Update:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

The Year of the Gun (1991)

Tuna and I reviewed this film long ago. We both liked it. It was directed by John Frankenheimer, has some excellent script elements, two gorgeous nekkid women, and beautiful location photography. We were disappointed by the ordinary, featureless 4:3 DVD. I guess that means we liked the film enough to want to know a lot more about it. Here is the Movie House review.

And here is a film clip (zipped .avi) of Valeria Golino in a pretty suh-weet sex scene.

The Man-Eater (1999)

The film opens with a woman performing a sexually-oriented stage act. The highlight of this act involves spirited sexual congress with a large stuffed panda which will, at the very least, need to be cleaned thoroughly before it can be returned to its owner. I can't claim to have seen every film with stuffed-panda fuckin', but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is probably THE scene to watch if you are into this particular sexual practice.  In fact, I'll go the extra mile and say that I have never seen a better scene with a woman having sex with any kind of stuffed bear, and that includes teddy bears, although to tell the truth I have not seen many Australian porn films, so I may be missing out on some excellent stuffed koala scenes. I have disqualified those in advance because koalas are not really bears, nor even closely related to bears.

(A very tame capture is pictured at the Movie House. Note: this film is actually in color, but the director apparently felt that audiences could not handle panda-fuckin' in color. Who could blame him? That would be considered hard-core in many countries.)

The film is not called The Panda Fucker, however, but The Man Eater. You can therefore assume that it eventually gets to the point, or at least closer to a point of some kind, and starts to focus on various non-panda activities. A literal translation of the title would actually be closer to "the she-wolf,"  but the film is marketed to English-speaking channels as The Man Eater because that title has a double meaning in the context of one the star's favorite sexual practices. The star, Loredana Cannata, sets aside her panda long enough to perform a highly beloved form of man-eating on camera in the course of this film, thus earning La Donna Lupo a spot in Wikipedia's list of mainstream movies with unsimulated sex. In addition to this particular activity, Ms. Cannata also pleasures herself on camera by demonstrating her command of Houdini's famous "disappearing finger act," the secret to which I am not allowed to reveal as part of my long-standing agreement to abide by the magician's code, in return for which the magicians agree not to turn me into a newt or make my web site disappear. A small price to pay, if you ask me. Suffice it to say that Ms. Cannata spends the entire film engaging in various activities that are normally performed in public only when there are parties at Charlie Sheen's house. Astoundingly, at least by the more puritanical standards of America, the infinitely open-minded Italian public has subsequently accepted the same Ms. Cannata as a mainstream TV star in her native land.

In between the sex scenes, this is a mainstream and somewhat arty erotic thriller about a mysterious woman with an unquenchable appetite for anonymous sex. A young man picks up a beautiful woman for a one-night stand. He falls for her after a wild night of skinny dipping and hanky-panky, but she is gone in the morning, and the name and phone number she gave him turn out to be false. The young man is so smitten with his dream girl that he tracks her down, only to find out that her entire life consists of nights just like the one she spent with him - except with other men, using other false identities.

For a short time, Rare Licensed DVDs, the American importer for this title, is offering our customers a special opportunity to get a free additional DVD when ordering the Region 2 DVD of La Donna Lupo. You may choose either a Paola Senatore classic, or Tinto Brass's Capriccio. Please check all the product specs to ascertain whether you can play these films on your system. If you have any doubts, write to Rare Licensed DVDs for clarification. Get details of the promo by clicking on the picture below.

Loredana Cannata

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

Caps of a 45-yr-old Melissa Leo in The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada have made their way to the Funhouse recently. So I thought it was time to cap Ms. Leo in Streetwalkin', made when she was 24. She played and looked to be a much younger woman, turning tricks when she and her brother are thrown onto the streets. Not a great movie, but not silly or stupid, either. Key point is that Melissa shows off two of the three B's in four scenes. The caps and two clips cover that territory (each of the two zipped .avi clips includes a pair of scenes), but understand that this movie is not available in DVD, so we are talking the quality of material taken from videotape.

In the first clip you see Melssa getting ready for a night's work by changing out of one top because, after all, hookers are so careful about how they dress.  That is followed by a scene in which she takes a yokel to a hotel room and strips, so that the dude shoots his load right into his drawers. Melissa's character then offers to do the guy for real at half price. If that scenario sounds a bit familiar you must have seen Uncaged (1991). In that movie, Leslie Bega plays the young hooker who makes the same offer when her john gets way ahead of himself. Ahh, Hollywood--where every script is fresh and oh so original.

In the second clip Melissa does her boyfriend/pimp in one scene and then helps another hooker, played by Khandi Alexander, do the business to a guy who pays to be humiliated. Funny, all I have to do is visit the in-laws. Tis an amusing scene...and Melissa looks real good.

Melissa Leo

 

Most Barbra Streisand fans were thrilled to hear she's planning another tour, but some are threatening to sue.  ContactMusic.com reports that some fans who forked over hundreds of dollars a ticket for Barbra's 1999 "farewell tour," because it was their "last chance ever" to hear her, were furious when she announced plans to tour again in October.  They say they are planning to sue her for fraud.

*  This case is being watched closely by lawyers for Cher.

*  They were promised they'd never see her again, and by God, they're
holding her to it!


  
TV Guide has bought jumptheshark.com, the website that chronicles TV
shows that aren't as good as they used to be

* It's a perfect fit, since that's what TV Guide does every week.