Sunday

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Movies 'n' Stuff:

Storytelling (new to DVD) is the alleged comedy from Todd Solondz. I've done this several times before, so I played around with some color shifts and stuff. A couple were successful, most were uninspired.

• Selma Blair (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Aleksa Palladino

Piņero is the offbeat biopic of the hip post-beatnik poet/playwright Miguel Piņero. It gave Benjamin Bratt a chance to prove he is an actor, but the film itself, as Piņero might have said, is a tale of sound and fury, signifying nada, daddy-o. It is on digital video, and the quality is crap. Talisa Soto is a fox, but she is not naked, and the film is shot on digital video - the quality is crap. (The hookers and strippers are topless)

• Soto
• Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Hooker

Tuna reviewed The Harrad Experiment yesterday. I added about a zillion or so words to his comments. You might say that I like it quite a bit less than he did. I like it less than "Dude, Where's My Car". In fact, I like it a little bit less than being entered into a eat-to-the-death contest against Shaq.

Here from various sources, is the (female) nudity cut from the currently available prints. In the original print, every single member of the "student" cast, male and female, leads and extras, did frontal nudity. This was consistent with the philosophy espoused by the film. Here are the lead women. I didn't bother with the men because you're not likely to care, but there is frontal nudity from Don Johnson, Bruno Kirby, Gregory Harrison, Eliot Street, and many unknowns. There is also frontal nudity from many unidentified females in the yoga scene and the swimming pool scene.

• Laurie Walters (1, 2)
• Susan Taggart (1, 2)
• Victoria Thompson (1, 2)

Other crap:

• The Catholic Church objects to being ridiculed by South Park, but not for the reasons you'd suspect! Seems like South Park got the wrong abuse! Get this: "The scandal in the Church is not about priests having sex with prepubescent boys. It is about priests having sex with postpubescent young men. The former is called pedophilia and the latter is called homosexuality". The article reads like a satire, but is a legitimate news item. It is their attempt to turn the attack back on the attackers and claim that they are simply homophobic. That is some weird shit.
• David Hasselhoff acting strange at Betty Ford clinic - insists that everyone call him "Mike". I'm not kidding.
• Malasian censors ban new Kylie Minogue video. Man I wish I could be the head of Malasia. I wouldn't ban Kylie, but I can think of a few other people that need banning. How about Paul McCartney post-Beatles, for example? As new Malasian dictator and Grand Poobah, I hereby ban the playing of "Silly Love Songs". What's wrong with that? I need to know. 'Cuz here I go , a-a-gain ...
• Here's Tonya from Big Brother 3 in a bikini. Jumbo jacks.
• "Hanks for the memories". Movie Juice does one of their funny reviews of Road to Perdition

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The Big Bus (1976) is a spoof of airplane disaster movie spoofs. The good news? A great cast including Joseph Bologna, Stockard Channing, Ned Beatty, Larry Hagman, Lynn Redgrave and Sally Kellerman. The bad news? They tried to squeeze every cliche and every lame joke from every disaster movie and spoof into 88 minutes. As often seems to be the case lately, the transfer on this grade Z comedy is superlative. It is in focus, noise free, good contrast, and great color range and saturation. It seems like transfer quality and film quality are often reciprocally related.

The story concerns the first nuclear powered super-bus, which is to make its maiden trip non-stop from New York to Denver. When both drivers are injured, they have to hire the once great driver who can no longer get work. Seems he crashed a bus in the mountains, and is accused of having eaten all of the passengers. Oil interests have hired someone to sabotage the bus.

The exposure comes from Sally Kellerman, who shows most of her breast from the side. I am not sure if the nipple is visible or not, but it is a lot of breast for a PG film. IMDB readers say 5.0 of 10. I suppose you could enjoy this film if you were in the right mood or wasted enough, but it didn't have near the comedic timing of Airplane and the like. C-.


 

Elizabeth Carol Savenkoff shaking her booty in  the cable movie "Tricks" (1997) starring Mimi Rogers and her body double.

Relic Hunter's Lindy Booth shows her butt and boobs in the Canadian low-budget festival movie "Century Hotel" (2001).

Maria Harper and Lisa Raines having some hot lesbo lovin' in the British sex comedy "Fanny Hill" (1983). Full frontal nudity by Lisa as Fanny and excellent topless by Maria Harper as her friend. Unfortunately the R-rated video version available at your local Blockbuster has most of this scene cut. (1,2,3)

Maria Harper topless once again in an earlier British sex comedy "What's Up Superdoc!" (1978).

First Cindy Crawford in a bit of a wet shirt see through in "Fair Game". (1 ,2)

Then it's Mary Gavin in "Superchick". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). Mary is really porn legend Candy Samples known for those mammoth hooters.

The caps (and more revealing caps) of Theresa Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) in Bad Timing have appeared a number of times. Not so common are the topless caps of Ellan Fartt who is a trapeze artist. There are also some very dark caps of Dana Gillespie. Again, I'm not 100% sure of her identity as I didn't hear her character name mentioned.

With a name like Screwball Hotel you know exactly what you're going to get, and you're not disappointed. There are lots of half-dressed women and no plot. Until Brainscan's Friday contribution I didn't know who the topless blonde was as she wasn't named - it's Andi Bruce.(1, 2) Other topless actresses are Laura Lewis (1, 2), Laurah Guillen (1, 2, 3), Patricia Hamilton and Katerina Head. There are a few others partially dressed: Lori Deann Pallett, Renee Shugart, Gianna Amore, Corinne Alphen (1,2) and some unknowns (1,2)

You see some rear thong by Doria Anselmo in Gone in Sixty Seconds, which is about how long she was on-screen.

Hardly worth the effort, but Nina Siemaszko does look seductive in Sleep Easy Hutch Rimes. Some mild pokies by Bonnie Somerville.

Superstar is a lame movie meant to showcase Molly Shannon's comedic talents. The best she does is lift her dress. Some nice caps of
Elaine Hendrix as she stands around in her underwear.

Some pokies by Sondra Locke (1, 2) in Bronco Billy.

Some brief nipple shots of Anna Friel (1, 2, 3) in the amusing Mad Cows. She plays a nursing mother with nipple soreness, which explains why she is stuffing frozen peas down her bra in the first collage. She is arrested and the movie is about what happens next. There is also a brief upskirt by Hermione Noris

A rear view of Delphine Seyrig in the thriller The Black Windmill.

Another thriller is The Night of the Following Day. Pamela Franklin (1, 2) is a kidnap victim and she ends up without her top.

Pure cheesecake by Stefanie Powers (1, 2) in the World War 2 drama Escape to Athena. She plays a burlesque performer.

Cops and Robbersons. Cops and Robbersons is an enjoyable Chevy Chase comedy. It's somebody's butt (and is that something extra through the glass) but you can be sure it is not Dianne Wiest's. Fay Masterson also looks nice.

Chandra West is topless but you only see her from the back in Life in a Day.

Reach the Rock generated some nice caps, including an upskirt and cleavage by Karen Sillas and Brooke Langton (1, 2).

The Replacements. Some of these have appeared before and it is for those who like cheerleaders. No nudity, just a partial see-through by an unknown and some upskirts (1, 2, 3, 4). Nice caps of Caroline Keenan, Brooke Langton (1, 2) and Sarah Ann Morris (1, 2).

Humor God Dave Barry postulates these 19 rules of life that took him 50 years to learn.

1.  Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be  "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. When God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. Your friends love you anyway.