Friday

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• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Orfeu (1999) is a retelling of Orfeu Negro (1959). Both are based on the Greek tragedy Orpheus. For those a bit rusty on their Greek tragedy, Orpheus is a great musician. When the love of his life, Eurydice, is killed by a serpent, he goes to Hades and Persephone, and they are so charmed by his music that they allow him to descend into hell and bring her back. There is one condition. She must follow him out, and he can't look back, or she will be lost forever. As this is a tragedy, he looks back.

Orfeu Negro, or Black Orpheus is set in Rio, during carnival, and Orfeu is a Bossa Nova expert. I have seen the 1959 version, and it is mostly a character driven drama with some great music. For the 1999 version, Orfeu is a samba king, and women fall over him. He chooses to remain in his hillside ghetto neighborhood. As the film starts, he is making love with his current girlfriend, Isabel Fillardis, when the neighborhood children gather and wake him up to serenade the sun so it will rise. Everyone worships him, especially himself. He is busy preparing his samba school to win their third consecutive victory in the carnival parade.

Enter Eurídice (Patrícia França) niece of his first girlfriend, and fresh from the sticks. The chemistry is obvious from the beginning. The serpent is symbolized by the head of the local drug gang, who was like a brother to Orfeu growing up. By the end, true to the tragedy origin, Eurídice is dead, as is the serpent, and Orfeu is being chased by his recent ex girlfriend, and by the police. He of course, loses. To put it in perspective, Orfeu is to Orpheus as West Side Story is to Romeo and Juliet.

Writer/director Carlos Diegues wished to retell the story, and also show the current state of poor and rich in Brazil. Thus, he contrasted the splendor of carnival with the object poverty in the ghetto, the drug trafficking, and frequent sudden violence. Critics pretty much agree that the film has some strong scenes, but doesn't work overall. I don't agree. The story was written in Greece centuries earlier, and didn't allow much freedom to tell a more interesting tale. They couldn't have Orfeu and Eurídice live happily ever after any more than you could have Romeo and Juliet raising a family. Also, like watching Romeo and Juliet after the first time, you know what is going to happen, and enjoy other things about the production.

In this case, I found much to enjoy. The award winning soundtrack set the mood perfectly, there is probably nothing more colorful on earth than the celebration of Carnival, the city of Rio is lovely, and the hillside ghetto, while clearly cramped, run down, and over-crowded, was very colorful as well. It helped that is was a flawless Widescreen transfer. It also helped that Fillardis showed breasts and buns in the opening scene, and lots of cleavage in several others. While França had no exposure, she enchanted me, and did show cleavage from time to time. IMDB scores this 6.8 of 10. Critics agree on the two star level. I enjoyed it far more than most films with that critical rating, but it is clearly not a film for everyone. The classical origins and the obvious plot make it a poor choice for the plot and pace crowd, but if you are looking for eye and ear candy, two lovely women, and some insight into modern Brazil, you might enjoy it. C+.

Top Secret's first 20 minutes are so funny, that you'll forget the fact that there are plenty of dry spells later. No nudity

Scrooged is another near-miss comedy. It has some of the funniest moments I ever seen in a comedy. It also has a whole lot of stuff that is just plain dumb - people hitting each other over the head, walking into doors, that whole wacky third grade playground humor thing.

• solid gold dancer

I tried to watch Crossroads. I really did. I only lasted five minutes. I never thought I would say this:  Dan Ackroyd is in this, and is the best actor in the cast. In fact, compared to the rest of the cast, he seems like Kenneth Branagh. Seriously, though, it's just so trite and predictable, and it's  a downer. You'd expect Britney to make something cheery. Coincidentally, this film was directed by the same person who did Guncrazy, the film I discussed yesterday, with Drew Barrymore as gun-crazed white trailer trash. (I didn't know of the connection until today)

• Britney (1, 2, 3, 4)

Other crap:

• Here are the Emmy nominations
• We now have new emoticons for breasts. Still no cure for cancer.
• Bush's advisors tell him that insider trading is necessary to stimulate the economy . (They're kidding, if you didn't guess)
• The ten weirdest Masters of the Universe action figures. My personal favorite: Stinktor, Skunk warrior (Uncredibly, I think these are real)
• Were the Smurfs communists? Was Gargamel the symbol of decadent capitalism. You be the judge. Exceptionally well reasoned  and thorough article, considering that it is written tongue-in-cheek.
• You may know something about The Amazing Randi, a magician who goes about exposing supernatural hoaxes by showing how they are done. He's been doing this for years, having first come to national prominence by showing how Uri Geller bent spoons "with his mind". If you think you can prove a supernatural event, he's got a million bucks for you.
• Bill Clinton and the economy. Interesting stuff. There were similar occurrences in other areas as well. Crime declined under Clinton, after years of seemingly irreversible growth, although Clinton didn't do jack. Standardized student test scores improved under Clinton after years of seemingly unstoppable decline, even though Clinton did nothing directly correlated.. Clinton was either a great president in many ways or a guy with an incredible genius for being in the right place at the right time. Some of these things can be explained by external societal circumstances. The crime rate, for example, started to go down about 19 years after the Rowe vs Wade decision. Unwanted children and abused children end up committing a wildly disproportionate percentage of violent crimes when they become adults. Clinton did nothing in that case but to be elected approximately eighteen years and nine months later. I haven't seen any study on the test scores, but you could argue that Roe v Wade had an impact there as well. I suppose (without knowing for sure) that kids from foster homes and abusive parents also score low on tests like the SAT's and Iowa Skills, so that slowly winnowing those kids out of the population could make the average increase. Just a thought. Or else, maybe Clinton had supernatural powers. Your choice.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

1. Collage, Brande boobs and green undies.
2. Collage, Brande boobs
3. Collage, boobs and bush
4. Collage of two frames, Brande boobs
5. Single frame from the same sequence as number 4
6. Collage, two more frames from this sequence
7. Another single frame
8. Collage, Brande bum
9. Collage, Brande boobs
10. Single frame, supposedly post-coital, as our protagonists wake up to the fact that a whole bunch of people were watching them do the nasty (the expression on our hero's face makes this a keeper).
11. A sampler of Brande boob frames.
12. Single frame from the same sequence as number 10
13. Collage, full frontal and rear as Brande makes her way off-stage.

