Huntress Spirit of the Night (1992) is drive in fare, so lets look to the expert, Joe Bobb, who says, four stars, check it out. IMDb readers say 2.7 of 10. Jenna Bodnar returns to her ancestral estate after the death of her father, and everyone tries to get her to return to the states as quickly as possible. Her old girlfriend wants her to sell the estate to a dashing wealthy man. After dinner at the man's house, she returns to find a naked girl (Alina Turoiu), who zaps her with a bolt of light, giving her the spirit of a Panther. Seems the panther business is the result of a gypsy curse, and also claimed her mother.

The curse has nothing to do with why the girlfriend (Blair Valk) wants her to sell. Her basement has a secret cache of priceless expressionist paintings stolen by her grandfather and hidden there. Bodnar's love interest is a wildlife photographer who is living in a nearby cave/darkroom. Turoiu, Bodnar and Valk all show everything, and Carmen Lacatus shows breasts.

This is not really as bad as it sounds. There was some imaginative sex, the right proportion of nudity to plot, and some interesting twists and turns. All in all, a watchable B film. C-.

Samy y Yo (2002)

How many movie titles contain three consecutive "y's"?

Call it    "When Harry Kate met Sally Woody"

I was really hoping there would be some nudity in this film for a couple of reasons. The obvious one, of course, is that any man in his right mind, with even the faintest traces of testosterone in his body, would want to see Angie Cepeda naked. The second reason is that I don't usually write up any films without nudity. I look at every new release every week, and I just don't have time to write about the fleshless ones unless they are cinema classics.

This one isn't a classic, but it is a very good comedy.

Here's the idea.

It's a romantic comedy, but not from the Hollywood formula factory, not a story about pretty people making their inevitable march toward each other with a few detours. It comes from the quirky side of romantic comedy, the side that includes Tracey/Hepburn and Woody Allen's pairings with Diane Keaton. In fact, those two teams give the film its inspiration, but with a mix-and-match pairing. It's Woody Allen and Kate Hepburn.

• The female star is a wisecracking know-it-all who talks fast, thinks fast, and is always in command of every situation. She's feminine, but not in a submissive way. In short, she's the perfect unmarried 1940s career woman.

• The male star is a nebbishy Jewish writer who is currently writing gags for a cocky TV comic a lot like Jay Leno (or Sid Caesar, for that matter). The writer, of course, doesn't want to write this kind of material. He wants to be Kafka or Borges or Strindberg, or maybe Ingmar Bergman. He walks down the street muttering miserably to himself, lost in paranoia, and hypochondria. In his spare time he's trying to write angst-laden novels with passages like "He hated Buenos Aires. He hated its commerce, its bankers, its energy. He hated its restaurants and cafes ... "

You have the picture, right? They are so much like Katharine Hepburn and Woody Allen that I'm just going to call them Kate and Woody. There are two other things I have to tell you.

• The first has to do with appearances. The real Katharine Hepburn was an attractive enough woman, but Angie Cepeda is not just "sort of attractive". She is a friggin' TKO. She's Hepburn with Raquel Welch's face and body!

• The second revelation is that this is a film from Argentina, and the entire film is in Spanish. (Cepeda is actually Colombian.)

The plot:

Kate has a stroke of entrepreneurial genius. She sees that the pairing between a self-confident Jay Leno comedian and a Woody Allen writer is a mismatch, and that the writer's lines, basically his whining about his own life, should be delivered by the writer himself, somebody who is enough of a  Sad Sack to make the whining realistic. So Kate pulls a lot of strings in the TV industry - we are led to believe she does this by using her, um, feminine charms on some rich criminals - and forces the writer to become a TV star. When I say "forces", I mean that literally. She arranges for a live show, and she just pushes Woody out into a three-walled set, with the door locked behind him, and the audience in front of him. He whines about how he doesn't want to be a TV star, and the audience thinks it is just part of the show. The more he complains, the funnier he is. In later episodes, Kate makes Woody feel even more anxious on camera by putting his classic Jewish Mother in the front row of the audience, and just lets mama do her thing. Woody's heightened anxiety produces heightened hilarity, and soon mama is as big a star as Woody himself.

The fly in this perfect ointment is happiness.

Kate and Woody fall in love. Woody becomes Argentina's #1 pop culture icon. He becomes happy.

When he finds happiness, the magic is gone from his show.

If you are with me so far, you can probably deduce that the film is stuck at this point. Where do you take it from there? Do the lovers say "fuck it", throw out the show and just live happily ever after in their love? That's the way a formula Hollywood romcom would do it, but I ask you, is that what Kate Hepburn would do? Of course not. She would find a way to make Woody truly miserable again, so he can be successful.

You can probably figure it out from there.

It's a terrific idea. I liked the movie a lot. I laughed out loud a few times. 

My only hesitation in recommending it is that the film just drifts aimlessly for the last ten minutes, or maybe nine of the ten, until it sort of muddles through a happy ending. That temporary anomie didn't really spoil the film for me, however, so if it is your kind of film, "enjoy"!

