Friends & Lovers (1999) is, I suppose, an ensemble romantic comedy. The premise seems to be that women know everything about everything, and men will do anything to get laid. This probably accounts for the chick-flick score differential of 1.5. Of course, the average is 4.0, which will give you some idea how effective the whole thing is. A group of 20 somethings, who have been friends forever, head to a ski lodge owned by one of their fathers for Christmas. The group includes a shy gay guy who is technically still a virgin, someone's pregnant sister (Suzanne Cryer), Claudia Schiffer as the date of the most testosterone driven of the bunch, Ian, the son, who has never gotten along with his dad and Alison Eastwood as the only female member of the core group.

Everyone gets laid except Stephen Baldwin, who looses Schiffer to a really irritating mobster from Jersey who is masquerading as a German ski instructor, played by Robert Downey JR. Running gags include such hilarity as the father being a total disaster in the kitchen.

Eastwood shows breast in a fairly long sex scene. Cryer shows one breast, then the other in her sex scene. Schiffer shows nothing despite being i a long sex and seduction scene. Ebert awards 1/2 star, and is rightfully brutal. Scoopy was rather kind in awarding a D. Tecnically, it is not the worst film ever made, but I can't imagine how they could have done a worse job of making a film about attractive 20 somethings having sex. D-.

Updates:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is Updated

9 Songs (1980):

More of Margo Stilley in the arty hardcore porn flick directed by mainstream director Michael Winterbottom. Smaller clips again today.

• The lovers just play around a bit. Just breasts. (.wmv zipped -3meg, .avi zipped -3meg)
• The guy blindfolds her and sticks his hand in her crotch. (.wmv zipped -4meg), .avi zipped -3meg)
• He catches her masturbating..(.wmv zipped -5meg, .avi zipped -4meg)

Stripes (1981):

Most of my comments relate specifically to the new "extended cut" DVD which was released in 2005. A lot of DVDs come out every year, and fewer than 5% of them are worth owning. The extended version of Stripes, however, is one of the exceptional winners. While I am normally unenthusiastic about so-called "special editions", I found this one to be everything I could reasonably expect from a re-release of an old film. I have a variety of reasons both logical and sentimental:

• The director has assembled 18 minutes of additional footage, fully finished and scored. That is a tremendous plus for a film which is 25 years old. You can choose to watch the new extended version with the scenes integrated seamlessly or, if you prefer, you can watch the original version as you remember it, then see the six additional scenes in the special features.
• One of the additional scenes features significant nudity from the sexy and cute P.J. Soles in a silly, funny sex scene with Bill Murray,
• There is a new one-hour documentary which consists of interviews with just about all the principals who are still alive. There are some great reminiscences about the crusty veteran Warren Oates and that Gargantuan lovable rogue, John Candy.
• There is a full-length commentary by director Ivan Reitman.
• The entire film has been re-mastered in high-definition.
• It's a comedy classic to begin with, and brought back a lot of great memories for me.
• The price is very reasonable.

I haven't watched the film since it first came out, and I was pleased to find that the first 75% of it is every bit as funny as I remembered. I had mercifully forgotten that the excursion into Czechoslovakia is actually an extended action sequence, and provides neither much humor nor especially good action. In fact, the tone is actually rather dark, including scenes in which some of the platoon are tortured by the Russians. The essence of a "slobs versus snobs" comedy requires the underdogs to accomplish something unexpectedly heroic or triumphant at the end, but the process here was too drawn-out and too unfunny. After all, the film is a comedy, and the humor faucet was simply shut off for about fifteen minutes toward the end of the film.

Fortunately, the film has the requisite "feel good" wrap-up, and ends on a funny note in the final minute or two. That and the earlier portion of the film are good enough to assure its status as a comedy classic, and one of Bill Murray's most memorable comic vehicles. I wish they still made films like this, unapologetic "guy comedies" with raunchy humor and raunchy nudity.

• P.J. Soles (never before seen, except for the last one) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Roberta Leighton (1, 2)
• WAC shower room (1, 2, 3, 4)
• topless mud wrestling club (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Seed of Chucky (2004):

Been there, done that. Review here.

The commercial unrated extended cut DVD comes out Tuesday, so here are the upgraded images. There is nothing new to announce, except a very brief and blurry possible public flash from Stephanie Chambers as she falls in the shower.

• Stephanie Chambers (1, 2, 3, 4)

Other Crap:

