Emmanuelle in Paradise (2000) is a direct to vid attempt to squeeze money out of the Emmanuelle name. Holly Sampson is in the title role. She is field testing a new device that allows the person wearing the receiver to experience the sensations, thoughts and emotions of the person wearing the transmitter. Both are cleverly disguised as gaudy jewelry. Her international hijinks start with a Sultan and his harem. An American businessman and his wife (Gabriella Hall) are also visiting. She is then off to Japan to find out what is troubling a friend. First, she stops at a bath house for some lesbian loving and massage with Nancy Vaughn, then she finds that her friend is just lonely, devoting most of his time to work. He is secretly in love with his geisha, Aysia Lee, but the "geisha code" won't allow her to become intimate with him. After another woman (Allysin Chaynes) nearly steals him away, but the two finally get together with Emmanuelle's help.

Then it is off to Vegas, where Emmanuelle is meeting her two oldest friends. One is a wildly successful investor, and the other a scientist who wants funding for a non-profit to cure world disease using the human genome over the Internet. The investor has failed to commit for two years. Emmanuelle arranges one after another of his ex girlfriends to visit and keep him at an isolated cabin in the desert so they can apply pressure. The girlfriends include Cheyenne and Darby O'Riley.

All of the above women show everything, although not necessarily in the same frame with their face. There are also several naked women in the harem, two topless dancers, and another uncredited girlfriend in the last scene. As the film ends, Emmanuelle has sex with the scientist.

IMDb readers ave this at 2.2 of 10. Lets cover the plusses first. Most scenes are brightly lit. The film has a huge breast count. Now for the negatives. The story is basically episodic in nature, and each episode is not especially related to any other. The simulated sex in done and filmed very badly, and, to make it worse, they are frequently cross-cutting between two separate sex acts, so a scene couldn't build any excitement even if they were trying. There is excessive use of cross fades. Judging this as a film, it is a D plot, however, we are talking about essentially mindless skinemax fare, so the lack of plot is normal. They did vary the locations and positions of the sex scenes for a little variety, including a chocolate sunday scene in a kitchen and screwing in an open convertible. This is a very low C-. If this is your type of material, this has the required elements. For the rest, that is nothing to raise this above the genre.

King of the Ants (2003):

Ever since Stuart Gordon directed the film version of H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator, which was his first film made nearly two decades ago, movie buffs have been looking for him to develop the imagination, crazed humor, and operatic gore that made his debut such a cult classic.

The wait hasn't been very rewarding. Nothing he's done since has quite matched Re-Animator. His most recent film, another Lovecraft adaptation named Dagon, had some moments, but fell apart with a silly rubber monster that would have embarrassed Roger Corman.

King of the Ants finally delivers on some of Gordon's promise, albeit in a completely different context. He delivered the macabre gore and the grotesque humor, but this time there are no supernatural forces or bizarre scientific experiments. This story is about over-the-top gangsters, along the lines of Pulp Fiction.

Newcomer Chris McKenna plays a drifter who is making a few bucks as a house painter when he is offered a chance to make some pretty decent cash by killing someone. After he commits the crime with considerable difficulty, he finds out two unpleasant facts (1) the guy he killed was a great guy, a dedicated civil servant who was about to expose criminal corruption in municipal construction contracts - and the major criminal he would have exposed is the guy who hired McKenna to commit the murder (2) Chris might have been able to live with fact #1, but the deal-breaker is fact #2 -  the mobster is not going to pay off on the contract, and in fact is going to kill Chris, who is simply viewed as a loose end.

Chris manages to save his life by leaving a critical file with a friend, along with instructions to hand it to the police if Chris should disappear. When the mobster finds out he can't kill Chris because of the file, he decides simply to torture the shit out of him for a few days, ostensibly to find out about the file, but really just for the sheer joy of it. My personal favorite was their decision to use Chris's head for a golf ball. By the time the baddies are finished torturing Chris, his head is so distorted that he makes The Elephant Man look like Pierce Brosnan.

Between the murder of the civil servant, the torture, and Chris's eventual revenge, there is some truly disgusting and brutal on-screen violence, involving fiery bodies, severed heads, cracked skulls, and so forth.