My favorites are the caps in 4-7, a terrifically lighted scene that shows off Brande's natural wonders very well. Sad to say, guys, but at some time between filming this scene and appearing in the Hegmag, Brande went in and had some idiot surgeon muck around with perfection. Yep, she did the ol' robohooter routine. There really oughta be a law.

• Brande Roderick (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Next up is Ahmo Hight, returning for two sport-humping scenes of her own, both with the cowboy artist hero of the movie. The first couple of collages are from a poorly-lighted scene, said to occur in the alley behind the club. Technically, then, they belong in a different movie, entitled Outside Club Wild Side. Boobs only in these first two.

• Ahmo Hight (1, 2)

The next five collages are from an on-stage performance in the club, and Ahmo looks pretty darn good. Boobs in all five, bum in 2 and 5, some frontal-type stuff going on in 4. Grafted into collage 5 are the reactions of Brande's character and of Monique Parent's character. The latter is pleased with Ahmo boffing the hero because she owns the club, whereas Brande is shocked, shocked to learn there is humping going in the club... even though she's done a guy and a gal in the same place prior to this scene. I could go on with the adolescent nature of the plot behind this movie, but that ain't why I got it and it sure ain't why I capped it.

• Ahmo Hight (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Okay, then we have cute lil' Nancy O'Brien (aka Nancy O'Neiil... could someone tell me why she chooses to get nekkid in some movies under one name, and in other movies under the second?). Nine thingees, with the following details:

1. Collage of her showing boobs and losing her undies.
2. Collage of a full-frontal, huggy-bear, kissy-face scene
3. Collage of a pretty darn good eating-at-the-Y scene. You fake a lot of things in Hollywood, but when the face meets the muff there is not that much left to say.
4. Single frame of Nancy's face and boobs, all of which are natural and attractive.
5 & 6. Collages of different construction, showing boobs.
7. Boobs and bush
8 & 9. Boobs, once again

• Nancy O'Brien (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Last up is Taimie Hannum as uncredited stripper, relegated to one of the side courts as the principal characters take center court... sorta like Anna at Wimbledon. Taimie reveals her most impressive hooters.

• Taimie Hannum

It's a "Damsels in Distress" day. First we have Cindy Crawford all tied up in "Fair Game". She does take her top off in other scenes, but sadly not this one.

• Cindy Crawford (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next up, Cindy Pena bares breast and shows a thong view in a rape scene from the cheese-fest "Grave Vengeance".

• Cindy Pena (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Links 1 and 6...topless
Link #2...Breasts and bum
Links 3 and 4...rear nudity
Link #5...full frontal

>From IMDB News. Jennifer Aniston strips in public, but don't look at her or she'll sue you...

Jennifer Aniston's Raunchy Workout
Friends star Jennifer Aniston has found a raunchy new way to stay in shape - cardio striptease. The sexy wife of movie hunk Brad Pitt has been peeling off for the steamy workout with 20 other women at the Crunch Gym in Los Angeles as a way of "shedding pounds and inhibitions." A source told the Daily Star, "Jennifer believes cardio striptease is the perfect way to get fit. It helps keep her trim and it teaches her some very sexy routines." And, according to friends, the new moves have livened things up in the bedroom too. The source adds, "It's spiced up her sex life too - she now puts on strip shows for Brad as a treat." Aniston isn't the only famous babe hooked on the new fad. Former Baywatch beauties Carmen Electra and Angelica Bridges are also cardio striptease devotees. Angelica tells the Star, "I thought they would be using poles and straddling chairs, and doing all this crazy stuff, but it's actually the best workout I've ever had." But eager fans shouldn't get too excited by the prospect of Jen and co. baring all in the gym - most participants stop stripping when they get to their bra and panties.

Where's a rabbit when you need one?...

Berliners Feast on Baywatch Star in Lettuce Bikini
BERLIN (Reuters) - Former Baywatch star and Hefmag model Traci Bingham stopped traffic in Berlin on Thursday by wearing a lettuce bikini to promote vegetarianism.

Bingham, who played the life-guard Jordan in the hit U.S. television series, spent more than half an hour posing for the cameras wiggling between a famous steak restaurant and Berlin's Kurfuerstendamm shopping street.

The protest was organized by the animal rights group PETA. Bingham's bikini of fake lettuce leaves carried a sign reading "Go Vegetarian!"

"I love to wear lettuce because I don't like to wear fur," said 34-year-old Bingham.

The restaurant sponsored a meat industry congress in Berlin this year. The manager asked Bingham to leave when she entered the restaurant with a crowd of reporters to order a vegetarian meal.

BENNY HILL BLAMED FOR TEEN PREGNANCY
They're Breeding In Fast-Motion! - The British Government's Teenage Pregnancy Unit knows who to blame for their failure to cut the teen pregnancy rate: the late comedian Benny Hill. Unit head Cathy Hamlyn said they can't fight the "Benny Hill culture" - a "giggly" attitude toward sex, fostered by media images that give teens the impression that everyone is doing it.