Halloween (1979) was one of the most successful low budget indies ever. John Carpenter was hired on the strength of his first film, Assault on Precinct 13, and because he promised to bring the project in for the $300k budget. He also wrote the script, and composed the music. Worried that they would not be able to draw an audience with a cast consisting of nobodies (like Jamie Leigh Curtis, who was then a contract player) they upped the budget another $20K to hire veteran Donald Pleasance. I am certain all of you have seen this film, which became the prototype for horror from then to the present day.

Curtis stays fully dressed, but I couldn't resist one image of her at 20. There is exposure from three women. First, Sandy Johnson shows breasts in the opening murder. Nancy Kyes shows the side of a breast and buns in panties, and P J Soles shows breasts in a lengthy but dark sex scene followed by her death scene. This $325K film grossed $47M in the US alone. Carpenter was offered cash or a percentage. He wisely took the percentage. IMDB readers have it at 7.6 of 10. Berardinelli wrote an insightful review, mentioning that, while Halloween spawned all of the slasher gore films, it actually relied on suspense, not gore. This is a B-. Even those who do not like horror, should see this one.

Bad Boys 2 (2003)

This is a tough one for me to evaluate, because I'm not a big fan of the summer blockbuster action formula. The ratio in this film is about 40% vehicle chases, 20% gun fights, 20% explosions, 10% other violence, the remaining 10% for character development, plot, and humor. That's not the ratio I would choose. I'm a big fan of character development and humor, and I thought they did that fairly well. I enjoyed what there was, but there just wasn't enough of it. The rest of the stuff seemed kinda good for noisy stuff, but I'm really not into the noisy stuff. I kept thinking "is this car chase ever going to end?". And then later I was wondering if the entire movie was ever going to end. It runs close to two and a half hours. So my preferred recipe would include not only a different proportion of action to humanity, but also a shorter running time.

Your tastes may be completely different, of course. If you like the noisy stuff, this one has some impressive explosions, and lots of them.

I suppose the best overview is shown by the summary at Yahoo:

• Average critical score: C-.
• Average Yahoo voter score: A.

And that A is not based on 15 friggin' votes, either. They have 19,000 votes, and it's still holding an A.

Critical score summary:  RottenTomatoes estimates 26% good reviews. Metacritic estimates an average review of 36/100, which is about the same as Yahoo's C-.  Roger Ebert hated it and awarded 1 star. James Berardinelli hated it even more and awarded half of a star.

I got into an interesting linguistic sidebar when I was watching this film. I heard Will Smith and Martin Lawrence pronounce the word "flaccid" as "FLASS-id", and I wondered if that is now an acceptable pronunciation. In my newest American dictionaries, it is. The older American dictionaries (1960s era) list only "FLAK-sid", and the OED has never listed any other pronunciation besides "flak-sid" in any edition, including the latest updates. Thus, it seems that the constant American use of "FLASS-id" eventually made it an acceptable and correct way to say the word, at least in the United States! (Languages are living entities, after all. We don't pronounce words as they did in Shakespeare's time.)

In other words, given another decade or so, it will probably no longer be true that everyone mispronounces "mauve", because the incorrect "mawv" will eventually become a correct, accepted pronunciation. (The word actually rhymes with "grove".) None of my dictionaries have given in yet, but they will. I have mentioned this on the site many times, but I am now 54 years old, and have never, not once in my entire life, heard the word "mauve" pronounced correctly. (Last time I mentioned that, several Canadians wrote in to say that it is always pronounced correctly in Canada, because it is originally a French word.)

• Gabrielle Union (bikini top)
• Jessica Karr (topless) (1, 2, 3)

Updates:

• Updates: Monica Bellucci

 

OTHER CRAP:

• Metrosexuals: It's a Guy Thing!: "what makes a metrosexual man" - the criteria include manicures and moisturizers - and perhaps even a little makeup and jewelry.
• Warning: - Disguised worm evades antivirus software - Aug. 2, 2003
• The "wisdom" of Ann Coulter
• CBS | Late Show Top Ten Archive: July 31, 2003: "Top Ten Reasons Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Not Running For Governor of California"
• Government releases pictures of what Saddam might look like in disguise. All of them look like Artemis on Wild Wild West.
• NBC has to pull Tonight episode. Network executives almost went in to meltdown when Leno delivered a monologue that was edgy and funny. They began to suspect he was on Ecstasy. Leno ended his show with this advice to viewers, “Conan’s really not worth watching ever since the fat guy left and please, for the love of God, don’t watch NBC at 1:35 and encourage Carson Daly.” A network exec told Dateline Hollywood he had no idea how Leno ended up taking a hit of Ecstasy but said that to stay on the safe side, Courtney Love would no longer be booked as a guest.
• No, not the Barney song US interrogators are using the purple dinosaur's theme to break Iraqi prisoners. This sounds like a hoax, but if not, life imitates art. In Woody Allen's "Bananas", interrogators broke the prisoners by playing Victor Herbert's songs from "Naughty Marietta"
• Gigli moves up to 4% good reviews (4/90), thus averting a chance to "pull a Benigni" and score the full zero percent monty. The "inner circle" of critics is still at 0%, but Roger Ebert gave the film a surprisingly high score, a "near-miss" two and a half stars. I have my own measuring stick for new releases - you know this film must be pretty lame, because nobody has tried to bootleg it yet!
• sex and nudity overview in AMERICAN WEDDING. The two women they mention (the fantasy maid and cop) are former Playboy centerfold Nikki Ziering and a woman named Amanda Swisten.
• Porn King Larry Flynt For Governor? He has my endorsement.
• Jen and Ben get Gigli with it.: "A recent episode of South Park suggested that a fourth-grader's hand puppet could turn in a better performance than Ms. Lopez, and in the case of Gigli, it's hard to argue."
• Los Angeles County List of Primary Election Candidates (Governor)
• A fatal of mix of pills and alcohol caused the untimely and accidental April death of the wrestling icon “Miss Elizabeth,” according to the final autopsy results.
• Hopeless - Did Bob Hope ever say anything funny? By Christopher Hitchens.

