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Other Crap:
The Trailer for Brothers
of The Head
- "Brothers of the
Head is the feverish, mind-bending odyssey
of conjoined twins Tom and Barry Howe who
were plucked from obscurity by a 1970s music
promoter and groomed into a boy band.
Grappling with impossible love, artistic
rivalry and a dark inner life, the twins
embrace their freakishness and spit it back
in the form of searing Punk Rock."
The teaser and three
clips from Jackass: Number Two
'Wonderful Life' tops
AFI's inspiring film list,
just edging out Cannibal Holocaust.
Head lice 'are becoming
indestructible'
Scientists respond to
Gore's warnings of climate catastrophe
Your own personal virtual
bubblewrap.
(Try manic mode.)
The Norman Rockwell Code
Movie (DaVinci
Code Parody)
Vice President Cheney
Issues Wise, Diplomatic Response to Senator
Specter's Shrill, Childish Letter Protesting
Domestic Spying
(Humor from WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
"Eminem will return to
the big screen in an updated version of the
television Western 'Have Gun - Will Travel.'"
- He'll have to do
some acting on this one. Paladin was a
Shakespeare-quotin' opera buff!
ELEVEN clips from
Superman Returns
(The site was slow, obviously inundated with
traffic, when I visited)
Two looks - some hi-res
versions of the pics Tuna discussed yesterday
in his review of Thinking XXX
(Side by side looks at porn stars with/without
their clothing)
This week's movies
(about 3000 screens):
Nacho Libre - 25%
positive reviews.
- You young guys
deserve Jack Black. For years, young people
have been asking me "How the hell did you
old farts ever make Dudley Moore a major
star?" Now your generation has its own
Dudley Moore to deal with.
This week's movies
(about 3000 screens):
The Fast and the Furious:
Tokyo Drift - 63% positive reviews,
including plusses from Variety and Hollywood
Reporter.
- Wow! I am
flabbergasted. Without knowing a single
thing about this movie, I was expecting
something more in the range of 0% or lower.
Get your own racer
nickname from the Talledega Nights website
- Apparently I am the
Go-rilla.
The trailer for
The Great New Wonderful,
a story about rebuilding after 9/11
Britney Spears going to
Namibia to give birth
- Ah, the internet!
ChinaDaily is reporting this as a real
story. It was a spoof from the satire site
at "pugbus.net"
- ChinaDaily might
have been a bit suspicious of a writer named
Biff Scuzzy, or perhaps the accompanying
story: "Paul McCartney's Top Ten Signs Your
Wife's a One-Legged Hooker."
-
Original story
GORE FILM BECOMES
MAKE-OUT MOVIE OF THE SUMMER
... Global Warming Means Hot Loving at the
Multiplex
- "I whisper into her
ear, ‘Al Gore may say that the world is
ending, but baby, we’ve still got tonight.’"
Colbert on
wiretapping:
The government is giving
you free caller ID ... that they're the only
ones who get to look at.
Jack the cat attacks a
bear - and gets Colbert's Brass Bells Award
Colbert talks to climate
change expert Tim Flannery
Colbert gets out his
checkbook to pay the FCC the new, increased
obscenity fines.
"Colbert Report: Stephen
Jr.'s Growing Up Fast. You know what big
talons mean..."
Jon Stewart talks to RNC
chairman Ken Mehlman
Daily Show:
"Shortly after Bill
O'Reilly visited Gitmo, three inmates killed
themselves."
The Daily Show:
"When John Bolton gets
angry, he becomes... THE WALRUS!"
The Daily Show:
"Said the Iraqi Prime
Minister to Bush: If I'd known you were coming
I'd have built an infrastructure!"
In the latest edition of
the Marvel comic 'Civil War', Spiderman does
the unthinkable and removes his Spidey mask to
publicly reveal his hidden identity.
"A gunman shot and killed
two soccer fans after complaining they were
cheering too loud during a broadcast of
Italy's World Cup opener against Ghana"
More Soccer Wives &
Girlfriends
Not news: Home Depot
sells a bathroom vanity - News: with a street
value of $145,000!
How do you
successfully promote a crappy-ass sequel (to a
crappy-ass sequel) that nobody wants to see?
The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift has
finally figured it out.
Tokyo Drift Babes!!
Even if you're 80,
it's STILL good to be the king:
The Kandyland Party 2006
at the Playboy Mansion
World Cup Fever:
"The Simpsons go to a
soccer game between Mexico and Portugal to
determine the world's champion."
From the Boston
Herald:
Hey, fake Red Sox fans:
Make like Damon and leave
A tip from Cheerleader
Guy:
Why should you watch the
NBA playoffs? The Heat dancers
Wrigley Field, the last
big league stadium to install lights, will be
the first to go wireless.
"New Volvo technology has
made a way for cars to brake automatically
when they get too close to another object."
Do you have what it takes
to work for Ari Gold? Take the test and find
out.
The video and the story
behind "Hadji girl"
- The BBC describes
