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Working links in the
members' page, text-only in the AdultCheck
version "Rising
Sun", (1993) from Johnny Web
I learned many valuable
cultural lessons from this movie, and I thought I
would share them with you.
- American culture
must obey the same laws as the Federation
in StarTrek. It must assume the
sociological premise that all cultures
are inherently equal, and never try to
impose its values upon others. In fact,
it must assume that American culture is
inherently inferior. For example, when
Americans visit Japan, they must do a lot
of bowing and shoe-removing and hand over
their business cards with two hands. They
must also speak very softly and move
their arms and hands very minimally, so
as not to offend those delicate Japanese
sensibilities and traditions. Conversely,
when Japanese come here ..... oops - it
doesn't work in reverse. They still do
everything their way. Only Americans are
expected to change.
I once caused a great
cultural embarassment in my company when
we had some visitors from Japan. Their
senior man handed me his business card in
the Japanese fashion - two hands, slight
bow. I said something like "when I
visted your facilities in Japan, I took
great care to show respect for your
traditions. Now that you are here, I see
that you do not hand me your business
card with one hand while shaking my hand
with the other. I can only assume that
you do not reciprocate the respect I have
shown you and therefore dishonor me and
my culture". My colleagues were
absolutely horrified, and I think they
expected not only to lose the account but
to have to clean up after a ritual
suicide or two. The Japanese CEO just
smiled and said, "in all the years
we've dealt with Americans, you're the
first guy who ever saw through the
bullshit". What a great laugh these
guys get watching Americans jump through
hoops for them, and what an innate
cynicism, bordering on sadism, they mask
by their aura of politesse.
- You also learn from
Rising Sun that the older the culture,
the more wise. Let's presume that you are
an American/Swiss medical team working in
someplace primitive like an equitorial
rainforest or Borneo or Kentucky or
someplace like that. You stumble upon an
undiscovered tribe that has a
life-expectancy of about 20 because they
subsist entirely on eating rabid
raccoons, as their ancestors have for
4000 years. Should you impose your
new-fangled 20th century ideas on them?
Absolutely not. America has only 300
years of significant history on this
planet, and even Switzerland's milennium
is a drop in the historical bucket. The
stone age tribesman have an older
culture, and are therefore wiser.
Instead, you should begin eating rabid
raccoons and hand them your business card
with two hands.
- Lesson Three: don't
try to mess with the Japanese in any way.
Don't go to American law enforcement
officials, because they are all owned by
the Japanese. Oh, you may find some
honest individual cops, but their
superiors are bought and paid for. Don't
go to the newspaper reporters, because
they are almost all owned by the
Japanese. The ones that aren't will be
fired by their editors, who are
themselves bought and paid for. I don't
even have to mention all US senators and
representatives. let's just say you have
no choices. Just do what they want.
- Lesson Four:
strangely enough, the only weakness of
the Japanese is their martial arts. An
old geezer and a street-wise
ex-ballplayer cop can kick the asses of
10 ultraviolent Yakuza tough guys.
- Lesson Five: US
senators will lie to your face about
anything, no matter how blatant the lie.
But when they are confronted with
physical evidence of their past
misdoings, they break down and cry while
their wives commit instant suicide.
- Lesson Six: when a
street-educated black guy speaks fluent
Japanese one minute, the very next minute
he will say something ignorant like
"sempei - apple pie, whatever you
want me to call you"
- Lesson Seven: if
you are being chased by a group of
ultraviolent japanese thugs, always
travel with a black guy. Then you can
drive through a violent black 'hood,
consort with the leading brothers, and
the black community will join hands to
terrorize the Japanese thugs who are
trailing you.
Actually, it's a shame
that all these details are so poorly handled,
because the concept really had potential. A
murder investigation is difficult to handle
because it is intertwined with Japanese-American
trade negotiations and various cultural and
diplomatic niceties. In addition, Sean Connery
and Wesley Snipes were well cast as the two
investigators, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa gave a
nuanced performance as the playboy who is more
than he seems to be, and there were plenty of
elegant and well-conceived scenes. But the killer
is in the details, and the filmmakers messed them
up badly. The Snipes character was inconsistently
written, and the minor characters (the Buscemi
reporter, the pompous senator, the yuppie working
for the Japanese) were cartoons. Some other
characters existed only as implausible
one-dimensional melodrama, e.g. the senator's
wife who appeared only to commit suicide, and
Snipes' wife who was only a disembodied voice of
irrational carping.
'Tis a shame, because
they might have had something here, but they blew
it.
The nudity from Tatjana
Patitz has been captured frequently in the past,
but the scene with Shelley Michelle (the top body
double in Hollywood for many years)and Tylyn John
was a lot of fun and has not been so well
traveled upon the net. Tia Carrere looked the
best she's ever looked, but no flesh forthcoming,
as usual.
By the way, the DVD is a
decent widescreen (1.85) print, but there are
absolutely no extras on the disk except trailers
for this movie and Entrapment (??). Strictly bare
bones.
Tatjana Patitz (1,
2,
3,
4)
Shelley Michelle (1,
2,
3)
Tylyn John (1,
2,
3)
"La
Bicyclette Bleue", (1999) from Johnny Web
This is a special review
from my good buddy, The New York Guy. "You
want a review? I'll give you yer fokkin' review
right here. Yeah, here, take a closer look.
Review this: Laetitia Casta naked."
Laetitia (1,
2,
3)
"Deadly
Weapons" from Tuna
Deadly Weapons (1980) is
classic exploitation featuring Chesty Morgan (as
Zsa Zsa). The cast includes adult star Harry Reemes sporting the biggest moustache I
have ever seen him with. Chesty's boyfriend is
double-crossing his mobster boss, who has him
killed. Chesty hears the murder on the phone, and
vows revenge. She suffocates the murderers with
her 73 inch assets. If that sounds like too
little material for a plot, you are right. Chesty
can't act, has a grating voice, has some trouble
walking because she is so top-heavy, and has a
real hard time sitting up. Image 1 could be
subtitled "Why I Hate Pantyhose," and
image 2 shows her using her weapons. The rest of
the images are all chest -- er -- Chesty.
Thumbnials Chesty Morgan (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
"Halloween
II" from Tuna
Halloween II is somewhat
unusual as a sequel, as it picks up exactly where
Halloween left off. Those cast members that
survived the slash-feste in Halloween I are back.
Michael has fled with six bullet holes in him,
and they take Laurie to the hospital while the
manhunt is on for Michael. It is no surprise to
me that nobody is safe in the hospital --
statistically, more people die in a hospital than
any other place. This sequel is a little slow in
places, but has some very frightening visuals,
more suspense, and more sudden shocks. Michael
was also much more creative at doing people in.
In addition to butchering, he mastered surgical
incisions, lethal injection, par-boiling and
hammering the message home. I am certain that the
script for both one and two were written
together, as it could easily be a single film.
Written and produced by John Carpenter and
Virginia Hill, they hired Rick Rosenthal to
direct this sequel. Rick did a good job of
continuing the style of the first.
The exposure is provided
by a nurse at the hospital, who disrobes to have
a steamy session in a therapy bath with her
boyfriend. Things unfortunately come to a quick
boil. The nurse is played by veteran character
actress Pamela Susan Shoop, who was a
great-looking 33 at the time. This is her only
known exposure, even though she has 61 credits
for film and TV on IMDB. The entire film is dark,
shot outside at night and in darkened hospital
halls. I am pleased with the results considering
the darkness of the scene.
Thumbnials Pamela Susan Shoop (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
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