• "days before The Donald's wedding, several friends of the couple received mysterious envelopes containing nude photos of bride-to-be Melania Knauss - 'both solo and in Sapphic embrace.'"
  • "Though Radar Magazine reproduces one of the shots (first published in the skin mag Celebrity Sleuth), Knauss' flack denied their existence"
  • The next two links below show the actual pictures, and the online home page of Radar magazine.
• Here are the controversial Melania Knauss nudes referenced in the link above.
• Here is the home page of Radar Magazine Online - Celebrity "intelligence"
• The trailer for Breaking News, a new Asian crime drama.
  • "A television broadcast of a police batallion being defeated by a street gang causes repercussions as the credibility of the Hong Kong police is put into question. As Detective Cheung has found the criminals' hideout and prepares to take them down, the police force tries to use the extra media attention in their favor."
• The trailer for Guys and Balls, a German soccer comedy.
  • Ecki is a young man who works in a bakery in Dortmund and plays soccer on his local team. Already under pressure for playing badly, his homophobic team members find out that he is gay and throw him off the team. With the help of his sister and a cranky former soccer star, he tries to form an all-gay soccer squad to challenge his old team in a grudge match. Ecki's journey in self-realization is filled with wonderful surprises and interesting characters in this delightful romantic comedy from Germany.
• Could You Win the National Spelling Bee?
• Finally, the Star Trek film you've been waiting for - Chekov: the Movie
• Brad Pitt says he will never win an Oscar. To the contrary, you have to think he'll win Best Supporting Abs eventually.
• Britney: Sex is better now that I'm pregnant
• According to the Daily Show: "The President parades babies on national television to show they shouldn't be exploited."
• The Daily Show looks at Tom DeLay
• Jon Stewart talks to American Idol runner-up Bo Bice.
• In memory of the Watergate story, The Daily Show's Steven Colbert recalls when he covered Watergate, when he was eight years old.
• Jon Stewart looks at Deep Throat's unmasking.
• Obscure legend of the day: Towns & Tales: The Black-Eyed Children of Abilene, Texas
• I'm not sure whether art and humor make worthy bedfellows.
• URL says it all: oldmencrying.com
• Carly Simon reveals that You're So Vain is about Mark Felt (Story analyzes the remaining pop culture mysteries.)
• The Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries. (As defined by conservatives.)
  • You can get the humor in this page by looking at some of the harmful "honorable mentions" which almost made the list, such evil screeds as Silent Spring by Rachel Carson, Margaret Mead's Coming of Age in Samoa, and Darwin's The Origin of Species.
  • I was really surprised to see that Hilary's It Takes a Village did not beat out Mein Kampf.
  • All kidding aside, I wish they would do the most harmful books of all-time. I would love to see what they include. Have they forgiven Galileo yet?
• Yoda calls a sex line.
• The Chicago Museum of Science and Industry features "The History, Culture, and Future of Video Games"
• URL says it all: anti-squirrel.com
• Star Wars 3 1/2: Star Trek
• Tickled Pink - a peek in the closet, "blatantly or coded gay television characters".
  • OK, Paul Lynde and Dr Smith on Lost in Space, I'll buy those. But Mr Spock? A total daffodil. Jeannie the Genie? Obvious bull dyke. Batman? Gay as a caballero. Starsky and Hutch? Their wrists were so limp they could barely hold their guns.
  • What about Yancy Derringer (played by Sally Field's stepfather!). First of all, his name was Yancy and he always traveled with an inseparable male companion, a hunky Indian named Pahoo, who was played by an actor whose REAL first name was X. Finally, look at these lines from his theme song: "They say that Yancy Derringer had ruffles on his wrist, brocade and silver buckles, and iron in his fist."
  • What 'bout those two guys on Dragnet? Tell me those two didn't like to smoke the White Owl.
  • Five words: Davy Crockett and Georgie Russel.
  • There was also no mention of the incestuously gay Dukes of Hazzard.
  • And of course, the most obvious of all - Lee Marvin on M-Squad. Talk about flaming!
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus tries once more to break the Seinfeld curse.
• Pilot of F18 Takes Us For A Ride with a cockpit cam. "It's a couple minute video from a pilot taping himself taking off and landing from an aircraft carrier and soaring through the clouds. "
• Will an Internet leak leave Coldplay frozen out of record-setting first-week sales?
• How can Pennsylvania compete for tourism? How about"Doylestown: Home of the Naked Zorro."
• How Superman seems to throw a baseball for miles. Talk about a cannon for an arm!
• Take my wife - please!
• An in-house video meant to prepare San Francisco 49ers players for dealing with the media backfired on the NFL team Wednesday after it was leaked to the San Francisco Chronicle.
  • The 15-minute film, featuring racist jokes, lesbian soft-porn and topless blondes, features the team's public relations director, Kirk Reynolds, impersonating San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom in the mayor's office and other city scenes.
  • Team owners Denise and John York on Wednesday called the video offensive, inexcusable and "absolutely contradictory to the ideals and values of the San Francisco 49ers'' unless it was kept a secret, in which case it was jolly kick-ass fun!
  • So when does it come out on DVD?
• X3 update: director rumors reviewed and plot points revealed
• Lindsay Lohan in minor crash ... Actress tried to escape photographer
• The City of Knoxville pays for lap dances. Can you imagine this guy's explanation to his wife? "But, honey, I was just doing research for the City of Knoxville. Yeah, research. That's the ticket."
• Art teacher beats up softball coach. With a bat, no less! Art teachers aren't normally that tough - until you bench their kids!
• Catchiest opening line of the day: "Eva Longoria has been bombarded with hundreds of vibrators by obsessed fans."
