The Mummy's Kiss (2003) is a Surrender Cinema epic. It is a softcore version of a curse of the Pharaohs story. As the film opens, a young professor, he assistant, and his girlfriend are looking through artifacts brought back by another professor, and they manage to wake up the Mummy. Seems the mummy was actually an evil lesbian witch who was embalmed when the Pharaoh discovered that she was having a lesbian relationship with his own daughter.

The mummy wants to reunite with her long lost girlfriend.We have full frontal from April Showers and Regina Russell in a sex scene. They also flash the professor hoping to get out a doing a term paper. Mia Zottoli as the evil ancient witch shows breasts and buns, and maybe a hint of bush. Sasha Peralto, as the professors girlfriend, shows breasts in sex scenes with the witch and is frequently topless. Katie Lohmann, as Isis, shows breasts. Aysia Lee, as the professor's assistant, shows breasts. Several unknowns also show breasts.

I have always found Curse of the Pharaoh stories silly and this was no exception. I will say that lots of bare flesh helps the story. IMDb readers have this at 2.1. That is a little harsh. It is nicely decorated, costuming wasn't bad, and there were lots of breasts. What more would you want from a titty flick. This is a C.

Live Nude Girls (1995)

A group of women get together for a slumber party on the night of the bachelor party for one of their fiancés. They talk a lot about sex, and they have a lot of sexual fantasies. Some of the chats and daydreams are amusing. More are not, but it was written and directed by a woman, so it is kind of fun to eavesdrop on their real conversations.

"What?", you're thinking, "Mr. Always-too-verbose has nothing more to say?

That's it.

As Gertrude Stein once commented about Oakland, "there is no 'there' there". It is similar to "Sex and the City" but more genuine since that show is, as often as not, scripted by men. There are a couple of pretty good gags along the way. For example:

• they imagine the guys' bachelor party as a den of iniquity, but we see it, and it is a complete snoozefest
• they talk about how men always imagine a woman naked as soon as they meet one, the neighbor's son overhears them, and imagines them all naked, which is cool, because we get his P.O.V., and some of these women have rarely appeared naked on camera.

The good news is that all six women with major roles show at least a little bit of flesh. In addition to the kid's fantasy, there is some nudity in fantasy sequences, including lesbian fantasies. Lora Zane leads the nudity parade by participating in sex scenes with people of both sexes!

Lame DVD. There are no features. There is no widescreen version. The full screen version is undercontrasted and undersaturated.

• Dana Delany
• Kim Cattrall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Lora Zane (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Laila Robbins
• Olivia d'Abo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Cynthia Stevenson (1, 2)

Big Bruv

• Big Brother UK descended into a near-naked orgy on the show's raunchiest night ever. (Story with pics)
• and here are some .wmv clips. (1, 2, 3)

OTHER CRAP:

