Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

Bookmark scoopy.net or the members page, not here

Monday

Web and Celeb

My laugh for the day came in this one-line bio of Christian Slater, from a fan site. Real name: Christian Hawkins. Height: 5'11'. That would make Billy Crystal 6'5", and the late Michael Dunn 6'8".

Animal Instincts

Do you remember the old Name that Tune show? "I can name that tune in four notes". Well, I can review this movie in two words: John Saxon. If Saxon isn't enough to describe the quality, how about fellow cast members David Carradine and Jan-Michael Vincent. Somehow, the film failed to cast Tim Curry. Poor Saxon. Wouldn't you think he'd eventually stumble into a hit movie by mistake, or at least an average one? I mean Peter Cushing was in Star Wars, and Joe Don Baker was in The Natural. Doesn't every dog have his day? Nope, not Saxon. In 45 years in show business, during which he has made about 100 movies and a million TV episodes, all without aging more than a week, Saxon's career has never been interrupted by success. He began his movie career when James Dean was still alive, he's still active today, and I swear he still looks the same. Vidcaps by The Realist

Shannon Whirry might have turned into a real actress if she had chosen that path. She has moments when she is very real and persuasive on screen. Unfortunately, two things stood between her and success. Those same two things also stood between her and her co-stars. Those accidents of genetics more or less assured that her career path would mosey along toward these erotic potboilers, rather than toward Emma Thompson roles. Here are some good looks at those monstrous things.

Shannon in the tub.

More of Shannon topless

a side view of her massive bosom, and a look at her backside.

Shannon never showed her pubes in the flick, but she did wear a sheer body suit which came close.

For our Danish friends, Shannon also did a nude scene with Delia Sheppard

more of Shannon and Delia. Delia made a comeback this year after 5 years absence from films. She is in the 1999 martial arts flick "The Dragon Gate"

Crow

Oops. I thought Crow was finished with "Going all the Way". WRONG! Here are two more of Rose McGowan. Somebody once asked James Whistler why his friend Oscar Wilde was so famous. Whistler replied that Wilde had written many fine piecess, but was most famous just for being Oscar. I think you can pretty much make the same comment about Rose.

one more of Rose in "Going ..."

Christina Ricci in "Pecker". No nudity.

More Christina Ricci in "Pecker". No nudity.

Martha Plimpton in "Pecker". No nudity.

Maureen Fisher in Pecker. She did get naked!

Rossol

Five today from Rossol. Victoria Abril in "Gazon Maudit", probably better known to you as "French Twist". In accordance with my "Name that Tune" concept of reviewing a movie in as few words as possible, one of the IMDb users summed this one up beautifully. Eight words. "Victorial Abril is wonderful, but her films stink". I might add that they stink in many different languages, putting her in a different league from John Saxon. Perhaps in the new milennium, we'll see a good movie from Abril and a successful one from Saxon. On the other hand, maybe we'll see Cameron Diaz marry bigfoot.

Victoria Abril in "Gazon Maudit"

Victoria Abril in "Gazon Maudit". On the Fourth of July, Miss Abril turns 40.

More movies

Joan Severance in Red Shoes Diaries: Safe Sex. Steven Bauer had a tough job here. "Hey, Steve, this is your agent. Could you show up and feel Joan Severance's naked butt for a while. No, you don't have to get naked, and you can just wear your street clothes, and you really don't have to memorize a lot of lines. No, no, they're going to pay YOU!" Bauer is fortunate enough to be quite a tall man, and therefore one of the few who can stand eye-to-eye with Severance when she wears heels. Well, I guess the strapping, Paul Bunyanesque Christian Slater wasn't available, and the original Dr. Loveless is dead.

One more of Severance in Safe Sex.

Graphic Response collage of Cynthia Stevenson in The Player.

Kate Rodger in "The Protector", from Schatten.

Rosanna Arquette in "The Wrong Man", from GR

Emily Watson in "Breaking the Waves", from GR

Sunday

Web and Celeb

Bones dead at 79. After a long illness, DeForest Kelly passed away yesterday. He was Doctor McCoy in the original Star Trek cast.

Aesthete

Aesthete's project for the weekend is The Waterdance, an excellent movie which featured a nude scene from a much-younger Helen Hunt. This begins the topless portion in which she is on top in a lovemaking scene (her lover was not capable of being on top - which worked out fine for us.). The movie is perhaps the most honest and unadorned overview of what it's like to adjust to a new reality after a serious accident. Hunt plays the guy's lover, a married woman who was ready to leave her husband for him before the accident, but now ....

