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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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The Darwin Awards
(2006)
Joseph Fiennes is a police profiler with the San Francisco PD,
but has a major weakness as a cop. He faints at the site of blood.
When this allows a serial killer to escape, the force decides to let
him go. He eventually seeks employment as a profiler for an
insurance company, and sells them on the idea that he can profile
likely Darwin Award winners, thus saving the insurers a fortune. The
Darwin Awards recognize individuals who improve the human
gene pool by removing themselves from it with silly, preventable
deaths.
Fiennes is teamed with their best investigator (Winona Ryder) and
they go through a series of suspicious deaths trying to prove that
they were in fact Darwin material, and looking for a common thread
among the deceased. Of course, the escaped serial killer is still central to Fiennes'
thoughts.
This film played Sundance, but failed to ink a theatrical
distribution deal and went straight to video. I was curious to see
how the Darwin Awards would translate to film and found it a rather
fast watch, although I probably won't watch it again anytime soon.
- IMDb readers say 5.2, and the score dips to 3.7 from the top
voters.
- Critics weren't kind. 20% positive reviews, per RT.
C-
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The exposure is a nipple from Juliette Lewis in a long sex scene,
the night before her husband attaches a JADO rocket to his Chevy,
and ends up launching himself into the side of a mountain.
Scoop's note: video in
yesterday's edition. |
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Notes and collages
That Obscure Object of Desire
Carole Bouquet
She was a Bond girl in "For Your Eyes Only"
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Lonely Hearts
(2006)
The movie tells the story of the Lonely Heart Killers, a couple that went in
a killing rampage back in the 40s, as played by Jared Leto and Salma Hayek. The
co-stars include Tony Soprano and Barbarino as the cops pursuing them.
- It had a very limited theatrical release in April:
24 theaters,
$188,000
- 6.6 at IMDb, about the same from the top voters.
- 47% positive reviews.
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Yellow
This "seen it all before" musical drama from 2006 is disappointing
because the plot is very well-worn, the script is not great, the acting is
not convincing, and the story wanders all over the place, leaving us
confused about what the central theme really is. On the up side, Roselyn
Sanchez is very hot, although like many of her fellow actresses, she plays
a stripper that barely strips. Barely is better than nothing, however, and
she does do some nudity.
Amaryllis has been dancing since childhood, taught by her father who
was a great performing ballet dancer in Puerto Rico. When he winds up in a
wheelchair (for reasons they didn't bother to explain), he becomes very
despondent and kills himself.
Grief-stricken over the loss of the father she was extremely close to,
and angry with her mother who reacts by going on a bender and sleeping
with Amaryllis' boyfriend, Amaryllis borrows money from a friend and goes
to New York to pursue a dancing career. Naturally, she falls on very hard
times and winds up as a stripper.
Yeah, we've seen it all before, more than once, and done much better. I
did enjoy the dancing, however, which was very good, and as I said,
Roselyn was very hot in this movie.
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| Roselyn Sanchez |
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow
Authorities in Bournemouth, England, seized a shipment of fifty pairs of
gasoline-powered inline skates from China. The skates have motors to drive the
back wheels and a hand-powered throttle, and they can propel the user at up to
20 mph. Officials said they were not only likely to cause crashes, but the
plastic gas tanks were likely to explode, along with the skater. And crashes are
even more likely since they have no brakes.
* Two pairs were also found in California...Britney
Spears ordered them for her kids.
Sioux Falls, South Dakota, police arrested Verle Peter Dills, 60, after a man
reportedly chased Dills out of his yard twice. Dills was carrying a video camera
and tripod. In his garage, police allegedly found a "large number" of videotapes
of Dills engaging in masturbation and sex acts with nearby traffic signs.
* Doesn't he know that "STOP" means "STOP"?! |
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