Gwendolyn (1984):

This B-movie classic is now available on Region 1 DVD. (It took long enough!)

Tuna reviewed this already, so I won't repeat his plot summary. His comments are excellent, and include some captures, so catch them at the Movie House, then return here. I'm not going to duplicate his nudity collages unknowns, so you can review those in the back issues - March 29th - if you are interested.

On to the point:

Gwendoline has its weak points, and I'll get to those in a minute, but it has one truly extraordinary strength. It had the most exotic and beautiful photography ever seen in a soft-core erotic film up until that point. Just Jaecklin had a wonderful visual imagination, and he knew how to get the optimal mileage from his cinematographers. (Emmanuelle, The Story of O  and Gwendoline had three different cinematographers, although all three films look splendid.) Jaecklin outdid himself in this one. In fact, it seemed that he was trying to create as many different types of locales as possible, just to show off. The story starts in the teeming streets of the port of Singapore, proceeds to an exotic bordello and casino, thence to sinuous tropical rivers lined dramatically by palm trees, thence to thick African-style jungle inhabited by exotic tribes, thence to dramatic desert scapes, and finally to an imaginary underground kingdom filled with campy Art Deco architecture and stylized machines. There is even a chariot race, ala Ben-Hur, except with the "horses" consisting of leather-clad B&D chicks! All sections are photographed well, and the visual story-telling can be outstanding. The first five minutes of the film set up the entire premise with nary a word of narrative nor expository dialogue, just by showing the necessary incidents with compact camera movement and a bit of editing. Orson Welles and Steven Spielberg would tip their hats to the effectiveness of the wordless exposition. Indeed, Jaecklin pulled off a credible homage to Spielberg's Raiders of the Lost Ark, which clearly inspired this film. Gwendoline may have been the most professionally imagined and filmed soft-core of all time until Jean-Jacques Annaud filmed The Lover and raised the bar so high it may never again be cleared.

Gwendoline's storyline and dialogue can be fun as well, so I have no quarrel with Tuna's affection for this film. The script even includes one of the greatest lines of all time: ""It's raining, take your clothes off." In fairness, however, we might point out a few flaws:

1. The acting is just dreadful. Jaecklin seemed to ignore acting in most of his movies. He liked the kind of leading lady who seemed like a childish and nearly mindless bimbo, someone who could feign wide-eyed innocence and seem younger than her years. His favorite leading lady was Sylvia Kristel, who was actually reputed to be exceptionally brilliant and sophisticated, but whose screen persona seemed especially dense and immature. Kristel was too old to be playing the virginal naïf in this film, but if Jaecklin was looking around for an American actress who was as much like Sylvia Kristel as possible, he hit the jackpot in Tawny Kitaen. Kitaen's line readings were a bit rough around the edges, but she seemed like Helen Hayes compared to Brent Huff, who was in his first major movie role - and it showed. He was 23 when he made this film, and he was just too young and immature to be playing the crusty world-weary adventurer ala Indiana Jones. He read his lines like, and generally seemed like, a high school kid - albeit a very handsome and buff one. Kitaen became a self-parody and was not able to sustain a real acting career, but Huff did manage to hang in there, and still works regularly, now usually typecast as an authority figure. His characters often have a military rank or titles like "agent," and "officer." He almost always works in films you never heard of, but he does work! It actually took him quite a while to establish his B-list career. After Gwendoline, the best he could come up with was Nine Deaths of the Ninja, a film rated a sterling 1.6 at IMDb. His "sorted by rating" list at IMDb looks like this:

1. (6.38) - Girls' Night (1998)
2. (5.09) - Falling from Grace (1992)
3. (4.86) - Oblivion 2: Backlash (1996)
4. (4.72) - Hollywood Confidential (1997) (TV)
5. (4.59) - I Spy Returns (1994) (TV)
6. (4.48) - Beautiful (2000)
7. (4.37) - Dead Tides (1997)
8. (4.22) - More Mercy (2003) (V)
9. (4.16) - Gwendoline (1984)
10. (4.15) - Hitman's Run (1999)
11. (4.12) - Coach (1978)
12. (4.03) - Armed Response (1986)
13. (3.96) - Hijack (1999)
14. (3.89) - Scorpio One (1997)
15. (3.82) - The Bad Pack (1998)
16. (3.55) - Hot Boyz (1999)
17. (3.35) - Submerged (2000)
18. (3.33) - Final Examination (2003) (V)
19. (2.99) - Glass Trap (2005)
20. (1.97) - Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)

As you can see, he had no rated films between 1985 and 1992, by which time he was 31 and, I suppose, had grown into his "Agent Taylor" roles.

