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Spermula
1976
Spermula
is an offbeat French
softcore from the 70s,
filled with
quintessential 70s
hippie nonsense:
libertines having
non-stop sex, non
sequiturs, theramin
music, psychedelia,
pretension,
amateurishness. If you
relish the lowball
European efforts from
that era, you may find
it a non-stop nostalgia
trip. Personally, I
lasted about 45 seconds
before hitting the fast
forward button, but if
you want the opinion of
someone who likes this
film, this
review is loving and
thorough.
Anyway, the real reason
I watched it was to
capture Dayle Haddon's
strip, in which she
offers her lover (and
us) a 3-B exhibition.
Dayle was damned hot in
her day, although I
can't really remember
her in anything except
North Dallas Forty. She
was a Canadian fashion
model (and SI cover
girl) who broke into
movies as a Disney star
in The World's Greatest
Athlete. She probably
could have been a Disney
regular, but she had
other things in mind for
her career. She was soon
flashing the goodies in
Playboy, which failed to
please Disney. They
would have nothing
further to do with her,
so she headed off to
Europe to do crappy
grade-B 70s Eurocrap.
She was actually the
top-line star and played
the title role in
Spermula, but that tells
you more about the low
quality of the
production than it does
about Dayle's career. In
retrospect, the Disney
plan might have worked
out better, because she
was down-and-out in the
early 90s: broke,
working menial jobs, and
living in the maid's
quarters of a wealthy
friend.
(The story has a happy
ending. She hasn't been
in a film in 15 years,
but she did manage a
comeback in modeling, as
a spokesperson for
anti-aging products made
by Estee Lauder.)
Unfortunately this film
has never been made into
a high quality DVD. This clip is basically
VHS quality,
although it's a bit
larger than a raw VHS
feed. It's probably
upscaled to 376 lines
from 240. Anuyay, two
conclusions are fair:
(1) the video quality is
weak; (2) despite the
quality, Dayle looked
mesmerizingly, albeit
stiffly, seductive.
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* Yellow
asterisk:
funny (maybe).
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*
White
asterisk:
expanded
format.
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* Blue
asterisk: not
mine.
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No
asterisk: it
probably
sucks.
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OTHER
CRAP:
Catch
the deluxe the
deluxe version
of Other Crap
in real time,
with all the
bells and
whistles, here.
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Melvin,
Son of Alvin
(1984)
Alvin
Purple comes back for
one more adventure, if
only in a supporting
role.
Melvin, Son of Alvin
is a sex comedy
following Melvin
(Gerry Sont) who is
irresistible to all
women, but at his
final year of high
school, Melvin is
still a virgin and is
repulsed by the
attention that he
receives. He also
doesn't know that his
exploitative dad is
not his real father.
It is the notorious
Alvin Purple (Graeme
Blundell) who knocked
up his mother
(Abigail, playing her
third different
character in the
series, thereby
fucking up continuity
completely). After
Melvin is besieged at
the cinema, a
mysterious person
helps him escape on
the back of a
motorcycle. His
rescuer turns out to
be a beautiful Greek
girl named Gloria
(Lenita Psillakis).
She seems to be the
only woman that isn't
sexually charged by
him and they end up
falling for each
other, although her
stereotypical Greek
mother is never far
behind. Meanwhile, a
persistent "current
affairs" reporter
(Tina Bursill) knows
that Melvin is Alvin's
son (fucked if I know
how...) and wants to
get them together for
that one big reunion
story/exposé (slow
news week I
assume...). Alvin is
rotting away being at
the beck and call of
sleazy agent Burnbaum
(Jon Finlayson, also
playing 3 different
character across the
series) including an
incredibly dodgy sex
cult (hang on, there's
a sensible one?). When
the reporter finally
gets father and son
together, Burnbaum
sees an opportunity to
exploit Melvin, but
Gloria is having none
of that.
By
now, the 80s sex
comedy had become
entrenched and this
new Alvin Purple movie
is a different beast
from the 70s version.
Feeling more like an
American movie than
the very Australian
original, the idea of
Alvin, like the
character in this
movie has very much
lost it verve. Melvin,
Son of Alvin is not
anywhere near as
terrible as Alvin
Rides Again. This film
at least knows where
it's going. It has
it's moments and the
Gloria character is
genuinely likeable and
worthy of Melvin's
attention, but overall
the movie feels old
hat once you've seen a
bunch of 80s sex
comedies.
It's funny that the
70s Alvin Purple films
had no problem with
full frontal nudity,
but this film seems
incredibly shy about
it. There is an
abundance of breasts
and the occasional
bum, but no full
frontal nudity
whatsoever. Hmm, it
seems bizarre that
things have become
more prudish over
time. Ah well... Also,
looking up Lenita
Psillakis's profile
and this is the only
film she ever
appeared, but my
Spidey senses were
tingling (I know, it's
sad, it not even
worth...). Didn't I
cap another Australian
actress named Lenita
at some stage? I sure
did, Lenita Vangellis
from the pilot for
Good Guys, Bad Guys,
which was 13 years
after Melvin, Son of
Alvin. But, I reckon
it's the same woman,
certainly looks like
her. Hmmmm...
Also, this series was
captured from a VHS
copy of the movie, so
while the quality is
OK, it's still could
be better.
And isn't it about
time for Kelvin, Son
of Melvin, Son of
Alvin? Graeme Blundell
is still kicking
around, so's Gerry
Sont. Why not?
Pauline
Winston and Nicole
Reading
Val
Christensen
Peppie
D'Or
Lucinda
and Viktoria
Rhoades
Connie
Pound
Jeannette
Leigh
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