Wednesday

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Vice Academy 2 (1990) is the second of 6 in this campy take-off on Police Academy. The film is rated 2.5 of 10 at IMDB, and is, without a doubt, a completely stupid film. On the other hand, it is a take-off on a pretty stupid series of films. Linea Quigley and Ginger Lynn Allen are rookies in an LA vice department that never seems to deal with vice. They are a trial program, and are not popular with the cop in charge of promotions, known as "Big Stick." They interfere with one of his busts, and are about to be drummed from the force, when a woman named Spanish Fly tries to blackmail the department for several million dollars under threat of poisoning the city water supply with an aphrodisiac. The two girls are assigned to the case, as is a new super robot called Bimbo Cop.

The headquarters for all evil doers is a strip joint called The Vicerama Club. The exposure occurs from the two stars when they strip to infiltrate the club, and includes buns in a thong, and breasts. Toni Alessandrini (Bachelor Party, Mind, Body & Soul, Pleasure in Paradise) plays a stripper, and shows breasts and buns on stage, and brief breasts in her dressing room. While this was clearly an awful movie from beginning to end, I could not bring myself to hate it. It never once took itself seriously, and it had a few genuine chuckles, but most of what entertained me was just how bad it was. The transfer is a rather weak 4/3, but there are tons of special features, including filmographies, a photo album, and directors commentary. This is a get drunk and make fun of it film, and nothing more, so the proper grade is D-, but in the kindest possible way.

Movies - new to DVD

Dragonfly, or as I like to call it, "Dances With Ghosts", is a Kevin Costner movie without bats and balls. Always a bad sign. In essence, it is Patch Adams, except with a scary clown instead of a funny one. No, come to think of it, that's not the best description, because if Costner had been scary, that would have made a positive contribution to what was supposed to be a scary movie. He was more of a boring clown.  Thank god there was no nudity, because the two female stars are Kathy Bates and Linda Hunt. A box office bomb, with $30 million gross on a $60 million budget. A snoozefest.

Collateral Damage is the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie which was delayed many months because of its themes (terrorist attacks on U.S. soil), It's probably still inappropriate, since it makes it seem that defeating terrorism is simple. Arnie almost does it single-handedly. Another film with no nudity, and another with a mammoth financial loss ($85 million budget, $40 million gross). The movie sometimes held my attention, but its the wrong context for Arnie. Too realistic a situation. He needs a fantasy situation for his larger-than-life combination of muscles and jokes to function properly.

Hit and Runway is a low budget indy comedy about a macho Italian guy and a gay Jewish intellectual guy who are thrown together to write a screenplay. It's about as good as it sounds.

• Teresa DePriest. She is hot in this flick. Looks a lot like Drea DeMatteo from The Sopranos

Jeez, I miss the early 80's in some ways. Here's a PG kid's movie with Play-Doh monsters (Clash of the Titans) that had gorgeous naked women in good light. Nowadays, we can't even pick up a clear breast shot in an "R".

• Vida Taylor (1, 2)
• Judy Bowker's body double (1, 2)

Other crap

• Dick Cheney still dead, condition reported as stable. Body now located in Cedar Rapids, but moving around rapidly to avoid those pesky post-mortem subpoenas.
• I bookmarked this one. The encyclopedia of cartoons
• TV Guide picks the best 50 cartoon characters of all time (1) Bugs (2) Homer. D'oh!

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Ellen Barkin, a very brief flash of pubes as she lifts up her dress before mounting Laurence Fishburne in "Bad Company" (1995). Unfortunately, this is not available on DVD.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Doing the monthly Heffer or Housepet thing has turned into a pretty good career move, particularly if a gal is content with a certain kind of movie. Example? Midnight Tease 2, a stripper-murder mystery!

Joe Bob Briggs has a spot-on 200-word review of this flic: you know who is a-gonna die and you know who is a-doin' it (as JB points out, in centerfold-murder movies, a guy is the killer, whereas in stripper-murder movies, it is always a woman doing the killing), so all there is left to figure out is how many babes can get nekkid, how often and for how long. In that context, MT2 is a near-perfect example of its genre: from the second to the 10th minute of this masterpiece, six babes show boobs and bum in eight scenes. Then you get this lull in the action for thirty minutes in which three babes give up the goodies, and then you're right back in the action with eight more nekkid scenes over the next twenty minutes. And most of the babes are first rate. PLUS, this is a double-Pet movie: Guccione-monthly-model (Feb '93) turned B movie regular, Julie K Smith, does the nekkid thing in five scenes, and Pet o' of the month for May '92 does seven such scenes. The latter would be star of this-here movie, Kimberly Kelley, who posed for Penthouse under the name of Jasmine (many thanks to Graffic Response for pointing out this fact in a post of his, sent in long ago). This was Kimberly's first movie; she did three or four others, gave up the goodies in them all and then moved on to...well, heaven only knows what.

Today's batch uncovers only 3 of the 7 credited babes in MT2, and maybe one-fourth the total exposure! There will be more.

The run down for today is as follows:

• B movie regular, Griffin Drew, robo-hooters on stage. (1, 2)

• Griffin and Julie K Smith, which spells 2 sets of robo-hooters, in the dressing room.

• Julie on stage, boobs in all, bum in links 1 and 2. (1, 2, 3)

Most of today's exposure comes from Kimbery Kelly, beginning with dancing topless in the dark (1, 2). Followed by Kimberly partially dressed but doing the spread-the-legs routine and showing off her first-rate bum in a thong.

Next we see her terrific hooters (1, 2, 3, 4), then more thong views (1, 2).

Finally...even more hooters; my favorite is the last. (1, 2)

Today we look at the women of "Witchcraft 11". (yes, I said eleven!)

Stephanie Beaton shows some cleavage and a great pair of legs. She plays a cop and I can't say that I have ever seen a cop dress like this.

• Stephanie Beaton (1, 2, 3, 4)

Then we have assorted toplessness from Kathleen St. Lawrence, Miranda Odell and Wendy Blair.

• Kathleen St. Lawrence (1, 2)
• Miranda Odell (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Wendy Blair

Breasts in links 1 and 3. Full frontal in #2. Rear view in #4, and a great thong close up in link #5.

MUNICH BEGS (ATTRACTIVE) NUDISTS TO RETURN
The Beer Garden Of Eden - For decades, thousands of nudists have frolicked in Munich, Germany's, English Garden park, and tourists from straight-laced nations like Japan and Britain have come to gawk. But now, due to a wave of prudery, the nudists are disappearing, and Munich officials are terrified that it will kill tourism. They say you can sit in a beer garden anywhere; the appeal of Munich was that you could sit and ogle naked people. They are urging Germans to help by doffing their clothes and returning to the park, particularly attractive young women.