As you may remember, Hunt was on the verge of breakthrough stardom in the early 90's when she took her major sidestep into TV sitcoms. She hasn't lost the knack, as she proved in As Good as it Gets. The talent hasn't gone away, but I don't think we'll get another nude scene like this. She was 28 when the movie was filmed. She's 36 now, and not a very youthful looking 36 at that.

more on top

more on top.

more on top. Enlarged

This angle is not 'capped as often. Her buns. Nice ones, too

More buns, enlarged.

Crow

Here are the rest of Crow's caps from "Going all the Way". Today's portion features indie queen Rose McGowan. This is a storyboard collage

storyboard

standing topless, close-up

topless on her back, extreme close-up

Master Bagger

Julie Strain in "Bad Girls"

Julie Strain in "Last Road". I don't think I've ever seen her with bangs before. She looks younger, softer ... I like it.

Monique Gabrielle. Monique has filled out a bit since her heyday.

More from Grim Reaper

a few more Danish pastries from our correspondent in Copenhagen. here's Sophie Graabol, one of Denmark's talented treasures, in Sekten.

one more of Sophie.

Assorted

I didn't know there was a picture of Paula Abdul with her nipple exposed in public. This looks real, and it is new to me.

Chandra North on the runway in a pretty impractical outfit. I don't know why they have these just for women. I'd wear this if it came in my size. Be great for golf, but need to modify the hat to add a sunbrim. Oh, wait a minute. I think Jesper Parnavik has already worn this.

Brand-new cap from Slartibartfast of Jennifer Nitsch in "Das ist dein Ende"

PAL

Sandahl Bergman in "Possessed by the Night"

Shannon Tweed in "Possessed by the Night". Sandahl and Shannon in the same movie! An acting pair-up comparable to Burton and O'Toole in Beckett.

Jana Brezkova in Ferat Vampire

Dagmar Veskrnova in Ferat Vampire. OK, I never heard of the movie or them, I admit it. But, what the hey, it's new blood!

Saturday

Web and Celeb

Here's one that my daughter would respond to with her characteristic "duh!". Scientists at Copenhagen University Hospital have concluded that men who consume 27 or more alcoholic drinks a week are more likely to break their hips than men who drink less. Probably more likely to slur their words as well. Man, thank God I stayed on that rigorous 26 drink a week regimen. I was going to move up to 27, but changed my mind at the last minute. Now I can continue my break dancing without fear of those pesky hip injuries, unlike my foolish 27-drinking friends. I wonder how many drinks those scientists had before writing that paper.

The Village Voice has declared that Jar Jar Binks is definitely gay. The Chicago Trib said his whooping cries in time of stress reminded them of "La Cage aux Folles", and other critics have said that he stands a little too close to Obi-Wan. Yeah, and what about R2D2 with that little thing that comes out and screws into computer terminals. What's that all about? Didn't everyone say C3PO was gay in the first movie? Talk about stereotyping. What about Han Solo and Chewbacca and that Cantina they hang around? That show music seemed like a dead giveaway to me. And what about Yoda. Don't tell me that little felt fucker never went after any schoolboys in those so-called "jedi" classes. Rick in Casablanca? Fruity as a Waldorf salad. Rooster Cogburn? An old queen, if ever I saw one. Alfie? Just using those women to cover up. And I think we all know Oskar Schindler just kept those people around so he could bugger that Ghandi guy. Robin Hood? You think they called them merry men for nothing?

The Empty Vee Awards

As you might have predicted if you were manning the phones on my Psychic Hotline Network, Courtney Love went for the most Celebrity Skin at the MTV awards. I can't be sure that you're looking at her naughty bits here, but she's never worn underpants in the past, so why should she start now?

The Riddler did one of his trademark collages of the event, to show the glamour and the flavor. It looks like there may be a free-floating nipple in the Courtney image with her hand to her mouth

RDO

Two movies from RDO this week. The first is The Fifth Element, one of the better SF efforts of the past few years, and one of the most visually beautiful movies I've seen. It doesn't have the scare power of Alien or the technology of The Matrix, or the noir profundity of Blade Runner, but it has a lot to look at, and plenty of imagination. Here's Milla nude in the deluxe tanning bed.

One more of the bed, and some of her nipples poking through the tape costume.

The scene where she removes her shirt

Further shirt removal

Movie 2: The Road to Wellville. The first file is Traci Lind.

Wellville: Bridget Fonda in the tub

Wellville: Bridget Fonda in the tub, enlarged

Wellville: Bridget Fonda's other topless scene