Bachelor Party (1984) is a brainless sex farce about a bachelor Party. Tom Hanks and Tawny Kitaen are to be married. Kitaen is from an upper-crust family, and Hanks drives a school bus for a Catholic school. Hank's friends decide to throw him a huge bachelor party. Hanks promises Kitaen that he will not have sex at the party. Meanwhile, Kitaen's upper-crust ex boyfriend is out to stop the marriage and get her back. Kitaen's friends through her a bridal shower the same night. That is the basic set-up, and what transpires is just plain silliness that includes Kitaen's mother grabbing a male strippers pecker, and a donkey ODing on pills. Monique Gabrielle has a great, prolonged and well lit full frontal when she is given as a gift to Hanks. There are also fleeting glimpses at unknown breasts during the party.

IMDB readers say 5.5/10, or ok comedy. Maltin says 2 stars. Hanks is occasionally funny in the part, and Kitaen does a good job. US gross was $38.4m, with an additional $19.07m in rentals. It is an ok genre film, and the kind I wish they would make more of, but there could have been more breasts. C.

Follow up to yesterday's jokes - "You know you might be a Yankee if ..... "

Here in the Lone Star State we have a sure test. Only one question.

The word "suite", as in "a bedroom suite", is a homonym of the word (a) suit (b) sweet.

If your answer is b, you're a Yankee (or maybe a Frenchman). Welcome to Texas; have a nice stay; thank you for purchasing guns and fireworks from us. 

As y'all probably know, many modern dictionaries are descriptive, not prescriptive, so if people use a pronunciation enough times it makes the cut. I have a 1979 edition of Webster's Unabridged, and "suit" didn't make the cut. My daughter has a Webster's ninth collegiate from 1990, and it's now an accepted American pronunciation. It is also accepted by my 1983 Random House Unabridged. Somewhere between 1979 and 1983, "suit" became a proper homonym. Y'all is also listed in the Webster's Collegiate, and is not designated as slang or familiar! Take that, you Harvard bastards!

The loony horror film, Re-Animator, is hard to find on DVD, so I was thrilled when I found a copy by accident in a mainstream bookstore chain (Borders). The DVD has been completely re-mastered, starting with a neg, and is a widescreen version of the unrated director's cut with not one but two commentary tracks, and about twenty minutes of alternate footage from the r-rated video version as well as a dream sequence never seen before. Pictures in yesterday's edition.

One Tough Cop, is based on a fictionalized autobiography written by former NYPD policeman Bo Dietl, who now occasionally finds himself chatting up Don Imus on the latter's infamous syndicated radio show. You've seen this movie already. Oh, I know you don't think you have, but you have. Pictures in yesterday's edition.

A 20 year old Hsu Chi in a really great 1996 Hong Kong movie called "Viva Erotica." It's a Category III movie (comparable to "R" or "NC-17" in the US) and with a name like "Viva Erotica" you might think it's a Cinemax style softcore sex-o-rama. But it's not. It's a "real" movie about a serious director (Leslie Cheung (a man)) who's found himself stuck with directing a sex flick or finding a real job. He has to deal with Triad movie backers, veteran sex film cast and crew, a crumbling relationship with his girlfriend, a lead actress who doesn't want to get naked, and a desire to inject some credibility and "art" into an exploitation movie.

Hsu Chi plays Miss Mango, a budding young starlet. The rich gangsta funding the flick tells his girl Hsu that she doesn't have to do any nudity in the movie but then goes to Cheung and lets him know he's got to get her naked. Cheung finally gets Hsu to drop her towel and reveal her tits.

Even if it didn't have the crushingly beautiful Hsu Chi, this movie'd be worth watching. Funny, smart, self aware, sexy etc etc. Check the web for real reviews. Here Cheung has to film a scene where Hsu and her leading man get nasty in a phone booth. He tells Hsu that everything will be innocent and suggested. He tells the leading man to pretty much sexually assault her. This pisses her off.

Hsu's getting looser. A love scene. Nice lipstick. (1, 2)

Our director is starting to learn how to manipulate his cast and is seeing the beginnings of a really good erotic film. Hsu Chi is getting "into" her scenes and starting to "connect" with Leslie.

Nice tit shot. The cops bust up the filming.

Moving on...

I promised some Olivia Pascal caps. I'd hoped to do more but this was all I could get to. Olivia was a bit player in Walerian Borowczyk's 1977 movie "Behind Convent Walls." I can't tell you much about this flick because my PAL setup lost it's audio. It's a bunch of nuns getting naked and perverse...in an "artistic" sort of way. Unfortunately this is all of Olivia in the movie. Fans will recognize the distinctly puffy nips.

I couldn't pass up this unknown actress. Honestly...if I had audio, I probably could have identified her. I just love that last ass/pussy shot. Walerian's a true "artiste."

Ava Cohen-Jonathan

Sarah Pariente

Why? Well I'll tell you...

Monique's bod, other peoples heads

Come on guys...how many of you have either had or been to a bachelor party and heard someone say..."Let's have a bachelor party, with chicks and guns and firetrucks and hookers and drugs and booze!" I'm willing to bet that quite few of you are raising your hands.

Don't be embarrassed. After all, great movies come in all shapes and sizes! If every movie were "Citizen Cane" life would be pretty damn dull.

Thanks to Deafbeer for the 'caps.

Julia Kruis

Cheri Lacey

Dana Robbins