• Angie Cepeda

• to see more of Angie, click on the fish and check out Tuna's caps from Pantaleón y las visitadoras. She is gorgeous, but I was disappointed to see that her chest is store-bought.

Bad Santa (2003)

I reviewed it back when it was in theaters. Review.

There was no nudity in the theatrical release, but the unrated DVD, now called Badder Santa, has two topless strippers and another woman in a mini-bikini. I was not able to identify the three actresses.

• Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

.wmv clips - The Name of the Rose

The classic scene between the young, virginal monk (Christian Slater) and the peasant girl. These three clips are all from the same scene, just split into smaller files.

If you love good literature, this is a brilliant book, filled with erudition, crazy characters, and interesting medieval period details. One of the best books I have ever read. It's also a good mystery. Warning: sadly, it isn't a book for casual readers. It's about as hard to read as Ulysses.

• Valentina Vargas (1, 2, 3)

OTHER CRAP:

• Former Globetrotter sentenced to 17 years for fraud. He bet on the Generals, then threw the game.
• J.K. Rowling Ends Harry Potter Series After Discovering Boys
• One day's report: 1O6 False Science Claims
• Monty Python's Terry Jones agrees with Rumsfeld on this whole torture thing, uses approved methods to "extract information" from his teenage kids.
• I have five more g-mail invitations for the first five people to ask for one at unclescoopy@gmail.com
• Kobe Bryant defense team wins phone records of accuser's former boyfriend, including all text messages..
• 2004 Campaign Advertising - GeorgeWBush.org - Official Site to Re-Select Bush/Cheney in 2004! (For the terminally slow: this site is a parody)
• Three more spots and three clips from Spider-Man 2
• President Bush: "The reason I keep insisting that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam and al Qaeda, because there was a relationship between Iraq and al Qaeda."
  "Of course it was a negative relationship. They were trying to oust him from power. But, hey, I never said it was one a them thar positonic relationships! I just said relationship. Well, actually, I probably said relationism, but then Condi made me change the word. Nanny, nanny, boo, boo"
• French declare Michael Moore winner of the Tour de France. The stunning victory for Mr. Moore in the world’s most famous bicycle race was particularly surprising because Mr. Moore is not known to have ever owned or even climbed upon a bicycle in his entire life. But what made the win truly controversial was the fact that the Tour de France was not scheduled to begin until next month. “In recognition of Mr. Moore’s contributions to the world of cinema and to the world in general, we felt it was only fair to give him a month’s head start”
• Mel Gibson is the "Most Powerful Celebrity"
• Donald to get webbed footprints on Walk of Fame
• Yahoo! News - Kelly Ripa Signs 5-Year 'Live' Contract. He co-star Regis, has two years to co on each of his major contracts, one with "Live" and one with Satan.
• I thought Affleck gave up drinkin'
• Panthers QB gets 5-year, $38 million extension.
• The "Globally Acclaimed" Vagina Institute
• Christopher Walken offers his own spin . Hey, he wants to play the Brad Pitt roles, but people just don't view him that way.
• The Zeta-Jones stalker bust. When stalking Natalie Portman's mom just isn't enough. If I were going to get into the stalker biz, I'd try someone a little less temperamental than Zeta. Maybe I'd stalk Tom Selleck or Stifler.
• Madonna is marking her adoption of Kabbalah by changing her name to Esther. "I wanted to attach myself to the energy of a different name."
• The Ol' Chinese Tattoo Prank: oldest trick in the book (of Confucius).
• An embarrassing photograph of Larry King's garbage has been pulled from an art exhibit because it shows a box of Depends adult diapers among the detritus.
• You really have to hand it to Victoria's Secret
• Script Review of The Transporter 2
• Playboy's Breast Test
• American model and actress Caprice Bourret has won an apology and undisclosed damages in London's High Court over a newspaper article saying her acting career had 'failed spectacularly'. Apparently she was able to prove in court that her acting career was successful. If I ever commit a crime, I want that lawyer. If he can prove Caprice's acting career is successful, he can prove anything.
• Whatever happened to ... ? Monica Lewinsky
• TechTV's Morgan Webb in Maxim Mag July '04
• Pat O'Brien is leaving 'Access Hollywood' for a new gig as anchor of 'The Insider,' an upcoming spinoff of 'Entertainment Tonight'.
• Four free short videos from Playboy's Amateur Home Videos!
• Playmate Gallery - Irina Voronina, January, 2001 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Ah-nuld in "80 Days" - as The Perminator
• More crack naked celebrity reportage from the paper of record, the Sun. The British are so wise. When is USA Today going to add bare supermodel breasts?
• Pope John Paul asks forgiveness for the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects forgiveness for the Spanish Inquisition. Lack of forgiveness is our main weapon. Well, lack of forgiveness and lack of surprise are our two main weapons. Oh, and lack of pretty red uniforms - THREE main weapons. Start again. "Amongst our weaponry .... "
• Move over Tiger: N. Korea's Kim shoots a 34 for 18 holes in his 1st time out. And he would have done even better if those little windmills hadn't kept fucking him up.
• Clinton tells '60 Minutes' about his infidelities. In 60 minutes they were only able to cover his life up to age 14. The rest of the interview will be included in the deleted scenes of the 30-disk DVD issue of the interview.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Body Heat

