Dead Ringers (1988) is a David Cronenberg drama staring Jeremy Irons as identical twin gynecologists. Once they are in private practice, a few differences become obvious. One is more of a public figure and a laddies man, the other more of a researcher and clinician. They are in the habit of sharing women (the women can't tell the difference) until Geneviève Bujold, a famous actress, sees them for infertility. The problem is, the quiet brother falls in love with her. She is a pill junkie, so naturally he becomes a pill junkie, which, from my viewpoint, drove the rest of the film.

Bujold shows breasts, as does Heidi von Palleske. IMDb readers have this at 7.1. It made pretty much a clean sweep of the Genie Awards, and garnered several others. Ebert awarded 2.5 stars. I did not find the story at all engaging. In the end, it finished as a drugs suck film, and I have now seen more than enough of them. This is a C-. Cronenberg fans will want to see this as a departure from his usual horror.

Ruby Cairo (1993):

As you will recall, the Region 1 DVD of Ruby Cairo has been chopped by 16 minutes from the original running length. This eliminated the sex scene, virtually eliminated Jack Thompson's character, and made Andie's pursuit of her not-quite-dead husband to be totally illogical. (Without the sex scene, she followed him to every corner of the earth, finally found him, said "hi," and walked out.)

To make matters worse, the film is not only truncated in length on the Region 1 disc, but in scope as well - it is a pan 'n scan transfer in a TV aspect ratio.

The all-region German DVD solves many of the problems.

1. It includes the complete, uncut film in a widescreen aspect ratio.

2. The character motivations are much clearer with the sex scene restored. That scene includes flashbacks, mood shifts, and substantial dialogue, and explains why Andie chased her husband around the world, then left when he answered the door. Well, it doesn't so much explain it as change it. After their reuinion, they have sex and talk a lot, Andie flashes back to what it used to be like, and realizes the man she is having sex with is just not the same man she married.

3. There is now some point to Jack Thompson's presence in the film. There is still not much point, mind you, but at least he has a substantial part instead of a cameo.

Unfortunately, the German DVD has two other problems which prevent me from recommending it

1. The transfer is far inferior in quality to the one on the Region 1 DVD. The video quality is grainy and just not sharp.

2. There is only one sound track, and that is in German. The original English soundtrack is not available. There are no sub-titles available. If you want to hear it, your only choice consists of dubbed German voices.

Bottom line: there is still no version of this film worth owning, even in the unlikely event that you like the movie.

COLLAGES:

• Andie MacDowell (1, 2)

FILM CLIPS:

In this case you have two choices, the original .VOB files straight from the DVD, or .wmv versions. The exposure is short enough that the .VOB files are a reasonable size, as detailed below.

(A .vob file will be played by a software DVD player like Power DVD or WinDVD. If you don't have one of those, you probably don't want the download.)

• Scene 1 - Andie and Viggo have sex. In theory, her entire butt is exposed, but it's just too friggin' dark to see much. (zipped .wmv - 600k) (zipped VOB - 6 meg)
• Scene 2 - A brief flash of Andie's left breast as she reaches for something. (zipped .wmv - 250k) (zipped VOB - 2 meg)
• Scene 3 - Andie emerges from a shower. (zipped .wmv - 250k) (zipped VOB - 2 meg)

Other Crap:

