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"On The Border", (1998)
from Johnny Web
Well, I'm happy to say I
was wrong when I said this week's new releases
didn't have much nudity. The story changed when I
popped this in the player. "On The
Border" is a grade b film noir about the
bleak southwest and a bank robbery that involves
so many different doublecrosses and
counter-stings that I lost track of them, in the
manner of "Lock Stock and Two Smoking
Barrels". At one point, the loot is
assembled in a remote shack, and the tide turns
what seems like a dozen times, as yet another
shotgun or rifle barrel pokes through the door,
and we look to see who's attached and who he/she
is teamed up with as of this minute. Actually,
the movie is as slow as can be, and some of the
acting is third-rate
This film led me to
speculate about the tier system of stars. I've
always referred to grade a, b, and z, but this is
clearly not enough levels. A grade "z"
is one with nobody you ever heard of and a budget
equivalent to the price of one Zagnut bar. We all
know the "a" list, which includes
Cruise and Kidman, Ah-nold, Harrison Ford, Julia
Roberts and a few of their friends. But there are
several gradations of "b". This
particular movie stars Van Dien and Bryan Brown,
who sneak into leads in A movies now and then,
plus the chubby Baldwin, whatever his name is. I
think this is kind of a B-1 group. There are
obviously lower levels of B, the kind of films
that star Howie Long and Eric Roberts and Rowdy
Roddy Piper.
Van Dien is developing
an interesting career. He's become the Grade B
Brad Pitt. He's so handsome that he keeps getting
roles, but he doesn't seem to have the depth to
do anything meaningful. His face and body assure
him of plenty of work, but maybe not any really
good work.
Rochelle Swanson plays
Rosalita, a Mexican lady with a Hungarian accent.
There is a reason for this, believe it or not.
Turns out her accent was part of the scam, and
she's not really from Mexico. In fact, she's from
Seattle. Even so, it seems unlikely that people
near the border would be fooled by her accent,
which was roughly equivalent to John Cleese's
French in Python's Grail. "We already 'ave
one. Oh, yes, itsa very nize-a." Of course,
I spotted her Seattle origin right away from her
intensive latte consumption.
The other babe is
Camilla Overbye Roos, remember her from Titanic?
She did OK. Her Danish accent was quite
realistic, abetted by the fact that she is
Danish. Seriously, she's a pretty good performer,
with some real subtlety, an irregular beauty
coupled with a "lost" quality, and a
nice natural body. I hope she manages to edge
back closer to the Titanic level.
Camilla Overbye Roos (1,
2,
3,
4)
Rochelle Swanson (1,
2,
3,
4)
Camilla Overbye Roos - one more just for fun.
Here's how she dresses up for a walk in the
desert. Like most of us, she prefers the traction
you get from high heels in those desert rocks and
sands, plus the five inch elevation really
reduces the chance of those rattlers biting your
heels. (1)
"The
Last Stop", (2000) from Johnny Web
Talk about your grade
"b" movies. Takes place entirely in a
run-down motel which is snowbound in the
mountains, and occurs entirely at night, thereby
obviating the need for any beautiful mountain
panoramas or any other long-distance shots. It
was filmed in British Columbia, but the story
takes place in Colorado. Not that it matters in
the dead of night inside a motel cofee shop. It
could have been filmed in Key West, using cocaine
instead of snow. Anyway, as luck and movie
cliches would have it, bodies start turning up,
giant bags of money are floating around, and the
honest cop who happens to be there is pretty much
the only person in the group nicer than Stalin.
Therefore, everyone and anyone could be a
suspect. Yawn.
The big news here is
that Rose McGowan, who didn't show any flesh, has
clearly settled in the b world. This is the
second totally obscure unreleased movie I've seen
her in. I thought she was quite good in the other
one, "Southie", but she seemed quite
weak in this film, as if she mailed in her
performance, her aloof manner not quite ringing
true to this character.
As for the other lady,
her biography on the collage says it all. Her
other experience includes (I'm not making this
up) entertaining her family at holiday
gatherings, and high school drama. Honest - I
captured the bio straight from the DVD! Check it
out. Well, at least she let a breast slip from
her blouse.
Rose McGowan, cleavage only Amy Adamson
"Gunshy",
(1999) from Johnny Web
Discussed yesterday.
Found a couple of Bullock frames. One wet t-shirt
and one kinda sorta upskirt.
upskirt wet t-shirt
"F/X",
(1986) from Johnny Web
Scoopy Jr has pointed
out to me that this movie is the one which breaks
the Bryan Brown rule, and by George, he's right.
For those of you in the dark, the rule is that
Bryan Brown is perfectly competent, even inspired
at times, but his movies always stink. This one,
however, is an imaginative and interesting
thriller. Brown plays a movie special effects man
who is asked by the government to stage the
killing of a key witness who ratted on the mob,
so that the witness can be snuck into the witness
protection plan without the mob guys continuing
to look for him. But, just as in the special
effects themselves, nothing is as it seems. Good,
fun, junk picture.
This lady is Diane
Venora, a fine actress who plays Gertrude in that
new Ethan Hawke Hamlet movie. I think this modest
downblouse is about the only time in her career
that a face and a breast are seen together.
Diane Venora
"Topsy-Turvy",
from Tuna
Tuna's thoughts:
Topsy-Turvy is a story about the making of
Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado. They had just had
a near flop, and Gilbert proposed a libretto much
like something they had already done. Sullivan
refused to score it. The entire film is about the
politics and process of creating and producing
this operetta. I really wanted to like this film.
I enjoy G & S, it won Oscars for Costume and
make-up and was nominated for best art design and
best set design, from the opening credits was
beautifully lit and photographed, and I have an
interest in "behind the scenes" aspects
of show business. Unfortunately, despite great
production values and good performances from all,
I thought this 160 minute film would never end. I
probably expected a plot, and instead got a
history lesson (and one with a great deal of
artistic license at that).
The exposure came from a
scene that really had little to do with the plot.
Sullivan traveled to the continent after putting
Princess Ida into production, and visited a house
of ill repute. The actress in the front in image
1 is Julia Rayner. This is not a bad film, just
not a compelling story. Most of the comments at
IMDB are very positive, with a few who found it a
little slow and-overlong.
I agree with Tuna. I
like Gilbert and Sullivan, so I awaited this
movie eagerly because of the awards and subject
matter, and even at that I could barely make it
through the first 60 minutes. Once I got into it,
I liked it, but you need to think about whether
this is how you want to spend 139 minutes of your
life. If you are not a G&S fan, the answer is
that it is not 139 minutes you will enjoy. If you
are a fan, you'll still need a some patience to
extract the eventual rewards.
thumbnails The ladies of the evening (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9)
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