  Hitchens is a professional curmudgeon, and iconoclasm is how he makes his living. Yes, Hope did go on far too long with his completely predictable jokes about the golf scores of Presidents and entertainers, and he did continue performing after he was fresh and funny, during a period when he was an institution rather than an entertainer. Unlike Steve Allen, who remained the funniest guy in the room until he died, Hope lived so long that he became a guy who used to be funny.

  All that is true, but for about 15 years there, in movies from the late 30's until the early 50's, Hope was very funny. He played a unique role for audiences - he was often the everyman character in the film who commented on the action, saying the things we would say if we were there, often talking into the camera. When I was a kid, I thought his movies were marvelous, as did many others who grew up with them, like Woody Allen.

  Now if Hitchens asked people to explain why Jerry Lewis is considered a comedian, he would have a point there. It is possible that Lewis has never been funny at any time. But Hope - I found him tedious and irritating at times, but he's given my life a lot of laughs as well.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Ultra-busty 60's and 70's icon Uschi Digard, full frontal and of course showing off the big'uns in scenes from "Getting Into Heaven" (1970).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Looking at the Fun House each day I can not help thinking that there are many films that should never be unleashed on DVD let alone original video or celluloid. On the other side of the coin...there are many truly great films out there which will probably never appear on DVD.

Case in point Ken Russell's "The Devils" - 1971.

There are several reasons why a 'proper' DVD would not arise from this masterpiece.

1. The rights are owned by Warner Bros
2. The film was severly cut both prior to release 1.30 removed at insistense of UK censors (not restored in the US)
3. A further 4 mins plus excised by WB for the US in their attempt to impose 'good taste' in a Ken Russell film.
4. Couuld they be trusted to restore the original W/S aspect ratio whereas the video on current release is an awfull full frame version with all of the above cuts.

However all is not lost.

1. In a recent UK CH4 documentary much of the previously lost footage cut by the UK censor including the notorious ' Rape of Christ ' sequece was shown.

2. In the last week I came across a Wide Screen VHS of the UK cut as complete as any other shown (sadly no longer in general circulatioin). This was a perfect replacement for a tv recording dating from 1995 which was rather grainy.

I hope that these 'caps can do this film justice.

• Gemma Jones, topless. You may have seen her recently in "Shanghai Knights" as Queen Victoria, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" or in "Bridget Jones's Diary" as Bridget's Mum.

• Georgina Hale, topless and far off full frontal nudity. (1, 2)

• Nekkid Nuns, plenty of breasts, bums and bush. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

• Isabelle Alexis shows off a lovely tan. Oh yeah, and her excellent bare chest.

• Vanessa Gravina, topless by they pool, plus a pseudo-thong view in link #5. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Veronique Boulanger, also topless. (1, 2, 3)

Michelle Michaels
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Since "Gigli" officially opened yesterday (and closes Sunday), here are a couple of our favorite quotes from the many, many bad reviews. You can find lots more at www.rottentomatoes.com...

"Ben and Jen? After seeing 'Gigli,' I think Ben and Jerry could make a better movie. 'Gigli' is certainly bereft of low pleasures: It's both giggle-free and jiggle-free. Worse, it's enervated, torpid, slack, dreary and, oh yes, nasty, brutish and long. Summed up in a bumper sticker it would come out as: 'Have you hugged your kidnapper today?' Ach. Oy. Woe and poo, bleccch and uck! ZZZZZ-zzz." -- Stephen Hunter, Washington Post

"A Rigli, Rigli Bad Movie" -- Bruce Newman, San Jose Mercury News

ARNOLD MAY RUN, OZZY DEFINITELY WILL
He May Yet Muscle In - Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign for California governor may be on again. His top advisor George Gorton said Arnold is getting so many messages from people saying, "Oh no, don't tell me you're not going to run" that he won't make a final decision until next Wednesday, when he will announce his plans on "The Tonight Show."