Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

People often ask if there is any real difference between the two major political parties in the States. To answer the question, Rep. Andrew Jacobs of Indiana rose in the House of Representatives and offered this delineation.

Democrats seldom make good polo players
The people you see coming out of white wooden churches are Republicans
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned someplace. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
Republicans are likely to have fewer but larger debts that cause them no concern. Democrats owe a lot of small bill. They don’t worry either.
Republicans consume ľ of all of the rutabaga produced in this country. The rest is thrown out.
Republicans usually wear hats and almost always clean their paintbrushes.
Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
Republicans post all of the signs saying NO TRESPASSING and THESE DEER ARE PRIVATE PROPERTY and so on. Democrats bring picnic baskets and start their bonfires with those signs.
Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on bugs.
Republicans have governesses for their children. Democrats have Grandmothers.
Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents according to where the most money is.
Large cities such as New York are filled with Republicans – until 5 PM. At this point there is a phenomenon much like an automatic washer starting the pin cycle. People begin pouring out of every exits of the city. These are Republicans going home.
Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking, but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, though their isn’t any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don’t.
Republicans fish from the stern of a chartered boat. Democrats sit on the dock and let the fish come to them.
Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats line the bottom of the bird cage with them.
Most of the stuff you see alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
On Saturday, Republicans head for the hunting lodge or the yacht club. Democrats wash the car and get a haircut.
Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.
Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
Democrats watch TV crime and Western shows that make them red in the face. Republicans get the same effect from Presidential pres conferences.
Christmas cards that Democrats send are filled with reindeer and chimneys and long message. Republicans select cards containing a spray of holly, or a single candle.
Democrats are continually saying “ This Christmas we are going to be sensible”. Republicans consider this highly unlikely.
Republicans smoke cigars on weekdays.
Republicans have guestrooms. Democrats have spare rooms filled with baby furniture.
Republican boys date Democrat girls. They plan to marry Republican girls but feel they are entitled to a little fun first.
Democrats make plans and the do something else. Republicans follow the plans their Grandfathers made.
Democrats purchase all the tools – the power saws and mowers. A Republican probably wouldn’t know how to use a screwdriver.
Democrats suffer from chapped hands and headaches. Republicans have tennis elbow and gout.
Republicans sleep in twin beds – some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.

Monday