Saturday

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.
 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Bela Donna

(1998)

Bela Donna (1998) is a Brazilian film based on the romance novel Riacho Doce by Jose Lins do Rego. It is set just before WW II. Natasha Henstridge and her husband move to Brazil. He is to become rich and famous by finding oil, she is recovering from a suicide attempt. Enter a charming and attractive singing fisherman, Eduardo Moscovis, to take her mind off of her workaholic husband and that pesky German guy who is threatening to start WW II. She and Eduardo enjoy sailing on his fishing boat, swimming naked in the surf, and screwing each other's brains out, but none of their families or friends approve.

It is a beautiful film visually. Romance novels depend heavily on romantic settings, and Brazil played the part well. The problem is a slow and predictable plot, and no humor. Based on the IMDb comments, even Brazilians are put to sleep by this, so I don't feel too bad.

I screened two versions.

  • The first is from the Philippines, and claimed to be in English. Not only was it obviously mastered from a VHS, but only 2/3 was English, with the rest in Portuguese. It was also a pan-and-scan version, and the aspect ratio looked wrong in spots.
  • Version 2 is a Region 2 German edition. It is entirely in German, and spots a lovely widescreen transfer. These images are from the German version.

IMDb: 4.2.

If we ever see a competent English language version, I would call that a C-. As it is, the German version is a D+, and the other version a D-.

 

 

Natasha Henstridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

Night of the Seagulls

Today the Time Machine travels back to 1975 for "Night of the Seagulls" and a pair of "Babes in Bondage."

 Maria Vidal with some awesome cleavage and then tied down with breasts exposed for an unpleasant ending.

Susana Estrada tied up in her see-through nightie, then topless as she too meets a gruesome demise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Gwendoline

Part eight of nine

Zabou

Bernadette LaFont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Black Widow (Before It Had a Name)

 

A young Italian woman (Giada Colagrande) inherits from her deceased lover an enigmatic modern house in the New York countryside, and goes to see it for the first time. When she arrives she meets the caretaker of the house (Willem Dafoe), and soon starts a relationship with him, but she doesn't have all her marbles.

The funny thing about this movie is that is rated PG-13 for sexual content and brief violence, just check the captures to know why is funny.

 

 

Emily Cass McDonell

 

 

Giada Colagrande

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hotel Erotica"

 

Plenty of nudity on display in an episode of Hotel Erotica called Chatroom (2002).

Most nudity comes from Dru Berrymore

 

and Tiffany Starkey

with Lauren Hays

and Juliet Beres providing some eye candy.

 

 

Trapped in a Purple Haze

 

No nudity in Trapped in a Purple Haze (1999) but there are pokies by JoBeth Williams

and Carly Pope looks good.

 

 

 

Ugly Betty

 

There's no nudity in Ugly Betty (2007) but in these episodes

Becki Newton looks lovely in her underwear

and Rebecca Romijn shows a lot of cleavage.

 

 

How to Marry a Billionaire: A Christmas Tale

 

Again, no nudity in How to Marry a Billionaire: A Christmas Tale (2000) with just eye candy and pokies by

Gabrielle Anwar

Natasha Allas,

Leanna Campbell,

Carole Raphaelle Davis,

Dorie Barton

and some unknowns.

 

 

Bye Bye Monkey

 

We see plenty of Gail Lawrence in the Italian/French movie Bye Bye Monkey aka Ciao Maschio (1977) as she spends a lot of the time starkers. (Film clip)

 

 

A bit of an uppie by Geraldine Fitzgerald.

 

 

Hush

 

Gwyneth Paltrow is naked in Hush (1998) but you get to see only a little from the side. (Film clip)

 

 

 

"RAN: Remote Area Nurse"

 

RAN: Remote Area Nurse (2006) was a short Australian television series and Susie Porter is topless in the final episode.

 

 

Walk

 

Walk (2005) is about a walk across the Sahara raising money for breast cancer. Nicola Stephenson is shown topless with a mastectomy scar so I'm not sure whether it is real or a prosthetic.

 

 

The Detonator

The topless nudity in The Detonator (2006) comes from some strippers.

Silvia Colloca shows a lot of cleavage.

 

 

Body and Soul

There are quite a few topless women in Body and Soul (1998) but you can't be sure who is who.

The hot tub girls are Tiffany J Wooster, Olivia Jardine and Bernice Dee.

The ring girls are Tamarah  Kanagy, Karalinda Aguilar and Cloissa A Ream.

We see the rear of Kirsten Shafer, who plays Tahnee Welch's body double

and Jennifer Beals shows some cleavage.

 

 

Carnage

There are a group of naked people in a swimming pool in Carnage aka Carnages (2002), and Chiara Mastrioianni is one of them. Not a lot is clear except a few breasts.

Chiara Mastroianni

There's some see-through breast exposure by Angela Molina.

 

 

A Real Man

There are more breasts exposed in another French film A Real Man aka Un homme, un vrai (2003).

This time by Hélène Fillières

 

 and Jocelyne Desverchère.

 

 

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

Lee Scott is down to her underwear in a movie with the very long title Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The big deal of the day is all of Natalia Avelon's nudity in Das Wilde Leben, a rare film which combines extensive nudity with appealing entertainment.

"Achim Bornhak's movie focuses on the restless life of Uschi Obermaier, the icon of the 1968 movement in Germany and groupie. At the age of 16, Uschi is bored by her job in a photo lab, but soon becomes the "it girl" of Munich's club scene. When she gets to know Rainer Langhans, they move to Berlin and live in "Kommune 1", the first politically-motivated commune in Germany. While the other occupants claim she isn't political enough, Uschi just wants to have fun, works as fashion model and leads international music stars in temptation... "

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards figure prominently in the plot.
Three of Claire Danes falling out of her dress. Same as yesterday, only better quality, without the watermark.
Jumbo-busted Page Three girl Sophie Howard

Heidi Klum

 

The following very brief film clips are from Defoe. The Depardieu collages are Charlie's
Julie Depardieu in Poltergay
Tonya Kinzinger in  Sous le Soleil