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NOTES:
My cable connection crapped out today. I managed to load all the pictures
with a dial-up, but it was just impractical to mess with the movies, so I'll
just move them to tomorrow in the interest of getting the page up at a
reasonable time.
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Fallen Angel
(1997)
"I was sitting on my
favorite stool, nursing a double of Kentucky's finest, and
dreaming about the girl I left behind me. I was good at it. It is
all I had been doing since getting out of Army Intelligence after
the big one, and hanging out a shingle as a private dick. The Los
Angeles air was muggy, and had an odor that told me trouble was
coming -- the sort of trouble only a dame can cause. Then she
walked in the door with a face cute as a fortune cookie and the
kind of legs that go all the way up. She was looking for a man.
When two sailors tried to volunteer, she easily returned them to
their seats. She was looking for me.
She slipped me a c-note to come outside and talk to her boss.
Her boss was blonde, and all class. She told me a story of a
husband about to kill her for life insurance money, then she
dropped the bombshell. He was the head of the L. A. Mafia. Sure, I
was interested in the dame, who wouldn't be, but I was interested
in many more evenings in my favorite stool too. I told her to take
a hike.
The next day while I was rubbing a hangover out of my eyes and
drowning it with a beer, she walked into my office with a shiner.
Seems she had gone home early and caught her husband with a
hooker. If she thought this would change my mind, she
overestimated my death wish. I was placing a bet based on a hot
tip in the 6th, when she told me my horse didn't have a chance.
She told me a different nag would win, and bet me big money
against me taking her case. We went to the track to watch.
Don't bet against a Mafia wife when her husband has a
horse in the race. She won the bet -- I never welch -- so I was on
her payroll.
The first step was to find out what he was up to, and while he
was off nailing a new canary at one of his clubs, I searched his
office. He had just hired a lowlife -- one who could and would do
what she thought her husband wanted done.
Maybe she really was in trouble, but there was no doubt I was."
This bit of couples erotica is a noire detective thriller set
in LA just after WW II. Only two things keep it from being a
mainstream effort. First, the sex scenes are a little long for a
detective story; second, some of the acting could be better.
Nonetheless, the plot is very strong, and the set design and costuming evoke the proper
era and mood. The cinematography is outstanding. In the opening scene, the hero is dreaming about his
prewar girlfriend. The director went with a lovely desaturated
look to indicate a flashback, and it was highly effective.
Overall, a surprisingly good noir thriller which also happens to
be a softcore sex film.
Given that there are brief pube closeups and extensive full
frontal nudity, I can't award more than a high C+ to this one, but the grade
goes with my enthusiastic recommendation. If you want a little flesh in
the context of a plot, and enjoy the genre, this is a good bet.
It is only available in the US from RLDVDs.com on a dual region (1
and 4) DVD in English, with optional Spanish subtitles. Get
details by clicking on the image below.
Samantha Phillips, as the dame in distress, shows everything.
Ai Wan, as her bodyguard, shows everything. Amanda Colville, as
the torch singer, shows breasts. Simona Votypkova, as the pre war
girlfriend, shows everything as do hookers Alice Kohiakovska and
Kira Reed.
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Notes and collages
"Desperate Housewives"
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The Ice Harvest
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After deciding to walk away with over two million dollars in
mob cash shortly before Christmas, a disillusioned local lawyer with well-known mafia ties, Charlie Arglist (John Cusack), is under strict instructions from his
associate Vic (Billy Bob Thornton) to act normal
Easier said than done. Newly rich, weighed down by a heartless ex-wife and a
drunk best friend (Oliver Platt), he just can't resist trying to win the
town's superbabe, Renata (Connie Nielson). Soon enough, Charlie is in
fifty kinds of danger.
I liked The Ice Harvest, I'm a big Cusack fan and he carries
the movie, all the other actors play solid supporting characters
- a
special mention to Oliver Platt who does a great job with his role.
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Lara Phillips
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Meghan McDonough
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Sex and Consequences
Joan Severance was 47 at the time of the making of this 2006 sleazeoid,
and I think you have to give her a lot of credit for doing nudity. As for
doing the movie itself, I'm not so sure how wise a career move that was.
She plays Lisa Wayne, a forty-something wife of a cop, who is unhappy
with her marriage and still in deep anguish and guilt over the death of
her young daughter two years earlier in a car accident that happened when
Lisa ran a red light.
At the mall one day, she suffers a flashback to the wreck while seated
in her car, and is comforted by an 18-year-old boy from the neighborhood.
A romance soon ensues, but Lisa, still an emotional mess, begins very
risky behavior that threatens to expose the affair to her husband. And
hubby, after all, carries a gun.
The climax is pretty predictable and fairly lame, as is the rest of the
flick, so I suppose the only real reason for watching is to see Joan give
it up at 47.
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Joan Severance |
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Madonna closed the show in England, after a week of bad publicity in which it
was revealed that she generates 91 times the CO2 of an average person, and her
"Ray of Light" Foundation owns millions of dollars worth of stock in some of the
world's worst polluters, including Alcoa, Ford and Weyerhaeuser. But a Live
Earth spokesman said, "Today, we're not focusing on what she or any of the
artists may have done in their past; it is about the future."
* If it's about the future and not the past, why was
Madonna the headliner?
Beverly Hills hair stylist Joseph Torrenueva said he's hurt that John
Edwards dismissed him as "that guy" his campaign paid $400 to without his
knowledge. Torrenueva said he's given Edwards $400 haircuts at least 16 times,
and it's worth it because "I try to make the man handsome, strong, more
mature." He added that Edwards once flew him to Atlanta and had to cover his
time and expenses, so that was a $1250 haircut.
* By contrast, Fred Thompson's last haircut cost $5. But
that was so long ago, all haircuts cost $5.
While campaigning for Hillary Clinton in a Fourth of July parade in Iowa, Bill
Clinton was mistaken for another celebrity by some women who started screaming,
"Bob Barker! It's Bob Barker!," thinking he was the "Price Is Right" host.
* Here's how you tell them apart: one puts on a fake
smile, flatters women and gives away money that isn't his, and the other is a
game show host.
Police in Hollywood are searching for a Chewbacca impersonator accused of
sexually assaulting a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak
Theater. The fake Marilyn called police about a separate incident involving him
and claimed that a month ago, Chewbacca grabbed her hand and placed it on his
groin.
* He was getting tired of "Hand Solo."
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