Saturday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Hitch-Hike (1978) is the name used in the DVD release of this film originally called Autostop rosso sangue. IMDB lists several other titles, including Death Drive, Hitch Hike, Hitchhike: Last House on the Left. Lets cover the good parts first. The transfer is very good, and Corinne Clery, in the lead role, is naked several times in the film, and does full frontal each time, including fire lit sex scenes, and well lit shots inside a trailer. That is about it for the good news.

As the film starts, we see Franco Nero aiming a riffle at Corinne's head. Then he pulls the trigger, and a deer falls to the ground. The two, it seems, are on a camping vacation. Back in camp, Nero is drunk, and Clery is pissed. The following morning, they head back to LA. He is a reporter, who married her for two reasons: her father is rich; she is a great fuck. They stop and pick up a dual cliche who is thumbing a ride. Not only is he a bank robber on the run with the money, but also is an escaped mental patient. It doesn't take long for his identity to come out. He forces them at gunpoint to head for Mexico. He flirts with Clery, and finally has sex with her in front of her tied up husband. Two of the partners he double-crossed catch up, and shoot a riffle at him. He falls into a river, and the two friends assume the role of kidnapper/rapist. Then they bring the dual cliche back from the dead. You get the idea.

The acting was way over-wrought, with the exception of Clery, who even showed a spark of acting ability in a few scenes. The real problem was serious logic errors in the story line. First of all, Nero is a threat to the robber, yet the robber doesn't shoot him and go on with Clery, who was cooperating. At one point, their truck is stuck in the sand, and they supposedly drain their battery trying to get out. AN old Mexican in a truck shows up, and tows them. We see the truck being towed, with bright headlights on. They finally reach a very good ending, and then continue for another 20 minutes building up to a different ending. In short, this was a total mess.

IMDB readers say 5.4 of 10, which, in my opinion, is way too high. The film was technically sound, but the acting was terrible, and the plot alternated between trite cliche, and logic errors. Also, they kept going for a long time after they had a chance for a very spiffy ending that could have made the film worthwhile. This is a D+.

Hell's Gate (originally titled Bad Karma) has one of the all-time body double rip-offs. Patsy Kensit's character has about a five minute scene of being tortured while she is stark naked. It is done in good light without camera tricks, face visible with all other body parts. So what's the problem? It isn't Patsy Kensit! Looks nothing like her. They explain that the character "changed her appearance surgically". (Very confusing, by the way, and a totally unnecessary scene. Not that I object to gratuitous nudity.).

Crappy movie. Doug Clegg  wrote the novel upon which this film is based, and even he was confused! (see the review)

The images from this movie are good. Check the thumbs to see if you are interested. Unfortunately, they are all anonymous. If you recognize them, especially the "body double", let me know, please.

• thumbnails
• Patsy's "body double". (She looks familiar to me, but she's not listed in the credits, despite eight or nine minutes of screen time and a great deal of dialogue. Any of you "B" experts know her?) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
• victim (1, 2)
• prostitute

Catch-up:

Some of these info pages never got linked properly

• Top Secret
• Scrooged. One reader reported that Elfman's musical score got chopped up as badly as O'Donoghue's script. The source: Elfman himself.
• Crossroads
• Guncrazy

Other crap:

• people object to a Chilean website, which predicts when you will die
• The latest stats reveal: drug, alcohol, and cigarette usage among 6th to 12th graders is at its lowest level in years. Parents groups expected to see an upswing, so they had to throw out the speeches they wrote, which blamed TV and video games. Republicans had to throw out their own perfectly good speeches which planned to blame Bill Clinton. 
• Bush's niece gets out of the slammer. Check out the mug on this girl.
• an entire web site dedicated to obscene song and poetry parodies. My kinda guys.
• is everything on the web? Find anyone's grave
• Army secretary does not use Forrest Gump or Sergeant Schultz defense as expected, opts instead for the "Louis" defense from Casablanca. "I was shocked, shocked and appalled to discover there was energy price manipulation occurring at a company which made its profits from --- um --- energy prices." Whoa, that must have been a surprise, eh? Can't blame the guy. Who could have seen that coming?
• Smoking Gun has the latest suits against Courtney Love
• Weird Japanese ice creams, including such flavors as octopus, squid, crab, sweet potato, corn and fried eggplant.
• California court upholds medical use of marijuana. Speaking for the majority, California Chief Justice Z. Rainbow Spicoli said, "like, bodacious buds mellow out the pain, dudes, and this court finds this to be both medically heinous and legally gnarly"
• Interesting list. Which 50 books are the most commonly banned in America's schools? (actual period 1990-1992) I suppose that Mark Twain is one of America's five greatest authors, but both Tom Sawyer and Mark Twain have been banned. The man who is probably America's greatest writer, William Faulkner, is not on the list, which creates a tip for you youngsters. If you are going to write anything controversial, make it too intellectual and complex for book-banning morons to understand!
   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Selma Blair topless, full dorsal nudity, and gettin' it on from behind in scenes from "Storytelling".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Today it's a "Babe in Bondage" day as we look at Michaela Hughes in "Flesh Hunters". Michaela is abducted by aliens and hung from a hook device and zapped with some kind of a ray. Weird looking aliens with blurry faces, but the past part is Michaela is stark naked. Not to worry she is rescued in the final cap. I guess she can blame herself for her predicament as she is credited as one of the executive producers.

• Michaela Hughes, full frontal nudity. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Jeri Ryan

RATS INVADE BEVERLY HILLS
The Beverly Rat-Billies - Mansions in Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Malibu are having to be evacuated because they're full of rats. A heat wave has dried up their food and water in the fields, so they've moved into the areas with palm trees and swimming pools. It's estimated that by the end of the summer, three-quarters of the homes in Pacific Palisades, where Pamela Anderson and Antonio Banderas live, could be infested with rats.