it as follows: "The US marines have launched
a probe into a video posted on the internet
that apparently shows a marine singing about
the killing of Iraqi civilians."
Gallup:
Bush Job Approval rises
from 34 to 38
Why Goalies Hate the New
World Cup Soccer Ball
White House Deputy Chief
of Staff Karl Rove will NOT be indicted in the
CIA leak investigation
eBay has now registered
200 million users!!!
Jessica Biel's legendary
nude and topless spread in Gear Magazine
A tribute to CHERYL "RAINBEAUX"
SMITH
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Follow-up
Thanks to the many who identified Janine Lindemulder
as the "unknown" from yesterday's collages. Here's the corrected ID:
Ellie Parker (2001-2005)
Ellie Parker is not a film I enjoyed, and I don't really want to talk about
it, so let's talk about I film I did like, Parenthood. Even though Steve
Martin can be over the top, I adored that film because the subject matter had
to do with the trials of being a parent, something I was all too familiar with
at the time. Thus, nearly every scene and every word of dialogue resonated
with me. I felt the same way about Planes, Trains and Automobiles, as I was
traveling extensively on business when I saw that film, and had nearly been
snowed in at Atlanta airport for Christmas.
I would imagine a childless couple would find Parenthood a slow watch, and
someone who has never traveled would not be rolling on the floor as I was when
Steve Martin takes on the rental car clerk. A humorous telling of the trials
and tribulations of any experience common to a group of people usually makes
for a good comedy for people in that group.
Unfortunately, Ellie Parker is about an Australian wannabe actress living
in LA with a jerk musician boyfriend. She has an analyst, a best friend who
competes for roles, and a strange agent (a cameo appearance by Chevy Chase).
He life consists of lots of auditions, but no roles. Naomi Watts plays
Ellie. a challenging role for her in that she got to play many different
characters in auditions. I am a big fan of Naomi, and think Tank Girl is the
best comic book movie ever made, partially due to her inspired performance.
She shines in Ellie Parker as well, but I simply couldn't relate to this
material, because of a lack of common experience with her character.
The film was originally shown as a short in 2001 at Sundance, and got a
favorable reception. Based on that, the auteur kept shooting shorts based on
other episodes in the life of the same characters, and eventually had enough
to cobble together a feature length film. Technically, the film is a disaster,
and for anyone who gets through the entire film without spewing their dinner
all over their home theater, there are numerous deleted scenes that are even
worse, but despite simply incompetent camera work, it is probably acceptable
to people who can relate to the situations, and fans of Hollywood insider
comedy in general. The film is probably funny if you have experiences in
common with Ellie, and I would guess that people in the industry might find it
hilarious, thus making it a C- on our scale. IMDb readers say 5.5.
As for me, Tank Girl remains my favorite Naomi Watts film.
| Naomi Watts
shows a breast, and maybe a hint of bush, in a toilet and bathtub scene. |
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Quenchless Desire (1993)
Ching gip was Hong Kong's answer to Fatal Attraction. You all know the
basic story but, in true Category III style, they manage a few wrinkles.
Our hero, Wai, is head of a luxury car dealership, and is happily married
with a young daughter. His best friend aims to screw a different woman every
night. In the opening scene, Wai arrives to meet his philandering friend, and
is attacked by a scissors-wielding crazy woman who severed her lover's penis,
and is now after all penises. This is a foreshadowing of things to come.
One night at a party for an important Japanese client, two great looking
women show up. The randy friend picks up one of the women and has his way with
her. The other (Usang Yeong Fang) is interested in Wai, but he resists. His
resolve is short-lived. When Wai's wife has to go away for a wedding, he gets
lonesome and gets together with Usang. Big mistake. He wakes up on the morning
that his wife is to return and finds himself wearing a titanium chastity belt.
Usang starts off with minor annoyances - like kidnapping their daughter - but
eventually gets really irritating.
This is a C. This is a fairly fast watch with good nudity and some nicely
demented twists on the story.
IMDb does not yet have a vote count, and there are no linked reviews.
The flubtitles are not worth showing you, but include, "I cut! You stink
man. I hate you most." "I must beat you, bitch." "Nut, dare you beat my wife?"
| Usang Yeong Fang
shows everything in several sex scenes. |
     
