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Delta Heat

There are some things which Hollywood does not do well. The world of Hollywood movies is larger-than-life, contrived, implausible, formulaic, and over-the-top. Therefore, they almost always screw up serious drama by extending it so far beyond reality that it is barely recognizable as human activity. They can't seem to relate to normal people facing normal problems, but always have to resort to outlandish Oscar-baiting themes like tormented suicidal gay junkies with AIDS.

And I don't have to tell you how outrageous and grim horror stories have become.

We could continue with that thread, but it makes more sense to accentuate the positive. What is Hollywood good at? Certain genres actually benefit from or are unaffected by the characteristics I described above, especially escapist action/adventure films and high-concept comedies, the sorts of films where contrivance is expected and welcome. It stands to reason, then, that Hollywood's consistently strongest genre is the mismatched buddy film, which naturally combines the two things Hollywood does best: action and humor. The mismatched buddy film is always formulaic, but that doesn't matter, because that type of film succeeds or fails based on the execution rather than on the premise. We know before the action begins that the Russian cop is going to make a fool of himself in Chicago, and vice-versa, but that predictable formula can still result in a great film or a poor one, depending on the jokes and the stunts.

In this case, the set-up is the usual formula. A prissy, dandified L.A. cop (Anthony Edwards) ends up in Louisiana by following the trail of a dangerous new designer drug. He has long hair, an earring and a few suitcases full of fancy shoes, body sprays, and pastel suits. He drinks vintage wine by decanting it properly and says things like, "I don't eat shellfish. They're scavengers." As you can imagine, the New Orleans cops, who have yet to evolve opposable thumbs, ridicule "Hollywood," and think he's a pretentious douchebag - and one who's likely to starve if he stays in New Orleans too long, since the entire city lives on stale beer and shellfish. Following the formula to a "T," the local police captain assigns Hollywood to partner up with grungiest possible local, "Swamp Rat", a growling, possibly psychotic ex-cop (Lance Henriksen) who lives deep in the bayou, carries knives the size of Samurai swords, and has a hook for a hand as a result of an unplanned encounter with an alligator.

The plot basically makes no sense at all. The N'awlins police captain tells Hollywood and Swamp Rat that they have only 24 hours to investigate the case before Hollywood is shipped back to California, whereupon they proceed to pick up some chicks, get into fights with the bumbling local cops whose case they have usurped, drink and eat in the local bistros, catch a few z's, and (in Hollywood's case) change suits several times. Little did the captain know they didn't really even need that 24 hours to crack the case. They actually only worked on it about two hours, in between getting laid, kicking ass, and getting drunk. And during those two hours they basically just followed some useless leads waiting for the drug lord to reveal himself on his own.

Which, of course, he did.

OK, let's just say this is not the film for you if you're seeking a thoughtful crime-solving procedural. Does that really matter? The detective work is really just a vehicle for the film to exhaust all the "fish out of water" possibilities of a yuppie wandering through the swamp. Some of the humor is trite (Hollywood commenting with no special wit on the incomprehensibility of the local accents), but some of it is effective. The film is also very sexy. Betsy Russell, former teenspoitation queen, made what was essentially the last gasp of her career before she retired to raise a family, and she went out with real pizzazz. There is no actual sex scene, but the before and after are excellent. Prior to having sex with Hollywood, she seduced him by stripping down to a bikini which was barely there, then did a little exotic dancing which promised some light bondage. After the sex, she got out of bed stark naked and walked past the obnoxious local cops. And she looked mah-velous!

Is it a mismatched buddy classic? No, it's not Lethal Weapon or Beverly Hills Cop. It's not even Shanghai Noon or Rush Hour. It more on the level of Red Heat, the Chicago/Moscow mismatch which I described above. But because Hollywood is good at comedy and action, even an inferior mismatched buddy film can still be a watchable, entertaining film if it includes enough guilty pleasures, and in this regard Delta Heat overcomes its inane plot to deliver just enough lurid entertainment.

I liked the film much more than I expected to, but the DVD is disappointing. There are no features other than a trailer; there is no widescreen transfer; and the full screen transfer is not much better than VHS quality.

But Betsy is still mighty sexy even in low-res - and what a cute butt!

Mina Ja Morrison

Mina Ja Morrison (2001), or Me and Morrison, is the second in the Levottomat trilogy. The goal of the trilogy was to get three different views of youth and lust in contemporary Finland. The first dealt with upwardly mobile 20 somethings. For this second one, we are at the fringes of society with marginalized characters. Note that we have a new director, and no returning characters, so it is not truly a sequel. We do have a returning actress, however. Irina Bjorklund plays a young woman with an attitude and a drinking problem. She lives with a fashion model who is tiring of Irina's games, and her inability to hold a job and pay her share of the rent. Things change when she meets Samuli Edelmann at a club, and ends up waking up in his bed.

First big surprise is finding that he has a son the next morning. He tells her a long story about dead parents, a wife who died of heroin overdose, and about how he is going to move to Belize, and wants to take her. He seems to be the same sort of party animal she is, and it looks like she might find redemption in his arms. She forces herself along on a trip with he and his son, where we learn that he is a heroin addict deeply in debt to some dealers, and is being forced to smuggle to pay off his debt. He has a plan to double cross them and leave the country with the profits. The film title comes from his devotion to Jim Morrison.

It was nominated for Best Film and Best Editing in the Jussi (Finnish Academy) Awards, but is rated only 4.9 at IMDb. That probably fairly reflects a film with strong positives and negatives. I am not fond of drugs suck films in general, and this had all the problems inherent to the genre. The story is too dark, and all of the fun is gone for the second and third acts, followed by the usual appropriately unhappy ending. Having noted that, one must add that it hits the right notes for the genre, and had a talented principal cast developing fully realized characters. Irina Bjorklund proved yet again that she is an excellent actress, and won the Best Actress Jussi. Samuli Edelmann also gave a good performance, and Roope Karisto was great as his son. Eva Rose was the lone disappointment, playing a one-dimensional airhead.

Call it contemporary drama, and give it a C.

NUDITY:

Eva Rose briefly shows her buns. Irina Bjorkland does full frontal and rear nudity in clear light, which may be the film's greatest plus. On the male side, Samuli Edelmann also does full frontal.

Eva Rose

Irina Bjorklund