Tuesday

Tuna
"Satan Was A Lady"

Satan Was a Lady (2001) was written and directed by exploitation giant Doris Wishman. When her husband died she found herself at the age of 40 needing a way to make a living. She had been around film distribution, and understood that aspect of the business, but she got herself a camera and started making movies. From 1960 to 1965, she made nudist films, known as nudie cuties. This was the only way to get away with naked women on film at the time. From 1965 to 1972, she made roughies, where an innocent girl is led astray and horribly abused by some man. Then she tried making two films with a big star, Chesty Morgan, with disastrous results. Not only could Chesty not act, but, according to Doris, was a pain in the ass to work with. IN 1983, Doris retired from film making. She never could understand why she was becoming famous as one of the great woman film makers. She supposedly said that she didn't like her films, because the people were ugly. When someone in an interview suggested that she do some public appearances, she quipped, "What's in it for me?"

Then, in 2001, at the age of 81, she came out of retirement to make Satan Was a Lady. It was her most polished, professional film, but that isn't saying much. She had professional lighting, shot live sound in many scenes, and produced a very polished product. Before retirement, she dubbed all sound to save cost. The DVD includes a lengthy making of featurette showing Doris at work.

This film could be thought of as a reverse roughie, in that it is about a woman who chews men up and spits them out. Honey Lauren is a hooker and dominatrix who dreams of a fur coat and a better life. In the opening sequences, we see her whipping a man mercilessly. We learn that she hates her boss, and has a lazy musician bum for a roommate. She then has a brainstorm. She blackmails the man we saw her whipping in the opening. Once she begins, she can't turn the charm off. When the club owner where she works tells her a stripper is pretty, she rearranges her face with a knife in the parking lot. Her boyfriend finds and steal the blackmail money, so she goes back for more and takes care of the boyfriend. She also seduces the son of the man she is blackmailing.

Honey Lauren was perfect for the part. Not that she can act, but she is sexy and surly, which was the needed personality type. She shows breasts and buns in the film, and flashes her bush in the making of short. Lindsey Amodeo sows everything as a stripper whose act consists of her getting dressed, and Kerry Johnston shows breasts as the striper that honey attacks.

IMDb readers have this at 3.2 of 10, with only 25 votes. Clearly, those who voted don't know Doris or her films. Sure it is a bad film. All of hers were, but that doesn't detract from its value. How many films have you seen written and directed by a woman in her 80s after being retired for 20 years? The genre is Doris Wishman exploitation films, and this is a must see for her fans, hence a C.

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  • Doris Wishman
  • Honey Lauren (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Kerry Johnson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Lindsey Amodeo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Public OOPS! (.wmv files)

     

    Upcoming Poll - whose goodies do you most want to see?

    We've kind of lost interest in the polls since Lawdog graduated and went off to practice law, which was years ago. Lots of the old polls have become dated. In particular, we don't have current information on the following crucial question:

    "Of the women who have not done a filmed nude scene of any significance, whose first nude scene are you most eager to see?"

    Some of the candidates:

    • Jennifer Love Hewitt
    • Jessica Alba
    • Jennifer Aniston
    • Lindsay Lohan (after she turns 18, of course)
    • The Olson Twins
    • Jennifer Garner
    • Anna Kournikova
    • Nuna Gaye
    • Britney Spears
    • Faith Hill
    • Jessica Simpson
    • Beyonce Knowles
    • Elisha Cuthbert
    • Sarah Michele Gellar
    • Alison Hannigan

    I must be forgetting lots of important names. To add names, use the form below. Instructions:

    1. Add a name by click on "start a new topic". That will open new window

    2. In the new window, fill in "your name" (screen name) and write the name of woman you are nominating as the "subject". Unfortunately, it will not accept a black "message", so you'll have to put something in that field - just a period or a comma is enough if you do not care to comment. The e-mail fields are not required. Finish off by clicking on the "POST" button. E-mail to me by clicking on the "submit an article" field.

    3. If the name is already there, don't add it again. She has been nominated for the poll, which will begin tomorrow.

    4. If you prefer to work with the entire page rather than an inline frame, go here.

     

     

    HELP!!

