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Mailbox:
to: Scoop
re: Jennifer Love Hewitt
In light of recent news, I would like to urge everyone to
boycott "The Ghost Whisperer." In addition, skip her new movie
"Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties" (note: that is "Kitties"
with a K, not a T). Granted, the movie will suck harder than
the first one (and that one sucked pretty hard). Also, don't
buy any magazine with her picture in it unless she is bearing
mega-cleavage.
We need to remind her that her entire volume of work has
been sub-par at best ("Party of 5" being the lone stand out).
Until she bares her top, we will give her the worst punishment
for a celebrity: ignore her! My advice for JLH, she needs to
find a movie like "Stealing Beauty". Just bare them in a
decent film with an independent/foreign director she likes,
with great lighting and a long, clear view. Tell us, "Here
they are boys! Take a good look at them. Buy the DVD and make
vidcaps of them. I promise I won't sue because the DVD sales
will help so-and-so to make more movies."
Personally, I think she is afraid of the "Teri Hatcher
effect": after Teri's appearance on "Seinfeld" and becoming a
regular on "Lois & Clark" made her a household name, she
finally bared her chest in "Heaven's Prisoners". The view left
audiences with a collective "they are real, but they are
definitely NOT spectacular." After that, Teri was a nobody
until "Desperate Housewives" (a gap of 8 years). I can't
decide if it was a boob job or just a push-up bra that has
helped her, recently.
DS
Other Crap:
Mickelson pulls a Norman
- I shut off the TV
because Lefty had it won. He's the only
leader left on the course. A par on 18 wins
it outright. Even a bogey puts him in a
playoff. He puts up a double bogey. (And had
to sink an eight-footer to do that!) Monty
had also double-bogeyed 18 earlier, allowing
Geoff Ogilvy to enter the roster of U.S.
Open winners - through the back door.
The official website for
Shyamalan's Lady in the Water
retroCRUSH: Pop Culture
Pirates
We know they hate
Danish cartoons, so what kind do they like?
...
The political cartoons
from al-Jazeera
- The bad news: less
humor than Kant's Critique of Pure Reason.
- The good news:
funnier than Doonesbury.
Roger Ebert shares some
interesting thoughts about The Shining
Seth MacFarlane on Jimmy
Kimmel
Larry and Steve - a film
by Seth Macfarlane.
(Same voices as Family Guy)
Weekend Box Office
Results for June 16-18, 2006
- I didn't see any
great surprises in the results. As of
Friday, it appeared that Cars would dip to
third, but the full weekend's results showed
a different picture. Cars and three of the
four new releases performed on target. The
only disappointment was Garfield, which
opened in sixth place with $7 milion, about
half of the expectation. The "kiddie" field
was a bit overcrowded, as Garfield had to
scratch and claw against Cars, PG-rated
Nacho Libre, and Over the Hedge, so they all
suffered a bit from that congestion.
Garfield took the biggest hit as the worst
film of the four.
- Tokyo Drift
probably benefited a bit from the opposite
situation in the action film category, where
it was the only choice among films released
in the past three weeks.
- The Top 12 were 7%
above last year, and that result was
entirely consistent with the results from
the previous three weeks.
Comic Book DB - The Comic
Book Database
This week in Unnecessary
Censorship: June 16th
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Monk Tang Cho: Virgin Power (2002)
This is an obscure direct-to-video historical costumer in the Hong Kong
Category III line-up. It is notable for a very strange story full of plot holes,
and an ending sequence that is someone's theory of Chinese sexual positions.
Monk Tang Cho is a Zen master of the Virgin Power sexual technique. As the
film opens, he meets Samantha Chu and Ka Yu Chow. After he has sex with both of
them, the two women get into a discussion about the experience, and Ka Yu Chow
expresses regret that she didn't get to have sex with him. Wha ... ? The
scenes that show her with him must have been simply mis-edited. They appear to
be from a scene later in the movie, which Samantha Chu foretells.
Cut to three years in the future. Monk Tang Cho comes to town. Ka Yu Chow is
servant to a female sex guru who follows an inferior discipline. They meet at a
hotel, where the hotel owner and his wife have sexual difficulties. They have
adopted Samantha Chu (who, for some reason, is now mute), but the wife resents
her. The husband tries to enlist the aide of the two sex experts to liven up his
relationship with his wife. Meanwhile, the wife has hired two criminals to rape
the step-daughter for three days and in so doing, kill her.
Our good monk rescues the daughter, and then has a contest with the other sex
expert to see who can cure her of her resulting hang-ups. He wins, the father
discovers that he loves the step-daughter, not the wife. The plot summary from
the keeper case will give you some idea what I am up against when researching
these films:
There was a special monk - "Tang Cho", he was well known by his sex kung fu
"Virgin Power", one day he pass by a small town and met "Choi Yee". both of
them are expert in sex, in order to resume the motel owner's power, they are
having a contest in sex. While Tang and Choi keep helping the owner, his wife
is Paying "Five Monsters" to rape their adopted daughter "Fong" because of
jealousy, But lucky "Fong" was saved by "Tang". However, the owner found out
the one who he loves the most was "Fong". At this time, Choi and Tang was
having a sex competition in order to prove that who is the number one sex
expert?
This film is atrocious in all respects, except the marginally relevant
ending. We finish with the monk demonstrating nine Chinese sexual positions
using Samantha Chu. The names are all colorful, and he goes into great detail
about the advantage of each. The first, for example, is Somersaulting Dragons.
Sounds exotic, but we know it as missionary position. The sex position
demonstration, I suppose, is the Hong King equivalent of redeeming social merit.
In fact, were that last ten minutes or so released by itself, I would give it a
C in the same genre as early sex ed films.
I suppose the correct score for the film is C, maybe, but with a warning that
you will want to skip directly to the final chapter.
IMDb has yet to discover this one, and there is nothing approaching an
on-line review anywhere.
| Ka Yu Chow,
whom we saw in Electrical Girl, shows breasts.
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| Samantha Chu
(Sexy Photo Album) shows breasts and buns.
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Dann reports on The Sisters: Perhaps a
writer writing a screenplay based on a play that he himself had written,
which was itself based on "The Three Sisters" by Anton Chekov, might
unconsciously write a movie that was too much like a play. It seems like
that is what happened with this 2005 drama.
This very talky story focuses on three
sisters and their husbands and boyfriends. They are a family of scholars,
and most of the story takes place in the faculty lounge of the college
where they teach. The sisters are constantly fighting and putting one
another down, and family secrets come out as things progress.
It's not as totally boring as you might
think, but you are always aware you are watching a play made into a movie,
and although the cast is made up of well-known actors, several are
miscast. The result of all this is a fairly average movie that you
probably won't hate, but almost certainly won't love.
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| Maria Bello |
Elizabeth Banks |
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