaking, of course, of Pauly Shore. No, just kidding. Denzel Washington plays the daughter's love interest.

4. While I didn't much care about the Mississippi scenes one way or another, I found the scenes in Africa very impressive and evocative.

• Sarita Choudhury (1, 2, 3, 4)

Other crap:

• TV actor charged with having sex with a 12 year old girl. He's 33.
• Prince's alleged ex-love-slave details life with a "sexual weirdo". Among other problems, the little fella thinks he's the Messiah.
• You have to like the refreshing honesty of actor/director Vincent Gallo. He got Chloe Sevigny to blow him on camera in The Brown Bunny (now playing in Cannes), and he turned down Winona Ryder for a role because, "She ballbusted me about the make-up and about the wardrobe". He also fired Kirsten Dunst because her agent was too obnoxious and tried to re-negotiate her contract for more money just as the actress was to film her first scene. I'm really starting to like this guy.
• another story on Vincent Gallo, whose film may win the Golden Palm at Cannes
• here's the official site of the Cannes Film Festival
• the complete collection of "nude for peace" pictures
• Here's the story behind Baring Witness, the web site and organization which hosts the naked peace pics
• student changes her mind about auctioning off her virginity in Chile
• A waxwork model of Jennifer Lopez has been unveiled at Madame Tussaud's - complete with blushing cheeks. I presume it means the FACIAL cheeks, and not her famous gluteal ones.
• Heidi Klum fans in Germany are being promised free posters of the supermodel in a bid to stop the theft and vandalism of advertisements.
• The Wachowskis were paid $5 million for the last two "Matrix" scripts and got $6.6 million for directing the flicks. Court documents reveal that Larry alone gets 5 percent of the "gross receipts" of the films. That is worth about $25-$40 million dollars, assuming the two films do $250-$400 million each.
• Eminem was beaten up so badly and so regularly in school that his mother sued the school for failing to protect him. And that was by a guy who never heard his songs.
• Australian anti-smoking forces go ballistic when their country's biggest female star (Nicole Kidman) lights up in public
• Interesting article about the Andy Kaufmann movie, Heartbeeps
• Pentagon sets aside a bazillion dollars to fund the Ministry of Silly Walks
• 90's punk decries today's punks. Where are the punks of yesteryear?
• NY mayor expresses an interest in humping the daylights out of J-Lo

The mayor's lust for the sexy but temperamental J-Lo reminded me of the comments on Mariah Carey which were written many years ago by a site contributor named Stone Cold. Feel free to substitute J-Lo's name in the following:

"Why bother scanning Mariah in a bikini? Because of the Maria Carey Law. It goes like this. We all know that she's the most temperamental ballbusting mofo'n woman that ever walked, and a real ego case. In fact, every guy in the world, knowing that, would fuck her anyway. You'd look deep into her eyes and see pure evil. You'd get a vision of hell, and hear them Gregorian Chants, and know that your soul would be doomed for all eternity if you fucked her. And then you'd fuck her anyway. No exceptions. Steven Muthafuckin' Hawking would stop contemplating the universe just long enough to contemplate her honey pot. Pope John-Paul-George-Ringo would issue a new encyclical on birth control within about six minutes if she told him he could have a piece with a rubber on."

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Some pics of celebs out on the town...

• Alyson Hannigan, the "Buffy" co-star showing pokies.

• Ananda Lewis, a nip slip from the the MTV VJ.

• Emmanuelle Chriqui

• Lisa Rinna, partial breast exposure.

• Jelena Dokic, serious pokies on the tennis court.

• Kylie Bax, the Kiwi actress showing partial breast views.

• Pam Anderson and her usual cleavage.

PENTAGON TO SPOT TERRORISTS BY THEIR WALK
From The Ministry Of Silly Walks - The Pentagon is developing a radar-based anti-terrorism device that can identify people by the way they walk. They say a walk is as unique as a signature, and in tests, the device was 80 to 95 percent successful in identifying subjects. But due to privacy concerns, Congress has temporarily banned its use on U.S. citizens.