 |
If They Tell You I Fell ...
(aka Aventis; 1989)
Aventis are stories told by youths in Barcelona to amuse each other. They
can be considered an oral version of our Pulp Fiction in that they combine
important historical figures, familiar neighborhood characters, superheroes,
fantasy, lurid sex and violence, and so forth. At least that's what it says on
the DVD box. This film is about some kids who experienced sensational events
in the Spanish Civil War and made them even more sensational by turning them
into aventis.
Much of the film takes place in the 1930s, but the framing story takes
place around 1970, when two corpses turn up in the city morgue and the coroner
and his head nurse remember the two people from their own childhood days.
Those recollections primarily take the form of long, lascivious, and colorful
yarns narrated by the hard-drinking doctor.
In other words, the action seen by the audience represents a middle-aged
man telling an aventi about the aventis he used to tell as a boy. The
narration is rendered even more unreliable by the fact that the doctor seems
to be emotionally unstable, drunk, and more than a little cuckoo. It is thus
impossible to tell how much of his story is historical, how much simply
represents the misunderstandings or fabrications of his youth, how much is
legend or misremembered legend, and how much the doctor is ad libbing in order
to shock the old nun for his own depraved amusement. To make matters worse,
three of the women pictured in his recollections are played by the same
actress, Victoria Abril. That casting decision leaves the audience baffled
throughout most of the film. Are they supposed to be the same woman using
different identities to hide from the fascists? Are they really three
different women? If the latter, what is the symbolic point made by casting the
same actress in all three parts? Is it to show how our memories tend to run
everything together? Is it to show how the average woman and the prostitute
are really similar people placed in different situations?
Frankly, I have no idea what the correct answers might be for those
questions. I don't even know if those are the right questions, because this is
one of the more opaque movies I've ever watched. It's possible to understand
what's happening in certain scenes, but even when that happens it's not
possible to know whether the action being portrayed is merely a fictional story
concocted by the boys in the 1930s, or perhaps a fictional story made up in
extemporaneous recollection by the coroner. Beyond that, it is virtually
impossible to determine how the scenes are supposed to fit together, and even
if one contemplates that at length and gets a fairly good handle on it, it is
even more difficult to determine what it is all supposed to mean and why the
film was made in the first place. Variety's reviewer hit the nail right on the
head when he wrote, "Those with the patience to see this film two or three times, or read the
novel by Juan Marsé upon which it is based, may understand its
convoluted plot. Ordinary film goers will be hard-pressed to make any sense
out of out what they see on the screen."
The film concludes in Barcelona in 1989, with two of the minor characters
making a reunion in which they speculate about Marcos (a young Antonio
Banderas), a legendary anarchist who supposedly hid from the authorities for
years. The old comrades finally conclude that Marcos died long ago, but a
final shot in the city square shows an old couple of street beggars, and they
seem to be Marcos and his lover (one of the many Victoria Abrils).
The film received seven Goya nominations, but that meant little in 1989,
when the modern Spanish film industry was still inchoate. Despite the lack of
competition, this film was not nominated for Best Picture, and received a
generally cold response from critics and audiences, even from the more
discriminating and adventurous viewers on the film festival circuit.
The sex is quite explicit, as you will see in the clips, especially the
first scene between Jorge Sanz and a pregnant Victoria Abril, in which they
perform in a brothel for the amusement of a rich voyeur. Sanz sodomizes Abril,
pisses on her, and so forth. The pregnancy was not faked with prosthetics.
Abril really was six months along when the scenes were filmed. 90% of the
female nudity is from Abril, but there are a few other naked women pictured
briefly when the police raid a brothel.
Here's the whole
magilla. (260 meg)
|
|
|
|
OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
Teeth
(2007)
Teeth is a comedy/horror film starring Jess Weixler as a high school virgin
who is a dedicated member of an abstinence club. When the boy of her dreams
moves into her school she discovers lust, but is still firm in her resolve to
stay pure. However, when he forcibly deflowers her, she discovers her
curse/gift, vagina dentata. Her vagina has teeth that bite off everything
inserted against her will. Her gynecologist discovers her problem the hard way
when he tries to insert four fingers into her. Several other men learn about
her the hard way, including her step-brother.
It is a watchable black comedy, with good performances.
Jess Weixler shows breasts admiring herself in
the mirror.
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Notes and collages
Friday the 13th, part 2
1981 |
|
Kristen Baker
  
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Striking Point
(1995)
Actress playing the stripper is Tracy Spaulding. Quite the looker as she
struts around.
Rest of this movie is just god-awful. Seriously - the worst acting by an entire
cast...ever. Sixteen voters on IMDb give it a mean of 5.8 but that score is
gerrymandered by six people who gave it a 10. Anyone who thinks this one of the
best movies of all time - a frickin' 10 - should forfeit his right to vote...not
only on IMDb but anywhere on the planet. A 10. Sheesh. Those voters had to have
been the writer-director, his mom, three brothers and a pet weasel. Even the
five voters who gave it a 1 were exceedingly generous.
BTW, the writer-director was Thomas H. Fenton, whose only prior work in films
was as a grip - I am not making this up - and who wrote not another damn thing
until Saw IV, for which he was credited for "story." I rest my case.
Movie clip here, collage
below.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
The Signal
(2008)
Sometimes, even when I think the collage won't be all that good, I like
to do a movie to let people know how good the movie was. That's the case
with the 2007 Indy Sci-Fi horror, The Signal. Unique and extremely well
done, it has elements of other films, to be sure, but it has a style all
it's own.
The film tells its story from three perspectives, which they call
"transmissions". Each transmission had it's own director/writer, and while
each one had a different style, the three well-written pieces blend
flawlessly. The acting is also outstanding, something not always true in
an independent production.
A mysterious transmission invades every cell phone, radio and TV. It
affects viewers or listeners, turning them into mindless killers. Although
the affected can "snap back" if they're away from the transmission, no one
can snap back from being killed.
The movie focuses on a woman, her lover, and her husband, and the
various characters they encounter while trying to avoid being victims, or
themselves turning into murderers. Each transmission shows the characters
from a different point of view, focusing on a different character.
This is terrific Sci-Fi, and while it's necessarily gory, that doesn't
detract from the excellent story or the great way they tell it.
 |
| Anessa Ramsey |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Pics
Helena Christensen. This is a much higher
quality version of one we have seen before.
China Chow, hanging out topless on the Riviera with Keanu
Film Clips
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
