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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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The Long Weekend
(2005)
The Long Weekend is a Canadian comedy, conceived as a way to make
use of the kind of Funniest Home Video clips that are too extreme
for broadcast TV.
The story concerns two brothers. The older one (American Pie's
Oz, Chris Klein) is a womanizer and wannabe actor. The younger one
grew up addicted to making videos, and became a huge success in an
advertising agency. Then he caught his girlfriend blowing his best
friend, and worst of all, taping it. He gave up videotaping, and
devoted all of his energies to missing her. His job performance
dropped to the point that he was about to be fired, and he had
exactly one weekend to salvage an account that had threatened to
leave, but his big bro had other ideas. He decided to get him laid
for his birthday.
The brothers meet plenty of attractive women that weekend, and
big bro gets lucky more than once, but our hero can't even get laid
in a whorehouse. With the weekend running out, and no idea for the
ad campaign to save his job, things look bleak. Can he pull it off?
The video clips are sandwiched into the film wherever they sort
of fit, and consist mostly of animals, fornication, masturbation,
and men getting hit in the nuts.
This is not the sort of lowbrow humor that I enjoy, and it is not
recommended, but IMDb readers say 4.9 with a 3.9 from the top
voters, with the most typical score from the top voters being four,
so the proper grade on our scale is probably C-, although you could
make a reasonable argument for a lower grade.
Scoop's note: Believe it or not,
this is not a straight-to-vid. It was released in three theaters in
LA in the summer of 2006. It grossed $1,286 - about five people per
screening. Not only did it fail to run the normal contractual two
weeks, but it didn't even finish off the first week, having been
pulled immediately after that dismal weekend. As you might guess,
critics hated it. Here's the listing at
Metacritic
Catherine Devine shows breasts taping sex with his college
roommate. Jennifer Walther and Holly Eglington, as strippers, show
breasts. Unknown topless waitresses show breasts and buns.
Klimt
Just a few revisions to keep the right actresses' faces in the right
collages. (The artsy-fartsy movie has several different women composited
in Klimt's delirious dreams. There is one character watching another
character through a two-way mirror, with both characters being played by
the same actress with a different hair style, and one referring to the
other as if it were a different person. Both claim to be "Lea," but one
claims that the other is an imposter. This confusion is exacerbated by the fact that there was no such
real person as
Lea to begin with, even though the film is supposed to be a historical biopic,
sort of.
The fact that the CHARACTERS have doubles is made even more confusing by
the fact that the actress playing both fake Lea and real Lea seems to have
used a double for
the lower frontal nudity required from fake Lea. The body double was
therefore a fake "fake Lea." As a result, when Georgia Reeve is
freely substituted for
Saffron Burrows, it is not clear whether we are supposed to think she is doubling
for the actress or the character or maybe even a different character
altogether.
Scoop's note: The director of this film is a native
Spanish speaker who wrote the script in French. The script was then
translated from French into German for the benefit of the cast and crew in
Austria and at the Warner studios in Dusseldorf. It was then translated
again to create the actual shooting script in English, except for a few
lines, which confused everyone by remaining in German - without subtitles
in some screenings! From this hodge-podge, the director created a
127-minute film which the producer chopped to 97 minutes (Both versions of
the film seem to have been shown at Rotterdam in 2006, but only the short
version is on the DVD.)
And the concept was surreal to begin with, filled with mirrors and
doubles, and told from the point of view of a man who had lost his mind
from heavy medication and the late stages of syphilis! In other words,
don't expect this to make a lot of sense.
Here is a low-res version of
the confusing multi-actress, multi-character scene from start to finish.
Of course, this scene represents only a tiny fraction of the film's total
package of incoherence.
Georgia Reeve seems to be a virtual cipher. She has no IMDb page, and
has never appeared in another film of which we are aware. There is
virtually no other reference to her on the internet. About the only thing
known about her is that she's a model who is managed by an agency in
Dusseldorf. We don't even know what her nationality is. Her name would
seem to suggest that she comes from the UK, but we just don't know.
The pics above that say "Saffron" are Saffron for sure. There is no
certainty with the others, and no way to create certainty. We think they
are probably not Saffron, and therefore probably are Georgia. Mr. Skin has
the same take on it.
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Notes and collages
Gwendoline
Part one of ...?? Tawny Kitaen
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Slow Burn
Here is the super hot Jolene Blalock again, this time playing a Femme Fatale
in the Ray Liotta movie Slow Burn. This time she shows the goods, too bad the
scenes where she does are just quick glimpses and the light is not very good, so
I have my fingers crossed that she will do more movies exploiting her beautiful
body.
Scoop's notes: The film was lensed in 2003,
finally released in April, a massive bomb.
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Film clips: |
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Asia Argento in
Transylvania. First she plays with her famous tattoo, then she is
drenched with liquid while wearing a white top which turns nearly
transparent. |
Olivia
Wilde in the soon-to-be released, Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas,
This comes to DVD on August 21st. Despite the silly title, it is rated 6.9
at IMDb. I haven't seen it, but I'm looking forward to it. Here's what
Scott Weinberg wrote:
| SCREENED AT THE 2006 SXSW FILM
FESTIVAL: Potheads and sexpots. Metaphysics and quantum theory.