    Scoops,

    I watched the movie "The Klansman" recently and made some stills. Now I found on your site Snowblind's images of the two actresses showing skin in two different rape scenes. As I could identify one of them (Lola Falana), I have no idea  the other one. I watched the movie twice, three times and oftener and forwards and backwards, I couldn't get any information on her character. According to Snowblind's caps she is Jeannie Bell. Maybe you or some of the Funhouse members can confirm it's her.


    BTW: What ever happened to Snowblind, do you have any idea?

    PAL

     

     

    UPDATES

    • Updated Encyclopedia volumes for Madchen Amick, Rosanna Arquette, Michelle Bauer, Emmanuelle Beart, Jacqueline Bisset, and Lisa Bonet, including a hot Bisset film clip from the little-seen "Secrets".

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

     

    Some great scenes

     

    • Kim Thompson in Stealing Heaven. This ultra chick-flick needs to be issued on DVD, if for no other reason than this scene!!! (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Francesca Rettondini in Ghost Ship. The first 20 minutes of this film are excellent, and Rettondini's nude scene is beautiful. Rest of the movie kinda sucks. (.avi) (.wmv) (review)

    • Kitty Winn in Panic in Needle Park. (.avi) (.wmv)

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    'Caps from the new Scoopy household favorite..."Eurotrip".
    • Jessica Böhrs, topless and showing some rear nudity. And yes, that is David Hasselhoff singing in German in one scene!
    • Molly Schade and her wonderfully gratuitous toplessness.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    JK
    'Comments by JK:

    “The Stepford Wives”

    I first saw the original “Stepford” in 1975, almost by accident.  I was killing time before a business appointment and I saw Katherine Ross’s name next to “The Stepford Wives” on a theater marquee. Now, I would see Katherine Ross in anything and I found myself in line, mesmerized, money in hand, buying a ticket. I knew only vaguely that Ira Levin had written the book, so I didn’t know the story.  It turned out that not knowing the story helped the enjoyment of spending an hour and a half watching Katherine Ross.  So I had the best of everything. Ah, those simpler times, when I wore a younger man’s clothes.  The film offered poignancy, character, mystery, and a lawyer as the bad guy. 

    I’ll confess I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the re-make because re-makes seldom work.  Sure, a few have clicked, but only a few. How can we re-make “Dracula”?  Or “High Noon”?  What about the infamous proposed Affleck/J-Lo remake of "Casablanca"? When we do them again, we'll have to make them with modern methods, which runs the risk of destroying the simple film virtues that made big hits of the originals.  The “improvements” destroy the magic. Imagine Rick Blaine surrounded by CGI. While the original version of “The Stepford Wives” was made only thirty (30!) years ago, it can be compared to the others in that its dated methods made the movie a success.

    Since the Stepford story - the wives of Stepford are programmed to serve their husbands - is now well known, Paul Rudnick’s script had to take a different tack from the original. But we’re not sure what he intended.  Is it Farce? No, not exactly.  Satire?  Well, sometimes.  Humor?  Seldom, but in a few selected spots.  Mystery?  A good twist at the end.  Emotional drama?  Hardly.  The truth is the script is all over the place and nowhere. 

    It begins with some promising scenes and, as we watch the start, we think we’re going to like it. A reality show winner sincerely tells us that all her life she has had sex with only one man - and that it was usually Harry.

    But the film goes down hill from there. 

    A surfeit of highly stylized sight gags and obvious lines causes the film to sag in the middle to near hopelessness before it rises to a clever ending.  (That’s the first ending - the one before the surprise second ending, which is just before the tedious third ending.)  In getting to the welcomed finish, we travel through a lot of uneven territory, which is a way of saying some scenes work and some don’t, some are funny and some are un-funny. An un-funny scene is like a scene that doesn’t work, except you wish it would eclipse itself immediately. There are plenty of those wishes. 

