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Lifeforce
1985, 1920x1080
Mathilda
May in arguably the greatest nude performance in
history
Scoop's comments:
Has it really been more than 30
years since this movie came out?
It is a silly movie, but filled with little
unexpected delights, not the least of which is
plenty of full frontal and dorsal nudity from
Mathilda May, the ultimate French babe, and
possessor of one of the ten best chests in the
history of filmed chests.
It also has:
- Some excellent sci-fi effects by the master,
John Dykstra (Star Wars). This was actually an
expensive movie. It cost 25 million bucks. In
addition to the outer space scenes, it
portrays the burning of many London landmarks
in miniatures and on sound stages.
- A musical score written by Henry Mancini.
Yup, the guy who wrote Moon River, The Days of
Wine and Roses, and The Pink Panther. How did
they persuade him to do this movie? And why
did they want him?
- Direction by Tobe Hooper, of "Poltergeist"
fame. (And "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", if'n you
like your horror gorier.)
- Captain Picard, delivering a small, but
truly over-the-top, performance
Of course, all of those elements are more or less
wasted on one of the screwiest scripts ever
written, making it a space, vampire, zombie,
end-of-the-world, nudie, sci-fi, horror movie.
(What, no songs?) It seems that there is an alien
spaceship living in Halley's Comet, and it is
investigated by earth astronauts. Inside the ship,
our intrepid earthlings find some dried-up bodies,
some creatures that look like bats, and Mathilda
May naked. Oh, yeah, and a couple of naked guys as
well. They leave the bats and the dry shit behind,
but they bring Mathilda and her friends into the
earth ship for, um ... closer examination. Oops.
Not a good move.
Well, it turns out that Halley's Comet is the
source of all vampires. The vamps live in their
secret nest there, and visit earth every eight
decades in order to suck up earth lives. They suck
the life out of earthlings, who in turn become
temporary vampires for a couple of hours, and suck
the lives out of other earthlings, and so forth in
geometric progression until the life is sucked out
of London.
Hey, I think I was in London that summer.
Anyway, the vampires have this special system rigged
up where they channel all the human life-forces from
earth through Mathilda May in the form of violet
light beams, and thence into space where everything
is absorbed by their umbrella-shaped space ship. It
seems the vamps are going for the whole enchilada
this time, the entire life-energy of the planet. To
combat this, NATO plans to drop nuclear bombs on
London, but an American guy decides that plan is
overkill, and that he can defeat the vampires
single-handed by driving a stake through their
hearts.
Well, it isn't as dumb as it sounds. You see, he is
the astronaut who was selected by the vampires to be
their original earthling model. While they were
studying him, they ended up exchanging life forces
with him, so now he can "feel" their weaknesses, and
"sense" their presence.
Never mind what I said before. It IS as dumb as it
sounds.
In fact, the movie tells us, one cannot kill a
vampire by driving a wooden stake through its heart.
Pure poppycock and folklore! A "thanatologist" tell
us that the vampires must be killed by driving a
lead stake two inches below the heart. Thanatology
is apparently a very exact science. I guess it has
to be, because if the thanatologist drives those
stakes three inches below the heart, or uses a stake
with insufficient lead content, that just makes 'em
really mad.
At the end of the movie, London was filled
with zombie-like creatures stumbling around
aimlessly while making the requisite "living dead"
noises and gestures. And that was just the crew when
the pubs closed! The action in the actual movie is
even sillier.
Colin Wilson might not even recognize his novel "The
Space Vampires" if he saw this movie.
Never mind that. This is arguably the single best
movie in history to watch stoned, maybe even better
than 2001: A Space Odyssey, because the Kubrick
movie provides only the rich visuals, but no laughs.
This one also has the look and the sound, and its
bizarre, often self-contradictory plot is a laugh a
minute. If you like to get together with a group of
your friends and hoot at over-the-top movies,
welcome to your dream date. Ya got yer silly
premise. Ya got yer rhetorical acting. Ya got yer
bad science. Ya got everything you need except an
evil twin. Rent this and have a ball.
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