Frankenshark

Comments, collages and clips by Brainscan

More Bill Zebub: 

Frankenshark tells the sad story of a scientist, played by Bill Zebub.

Because when I think of the next Linus Pauling or Jonas Salk I picture Bill in a death metal T-shirt. 

He invents a cream that animates objects but because he puts a label. Penis Enlargement Cream, on the jar, someone grabs the cream and rubs it on said penis. His member hardens in ways that are unwelcome, so he molds it into the shape of a shark, but his dick or the shark comes to life and his GF (played by the very nekkid Rachel Crow) cuts it off and throws into a toilet.

Phew, tragedy averted for everyone but this one, now dickless guy.

But the dick/shark gets out and begins to grow.  As it grows in size, the shark also grows his own penis, even though sharks ain't got none.  Usually.

No matter, in some order the Franken-Dick-Shark attacks the heavily inked Scarlett Storm,

the righteously shaped Barbie Kish



and the heavily-inked-AND-righteously-shaped Chrissy Lynn.

Damn, Chrissy, lose the piercings and the tats and the implants and you would be the woman of any man's dreams.  Chrissy blows the shark and we learn the answer to a burning question, does she spit or swallow?  The answer is perfectly reasonable.

Frank the Shark winds up attacking Lydia Lael before Bill takes his turn.  These scenes are a hoot and they go on and on, for some 20 minutes, so if you cannot get enough of Lydia's perky little body, we got you covered.

 

Last victim of the shark is Erin Brown (aka Misty Mundae) who suffers a Bill attack BEFORE the shark attack. 

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Between the two attacks, Erin kicks the shit out of Bill for some reason, but who the hell can blame her?  Better question: I can see how the allure of the silver screen would convince a novice to appear in one of Bill's movies, but Erin Brown??!!!  The gal is legit, been in all sorts of things.  Why Franken-Dick-Shark?

You will notice that by the time he made this movie, Bill had adopted a new trademark. He retains the uninteresting (to his audience) hooter groping and moves to following a nekkid gal as she crawls on all fours for a distance that would get her a few first downs in the NFL. He follows behind her, sometimes in slomo.  This is pure genius, the stuff of legend.  Not kidding here.  The Academy, an Academy... some Academy should recognize Bill for his contributions to North American Cinema. 

Last up, as if by magic, the tarantula from Bill's other classic, Antfarm Dickhole, shows up to screw Andrea Hall.  She plays the part of a classic 1950's woman by just lying there and taking it.  End of story.

Make no attempt to understand any of Bill's movies as anything other than an easy way to introduce  the hardest forms of metal by overlying scenes of (usually) attractive women in undressed, open-legged action.  Not sure how much he has made on his cinematic adventures; also not sure if it is too, too little or far too much.