If you are looking for movies which are both classy and sexy, here is your Gone With The Wind. Includes one of the sexiest scenes in cinema history (The wind chimes barely tinkle on a sultry Florida night when Hurt breaks down the front door to take Turner). Amusing noir dialogue, twisty plot, sassy dames, sappy mugs, great minor characters - a 1940s movie genre revived brilliantly in the 80s, with an 80s level of nudity. Not a great movie, perhaps, but one of my favorite movies nonetheless.

• Turner/Hurt in Body Heat. (.avi) (.wmv) (review)

• Turner/Hurt in Body Heat. (.avi) (.wmv)

• Turner/Hurt in Body Heat. (.avi) (.wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

Hey Scoop, I picked up the Boardheads DVD for a quick watch. 

• IMDb link. Current rating 2.9/10

• DVD info from Amazon.

 Here's a quick summary:

1.  Bad Hardbodies ripoff.  Three rich old uncool guys hook up with locals to meet babes.  Did I say bad "unfunny" Hardbodies ripoff?

2.  Elephant's Graveyard for celebrities, Bronson Pinchot, Loretta Swit and Gabrielle Anwar.

3.  Bronson Pinchot, without an accent, is totally without charm.  Beverly Hills Cop -Yes, bad Elvis/Ford Fairlane/James Bond imitation - No.

4.  The hero, Link, has a girlfriend, who is the flattest babe in the movie.  The flattest babe in any bikini movie.  Hell, probably the flattest babe in the 5th grade.  She wears a make-shift bikini with flowers stuck on for a bra, and they cover her entire breasts.  Small flowers.

5.  The flat girlfriend, Sunny, is Gabrielle Anwar.  I seem to remember she had breasts once.  But then, she had a career once too.

6.  In the bikini contest Sunny wears Annette Funicello's bikini straight from Beach Blanket Bingo, complete with Granny panties.  

7.  Others in the bikini contest wear string bikinis and have breasts.  Guess who wins?

8.  This movie would make a great drinking game. Drain your glass everytime someone says "dude".  Drain two glasses if two people say it at the same time. Drain three glasses if someone uses "dude" with another expression, such as "surfer dude."   Drunk in 15 minutes.

9.  Nudity report - topless unknowns, bikini tops pulled off.  One hot chick has her topless surf ride covered with a CENSORED balloon.  Shower love scene with Sunny wearing a towel in the shower (no water running either.)  Camel toe in early scene by Sunny, where balcony railing was moved to better frame her panties.

10.  The only time "woody" will be mentioned in relation to this film, is when they load their surfboards in a wood-paneled vintage truck.

The Copperhead Dude (takes drink)

===============

Other news - Did you read or hear, that several children and one adult drowned in the Fort Worth water gardens, where part of Logan's Run was filmed?   It's featured prominently in the movie, and I remember going there years ago.   They were part of a church group and ignored the NO SWIMMING signs. Apparently they were sucked under a deep pool by the suction pumps that run the waterfalls.  Here's a link.

Scoops,

I voted for Jessica Alba, too. No shock there. And I had Nikki Cox coming in third, overall (boy was I surprised). But I did predict that JLH would be the winner, even though she is so far from attractive when you keep your eyes above her neck.

It's all about TV.

Each of the top vote getters has done serious time on television... that's what makes the Nikki Cox low vote very surprising, and it's what explains Scarlett Johansen's low total. It seems that we see single frame after single frame of some show whenever someone exposes the least bit of skin.

TV.

Of course you can damn well wear out your welcome, as the Olsen twins have... big time. Yikes, they are scary.

So I'd bet if you ran a poll of the best one-time-only nekkid performance I'd vote for Lynda Carter in Bobbi Jo, but the winners would be Reese Witherspoon or Katie Holmes or Christina Ricci. The one-eyed monster plus a little generational factor thrown in. Don't know if it's good or bad... it just is.

Horror film fans may recognize her from the first 3 "Hellraiser" movies, as well as one of the lesser direct-to-vid installments "Hellraiser: Hellseeker" (2002).

• Ashley Laurence (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Here is the model/actress baring her bum and going topless in Señor Skin 'caps from from the the 1996 B-movie "The Zone".

BILL CLINTON DISCUSSES MONICA, ETC.
The White Badge Of Courage - In an upcoming interview with "60 Minutes," Bill Clinton said he's proud that he fought his "illegitimate" impeachment, saying it was "a badge of honor. I don't see it as a stain."