The Pleasures of a Woman (2002) is a Surrender Cinema remake of the original Nick Phillips film, and packaged on the same DVD. It features Julian Wells as the aunt, Darian Caine as the niece, and SynDeVil as a random third woman. The film starts in a cemetery, but that is where the similarity to the original ends. In this version, Darian is the sexual aggressor, the drug use is underplayed to the point that I would not have known what the pills were had I not seen the original, there was no heterosexual scene, and the third woman comes over which turns into a threesome.

We see Caine's bush, but the other two women show only breasts and buns. The sound track sounds like a canned rhythm preset from a $50.00 Casio keyboard. There was no effort to dress the set, and the lighting was a single white light with sunlight for fill lighting. It is, however, in focus and properly exposed. This minimal technical competence is the only thing that keeps this from being an F. The proper score is D-.

National Lampoon's Dorm Daze (2003)

Language changes over time. One hundred years ago, the sentence "I am anxious" pretty much always meant "I am filled with anxiety". In common modern usage, it can still mean that, but people use it most often to mean "I am eager". For those of you not versed in Ye Olde Englifh, the term "National Lampoon's" used to mean "satirical and edgy" back around Shakespeare's time, but over the years the meaning has changed to "sucky".

It's hard to believe that the epithet once used to describe Animal House and Vacation now precedes terms like "dorm daze".

This is basically an old-fashioned 90 minute sitcom, very similar to an old episode of I Love Lucy, except with a more modern sensibility about sex and nudity. If your idea of great entertainment is Three's Company, this film is perfect for you.

• Two women named Monique are coming to the dorm. One is a hooker, one is a French exchange student. Needless to say, various people in the dorms hear about their arrivals, and get them confused. As an example of the brilliant wit, one of the students buys a large French sausage for the exchange student. He asks the wrong Monique if she would like to eat his sausage, and she's more than willing to oblige. She does want to get paid, of course, and the guy is flabbergasted, since he didn't realize that it is customary to pay French people to eat.

• There are two identical purses. One belongs to some evildoer and is filled with illegal money. One belongs to a freshman. I guess I don't need to explain how this one works out.

• Two students are in a play. They rehearse in a room together. Some other students overhear from the other side of the door, and think it is real. (I think Lucy must have done this one.)

• Several students can't tell someone else how they feel. They all decide to write love notes. The notes all get swapped around. The wrong people read them, and think the wrong people wrote them. People assume straight people are gay, and vice-versa.

• People come in and out of dorm room doors constantly, just missing people they are looking for, or people that are looking for them.

It's basically plays out like a French or English mistaken identity farce from the 17th or early 18th century, relocated to a college dorm at Christmas break 2003. It's a low budget production, and there is basically one set - a corridor and the rooms off that corridor. Sometimes the action moves up or down a floor, but it still looks like the same basic set. In addition to being so contrived and so low in production values, it's cheesy, it's totally predictable, and the jokes are weak. The failure of the humor is not offset by sympathetic characters or situations. The characters are not very interesting, the actors do not bring them to life, and their predicaments are not involving.

I usually get a kick out of this kind of sophomoric student-oriented film, so I had some tolerance for its flaws, but even I was only hanging in there because I was hoping it would get better, and it never did. Despite my enjoyment of the genre, I was wishing I hadn't wasted my time on it. I think most of you would find it just about unwatchable.

• Katie Lohmann. Without her, the film was virtually nudity-free. It needed spicing up, so Katie's ex-bunnymate breasts, were cobbled into a completely irrelevant dream sequence.

• Boti Bliss. That is really Boti in the see-through bra, but she did not provide the bare breast close-up. Another website reported that she had a strict anti-nudity clause in her contract, so the faceless bare breasts must belong to someone else.

• Some body double chick.

In America (2003)

• Review page

• .wmv of the only (brief, inexplicit) nudity from Samantha Morton

Hey, Scoopy.

Do you know why Audie England stopped acting, or what she is doing now?

Not exactly. I once heard that she wants to be a cinematographer.  There are not a lot of women in that job. In fact, I can't name a single one! That must make it hard for her to break in, I guess. She has been working as a professional still photographer, and www.AEFoto.com is her website.

 

You can probably ask her about her photography yourself, if you care to. Her contacts are -  audie@aefoto.com   (323) 851-6488. Make sure you are really interested in photographic services, because that is the contact info for her photography studio.

 

===========================

 

I have read that she's back working as an actress again. She was persuaded to return for the sequel to Free Enterprise, the amusing Star Trek Geek movie she made a few years back, but I don't know whether she will act any more after that. I think the film is called something like: "Free Enterprise 2: My Big Fat Geek Wedding". Funny title!

OTHER CRAP:

• retroCRUSH- the 100 Scariest Movie Scenes of all Time
• GALLUP: Kerry widens lead slightly. Among likely voters, it is Kerry 50-44 in a two horse race, and 49-43-5 with Nader among the choices.
• Five new clips from The Chronicles of Riddick
• Here's a fourth clip from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
• SMARTY'S TRAINER REGRETS "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" BANNER. Pre-Belmont Rally May Have Jinxed Horse's Chances.
• Total eclipse of the Eminem moon at MTV
• Gipper's fans want his face on the dime.
• Sexy (non nude) paparazzi shots of diva Charlotte Church
• Desperate Royals sign female tennis player as pitcher. That sad part is that she's now their #2 starter.
• The new Gangsta, Hassel the Hoff, arrested
• Real life not like the movies. Boy not allowed to bring porn star to prom
• Rumor is that The Stepford Wives is bad beyond redemption.
• Little-known trivia: Ronald Reagan was a Vegas performer in 1954 - with a novelty chimp act! That must have been the nadir of his professional life.
• You read about that Croatian singer with the sex tape scandal? Here are the key screen caps!
• The legendary Chicken Ranch, one of America's best-known legal brothel, is up for sale for just under $7 million.
• Alex Kingston says she is being axed from hit US telly drama ER because she is too OLD - at 41.
• An advance preview for the new Jessica Alba actioner, Into The Blue. The flick has minimal advance buzz, but she seems to be spending the entire movie in a bikini amid a drug lord, a sunken plane full of cocaine, and a lot of sharks.
• PLANET of the Apes' starlet Estella Warren went bananas at Scores the other night, performing a steamy, topless lap dance for boyfriend Peter Berg. The model-turned-actress shocked patrons when she whipped off her top during a bawdy bump-and-grind for her man.
• Nightlife in Broward County, Fla (lots of flesh).
• Horny Swedes can get emergency condom deliveries.
• Famous People Who Were Bedwetters
• Movie Names That Sound Like You Are Taking A Poop
• Get a whiff of this: Scented balls freshen up the bowling alley
• ::ThoroughBreast Racing::
• Venus crosses the sun for the first time in 122 years.
• Urban Legends: Was The Gipper almost cast as Rick in Casablanca?
• Bookies Offer 3-1 Odds on Quick End to J-Lo Marriage
• Bloomsday comes 100 years later Joyce's Ul;ysses, the ultimate cult book, takes place on June 16, 1904. The centennial will be marked by various events in Dublin and two new sets of audiobook CDs. (It takes about 30 hours to listen to the book.) The Irish will celebrate the day by drinking a lot, perhaps even more than the previous day, depending on their hangovers.
• With the odds against him, Macaulay Culkin turns out to be a normal guy.
• THE wife of a Tory election hopeful has posed topless selling used panties on a website he set up.
• Telavivi Beach Party at Frishman Beach, May 7th 2004 - lots of bosoms.
• Interesting: How was gas rationing handled during World War II?
• Internet-Exclusive Trailer for Saw, the horror/splatter flick that dazzled 'em, and maybe sickened 'em a little, at Sundance. This is a kick-ass trailer.
• Ronald Reagan From the People's Perspective: A Gallup Poll Review. What is fascinating is the sudden jump in Reagan's popularity after his Alzheimer's became public. His average approval rating while in office was a mediocre 53%. His rating when he left office was the same 53%. More than five years later, in late 1993, he was holding steady at a retrospective 52%. Then, astoundingly, from 1994 to 1999, he jumped to a retrospective 71% approval! He announced his condition to the nation in November of 1994. (Of course, to conclude that the announcement and the approval rating are cause and effect would be a classic case of post hoc ergo propter hoc. The real cause may have been the concerted effort of America's conservatives to rehabilitate Dutch's reputation, or a combination of both factors, or something else altogether.)
• Norway cracks down on teasing!
• Interesting article. The President is running the most negative campaign in history! President Bush so far has aired 49,050 negative ads in the top 100 markets, or 75 percent of his advertising. Kerry has run 13,336 negative ads -- or 27 percent of his total. The figures were compiled by The Washington Post using data from the Campaign Media Analysis Group of the top 100 U.S. markets. Both campaigns confirmed that the figures are accurate.
• Movie News: complete list of MTV Awards winners
• Hubble image said to echo Van Gogh's Starry Night.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Le Secret

Excellent nudity from Anne Coesens in this French film which co-stars The Candyman!

• Anne Coesens (.avi) (.wmv) (review)

• Anne Coesens (.avi) (.wmv)

Miscellany

• Kathleen Turner in what seems to be her forgotten movie, A Breed Apart (.avi) (.wmv)

• Hunter Tylo in The Initiation (.avi) (.wmv)

• Cec Verrell in Runaway  (.avi) (.wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Charlize Theron, topless in scenes from her Oscar winning performance in "Monster"

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Here's the breakdown:

Link 1...See thru rear view as Amber changes bikini bottoms
Link 2...topless as she changes bikini tops
Links 3 and 4...Amber doing a photo shoot. Plenty of partial great breast views plus the occasional nip slip as she adjusts her self for the next pose.
Link 5...From later in the same photo shoot. Partial rear views this time around.
Links 6-10...Behind the scenes footage with Amber in a very see-thru thingie. In #9 she has a little fun while flashing for us and playing with her nipples.

• Amber Smith (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

• From Sunday night's season finale of "The Sopranos", A topless unknown

• From "Bad Santa" (coming to DVD on June 22). Here is an unknown stripper.

• Kelli McCarty, the former Miss USA (1991) shows all 3 B's in a couple of pseudo sex scenes, as well as a flying solo scene.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

• Kelli McCarty .wmvs. Links 5-7 are clips of the solo scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  
  

• Kelli McCarty and Holly Sampson bare all while sharing some dude, as well as each other in a 3-way scene.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Kelli McCarty and Holly Sampson .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

J-LO MARRIES MARC ANTHONY
The News Is In Summer Reruns - Us Weekly reports that Jennifer Lopez married Latin pop singer Marc Anthony in a hush-hush ceremony Friday in Los Angeles. Guests were told it was just a party, but it turned out to be a surprise wedding to thwart the tabloids. It's J-Lo's third marriage, coming just five months after she and Ben Affleck broke their engagement. It also came just five days after Anthony got a quickie divorce from his wife.