Hot blondes, lotsa laughs, and some adorably geeky little
flourishes. This flick's got a little bit of everything. Finally
here's a film that asks the question "What if you discovered the
meaning of life ... and a really sexy blonde STOLE IT?"
Bickford Schmeckler is a somewhat odd little genius who lives
with a house full of hard-party college boys and spends his days
filling up a steel-covered notebook with some of the most
astonishing revelations ever put on paper. Whoever reads Bick's
notebook has some sort of revelation or re-awakening, which would
be really great for the whole world -- provided the book hadn't
just been stolen by a weed-hungry mega-hottie from sorority row.
So off goes Bickford (Patrick Fugit) on a quest to recover his
beloved notebook, and most of the clues are doled out by a
dizzyingly sexy blonde (Olivia Wilde), a homeless schizophrenic
(Matthew Lillard), and an enthusiastic D&D geek (John Cho).
One of the most colorful surprises of the 2006 SXSW Film Festival,
Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas is a great little mixture of
sophomoric college humor, alarming smarts, and memorably cool
characters. One minute we're giggling at a well-lensed
crotch-kick, and the next we're actually growing to like these
colorfully broad, smartly written characters. Science geeks will
love what "the book" represents, romance fans will dig the
chemistry between the beauty (Wilde) and the geek (Fugit), and
those who enjoy bong humor and creative profanity, well, they'll
have a good time, too.
First-time writer/director Scott Lew does a top-notch job,
collecting an eclectic cast, honing an intriguing concept, and
delivering a visual presentation that's clean, fluid, and crisp.
The leads, Fugit and Wilde, deliver a pair of excellent
performances. This might be the actor's best work since his Almost
Famous breakout ... and then there's this Olivia Wilde girl. You
heard it here first, folks: This gal's absolutely the "next big
thing," whatever that means. Not just breathtakingly beautiful,
Wilde brings a warmth and magnetism to every scene she graces.
I've seen her pop up in a few festival flicks lately, and Ms.
Wilde can steal scenes with just the bat of an eyelash.
Not only does this flick offer solid work from young actors like
John Cho, Reid Scott, and Mageina Tovah, but it also places the
normally annoying Matthew Lillard in a role where he's not only
funny, but actually quite sympathetic. As a longtime observer of
the Lillard filmography, I think Scott Lew deserves some real
credit for that.
Packing quite a bit of wit, wisdom, craziness, and creativity
into its slick-looking and efficient frame, Bickford Schmeckler's
Cool Ideas is a bizarrely charming little diversion. It's
certainly an offbeat little college-flick concoction, but I'll
take an colorful concoction over warmed-up formula any day.
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The Hills Have Eyes 2
I guarantee that at least one person will ask me why I capped this
scene, so I'll save us all some time: this title sequence is one of the
more effective and gut grabbing I've seen in some time, and it really gets
your attention. It also sets the tone of the movie, which is a pretty
decent 2007 horror/thriller.
A sequel to 2006's The Hills Have Eyes and the original 1977 film
written and directed by Wes Craven, The Hills Have Eyes II, written by
Craven and son Jonathan Craven, is set in a secret base in the New Mexican
desert, called Sector 16, that had been used for atomic testing years ago.
A group of National Guard trainees are tasked to bring supplies to the
scientists who are installing a monitoring system on the base.
Unfortunately, the scientists seem to be missing, and the guardsmen soon
discover why: the hills are full of mutants that have been living in
underground tunnels for years. And they're not very friendly.
A decent horror flick that will keep your interest to the end.
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Cecile Breccia |
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The Noelia Sex Tape. She is a Puerto Rican pop singer. Yeah, I know. Who cares?
Well, here it is if you do care. As sex
tapes go, it's excellent. It's only a few minutes long and features her
spreading for the gyno-cam, then taking some love-train in both major tunnels. The
film is short and to the point. |
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Mimi Rogers in The
Door in the Floor. Mimi is completely naked, front and rear, in high
definition. |
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You've seen Petra Nemcova in the body paint pics, both backstage and in
performance. Here they are ... er ... she is ... in
convenient video format. |
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Aishwarya Rai in The Last Legion. Technically there is no nudity, but this is as
sexy as it gets for the beautiful Bollywood superstar. The Last Legion is a new
film starring Colin Firth and Sir Gandhi.
Film clip here, sample to the
right. |
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Another RapidShare link you may find fun: Lynn Lowry and Claire Wilbur in Radley Metzger's Score. It was quite the daring film for its era
(early 70s). Metzger was not quite a pornographer, not quite an arthouse hot-shot, but somewhere in between. This particular clip is somewhere between erotica and a satire of erotica, and I'm not sure precisely where Metzger intended to draw the line.
It's goofy as hell. Some of it was intentional, but how much? Whether you fid
it funny or sexy, the only real disappointment is this: too much Wilbur, too
little Lowry |
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