2. There is virtually no nudity in the first 42 minutes of the film, and there is absolutely none from the stars during that period. That's a long time to wait for the two leading ladies to get out of their shirts. To be fair, however, one must note that the last 40 minutes, the portion in the land of the Yik-Yak, presents virtually wall-to-wall breasts, and thong-clad bums, and that includes Kitaen and Zabou.

Tawny Kitaen (from the movie)

Tawny Kitaen (from the director's still collection)

Zabou

Rare Licensed DVDs is having a two for one sale on this item. Buy it and you also get a choice of one of six others. I can't speak for the bonus DVDs, but Gwendoline is a must-own.

• uncut and unrated
• full length director's commentary
• still photos of Tawny Kitaen (topless) from the director's private collection
• Dr Kinsey interview with the creator of Gwendoline
• an interview with the director
• domestic and international trailers
• available in English or French

Click on the link below for details.

 

 

Some miscellaneous film clips:

Again, there is some great third party material here.

Melanie Griffith, a Fun House favorite in another Fun House favorite, Brian de Palma's Body Double. (Movie House Review). Two clips (1, 2), zipped .avis

Gypsy 83 is an OK film, nothing special (Movie House Review), but Sara Rue has breasts so big (zipped .wmv) she makes Mimi Rogers look like .. well ... like our next subject, Selma Blair. 

Selma Blair in Storytelling. I wrote that it is, "Intelligent, but soulless, and with a sense of contemptuousness rather than true humor." Ambitious movie, but not a great one (Movie House Review). It is Selma's career nudity highlight. She does two very different sex scenes. Two clips (1, 2), zipped .avis

Speaking of nudity highlights, this  zipped .avi clip from Nicole is Catherine Bach's moment. (She was Daisy Dule in the original Dukes of Hazzard.) Nicole is a laughably bad movie. (Movie House Review)

 

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

Fortune reports that investment guru Warren Buffett, the world's second richest man, will begin giving away his $44 billion fortune.  It was expected that he would leave it to charity on his death, but he's decided to give away most of it now.  Ironically, five-sixths of it will go to the $30 billion Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the charity set up by Buffet's friend, Bill Gates, the world's
richest man. 

*  They are funding important medical research into how to make
billionaires live forever.



In 1948, something emerged from the Gulf of Mexico and left giant tracks on the shore.  Self-proclaimed experts said it had to be very tall and weigh 2,000 pounds, like "a giant penguin."  But now, the St. Petersburg, Florida, Times reveals that the fabled "Clearwater Monster" was actually a hoax created by local jokester Tony Signorini and some pals. Inspired by dinosaur tracks he saw in National Geographic, Tony made giant creature-feet shoes and would step off a boat and tromp around the beach. He was especially amused by witnesses who claimed they saw the monster.  He said his late wife knew, because he'd be gone from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. and come home covered in sand.  But she thought it was funny and figured there were worse things a man could be sneaking out to do than making monster tracks.

*  Other sightings of giant footprints in Florida just turned out to be
from Janet Reno.



Because of a salmonella scare, the Cadbury company is recalling 250 tons of chocolate bars and Easter eggs from all over the UK.  They'll be unwrapped and buried.  The company wouldn't reveal where it would be buried, and warned children against attempting any "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory"-type treasure hunt to find it.


*  They also warned Kirstie Alley not to buy any bloodhounds.

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were married Sunday in Australia, and they bashed a report that Kidman made Urban sign a draconian pre-nup that would have limited him to $875,000 for every year they are married and impose strict penalties if he goes back to using drugs.  Their spokesperson said they are baffled by the report and "are too much in love to even consider a pre-nup."

*  No pre-nup?  Maybe Nicole is the one on drugs?!

*  She's not worried because if anyone can pick the perfect husband, it's
Nicole Kidman.