• 1000 boys thrown out of polygamous US sect so that older men can marry more wives. The sect "believes a man must marry at least three women to go to heaven." I say if those guys can put up with three wives, they deserve to go to heaven.
• URL says it all: SprayOnMud.com
• Forward this to your girl. The 10 Worst Handjob Mistakes
• Paris Hilton is planning to give up her public life in two years, by which time she expects to become a mother  
• Israeli researchers say they have succeeded in growing a date palm from a 2,000-year-old seed. It is considered the most remarkable such achievement since Tony Randall became a father.
• It's good to be the king. Swazi king waits two weeks for wife No. 12. "Swaziland's King Mswati III took an 18-year-old former Miss Teen Swaziland finalist as his 12th wife during the weekend, barely two weeks after marrying his 11th, media in the tiny African kingdom said." They have a very sensible system for selecting wives. "Nothando Dube was selected as Mswati's fiancee after last year's Reed Dance, an event where thousands of maidens dance bare breasted, and where Mswati has chosen wives in the past."
• Katie Holmes could soon be converting to the Church of Scientology. "The former Dawson's Creek star, who was raised Catholic, says she's studying up on the religion espoused by her boyfriend of not quite two months, Tom Cruise."
• Headline of the day: "Forest department to develop wild ass sanctuary"
• Conan's Max Weinberg shares his idea of a successful Army recruiting campaign
• The buzz on the adult sites: Who is the celebrity partner in the Tom Sizemore sex tape?
• URL says it all: SexySharapova.com
• MIKE TYSON REPLACES DEAN AS DNC CHIEF ... Promises to Offer More Moderate Voice as Democratic Leader ... "Tapping Mr. Tyson for the top job at the DNC could heal wounds caused by Gov. Dean."
• Reasonable doubt won the day for Jackson - The Abrams Report. Michael was overjoyed. He said "I feel like a kid again."
• Make the big bucks - Extract DNA from Anything Living - at home in your spare time.
• Portable, Wall-Mounted Bathroom Beverage Holder
• Men have nipples to sooth a crying baby until it can be fed. Whatever, dude.
• The MovieJuice! satirical review of Batman Begins
• Weekly World News: "PAINTBALL GUNMAN HIRED TO SHOOT AT PRAIRIE-DOGGING OFFICE CUBICLE WORKERS"
• IFILM has five clips from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, including an exclusive
• Tobey Maguire to play a mute. I'm pretty sure that will improve him.
• Yo, Adrian! Just for fun - The Movie House review of The Italian Stallion (aka "The Party at Kitty and Stud's"). In case you are not familiar with it, it's a 1970 porno film starring Sylvester Stallone in his pre-Balboa days.
• The trailer for Broken Flowers
  • In the new film from acclaimed writer/director Jim Jarmusch, which won the Grand Prix at this year's Cannes International Film Festival, Bill Murray stars as Don Johnston. The resolutely single Don has just been dumped by his latest lover, Sherry (Julie Delpy). Don yet again resigns himself to being alone and left to his own devices. Instead, he is compelled to reflect on his past when he receives by mail a mysterious pink letter. It is from an anonymous former lover and informs him that he has a 19-year-old son who may now be looking for his father. Don is urged to investigate this "mystery" by his closest friend and neighbor, Winston (Jeffrey Wright), an amateur sleuth and family man. Hesitant to travel at all, Don nonetheless embarks on a cross-country trek in search of clues from four former flames (Frances Conroy, Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone, and Tilda Swinton). Unannounced visits to each of these unique women hold new surprises for Don as he haphazardly confronts both his past and, consequently, his present.
• ANGRY CHIRAC AGREES WITH BUSH THAT THE FRENCH SUCK ... a rare accord for the two heads of state
• AstroPic o' the Day: A Tornado and a Rainbow together over Kansas
• eBay item: BOEING 727 JET CONVERTED TO A LIMO FOR STREET USE. "It is legally drivable in the streets and can cruise on freeways at the speed of a regular car." Opening bid is about a million simoleans.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

How is this for a trade? You got yourself this DVD and it has no plot, no dialogue, no suspense and no humor. But it has 19 beautiful women, nekkid as can be. We call that a great deal!

The DVD goes by the title of "Mystique Lingerie: The Secret of Seduction. Only secret here is who doesn't know that a gorgeous nekkid gal can get just 'bout any guy to hop her bones? Not much else you can call secretive about this disk.

The format of the DVD is take each woman and show her off in a bunch of photos and then in a 4-5 minute-long live-action clip. Action here is a relative term, since most of what the gals do is pose invitingly, so that most of the movement is by the cameraman, which is too bad because the compression on the disk is extreme and every gitter of the camera leaves behind mega-motion-blur. Still, I found stuff to cap and I am sending in those gals who were former Hefmates or Pets.

Part one feature three women today, with plenty more to come...

• Anna Marie Goddard, the Dutch born actress and Heffer (January '94, the 40th Anniversary Heff-babe) posing topless and full frontal. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

• Aria Giovanni, the nude model and former Pet (September 2000) also shows off her beautiful big'uns as as well as a little bit of bush. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

• Here is another former Heffer (January '93), Echo Johnson. Toplessness only, plus a few teaser views of parital rear nudity. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

It's another "Hankster Light" day today...

Since we already had the ol' time machine gassed up and ready to go yesterday for our look at "Porky's 2", I figured it would only make sense to pay a visit to the original "Porky's".

So join us and take a peek thru the whole in the wall behind the girls shower room for a smorgasbord of boobs, bums and bush in that classic shower scene. The girls are all a bunch of unknowns (except for the final cap of Kaki Hunter).

The next scene features Kim Cattrall showing her bum a just a little bush (blink and you miss it) in her first film at the age of twenty-five. I find it odd that she didn't show her breasts then as it never bothered her to show them off 20 years later during her "Sex and the City" days.

• Shower babes (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Kaki Hunter (1, 2)
• Kim Cattrall (1, 2)

Next up...a bonus topless scene featuring Wendy Green from way back in 1972 in scenes from "Black mama, White Mama".

• Wendy Green (1, 2)

Today from the Ghost...a few clips from the Zalman King movie "Shame, Shame, Shame" (1998). From the clips, this seems to be a direct-to-skinemax version of The Vagina Monologues. The women all look great while going full frontal, and the scenes are well lit, but honestly the clips are a bit on the boring side as the women mostly just stand still and talk.

• Michelle Bauer zipped .wmv
• Ayrin Leigh zipped .wmvs (1, 2)
• Elina Madison zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

Scarlett's car fantasy
Scarlett Johansson says her favourite fantasy is to have sex on the back seat of a car.

According to the US issue of Playboy she said: "I do think having sex in a car is sexy.

"If I were in a really raunchy frame of mind and thinking of doing something crazy and kinky and sexy, the back seat would be it."

She also revealed she is ready to go topless in a movie reports The Sun.

She said: "It would just have to be the right film."