• An eight minute clip from 'The Honeymooners', the big screen version starring Cedric the Alleged Entertainer.  
• The final theatrical trailer from Yes
  • 'Yes' is the story of a passionate love affair between an American woman (Joan Allen) and a Middle-Eastern man (Simon Abkarian) in which they confront some of the greatest conflicts of our generation - religious, political and sexual. Sam Neill plays the betrayed and betraying politician husband and Shirley Henderson a philosophical cleaner who witnesses the trail of dirt and heartbreak the lovers leave behind them, as they embark on a journey that takes them from London and Belfast to Beirut and Havana."
• Watch Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt square off in three clips from 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith.'
• The trailer from Julie Johnson
  • "Lili Taylor and Courtney Love team up to play two dissatisfied New Jersey housewives in the newest feature from director Bob Gosse. Taylor plays Julie, an 'American as apple pie' mom who harbors a secret obsession for theoretical physics and reads Scientific American voraciously. Although she never finished high school, she decides to make a break with her past and follow her dreams. Against the wishes of her husband, she convinces her best friend, Claire, to take a computer class with her and get their G.E.Ds. Spalding Gray plays an inspirational professor who nurtures her desire for change and discovers her genius. In the process, she and Claire, a steakhouse waitress, leave their husbands and move in together. It is not long before Julie confesses her long-held romantic feelings for Claire, who is at first quite upset but soon admits the feeling is mutual. As their relationship deepens, their growing alienation from their friends and neighbors begins to take its toll. With a fabulous cast, including Mischa Barton from 'The O.C.,' 'Julie Johnson' is a winning protrayal of what happens when the doors of personal discovery are opened."
• The trailer for Chris Columbus's Rent
  • Based on Puccini's classic opera La Boheme, Jonathan Larson's revolutionary rock opera 'Rent' tells the story of a group of Bohemians struggling to live and pay their rent in the gritty background of New York's East Village. 'Measuring their lives in love,' these starving artists strive for success and acceptance while enduring the obstacles of poverty, ilness and the AIDS epidemic. One of the longest running shows on Broadway, 'Rent' was the winner of the 1996 Pulitzer Prize for Drame, the Obie Award, the New York Drama Critics Circle Award, four Tony Awards and three Drama Desk awards."
• The trailer from The Talent Given Us
  • "Crossword puzzles, supermarket runs... Judy and Allen fill in the small moments of their commonplace marriage as best they can. When they run into two former teachers of their son Andrew, they learn of a job opportunity for him. Unfortunately, Andrew is distant in location and in family relations. Suddenly realizing she must embark on a quest to repair that, Judy takes Allen on a cross-country trip to see Andrew and work things out. After they rope in their two unmarried daughters, the family is forced to come together, for better or worse."
  • I know that doesn't sound all that good, but there is more to it. The unique "hook" of this film is that all of the principal characters are played by their real-life counterparts. The author wrote a (semi-fictional) story about his family and persuaded his relatives to play themselves!
• Porn-friendly '.xxx' domains approved
• Bob Woodward: How Mark Felt Became 'Deep Throat'
• Borowitz: NETWORKS ASK JACKSON’S JUDGE FOR NEW TRIAL ... Current Proceedings ‘Not Long Enough,’ News Outlets Argue
• AstroPic o' the Day - Sculpting the South Pillar: The Eta Carinae Nebula
• According to the rumor mill, Katie Holmes has decided not to portray an Andy Warhol protege in a new movie because Tom Cruise believes it would be bad for her image.
• Breakfast at Tiffany's - Team America is so Gay
• The goal of our culture? Emasculating Little Boys
• Jon Stewart interviews Gerald Posner, a man who has studied the Saudi- USA connection.
• Woodward and Bernstein's Journalism Tips
• What every young woman should know. "A guide to the facts of life and love for high school girls, published as a public service with the compliments of the editors of the National Lampoon."
• MPAA May Not Seek Broadcast Flag in DTV Bill (A broadcast flag consists of status bits sent in the data stream of a digital television program that indicate whether or not it can be recorded, or if there are any restrictions on recorded content.)
• Is Rodi the P2P client for the next generation?
• Sex on Screen - "test your knowledge of cinematic nookie". Sadly enough, I got two wrong. (Number seven and number ten, if you're scoring at home)

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we have a little bit of both "Babe in Bondage" and "Hankster Light".

Yesterday we had Gladys Jimenez all tied up in "Bound by Lies", but she kept her clothes on. So I thought that it would only be fair to try again and this time have her topless. So here is Gladys in a scene from "Blowback".

• Gladys-Jimenez in "Blowback" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
• Gladys-Jimenez in "Bound By Lies" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

A couple of days ago we had Melissa Brasselle in "Curse of the Komodo" and commented that this b-movie veteran just never gives it up. Here is Melissa doing a stripper scene in "Bad Bizness" and in the last couple of caps she comes really close to exposing those robo-boobs.

• Melissa Brasselle (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

SWIM IN A POOL OF BEER
My Kidneys Are Floating - The Starkenber Beer Myth Resort in Austria's Tyrol region has seven pools filled with beer, and they say swimming in it is good for healing various skin diseases. Some guests have admitted to drinking it while swimming, but the manager said he prefers just swimming in the pool beer and getting beer to drink from the poolside bars.

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