• How hot is Kate Beckinsale? She's -SSSSmokin'
• Time and temperature - old and tired. The hot hotness: get the time and J-Lo's current husband. Check again and again.
• Bill Hicks video archive.
• McCain says "absolutely not" to a spot on the Kerry ticket.
• Moore's next movie - about Tony Blair's role in the war. "I personally hold Blair more responsible for this war in Iraq than I do George W. Bush, and the reason is Blair knows better. Blair is not an idiot. What is he doing hanging around this guy?," Moore told Reuters in an interview.
• Our long national nightmare is over. Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen turn 18.
• A trailer for Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie. (Might or might not suck. I didn't watch this one)
• Brand new trailer for The Manchurian Candidate.
• Cincy's basketball coach Huggins unable to recite the alphabet. Much like his starting five.
• Rush Limbaugh Says 10-Year Marriage at an End. Oh, sure, it was a bitter pill for Rush to swallow, but he's had a lot of practice in pill-swallowing.
• Ireland gears up for Joyce festival on Bloomsday
• The Daily Show talks to the Super Size Me documentary
• The Daily Show looks at the Ronald Reagan tributes.
• A new clip from Resident Evil: Apocalypse
• Streep Receives Life Achievement Award from AFI
• Tour pro fires his caddie on 16th - hires a random fan from gallery.
• Roddick smashes world serve record - 153 MPH
• Alien Vs. Predator - Internet Exclusive Trailer
• Tin Foil Prank!
• Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up
• STUFFMAGAZINE.COM has a layout on Kelly Carlson - the babe from Starship Troopers 2
• The Hulk will be in the 1972 Olympics for Spielberg
• Gollum wil play King Kong, as well as a human character
• From the department of "I didn't need to know this":BEN Affleck has too much BODY HAIR, claim pals of his new girlfriend.
• Showbiz babe Nicole Richie - Paris Hilton's little buddy - has claimed she is still a virgin.
• Why didn't I ever think of this? Man Fined For Posing As Liquor Agent To Get Free Drinks.
• 'Mini-Me' marriage battle. An aspiring Playboy model is circulating a copy of a marriage license showing she was legally wed to Mini-Me, disputing his claims they were never husband and wife. She is seeking spousal support from the 2-foot-8-inch Verne Troyer as part of a divorce filing in March
• German lawmakers were fuming after an Internet auction in which a brothel bought a German flag used atop the Reichstag parliament building to advertise its services.
• Yahoo! News - 7 Arrested in School Cafeteria Food Fight. Police still looking for a John "Bluto" Blutarsky
• TV cameraman killed by a vehicle while covering "Dangerous Intersections" story
• Russian Soccer Wives Strip for Euro2004 Success
• Gun control in Australia has given way to sword control as police prepare to enforce a new law meant to curb modern-day swashbuckling.
• The Official Home Page of "Son of Sam"
• The GSN cable network will honor Reagan's game show past on Saturday (Jun. 12) by airing two old game show episodes featuring the 40th president. The first is a 1955 episode of 'I've Got A Secret,' featuring Reagan as the celebrity guest and it will be followed by a 1953 episode of 'What's My Line?'"
• The story is nothing, but you have to love this headline: Naked women stop forest rangers from seizing hot logs
• Portuguese police to let English soccer fans smoke dope, because a doped hooligan is a passive hooligan! The Lisbon coppers will concentrate their efforts on boozers, who get aggressive.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

Two big files - for those interested

• Here is a gorgeous clip from Cold Mountain which is almost DVD quality. That's a sex scene between Jude Law and Nicole Kidman. (.avi file within a .zip file. Right click to save to your hard drive, unzip it, then play it with the .avi player of your choice.)

• If you really care, here is the Severina Vuckovic sex tape. For me, it isn't really a celebrity sex tape because I don't know who the hell she is. Maybe a few of you do know and care ...  (.avi file within a .zip file. Right click to save to your hard drive, unzip it, then play it with the .avi player of your choice.)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

These 'caps are by far the best we've seen.

• Ashley Judd (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

Today we have an assortment of images and videos including:

• .wmvs of Shannon Whirry showing off her all natural big'uns in several scenes from "Animal Instincts" (1992). There are also some occasional rear views and she also shows pubes in links 7, 8, 10 and 11 (link 7 is the best for frontal views).
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  
  

• 'Caps (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) and .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4) of Greta Scacchi in scenes from "The Coca-Cola Kid". Scacchi did show all 3 B's in the movie, but we only have breasts and bum views for you today.

  
  

• 'Caps (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and .wmvs (1, 2) of Kimberly Williams showing some very nice down shirt views in scenes from the made for TV mini-series "The 10th Kingdom".

  
  

• The very cure Terri Ivens showing some cleavage in scenes from "Trancers 4: Jack of Swords" (1994). (1, 2, 3)

  
  

• Also from "Trancers 4", Crinuta Popescu topless in scenes from her only IMDb credit. 'Caps (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and one .wmv clip

"Burial of the Rats"
There's an excellent chance you've seen this 1995 made-for-cable gore and titfest on cable by now, although it's recently released on DVD. Produced by sleaze king Roger Corman, and based on a Bram Stoker story, it tells of a young Bram Stoker in 19th Century France being captured by a man-hating female cult. Naturally, they're naked most of the time, and very bloodthirsty.

This is strictly one of these you-know-what-you're-getting Corman flicks, and those who enjoy this type of movie will love it, while serious film fans will quit watching in the first 10 minutes.

• Maria Ford
• The Women of "Burial of the Rats"

J-LO AND MARC'S MARRIAGE NOT VALID?
What Law Does Apply? - If Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony did get married last Saturday, it may not be valid. Britain's Daily Express reports that Anthony divorced his first wife, Dayanara Torres, in the Dominican Republic just five days before marrying J-Lo. But under that nation's law, a 60-day "buffer" is enforced to allow either party to appeal. That would make Anthony a bigamist. But top U.S. divorce lawyer Neal Hirsh insists the 60-day waiting period wouldn't apply.