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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Timeless Obsession
(1996)
There is a type of romance story, usually found on supermarket
shelves in paperback books, the entire purpose of which is to give
lonesome women damp skivvies and shower nozzle masturbation
fantasies. Occasionally, rather then a dead tree version, they will
make a film version of the romance novel. See Romancing the Stone
for an excellent example of the film romance novel genre. Timeless
Obsession is the R-rated version.
As in Romancing the Stone, our hero is a Romance Novel author. He
has been in a relationship with his shrink (Samantha Mudd) for two
months, which is always a critical time for him. He always cheats
after two months, no doubt due to commitment issues. This time he is
in for a battle because Samantha is willing to work on the
relationship. After a session with her, he impulsively walks into an
art museum and falls in love with a painting of Venesa Talor. He
begins a new story featuring her, and spends hours staring at the
painting. He also has flashbacks to the 17th century where he woos
and marries her, then catches her cheating on him.
Samantha Mudd shows breasts. Vanesa Talor shows breasts and a
hint of bush. Kiara Hunter and an unknown show breasts, and Jennifer
Behr shows breasts and an obvious modesty patch. I have no problem
with an actress who elects to wear a patch, as long as she announces
that fact before she signs the contract. I do have issues with
cinematographers who can't keep them off camera. That was not the
only photography problem in this film. A mike had enough camera time
to sue for a credit line, and it was not even at the top of the
frame. The entire film lacked contrast and color saturation.
Despite the photography problems and the low level of nudity, this
film is just silly enough to be watchable, and the audio is fine. It
is certainly a safe bet for an evening with your main squeeze, and
has a feel-good ending.
This is a C- in the couples erotica genre.
It is only available in a dual region (1 and 4) DVD in English
from RLDVDs.com. This rare release also has a 6-minute "behind the
scenes" featurette, a gallery of production stills, and optional
Spanish subtitles.
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Mujeres invisibles
The movie tells the story of different women who find out they have breast
cancer. They all meet after having their cancer remove in a talk-group, where
one of them has the idea to do a swimsuit presentation to lift their spirits.
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow
Last week, Seattle prosecutors indicted seven workers for the
union-backed group Acorn, which registers low-income voters. Authorities say
they pulled the worst case of voter registration fraud in state history. They
allegedly submitted many phony voter registration forms with addresses that were
all for local homeless shelters. The names on them included Katie Holmes,
former House Speaker Dennis Hastert, New York Times columnist Frank Rich, and
such made-up names as Stormi Bays and Fruto Boy.
* Hey, gay male strippers get to vote, too!
China's Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base came up with a new way to raise money
while disposing of the nearly one ton of excrement the pandas produce every
day. The panda poop will be "carefully selected, smashed, dried, sterilized at
300 degrees C." and dyed, then formed into a variety of souvenirs, including
panda statues, bookmarks and picture frames. A spokesman said, "They don't
smell too bad because 70 percent of the dung is just remains of the bamboo that
the pandas are unable to digest."
* Of course, the other 30 percent is panda crap.
* Now when people say they bought some souvenir crap made in China, it will be
literally true.
* I think this is the same process used to make Chicken McNuggets.
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