     
     
   
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| The highlight of the party scene is a
huge serving of sushi using a naked woman as a serving dish. An unknown
(the other one of the two from the party) shows everything having sex
with the best friend.
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Brinke Stevens shows her
breasts in the Helix "Gimme Good Lovin'" video.
Brinke Stevens shows her
bum in Bad Girls From Mars
Gloria Guida in a bikini in The Bermuda
Triangle
Eva Larue Callahan - bikini underwear in
Crash and Burn
Julie Strain stark naked from various
angles in Survival of the Prettiest
   
Lisa Comshaw topless in Survival of the
Prettiest
Strain and Comshaw
very naked together in Survival of the Prettiest
Katherine Armstrong topless in Crash and Burn
Kristy Swanson in Bad to the Bone (no nudity)
Megan Ward in Crash and Burn (no nudity)
Monique Parent topless in Point Dume
Renee Rea naked in Stolen Kisses
Shannon Whirry exposes a full-sized bum in
Playback
Stacy Q and her "Screaming in
my Pillow" video
Tawny Kitaen topless in
Playback
Teri Copley in I Married a
Centerfold (non-nude)
 
Traci Lords topless in the
Helix "Gimme Good Lovin'"
Tracy Ryan nekkid in Stolen Kisses
  
Tracy Ryan and Renee
Rea nekkid in Stolen Kisses
Unknown in Erotic Dreams
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These are the last caps of Dahlia Grey in Wet
(1998). Either as advertisement or fair warning, I should mention that some of
the images define the term "gynocam." As before, the gal who is paying all that
attention to Dahlia is erstwhile pornstar Avalon,
who does B movies as Tracy Smith and Tracy Ryan.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
A labor panel awarded Sivanadian Perananthasivam of Sydney, Australia, medical
expenses and workers' comp after he missed three months of work due to emotional
distress that included migraines, crying, nightmares and a fear of answering the
phone. He claimed the psychiatric disorder was triggered by abuse from his
bosses, such as being told to "park your little arse in that chair."
* They also made him wear a name tag - that was three
feet long.
Jennifer Love Hewitt says she's thrilled her TV show "Ghost Whisperer" is a hit
because that means she doesn't have to show her boobs in a movie. Fans are so
obsessed with her large breasts, they have their own Internet fan site; and
Hewitt says before her TV hit, she was swamped with offers to do movies with
topless scenes. But she said she's had to share so much with the public over
the last decade, from hair colors to weight fluctuations to her love life, that
"my naked body shouldn't have to be out there in
the public. I need something that's mine alone."
* Tell you what: If she'll do topless scenes, I'm willing
to let her hair
color tips be hers alone.
* So the point of this story is that we all need to stop watching "Ghost
Whisperer."
* Even the male ghosts keep whispering, "Show us your gazongas!"
* In every interview, she mentions how tired she is of people talking about
her large breasts, which she then talks about.
The DVD of Steve Martin's "Cheaper by the Dozen" was released May 26, and police
in Beckley, West Virginia, say that within 24 hours, thieves had hit at least
three local Wal-Marts and stolen 122 copies of it. Similar thefts were reported
in two nearby towns and in Virginia. Surveillance video showed a man and women
entering a store, being joined by three accomplices, stuffing a storage box with
"Cheaper" DVDs, and escaping out
the back door to a waiting van.
* Police are baffled...So are movie critics.
Eminem has signed to star in a big screen version of the classic TV western,
"Have Gun, Will Travel." Details have yet to be decided, but it will probably
be updated to modern-day Detroit with only loose connections to the original.
That seems likely, since the original "Have Gun, Will Travel" starred Richard
Boone as gun-for-hire Paladin, who liked to sip brandy, quote Shakespeare,
listen to opera, play chess and use violence only as a last resort.
* The only thing that will remain in Eminem's version:
the gun.
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