The mobster is Daniel Baldwin, now looking and sounding almost exactly like his brother Alec. Baldwin's crew includes George Wendt from Cheers.

The plot is quite good, and the violence is graphically powerful, but the element that really raises this film above routine straight-to-vid quality is the performance from McKenna. He had to make this character amorally, brutally violent, but also sympathetic. That's not an easy combination, but he pulled it off so well that we end up rooting for him even after we witness his brutal slaying of the innocent civil servant.
 

• Kari Wuhrer. I think this is the first major nude scene done by Kari since she had the implants removed. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

OTHER CRAP:

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Tara Fitzgerald

• The former Sirens co-star shows it all in Hear My Song. (.avi - zip) (.wmv - zip)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Paige Davis in Star magazine (1, 2, 3)

The story according to the New York Post:

Paige Davis got down and dirty at the Broadway Bares event at Roseland Ballroom last weekend, Davis tried to downplay her impromptu striptease. In a memo she posted on the Internet, Davis said: "I did collect some money in a pretend-stripper fashion from a crowd that was 99 percent gay men! No one 'mauled my breasts!' I kept all of my clothes on at all times. If any ... fans are shocked or offended by the Post's coverage, I would have them consider the source - the Post is known for rumor and exaggeration."

Well exaggerate this, Paige: you were caught on camera. Photos of her mid-strip are in this week's Star magazine, showing Davis in a sheer thong, legs open, with men's hands mauling her breasts. Who's lying, Paige?

First up, from the "May all women age this gracefully" division...

• Marg Helgenberger showing a little cleavage (she turns 46 in November)

• Kelly Preston, looking as lovely as ever (she'll be 42 in October)

Next, from the "Hey look! It's a pop star that doesn't look like a porn star" category...

• Alizée, the young and gorgeous French singer.

Today from a the Ghost, a few vids hardcore actress April Blossom making an appearance on the Skinemax series "The Best Sex Ever". Mostly breast views, but there are brief moments of frontal nudity as well. Link #4 is a masturbation scene, the others feature from standard Skinemax stripping and fondling.

• April Blossom individual zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)
• All April Blossom .wmvs in one zip file

"Son de mar" aka "Sound of the Sea" (2001)
This 2001 Spanish film is a glorified soap opera, but a darned good one, and with a lot more sex (and nudity) than you'll find on the tube. It's an interesting flick, but this review is filled with spoilers, so if you want to see it, stop reading now.

A young woman falls in love with a new literature teacher who has just come to town. Meantime, she is the object of affection of a very rich local businessman. She spurns the businessman and marries the teacher, and they have a child.

The teacher buys a fishing boat and fishes on his off hours. He also fishes for beautiful women while also enjoying his marriage. Then, he is lost at sea, and declared dead when his wrecked boat washes ashore.

The widow marries the rich man (of course) and enjoys a life of luxury until (gasp.....big surprise) the teacher turns up to rekindle his love for her. Since she's always loved him, she hides him from her new husband and the romance continues where it left off. Naturally, the new husband finds out, and all hell breaks loose, leading to a slightly surprising ending. While I won't tell you the ending, I'm afraid it's pretty obvious if you view the collage. Incidentially, for those who are put off by the size of the collage, you tell me.....what would YOU have left out?

• Leonor Watling

Click here to read the Scoopy.com review

Jenna Bodnar
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Annie Wood
(1, 2, 3, 4)

Harris mostly shows breasts and bum, but there is a brief bush view in a shower scene (link #7).

Skinemax regular Jenna Bodnar shows all 3 B's. In her scenes there are several other assorted nekkid unknowns.

Annie Wood goes topless.

BRITNEY'S ENGAGEMENT HUBBUB
Or Maybe She's Just Fat - Britney Spears' engagement made news all over the Internet. MTV's message boards were jammed with mostly negative comments from people who say they doubt the marriage will last, and that it makes them like Spears less. Online gaming sites are giving odds on whether it will last longer than J-Lo's current marriage, and more people are betting on J-Lo. Meanwhile, Britain's News of the World tabloid claims Spears is pregnant and due in December, so her mom is making her get married in November.