    What went wrong?  Well, the industry wag is that plenty went wrong. It is said that director Frank Oz, a laid back kind of guy for a director, lost control of the film and the film lost its direction. First, it was to be a three month shoot, but it took nearly eight months. Big names like Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler, Matthew Broderick, Jon Lovitz, Glenn Close, and Christopher Walken, to mention a few, don’t like staying after school. There were story changes, re-staging, script changes and re-shoots. With all the changes, the stars soon wanted to make their own changes. I’m told that at least three of them threatened more than once to walk away, even after substantial amounts of footage were completed and edited. 

    The film would be better if we knew more about the marriage of the Kidman and Broderick characters at the start of the film. In fact, the story might have worked if was planted squarely in the marriage, and cultivated there. This would have served two purposes. First, it would have made us care about them. At least a little. Second, the husband's justifications for his actions, currently presented toward the end of the movie, would have helped us in the beginning and through the middle, allowing the humor to develop far more effectively. 

    Notes on the performers:

    • I’m wondering if the photographer didn’t like Nicole Kidman; too many angles are unflattering.  And too many scenes looked rushed and uncertain.  Hurried filming? 

    • Matthew Broderick’s performance confirms he is still the kid of yesteryear.  Will he never grow up? 

    • The Lovitz and Midler characters are in the wrong marriage and quite possibly in the wrong Connecticut town.  Midler tried hard but had a lot of bad lines and wore some ridiculous costumes.  No one had a good time. 

    • Chris Walken, who seems to take any role these days, can still sound eerily menacing, saying almost anything and doing almost nothing.  That bad boy is hopelessly but fascinatingly typed. 

    • That leaves Glenn Close poised to steal the show in an acceptable performance. 

    “The Stepford Wives” is awarded one and a half Milk Duds.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    So if I told you there was a movie in which Demi Moore at 21 years of age goes topless and so does the woman who played Ginger on Gilligan's Island, you would say, "No way."

    Way. It's called No Small Affair, and it was made in 1984.

    Now, there is a problem... or two, maybe three.

    First up, Demi's exposure is brief, dark and shot through the headboard of a bed. Not quite so difficult to see as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but close.

    Seoond? Well, the actress who played Ginger isn't Tina Louise. It was the woman who took over for her in Rescue from Gilligan's Island and Castaway on Gilligan's Island. Her name is Judith Baldwin and even though she was 37 when the movie was shot she looks flat-out terrific. Well, flat is not the word to use for this woman, Wonderful body. Judith has stayed very active in Hollywood, even though she is not a household name.

    And the third problem is that No Small Affair has not been transferred to DVD. So these are VHS caps. Better than nuttin' I guess. About the best thing you can say about them.

    About the movie. This is a teen romantic comedy, in which Jon Cryer plays a 16-yr-old (he was 19 at the time) who courts a 21-yr-old singer played by Demi. Well, sorta courts, but not really. More like he helps her with her career. And as a reward she boffs him at the end of the movie. Thing is filled with an excellent cast but it just sits there and dies. I hate teen angst romances, up to and including Romeo and Juliet. So you have to take that into consideration when I tell you I wouldn't watch this movie again if Demi had blown Mr. Cryer on camera.

    Part of the problem is Cryer. He was the poor man's Matthew Broderick. Even played a character a little later in his career who was meant to remind us of Ferris Bueller, but no one can remember the name of the thing. Not even me.. and I just looked it up on IMDb. Oh yeah, something like Morgan Stewart Comes Home. Or Leaves Town. Something like that. Cryer was more than okay as a supporting actor in a whole bunch of films, but he couldn't do the heavy lifting of being the lead. Don't ask me why. In No Small Affair, he is just so odd I couldn't imagine any woman, much less a living doll like Demi, giving him the time of day. For certain she would give him a roll in the hay.

    So the movie was frigging painful to watch. Shot in San Francisco by someone who thinks San Francisco is oh so very pretty to look at. Note to director: next time shoot a travelogue. It wastes the talents of George Wendt and Demi and a host of other first-rate character actors. Self-consciously quirky, unamusing....the bloated carcass of a beached whale in San Francisco harbor... that's No Small Affair.

    Crimson Ghost
    First up, some odds n' ends from the Ghost...


    Next up, a little blast from the past with some 'caps and vids from the original "Charlie's Angels".

