Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

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Friday

Barbarella

Scoopy always says that you shouldn't nominate anyone for the title of "world's worst director" until you have seen the films of John Derek. I haven't seen any of Derek's masterpieces, so my nomination must be forwarded with that reservation. I have seen three of Roger Vadim's movies, and it's hard to imagine anyone worse. Barbarella could be cut better by your kid brother with a camcorder and a PC. There are a couple of times when the actors' responses to previous lines are embarrassingly late. These weren't because of the actors, but because the scenes were spliced together incorrectly. The actors are (I guess) encouraged to act in a hypercampy style. The film was made in 1968, under the influence of the old Batman series. Either Vadim gave the actors no direction, or he gave them bad direction, or he hired Burt Ward to be his dialogue coach. Several scenes don't make sense until you figure out that Jane is singing, then you can assume that she has just had sex, but the cut from pre-sex to post-sex is completely inept. You really could do better with your camcorder. This thing is just awful from start to finish, except for the clever weightless strip in the opening credits. At least Jane Fonda got naked, but 95% of the nudity is in those same opening credits. I suppose they must have chopped the hell out of this movie, because the box says it is rated PG, and the whole movie is about sex. So imagine if you will a Disney remake of Deep Throat where the characters make eyes at each other, and then you see them in bed smoking cigarettes. I don't want to think about it any more. I don't know anything about movies, but I think this one sure sucked. If they had made it a real soft-core sex movie, like Flesh Gordon, it might have been worth watching, but not as it is currently cut. If you rent it, watch the opening credits, then fast forward to the brief remaining nudity. Here's Fonda topless in the opening credits.

The one and only scene in which Jane Fonda shows her buns.

side-rear views of Jane's bosom.

several frames from the opening credits

three brief nipple-peeks

Jane sleeping in the cut-out space suit. I guess you can see her breasts through it.

miscellaneous extras topless

This is just dumb. Different people find different things funny. For me, the mere sight of Marcel Marceau is enough to send me into gales of laughter. He had a speaking part in this movie, demonstrating once and for all why he became a mime. He didn't go to the Burt Ward School of acting, but rather to the rival Terry Gilliam School of silly character voices. In fact, I think he did the same voice Gilliam used as the bridgekeeper of the Bridge of Death in Holy Grail. Gilliam's make-up wasn't as silly, though. In thois scene Marceau is doing that old "invisible wall" mime cliche, except the wall is really there

Young Michelle Bauer, from Scorpion

You guys will have to help me out on these. They were submitted by someone I don't know, and they are material about which I have no expertise at all. They are supposed to be a very young Michelle Bauer. They don't look much like her, but looks change over time, and in the acting profession those changes can include all types of artificial enhancements. If they are not Bauer, someone please tell me.

Bauer

Crow

This isn't anything new, but it's one of my favorite moments of screen nudity. Virginia Madsen in Class

Madsen

More Gail Porter

Gail is naked once again, in the August UK edition of Esquire. The cover says it will be the last time for her. Hope not. Here's the cover. (No nudity in this one, but worth a look)

Gail

More

Clauidia Ohana in Final Call

Leslie Easterbrook in a wet t-shirt

Graphic Response did his own version of Mimi rogers in Full Body Massage.

CaveScan collage of b-list actress Linda O'Neill. She has an a-list body, although the bosom looks enhanced.

Here's one more of Renee Ammann, Renee Allman, Renee Griffin, Jerri Griffin, and whatever other names she uses. The movie is "The Stoned Age", and in this one she was Renee Griffin. She's been seen most recently on two TV series, Port Charles and Black Scorpion

Asia Argento in B. Monkey