    Variety
    Jenny McCarthy Nice work by the paparazzi! Jenny topless behind the scenes at a Heff-mag photoshoot.

    Kirsten Dunst
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    		Fantastic 'caps by PlasMa of the "Spider-Man" star in her undies and showing pokies and partial breast views in scenes from "Crazy/Beautiful".

    Helen Mirren
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    		Marvin 'caps of a very nude Mirren in scenes from the 1972 Ken Russell movie "Savage Messiah". Plenty if excellent toplessness and full frontal views!

    Eva Green
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    		Note to all other actresses: follow Eva's lead! All big screen debuts should be just like hers and full of excellent nudity! Here are a few more 'caps by the Skin-man of the young and beautiful French actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from the Bernardo Bertolucci film, "The Dreamers". Look for it on DVD July 13th.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    CELEBRITY TRASH TURNED INTO ART
    And Billions Of Condoms - French paparazzi Pascal Rostain and Bruno Mouron have invented a new art form: celebrity garbage. They steal trash from outside celebrities' homes in California and photograph it. They have learned that Tom Cruise reads the Victoria's Secret catalog, Tom Hanks buys celebrity weeklies, and Madonna's family eats Cocoa Pebbles. Their 6x9-foot photo blowups of everything from Halle Berry's Cup-O-Noodles to Sean Penn's used mouse traps sell for up to $6,000. Rostain says the garbage shows that even if you're a big star, "you are normal people. You drink, you smoke. You eat and read."

  • You squeeze the Charmin...
  • Well, you read People magazine and the Victoria's Secret catalog, anyway...
  • Madonna eats Cocoa Pebbles? I didn't realize Cocoa Pebbles were so uncool.
  • They're working on another new art form: celebrity sewer diving.


    "CROCODILE HUNTER" UNDER FIRE AGAIN
    Crikey! - "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin could face up to two years in jail and a $1 million fine in Australia for possible violation of laws against touching Antarctic wildlife. A blurb for his upcoming "Ice Breaker" special says he "slides downhill with penguins, almost rubs noses with the notoriously dangerous leopard seal, and spends time in the inspirational company of two friendly humpback whales." An official said Irwin's company got permits to film whales, but that wouldn't have allowed him to jump in and pat them.

  • Oh, he NEVER patted them!...Put them in a headlock, sure...
  • He got so close, he found out why they're named "hump-backs."
  • Did I mention he was holding his baby the whole time?
  • He also broke the law against feeding the penguins...to crocodiles.
  • If he goes to jail, he may get closer to dangerous animals than he ever has before.


    KIDMAN MOVIE MAY BE SHELVED
    Abort This - The National Enquirer reports that Nicole Kidman's upcoming film "Birth" may be shelved after New Line Cinema executives saw a rough cut. The weird movie is about a widow who believes a 10-year-old boy is the reincarnation of her dead husband. The tabloid claims there are scenes of a nude Kidman taking a bubble bath with the boy and the two kissing passionately. The execs called the scenes "borderline disgusting," and the PR agency hired to promote the film called it "a publicity nightmare."

  • Meanwhile, 10-year-old boys called it "The Feel-Good Movie of the Year!"
  • It even disgusted Michael Jackson...Imagine a 10-year-old boy having sex with a WOMAN!
  • Are they sure that bathtub scene isn't Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher?
  • Actually, in the bathtub, they both look pretty much like 10-year-old boys.


    OLSEN TWINS TURN 18
    Now You Can Stop Feeling Like A Perv - Sunday, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen finally turned 18. This marks the end of an era of "Olsen Twins Countdown Clocks" on the Internet, which ticked off the seconds until the twins became legal age. One porn entrepreneur even locked down the name "OlsenTwinsNaked.com," just in anticipation. But E! Entertainment says that with hundreds of millions in the bank, it's hardly likely the Olsen Twins will ever have to do Playboy or appear in soft-core flicks.

  • That won't stop it from happening to Britney Spears.
  • On the other hand, their financial advisor is MC Hammer, so keep your hopes up.
  • Besides, their combined age is 36, which makes them over the hill in Hollywood.
  • Even if they go broke within five years, they'll be too old to pose for Playboy.